by Jenny Hale
“What’s your favorite?” Jack asked, peering up at the list scrawled across a painted board above them.
“I like mint chocolate chip.”
“That sounds good. I might have the same. Or rocky road…”
“No rocky road for me, thanks.” Alice lifted her chin and played with her new hoop earring, remembering that last tub of rocky road she’d had after Matt had left. He’d admitted it all over a spaghetti dinner she’d made just for him because he loved her homemade meatballs, telling her that he couldn’t help it, he was in love. Their plates had sat cold on the table after she’d made him leave.
“Mint chocolate chip it is then.”
Alice grabbed an empty table, which was a rarity on a gorgeous night like tonight—she remembered that from visiting Gramps. Jack waited his turn in line and then headed toward her with two small waffle cones full of mint chocolate chip, wrapped in napkins.
Ice cream and summer just went together like nothing else did. Her nights with Gramps almost always ended with some sort of ice-cold treat. It was indulgent—she knew it—but it was a tradition she wanted to continue for Henry. She could just imagine Seaside Sprinkles full of people sharing their stories of sunshiny days on vacation, where they’d come from, and how different it was here. She thought about Henry sitting on the small stools she’d planned to cover in bright fabric to match the vibrant surfboards or beach décor that would hang from the ceiling, and the little matching lampshades on every table—all in soft greens, blues, and pinks, against her white furniture and driftwood walls; Einstein plopping down next to the café tables.
“I wonder where Sasha took Henry,” she said, looking one more time for them.
“There are so many places they could go.” Jack sat down across from her and handed over her cone.
Alice took a bite of the ice cream, still thinking about Seaside Sprinkles.
“So what brought you back here to do research? You said you were living in Chicago.” She wanted to get to the bottom of what Melly had told her about him. He certainly didn’t seem like he was so awful, but perhaps it was just wishful thinking.
“It wasn’t work, actually. My dad has called the Outer Banks home his whole life, but he’s renting a place right now. He needs a new place. His is so old that it’s literally falling apart, and his lease is almost up.”
“Mmm,” she said, listening while taking another bite of her ice cream. “So have you found anything for him?” Alice licked her ice cream down until it was flat with the cone and then began to nibble around the edge.
“There’s a strip of beach that I’ve had my eye on since I got here. I just need to call the agent and put in an offer. I want to build him a little house that he can spend the rest of his days in. He can fish and drink his Bulldogs, he calls them—Mexican beer combined with margarita mix. I tell him the alcohol’s bad for him, but who am I to pass judgment when I’d have the same thing every evening if I could?” He chuckled.
“That sounds wonderful,” Alice said, turning toward the coast, her bare feet grazing the surface of the decking as she swung her legs back and forth.
“The house or the drink?”
Alice grinned. “Both.”
“I’ll show it to you tomorrow.”
“I can’t wait.” She couldn’t—it was true. She still wanted to get to the bottom of his story. At least that was what she told herself, instead of admitting that she couldn’t wait to see him again.
Chapter Nine
Alice woke to the sound of the ocean through the windows upstairs. They were all still on air mattresses, having not set up the furniture yet. Today she’d planned to move everything else in. They had to get a move on, despite her wish to pretend she had nothing to do all week.
Last night, she’d asked Jack to let her walk home from the fishing shop after they’d gotten their licenses. He hadn’t liked the idea of her alone, in the dark, and he’d adamantly advised against it, but she assured him that Beach Road was crawling with cyclists and tourists taking evening strolls, and she’d be just fine; plus, she was a grown woman and she’d walked home from places many times on her own before. She could see the indecision in his eyes, but the more she looked into them, the more she could feel her resolve crumbling and she had to get out of there. As it was, she’d already somehow agreed to see the beach location for his father’s new home with him when she’d told herself not to get swept up by him. He’d charmed her again, and, as they’d walked to the fishing shop, she’d let her mind work over her heart, bringing her back to reality.
So when it came time to leave, she’d insisted. She’d needed to clear her head. Her emotions were flying around, scaring her. Jack was too good, too perfect, and she knew that if she gave it enough time, something would break and she wouldn’t allow it to be her heart.
The fresh air had done her good. She tried to get her mind off him by thinking of all the plans she had for Seaside Sprinkles. She wanted to run the décor and a logo that she’d thought of past Sasha today, so when they took a break from unpacking, she was going to tell her friend all about her ideas. She was excited, energized.
With the small paper fishing license under the white pitcher on the kitchen table to keep it from blowing away, she set off downstairs to join Henry and Einstein. “Want to fly your new kite today?” she asked him, as she leashed up Einstein for his morning walk in the sand.
“Yes! Then, after that, can we get in the water?”
She threw a quick glance over at Sasha, who was sitting, cross-legged, in the kitchen chair, drinking her morning coffee in her new mug, a far-away look in her eyes. She’d made a cup for Alice and had it sitting on the counter. Sasha had always been her rock; nothing fazed her. So to see her like this for so many days was unnerving.
“We’ll take turns watching him,” Sasha offered, clearly swimming back into the present.
Alice liked that idea. Then they could still unpack and maybe Henry would get so tired from all the sun and surf that he’d fall asleep early and she’d finally get a chance to talk to Sasha about what was going on with her.
“Sounds good to me! Sash, want to take a walk with us?”
Einstein flopped into the sitting position, leaning on his hip, and turned his head to the side; he, too, seemed to be expectant of an answer. His ears perked up just before he started to pant lightly, his dark brown eyes on Sasha.
Grabbing Alice’s mug and handing it to her, Sasha took her own and slipped on her flip-flops. “A walk actually sounds amazing.” As she said it, her eyes became glassy. Quickly, she slid those aviators of hers on and put her mug to her lips. Henry, oblivious, grabbed Einstein’s leash and opened the door. Alice followed but not before giving her friend a look to let her know that they would be talking about this sooner rather than later. They couldn’t wait any longer.
The sun had yet to burn through the morning haze and the surf was quiet and subdued, the water lapping onto the shore as Einstein bounded ahead of them after a sandpiper that was scurrying its way down the smooth, wet part of the sand from where the waves had just retreated. Henry giggled as he ran along the shore to keep up with his puppy, and Alice was so happy to see him feeling a little better this morning. But she knew first hand how those feelings came in waves and she’d be ready the next time he was unsure.
Sasha sipped her coffee quietly as they plodded through the sand, and Alice turned to her once Henry was out of earshot. “You’re either overly excitable or totally zoned out and on the verge of tears. Tell me. What’s going on?”
Sasha cleared her throat, still hiding behind her sunglasses, her lip starting to wobble.
Alice stopped and turned toward her friend, her voice as soft as the wind. “What is it? You’ve been different for weeks.”
“I thought I could escape it, coming here. I thought if I could just refocus…” Sasha tipped her head up to the sky as if she were trying to keep the tears from spilling over.
“Is it the divorce?”
She shook her head.
Einstein and Henry ran down to the surf, both of them splashing in it. The waves danced around them, sending spray into the air. Each droplet looked like a diamond, shimmering in the sunlight on its way to the sand. Henry was laughing, happy, and his squeals of joy were in stark contrast to the atmosphere between her and her best friend.
“You can tell me anything, you know that.”
“I know I can. It’s just so hard to get the words to come out because they break my heart.” She drew in a jagged breath. “Landon doesn’t even know.”
It wasn’t like Sasha to hold in something this distressing without even sharing it with her husband. Even in their tumultuous times, Sasha would’ve confided in him with a problem so huge. She hadn’t even told Alice, which was surprising. These facts alone told Alice that whatever it was, it was bigger than Sasha had ever dealt with before. She waited for her friend to talk in her own time.
Finally, after a long pause, searching the ocean, her attention turned to Alice and she said, “Before Landon asked for a divorce, I found out I was pregnant. Landon and I were having a baby.” Her words came out in almost a whisper and Alice had to lean forward to hear her.
“Oh my gosh.” She allowed her gaze to fall on Sasha’s toned tummy, her hot pink tank top fitting firmly against her torso. Alice’s mind went a hundred miles an hour: she thought about how Sasha barely ate and Alice had always been starving when she was pregnant; she’d had a steady stream of coffee in the last few weeks, and Alice remembered how she had been told to keep the caffeine down when she’d been pregnant with Henry; and Sasha had lifted the heavy kitchen table without a flinch… Before Sasha could say anything else, Alice already knew.
“I lost it.” A tear slid out from under her aviators and she let it fall. “I’d primed myself to be an amazing mother. I was ready. I wanted that baby more than anything—Landon or no Landon. I bought a little outfit, a set of booties.” She tossed the rest of her coffee from her mug, the tide erasing it from the sand. “I was so prepared for all the joy of it that I neglected to get myself ready for anything that could go wrong. And when it did, it hit me so hard I’m still struggling to recover. I don’t know why I never told Landon. I guess I was waiting for the right time, but there just wasn’t a right time because something would set him off and we’d get to arguing, and then the baby was gone. The day before I had the procedure to remove the fetus, after I had been told there was no heartbeat, that was when Landon told me he wanted a divorce. I’ve never been that low in my life.”
“Why have you held all of this in, Sash?”
“To make it go away.” Sasha put her hand to her heart and Alice wondered if it was a subconscious action to try to keep it together, because Alice’s own heart was breaking for her friend.
“Those kinds of feelings don’t go away, Sasha. You have to deal with them. It’s okay to be sad. You have to be sad. Once you let yourself grieve, you can move on.”
She nodded, but it was clear she was deep in her own thoughts. “I had names picked out.”
Alice smiled gently, remembering the moment she’d thought of Henry’s name. She had been alone in her apartment, leaning on her elbows over a box of takeout Chinese, her belly barely allowing her to do so, when the name Henry John Emerson came into her mind, and she just knew it would be a boy. She’d said the name over and over out loud in her quiet apartment, a huge grin on her face.
“What names did you choose?”
Sasha looked out at Henry, and Alice followed her line of sight. He and Einstein were soaking wet. With this new information, Alice felt a little guilty. She’d had a perfectly healthy little boy. She hadn’t ever had to experience what Sasha had gone through. She remembered what it felt like when Henry kicked in her belly, letting her know he was there, that soon her life wouldn’t be just hers anymore. She remembered what that excitement was like and couldn’t imagine it being ripped away from her.
“A girl would’ve been Amy Elise and a boy would’ve been Chuck, short for Charles. Charles Christopher.”
“Those are nice names.”
Sasha agreed silently, emotion clearly getting the better of her. Alice could actually see her mustering the energy to speak again. “I look at Henry and I think how amazing that his little soul made it all the way. He got himself here to be with you. My little one had to go back home for a while, but he or she will try to find me again, I pray.”
“I’ll pray too,” Alice said, the weight of her friend’s statement making her feel like she, too, had lost out on knowing this little soul.
* * *
Alice clicked off the screen and slipped her phone into her pocket, hiding her smile.
She climbed the ladder, pinning the paper with her Seaside Sprinkles logo to the wall as Sasha came into the room. Alice had asked a local artist to help her with it and when she saw the final design, she’d been positively tickled. She’d ordered a window application for the front door and she’d gotten it printed on napkins and cups for the ice cream. The logo was pink and drawn out like a circular stamp, with the ‘S’ in both words long and swirling, dropping off into a wave of little multicolored sprinkles. She and Sasha had used the one white wall at the back of the shop downstairs as their planning board, pinning all their ideas to it. It was covered in papers, plans, and lists.
“I love it,” Sasha said, taking a step back to look at it from afar, her hands on her hips, and her head to the side.
Alice was glad to see her smile. It was as if their talk this morning had lifted the burden off her heart just a little and allowed her to move on with the day. That loss was still in her eyes, though, and Alice knew it would never go away completely, but now that Sasha had shared with Alice what it was, she seemed to be able to handle it a bit better as they planned for the ice cream shop. Jumping into the planning was a great diversion for them both.
They’d ordered equipment today; gotten two quotes to replace the small rental counter with a larger one made from pastel tiles and painted shiplap, with a tall, rounded glass top for viewing the flavors; and they’d spoken with a local flooring place to have a few boards replaced on the hardwoods. The shop already had recessed lighting, which was actually very nice, but they wanted to add more shiplap in white on the ceiling to give it a nautical look. They’d priced it at the local hardware shop, and with the purchase of a saw, they thought they could do it themselves. As they made all their lists of changes, they realized that they’d really have to make Alice’s dollar stretch to pull this off, and some of the things on their dream-shop list might not happen just yet.
They’d planned to put up some porch swings with oversized cushions in pastels on the front porch, lots of potted flowers, and a couple of paddle fans, but now they were down to a row of plastic chairs. Nevertheless, things were starting to come together in Alice’s mind. She was getting a feel, a vibe, a springboard for more ideas.
“I’m so glad I have you with me to do this,” Alice admitted to Sasha. Her insecurities were welling up again. There was something about having Sasha’s expertise when making decisions that made Alice feel like she was doing the right thing. “I don’t ever feel secure about the marketing decisions until you say okay.”
Sasha squinted at her friend and shook her head. “You don’t believe in yourself. Why is that? You’re awesome at this, but you won’t allow yourself to trust it.”
“I don’t have the training.”
Sasha rolled her eyes. “Yes, I took classes, so I have a baseline of strategies, but it’s really down to instinct.” She turned to the wall of ideas. “Do you realize that I didn’t do a thing to that logo—you created that all by yourself with the artist; it was your vision. I didn’t change it at all. I haven’t had to change a thing that you’ve created because you have God-given talent. Who’s to say your strategies aren’t better than the ones I studied in my books?”
Alice wanted to believe Sasha, and she knew she had some good instincts, but would she be consiste
nt? And did she have the background knowledge required? She’d bounced her ideas off Sasha, who’d discussed every angle with her. “There’s a reason no one will hire a marketing person at your level without a degree. And I don’t have one. That’s all I’m saying.”
“What would you have done if I hadn’t come? Would you have tried to do this alone?”
Just the thought sent a cold shiver through her because she knew the answer. “I’d have probably sold the place,” she said, nearly breathless at the thought.
Things were speeding along like a runaway train, her ideas shooting off like a rocket, and she was holding on for dear life. She’d never felt so energized, so alive in her career. She couldn’t imagine, even this early on, walking back through the doors of the dentist’s office and sitting behind that desk again. But she’d watched American Idol enough to know there were people with dreams who wouldn’t realize those dreams. Those people believed in themselves—they were driven, they planned, they did everything they should do—but their talent fell short. Would she fall short as well?
Sasha huffed indignantly as her eyes landed on the ideas wall. “That whole board is yours; it’s all from your mind,” she said. “I’ve let you lead because this is your destiny. I’m just along for the ride.”
“The ceiling shiplap was your idea,” Alice said, scratching for something to prove her point.
“And shiplap has been proven to sell ice cream?” Sasha raised an eyebrow. “You’ve created the Seaside Sprinkles brand: the idea of togetherness, of family and friends experiencing this place instead of just stopping in. Look at the colors you have: all friendly and cozy instead of the usual neon that people are so accustomed to. Your typography is lower-case, unassuming, subtle—which makes it feel like home. It’s totally different from anything else here in the Outer Banks. And it will sell ice cream, Alice. But it will sell more than that. It will sell a gathering place where families will return year after year to drop in and say hello, to try the new flavors you’re thinking of trying—those are great, by the way—and to meet up with others who are stopping in for the same reasons. It’s all from you, not me.”