by Jenny Hale
She remembered that day in the hospital when she’d held Henry in her arms for the first time. She thought about what it would feel like to just give him away, never seeing his little eyes open and look up at her, never feeling his tiny fingers as they wrapped themselves around hers, never hearing his soft breathing as he lay on her chest. The lump in her throat got bigger and she had to blink away her tears.
“I kept Henry,” she said, barely able to get the words out, wishing they’d have found a way to do the same, and knowing her parents and grandparents were faced with an unthinkable decision.
He nodded. “You have always been an old soul. Your mother and I weren’t nearly as mature as you were at that age. You’ve been amazing with Henry. But I don’t know if we’d have been as great as you are.” He wound his fingers with hers and squeezed. “We felt like this time we could do it. If you needed us, we were there. And you were amazing. You always have been.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” She felt betrayed by their silence. Even Gramps, who’d been the closest person to her, had known and hadn’t said a word. No one had. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
Henry dove into the water, throwing himself onto his board, his arms paddling furiously, his belly pressed against it, as he maneuvered himself to the crest of a wave. It bubbled and gurgled beneath him, sending him sliding up onto the sand. Alice looked back at her dad.
“Why? Why didn’t you tell me?” she repeated, realizing her father hadn’t answered. She understood that her parents hadn’t wanted to revisit that pain but surely she had a right to know?
“Your mother and I talked about it all the time. But in the end, we decided she hadn’t belonged to us, really. Grace belonged to another family; we just brought her into the world for them. We needed to let them have their little girl with no strings attached. Your mother would cry, thinking about what it would be like for anyone to come into our lives and disrupt what we had with you, and she couldn’t bring herself to do that to Grace. We both loved Grace enough to let her belong to her family without our interference. In the end, we decided to give her the gift of happiness.”
“But what if Grace had wanted to know? What if she’d wanted to know us?”
Tears spilled over his eyes and he let them fall. “Then that would be up to her parents to tell her. It isn’t my place. It never has been.”
“I don’t agree.”
The locket sat open on the table, both babies looking back at her: she and her sister. That locket was the only way the two of them had ever been together and now she felt a hole in her life that she wished had been filled. She thought again how she’d always yearned for a sister—was it because she’d had one and was missing her, and some cosmic force in the back of her mind had always told her that?
“Gramps left a letter. He was going to leave the bike shop to both Grace and me. I don’t know why he changed his mind at the end, but I can’t let it go that he originally wanted us both to have it.”
She could tell in his face that he already knew this information, making her feel even more left out of things.
“I told him not to leave it to Grace. I explained it the same way I just explained it to you. She belongs to someone else.”
“But you’re not giving her a choice in the matter!” Frustration was causing her voice to rise and she was glad for the charging surf and the constant wind to drown out her volume. “You’re deciding for her. Because that’s what makes you feel better about the whole thing.”
She bit her lip, wishing she hadn’t said that last sentence. She hadn’t meant it that way. Her mother and father had made an honorable decision, and Grace probably had a much better life because of it. She was letting her anger over not having a choice dictate her words.
“I’m sorry.” Alice hung her head. “That was awful of me. I just meant that—”
“We knew this day might come. Your mother and I were very worried about the decision we made not to tell anyone. We were down here, had the baby—even your Aunt Claire and Uncle George didn’t know anything had happened—and then we went back to our regular lives. Your mom and I went off to college, and after, we got married. Then, when we were financially able, we planned our little family and had you. We were scared about whether our decision not to tell you, in particular, was the right one. But in the end, we decided together that we couldn’t second-guess ourselves. We’d made a choice to move on and, while we missed Grace every single day, and we both ached for her, we had to move forward as if our choice were the only choice. Because if we didn’t, we’d both go crazy. We weren’t withholding it from everyone. We were simply carving out the two separate families that had now been created: ours and Grace’s.”
“Do you know anything about her at all? Where she is? Who her adoptive parents are? Anything?”
“We met them just once in the hospital but asked not to know their names.”
“Do you ever wonder if she feels abandoned by you?”
“I pray that she is adored by her family and doesn’t even consider that feeling. That would be my hope for her. Although, I love her so much and in my heart, I’ve never abandoned her. I’ve wondered about her childhood, about her high school years, whether she went to college…” He picked up the locket again and stroked the baby’s face, tears resurfacing. “It’s easy to say now that we should’ve done this or could’ve done that, but every single minute of our lives after giving her up, we thought about what we’d decided. I woke up in a cold sweat some nights, thinking about her, praying I’d done the right thing. And there were times your mother broke down and feared she’d made the wrong decision.” He closed the locket and looked out at Henry. “What got us through those nights was the memory of the tears in Grace’s new parents’ eyes, and the smiles that nearly split their faces when they looked at her.”
The more her father explained, the more her anger and hurt subsided, and she knew that she, too, had to trust her parents’ decision. And she also knew they hadn’t made it lightly. “I’m sorry I snapped at you,” she said. “I should’ve known that you always make good choices. You’ve never steered me wrong. What you and Mom did took so much courage and you did the right thing. I believe it.”
“Thank you,” he said, squeezing her hand. “I’m glad you know now. Where did you find this locket, anyway? It was your mother’s.”
“Oh, I thought it belonged to Grandma. It was in Gramps’s trunk.”
“When your mother died, the pain of losing her intensified my anxiety over leaving Grace and not ever knowing her, and every time I saw the locket, I felt it, so I gave it to your grandma.”
“Did Mom wear it?”
“Every day. Under her clothes.”
Now that she thought about it, Alice did remember seeing that delicate gold chain at the neck of her mother’s shirts. She’d always had it on, but it hadn’t occurred to Alice that it was anything more than just her favorite necklace.
Her father cleared his throat, emotion surfacing again. “Just before she died, she gave it to me and said not to bury her with it. She wanted me to save it, but she never told me what to do with it. I thought it was so odd that she didn’t want to take it with her in the end. But now I wonder if she had some sort of sense of all this now. She hated keeping the truth from you after Henry was born, but we’d decided that either way—whichever direction we chose to go—it would be life-changing. It was best to just keep things as simple as possible. We didn’t know how Grace’s parents would feel about her family tracking her down; I have no idea if they even told her she was adopted.”
“Maybe it’s best not to try to find her then,” she said, wishing there could be some other way. She wanted so badly to know her sister. With a deep breath, she looked out at the endless ocean for those answers that never seemed to come.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Alice spent the entire evening with her father and Henry, riding in the waves, building sandcastles, and basking in the sun, only going inside right be
fore bedtime when night finally made its appearance. Henry had fallen into bed and stroked Einstein until they were both fast asleep together. She’d peered down at him, his arm around his puppy, the two of them completely content. Unable to bring herself to wake up Einstein and put him in the crate, she did a quick puppy-proof of the room and left him in Henry’s bed. Einstein had spent a long time away from his boy, and Henry had spent too many days without his dog. They needed to be together tonight.
They were still asleep this morning when her father gave Sasha a kiss and said goodbye, before he and Alice took a moment together on the front porch. They sat side by side on the step, the coastal breeze gentle this morning, the heat heavy. It was already bright and sunny, birds flying overhead, a few tourists walking down the road to the public beach access, surfboards under their arms. Her dad had his legs stretched out, his heels in the sand of the walkway, his fingers spread along the step, and the paper cup of coffee and egg sandwich she’d made wrapped up beside him.
“I missed you,” Alice said, putting a hand on his.
He turned his hand over and clasped it around Alice’s. “I’m not so sure about this drive every time I need to see you and Henry.” He had a smile on his face, obviously glad Alice was doing what she was doing with the shop, but his words were serious.
“I know. But once we get settled, you can come and stay for weeks at a time.” She beamed at him, the idea of it so wonderful that she could feel the excitement bubbling up inside.
Today felt like the first day of her future. She’d slept like a rock last night, her worries about Grace subsiding for the moment, the sound of the ocean through the open window lulling her into a deep sleep. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt like she’d find her. Somehow. And, while she wanted to mention her sister to her dad this morning, she didn’t. She’d leave things where they were right now and focus on what she could control. Finding that locket and finally talking to her dad had made her feel like her gramps, her grandma, and her mom were all up there rooting for them, wishing them the best, and cheering them on.
“Well,” her dad said, dropping her hand and standing up, the sun causing him to squint as he looked at her. “I’d better head out toward home before the tourists fill up the bypass. They’ll all be checking out and heading home in an hour or so. You know how Sundays get.”
She smiled again at him, her happiness coming from being able to see him, to be near him, and to share her feelings with him like she always had.
“Give Henry lots of hugs from his Grandpa Frank.”
“I will.”
Then, armed with the coffee and the sandwich, he set off.
Alice went in and quietly got Einstein up, walked him, and then spent the next hour telling Sasha all about Grace.
“Do you think you’ll search for her?” Sasha, appearing much more rested than she had after her last date with Sam, was cooking a late breakfast, pouring her egg mixture into the same pan Alice had used earlier.
“Probably not,” she said, trying to hide her disappointment. She wasn’t going to let it get her down today. If they were meant to find each other, they would. She had to believe that. She took a glass of orange juice to one of the café tables and dropped down into a chair. “It just doesn’t seem like I should. Even though I’d love to know who she is. What if she wonders about me?”
“Or has no idea you exist.” Sasha scraped back and forth in the pan with her spatula, mixing the eggs. “I know she’d want to know you, though. You’re so much fun!”
“Haha. Thanks.” Alice tipped her glass and looked down into the yellow liquid, the pulp swirling around. Then she took a sip.
There was a creak on the floorboards and Henry came into the kitchen, his white-blond hair sticking up in every possible direction, his eyes still sleepy. He’d had a great time with his Grandpa Frank, and by the way he’d slept in, it was clear that Alice’s father had run him to the point of exhaustion. She remembered visits like that with Gramps.
“Morning, sleepy head!” she said.
Einstein ran over to him, jumping up and putting his paws on Henry’s chest, nearly knocking him over, the puppy’s tail wagging feverishly as his back claws tapped the hardwoods. Henry hugged him back and the two of them came over to the table, Henry sitting beside Alice and Einstein settling on the floor.
“Want some eggs?” Sasha called from the stove, where she was still scrambling.
“Yes, please,” Henry said.
Einstein barked.
“Not for you,” Sasha teased the dog. “But if you’re nice, your mom might get you a treat from the jar.”
Einstein barked again and this time, Melly appeared in the room. “Morning!” she said. “I used the hide-a-key you told me about.” On their movie night, Alice had thanked her, telling her what a great friend she was already. They’d divulged the location of the hide-a-key in case she ever needed it and told her she was welcome anytime. She had her camera with her, her hair pulled up into a wispy bun, a light slick of gloss on her lips.
“Did you see the sign on the pier? I was out taking photos of the surf when I noticed it,” Melly said, smiling.
Alice had walked Einstein up the beach the other direction from the pier, so she hadn’t even looked in that direction. She abandoned her orange juice and stood up to see. Henry stayed with Einstein as Alice followed Melly down to the lot in front of the shop.
Tied to the pier was an enormous banner. With a gasp, she flew back in to tell Sasha, taking the stairs two at a time and leaving the door open for Melly to follow.
“Sasha! There’s a sign on the pier! It says, ‘Seagull’s Cove will be opening in its new location! Coming soon!’” She ran over to her friend, hugging her, nearly knocking the spatula from her hands and making her laugh.
“That’s amazing!” Sasha said.
Then Alice let the excitement settle as she sat down at the table. She could feel it was a good day. “We aren’t out of the woods, though. It’s a great start, for sure. But it isn’t a guarantee that the pier will succeed. The aquarium was pretty big, and yet it still didn’t bring in enough revenue.”
Melly, who’d made herself at home next to Alice, turned her camera around, showing Alice a close-up of her and Sasha as she had thrown her arms around her and hugged her just now. The shot looked like some sort of movie poster. Melly wrinkled her nose with a smile and turned it back around to view it again. “I’ll get it to you later.”
Sasha turned off the stove and came over to join them, setting a plate of eggs in front of Henry and then another for herself. “Yes, but it’s a sign!” she said. “Things will work out! You have to open yourself up to it and believe it! And we’ll raise so much money for it that it will be better than it has ever been!”
Alice giggled, covering her mouth in excitement, allowing Sasha’s optimism to take hold. She wasn’t sure what had come over her today, but she felt great.
Sasha picked up Melly’s camera and looked at the photo she’d taken of them. “If you’re always taking pictures, how will you ever get any of yourself? We need you in the shot.” She held the camera out to her friend.
Melly smiled, clearly happy to be included. She took the camera and stood up, setting it across from them on the counter and hitting a few buttons. Then she went back to the table, stood between Sasha and Alice, and put her arms around them as the camera started to beep.
“Say cheese!” she said with a laugh.
The camera snapped, capturing the three of them—grinning, arms around each other—new and old friends.
Melly clapped her hands, clearly thrilled by everything. “I’m so happy for you two!” she said. “I had to come tell you as soon as I saw the sign.”
“I’m glad you did!” Sasha said. “Want some breakfast?”
“No, I’ve already had some, thanks. I was up early today. I had an appointment with a real estate agent.”
“For?” Alice asked.
“I’m going to have to sell my cottage or a
t least rent it out. I won’t be able to pay the mortgage once I don’t have a job.” She turned her head toward the open window, the breeze getting just a little too warm to keep it open anymore. But the sound of the tide was so calming that Alice had left it open regardless.
“But you love that cottage. It’s your rainy-day cottage,” Sasha said, a mouthful of scrambled egg on her fork.
“I know.” Tears surfaced, but Melly blinked them away, clearly to avoid putting a dampener on the moment. “I just don’t know what else to do,” she said, forcing a smile. “This is where I want to be. I don’t want to live anywhere else.” She took in a deep breath and let it out. “That was why I was at the beach taking photos. It’s my favorite thing to do. It relaxes me. And even if I have to move, I’ll always have those pictures to remind me of how great it is here.”
The thought occurred to Alice that Butch could rent or even buy Melly’s cottage, but she didn’t mention it. Getting Melly a tenant or buyer would solve the problem of paying the mortgage, but it wouldn’t fix the fact that she would have to leave, and by her tears, it was clear she didn’t want to. Alice needed to think it through before mentioning the idea.
* * *
Alice had been weighing the pros and cons as they all sat on the beach together after breakfast, while Henry alternated between building a large trench, filling it with seawater, and playing in the waves. They’d been quiet, sunning themselves and enjoying the day, until Melly had gone home to get ready for her shift, leaving just Sasha and Alice.
Having Butch across the street would give him a place to live very close to where Jack had wanted to make a forever home for him. Alice and Sasha would have a wonderful neighbor, because Butch was amazing, and she might get to see Jack when he visited. But on the other hand, did she want to see Jack? What if he came to visit years from now and he brought a girlfriend or a wife—could she handle that? And then there was Melly. She didn’t want her friend to leave. Where would she go? Alice worried she’d lose touch with her.