by H. E. Trent
“So, what, every time I touch you, you’re gonna want to mount me?”
“You make…things sound like problems.”
“Mmm.” He raised his eyebrows and danced his fingertips between her breasts.
She wished she had cleavage the way Courtney and Erin did. Their breasts were heavy and round. Ais had pancakes. She shouldn’t have been too dismayed because the anatomy was typical for unmated Jekhan females—Fastida and Amy were flat as boards as well—but Ais wanted curves. A petty concern, perhaps, but she sometimes hated not being completely human. She hated not looking enough like one thing or the other. Certainly, people could tell that she wasn’t quite right.
With his hand at her hip, he leaned in, dropped a light kiss on her lips, and sighed. “We’re trying to mobilize,” he said.
“Mobilize?” She furrowed her brow. “What does…mobilize mean?”
“Lillian’s got ships on the way here with a few Alliance members she’s recruited for the mission. Some of the folks from Little Gitano who didn’t go meet up with her in Buinet are going to meet here tomorrow to be ready to head out.”
“Head out to where?”
“To try to hit those stations where the Jekhan women might be held. We have good reason to be afraid that the parties holding them might either try to evacuate and move, or else that they’ll just abandon the women to wherever they are and run. We want to catch them. We want to see who they are, and now’s the best time to go.”
“Why?”
“There’s less stress in Buinet right now so Lillian can devote resources to other things. Jekhans have pushed a lot of Terrans out of the capital city, and they’ve retaken control of strategic buildings.”
Ais rolled over onto her forearms so she could better see him. “They’re controlling Buinet?”
“That’s what Granddad said when we talked to him this morning. He’s the reason lots of folks have returned to the city. Those appeals he put out over the satellite feeds really did a lot of good, especially once he started telling people that they didn’t need to know how to fight. Those were the magic words. He told them that they just needed to show up, and they did. The Terrans are vastly outnumbered.”
Ais smiled, and then frowned. She kept forgetting that Owen was Terran.
He laughed again.
She loved that deep, rumbling sound and the laugh of white teeth. Loved the way his eyes crinkled at the corners and how his cheeks darkened a bit. He wasn’t a statue then. He was her very touchable, very intelligent, very human Owen.
“I can tell exactly what you’re thinking,” he said. “Don’t worry about me. Remember, the Jekhans went to Earth looking for friendship and possibly for some volunteers to be pulled into their trios. They still need the DNA infusion.”
“So they won’t…bother you?”
“Exactly, not as long as I don’t bother them.” He grunted and rolled his gaze toward the ceiling. “At least, for now. Who knows what’ll change?”
His hand left a trail of goosebumps in its wake as he dragged it down her arm, stopping when his touch was just beside her breast. He lingered there, tracing his thumb around her areola and then plucking at her shamefully pert nipple.
She sighed. Her upper thighs were wet and her sex ached from his teasing, but they were talking.
She could tease, too, though. Chewing on her lower lip, she started working free the buttons of his flannel shirt. “You look at me, I look at you,” she explained.
“Oh, I see.”
“I like looking.”
“Yeah?” He finished off the last couple of buttons at the bottom, and sat up enough to pull off the shirt.
Immediately, her hands went to his chest, feeling the defined muscles there that she’d learned come from heavy lifting and other exploits she didn’t get to see because she was on lockdown.
“I like other things, too,” she said. She cuddled against him, putting her chest against his, and quietly moaning at the titillating chafe of her sensitive nipples against the coarse hair on his torso. Then she pressed her mouth against his hot neck and kissed.
“What kinds of other things?” he asked, voice as playful as the fingertips swirling at the base of her spine.
“Touching you. Smelling you. But you’re…always gone.”
“Ah, there goes the guilt, huh?”
“Don’t want you guilty.” She raised her chin and looked up at him. “I want you to…pay attention.”
“You’re hard to ignore.”
“Prove it?”
He didn’t immediately respond, so her natural inclination was to keep talking—to apologize, to ingratiate—but he kissed her forehead and pulled her tightly against him. “You’re not like what Jekhan women are supposed to be, or at least the way they’ve conformed into being. You surprise me sometimes.”
“You think I’m…” What’s the word?
She massaged his shoulder blade as she thought. She’d just heard the word in an audiobook she’d been listening to as she’d cut the pieces for Kerry’s dress.
“What?” he asked.
“Clinging?” Is that right?
“No, I don’t think you’re clingy. No more than the typical person who likes being around people, anyway.”
Not just people, but Owen.
She massaged his chest with her lips and drummed her fingers against his back. “Are you going?”
“What, with the teams?”
“Yes. You are…leaving?”
“Someone has to.”
“Why you?”
“Because I know certain things that other people on Jekh don’t. I have unique skills.”
“How long away?”
He didn’t answer, and the circumstance wasn’t one in which silence would do.
She rolled onto her back again, sat up, and poked his bicep. “How long?”
His eyes were closed, and his jaw tight. He swallowed. “I don’t know.”
“Days? Weeks? Months? How long?”
“Depends on the odds, Ais. Depends on which ship I get on and how far we have to go and how many outposts we have to scratch off our lists.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“No. You can’t.”
“Why not? There’s room. There must be room.”
He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her atop him so quickly that she yelped. She didn’t know if she’d ever respond well to being grabbed so suddenly, even by him—history had made that an uncertainty.
“I’m sorry I scared you,” he whispered, rubbing her arms where he’d gripped. “But, listen, sweetheart, the issue isn’t the space. There are plenty of places for you to sit if you were going to tag along, but—”
“You think I’ll be in way?”
“No.” He groaned and tenderly rubbed her arms some more. “I…I just think the risk of you getting needlessly hurt is too high, so there’s no good reason for you to go. Trust me, Court and Erin would go, too, and they want to, but they’re staying.”
“And Eileen?”
“Eileen will go. Amy and Fastida, too.”
“And Precious,” she said sourly.
He shrugged. “Well, yeah. Precious has an edge, though.”
“And I don’t.”
“You’re soft, Ais, and that’s okay.”
“A…silly little fool.”
He flinched and draped an arm over his eyes. “I told you before that I shouldn’t have called you that, and I still regret that I did. At the time, though, you were behaving like one. I was frustrated. That doesn’t change the fact that I still think the safest place for you will be here.”
Alone.
She’d go insane alone. No one would visit her. Courtney and Erin would be too busy doing farm work and running the house. Ais would be cooped up in a windowless bedroom, hoping that someone would remember to bring her food or to walk Nestor.
Her expression must have startled him when he dropped his arm because he planted his hands on the sides of her face and whisp
ered, “Hey. Ais. Listen to me.”
“You’re leaving.”
“I’ll be back.”
“I’ll be alone.”
“Courtney and Erin and some of the men will be here. You won’t be alone. Understand?”
She understood the theory of what he was saying, but she wasn’t so convinced there was truth in it.
“I’ll send you messages.” He laced his fingers through her hair and brought her head down to him. “I’ll make sure you know where we are.” He kissed her temples. The bridge of her nose. “I’ll be certain you’ll know when to expect me.” His hands were at her thighs, pulling her legs open and baring her to his whims.
“You won’t…want anyone?” she asked, and didn’t care if she sounded pathetic. If she were going to claim someone, she wanted exclusivity from him.
He chuckled as his fingertips traced the inside of her lower lips.
“Answer.” There was no heat in her demand. It was practically a whimper.
“I’m laughing because you actually believe I’d be thinking of such things.”
“You’re a man.”
“So?” He slipped a hand between their bodies, fumbling.
When she realized he was unfastening his jeans, she arched up for him, lowering herself only after the satiny head of his erection brushed her belly.
He worked her down onto him, and she closed her eyes, nearly forgetting what the argument was about.
He pulled in some air through his mouth and squeezed her rear end hard as she tightened her channel around him. “You think I look for sex wherever I go?”
“You don’t have to look. Women would have you.”
Another long inhalation. “I think you overestimate my appeal, and besides…” He rolled his hips, stirring his thick shaft inside her. Making room. Driving her mad. “I’d say one woman at a time is enough.”
“Just me.”
“Yes, sweetheart. Just you.”
He rolled them onto their sides, somehow managing not to dislodge from the coupling, and pulled her leg up over his hip.
She couldn’t reach his lips, and she wanted badly to kiss him, so she kissed what she could reach. His shoulders. His neck. His chest.
His thrusts were slow, but deep, and she was so wet.
As long as he kept touching her—kept up those tender caresses and soft kisses—she didn’t need more than that. At least not at the moment. She didn’t need high-energy when his attention was so focused on her and her needs.
Their needs.
She dragged her fingernails over his nipple and closed her eyes.
When he returned from his mission in space, they could have a routine. They were overdue for one.
“More of this,” she whispered and put her head back as the pressure inside her built.
His steady, deep thrusts had her feeling full enough to burst like a star.
“More of this so we can make…family, maybe?” She wanted that more than anything. All she had was Amy. If she could get it—if she was fixable—she wanted what the McGarrys had. She wanted crowds and volume.
His hips stopped, and panic flared. She’d said the wrong thing.
I scared him.
She wanted to pinch herself for being so careless. He needed time. Weeks ago, he’d been looking for the very first opportunity to pass her off—to make her someone else’s problem.
He smoothed his hand up her back and thrust harder. “That’s what you want?”
She yelped at the incredible pressure against her sensitive inner erogenous zone.
“You want that with me?” He thrust again, gripping her rear so she couldn’t dare squirm away. “Answer me.” Another thrust, and then more when she didn’t respond.
She couldn’t respond. If she responded, he’d stop, and he felt so good.
“You want to play house with a bastard like me?” His punishing grip and forceful thrust should have made her crawl away, but instead, she curled even closer to him and offered herself up like a calf for slaughter. He was irresistible. She didn’t want to say no to him. Someone needed to be able to tell him yes, and she’d waited so long to be with someone who made her happy to mean it when she said the word.
“Does silence mean ‘no’?” he asked, voice breathy with lust. “Should I stop this?”
“No,” she whimpered. “Don’t stop. Please.”
“What do you want?”
She set her teeth into the firm muscle of his chest and growled through the mounting pressure. So close, and she’d topple, but she’d be in his arms, at least. He’d catch her just like he had that day she’d fallen off the mountain, but when she fell again, she’d actually be able to see him.
“Ais.” He ground out through his clenched teeth. His thrusts got less rhythmic and more urgent, and her body lost all cohesion.
She was vibrating like a tuning fork, shaking so hard and so fast that she couldn’t even squeeze out a shout, and then there was the familiar liquid warmth on her upper thighs.
His groan.
His withdrawal.
His lips on her forehead. “Ais…”
“Yes. Yes, I want that.”
“Why?” His voice was pleading and sad, and she didn’t know what to make of him. She tried to lean back so she could see his face, but he wouldn’t let her budge.
He’s ashamed?
She didn’t understand that. A man like Owen could have had anything he wanted, and she was hardly a prize. She was little more than leftover scraps some aliens had thrown together in a lab.
“I want you,” she said.
He was so much wider than her and her hips were aching. She wanted to hold on, but couldn’t anymore. She let her knee down from his hip and scooted up higher. She could see his face a little better, or at least his chin. He was still holding her tightly around the waist. “I want everything with you. Here. You’re not going to…send me away.”
“I’m not going to send you away, Ais. I don’t have the right to.”
“You should not want to,” she said more than a little indignantly.
“I don’t. I want to keep you. Sweet little thing like you who I should leave the hell alone because I’ll ruin your life somehow and I’ll be an old man with too many regrets.”
“My choice. I say yes.”
He scoffed. “You know you could do better, right?” He’d said a similar thing to Luke, and must have tried to infuse a bit of laughter into the question to make it seem like a joke, but she wasn’t playing. She wasn’t going to laugh along with him. She managed to squirm back far enough to see his face, aided somewhat by her grabbing the top of his head and angling it downward.
“I want you,” she said.
“You say that now, and you mean that now, but when you get out of this house and off this farm—once you start to explore, you’ll see who else is out there, and you’ll wonder if you were too hasty. You’ll end up attached to a man who has a hard time even telling you this. A man who holds on to guilt and blame and builds a moat around himself with it. A man who sometimes doesn’t know when he’s being an asshole because he’s so used to being one and no one ever tried to stop him before because maybe they’re assholes, too.”
“Your sisters are…not assholes.”
The low rumble in his chest against hers sent little shocks down her tired bones and made her toes curl.
“Owen,” she whispered, patting the coarse hair on his chest. “Why can’t I have you?”
“Because after everything you’ve been through, you deserve better.”
“I deserve to choose. I choose you.”
She wanted to belong to that McGarry thing. She wanted to belong to Owen, in spite of how stubborn and occasionally overbearing he was. When he was around his family, she understood why he was that way, and more, she learned ways of handling him. As much as Owen needed to be loved, he needed to be handled.
“You have the right to choose.” His swallow seemed loud so close to her ears. His touch was softer, the
meat of his palm dancing over the dips and curves of her side. “If you want to choose me for some reason I just can’t fathom, I’m not going to tell you no, sweetheart. I’ll just be prepared for you to change your mind when you learn more about the world and the people around you. I’ll be prepared for you to leave, and I’ll accept that you have to.”
He doesn’t understand.
She rolled her eyes and then closed them. She was through arguing with him. If he were going away soon, she just wanted to be held. She’d never get enough of being held by someone who looked at her like he could actually see her. She might have been his captive, but she’d never be his prisoner. The more time she spent with Owen, the more convinced she was that he was the one in jail, and the jail was his past.
He needed to step out of it, and that was why she was offering him—offering them—a future.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Owen hated leaving Ais at the mouth of the hallway the following morning, but she couldn’t safely walk any farther without being within viewing range of a door or window, and he had to go.
He dropped his gear bags onto the floor and kissed her awkwardly on the lips. Awkwardly, because she was holding Nestor and also because his sisters were watching and heckling him.
She smiled against his lips, but he groaned.
“Ignore them,” he murmured.
“They’re funny.”
“They’re horrible people. I’m leaving you with two horrible people.” He laced his fingers through the back of her loose hair and drew her face closer to his. He skimmed his lips across her parted ones, just wanting to memorize the feel of her if he were going to be gone for so long.
“Quit tangling her hair, Owen,” Erin sniped. “I spent ten minutes getting the knots out this morning. I can’t imagine what she must have been doing for the middle to have been so gnarly.”
Ais giggled, but Owen groaned again before giving her a firm kiss that left her a little wobbly on her feet.
Nestor barked his protest.
Smiling, Ais stroked his head and watched Owen scoop up his bags.
“I’ll stay in touch as long as we’re in range,” he said.
Her smile waned a bit, but she nodded.
He kissed her once again and left her there before he could decide he needed one more kiss or something more. They’d done a lot of something more all night, much to Luke’s dismay since Owen had locked him out of the bedroom. He’d needed to prove to himself that he was enough.