"You cut me, cut me to the core. So is that a yes?"
"Yes what? That you're an ass?” she asked sweetly.
"Yes, you're going to go out with me?"
"Yes, I'm going on a date with you."
Chapter Twelve
Myrtle
"...not at all,” Myrtle said into the mouthpiece of the phone.
"You said I could call,” Zak said.
"Yes I did.” She wouldn't admit how thrilled she was to hear the boy's voice on the other end of the phone line. Finding him, getting him back together with his father ... Well, it was the first time she'd felt useful since becoming a human.
"It took a long time for you to come to the phone,” Zak said.
"This is Glory's phone, down in the restaurant. We don't have one in my apartment."
"Why?"
"Because we never needed one."
"Why?"
"Because no one ever called us."
"Why?"
"Because...” Myrtle realized the why's could continue all day, and so she said, “Just because. Now, did you call just to talk, or did you want something, honey?"
"I'm not a honey. Girls are honeys. Boys are..."
"Are what?” she asked with a smile.
She liked Zak and was thrilled he'd called. Spending time with him had made her forget, if only for a while, how miserable she was being a human. She'd forgotten how much she wanted to go home, to Fairyland.
"Boys are?” she prompted.
"Dudes. Yeah. Boys are dudes, not honey."
Myrtle chuckled. “Well, dude, what's up?"
"Me and dad wanted to know if you wanted to come to dinner. I'll help cook."
"Does your dad know you're asking me?"
"Yeah. He was going to do it, but I said I wanted to."
"Oh."
"So are you coming?"
"When?"
"Daddy said tomorrow night. But if that won't work, you say when."
Myrtle didn't have to check her appointment book—not that she had one—to know she was free.
"Tomorrow night. You're on. Can you give me the address, or does your dad need to talk to me?"
"I can do it. I'm eight, not a baby.” There was disgust in his voice.
Myrtle smiled. “Okay, shoot."
She wrote down the address, sure that Glory could show her where to go.
Dinner.
She was going out to dinner with a man. Okay, his son had asked her out, but still, it was a dinner date. Suddenly Myrtle didn't feel nearly as useless as she had since she'd come here.
She felt ... almost elated.
Chapter Thirteen
Interlude with Bernie
"How are you feeling?” Bernie asked his wife.
They were sitting on the couch in front of a roaring fire in their Fairyland house. These moments—quiet and intimate—they were the best ones of the day.
Having a baby would change that. The thought made Bernie uneasy. Not that he didn't want a baby. Watching his wife blossom in her pregnancy was something new and wondrous.
Thinking of blossoming made him think about the three now mortal fairies.
"I'm fine. Actually, better than fine."
Fiona smiled at him. And though they'd been married for over a year, his heart still melted at the sight. He'd never thought he'd find this kind of love. And yet, here she was.
Fiona.
His love.
His heart.
His wife.
Soon-to-be the mother of his child.
"How's the baby?” he asked, sitting next to her and resting his hand on her still flat stomach.
"Fine. I'm fine. He's fine—"
"He?"
"Or she. The question is, what's wrong with you?"
"What do you mean, what's wrong?"
"Bernie, something's going on. You can't hide it from me, so you might as well tell me. You ask a question and then you sort of drift off. Something's bothering you.” She paused a moment, studying him.
Fiona seemed to be able to read him like a book.
Sometimes it was a blessing, and sometimes a curse.
And when she said, “You're worried about them,” he knew this was one of those curse times.
"Worried about them? You've got to be kidding."
"Oh, no, you can't lie to me, Bernie. You love those three."
"Love? Love? I can't stand them. They're the type that give fairy godmothers and godfathers a bad name. They stir things up and nothing ever goes quite right and..."
"We went quite right,” she said softly, placing her hand on his thigh.
It was a slight gesture, but it was enough to set Bernie's heart beating in overdrive.
"Pardon?” he asked, thinking more about her hand than about what she'd said.
"They were right about us. And it wasn't just us. You know they have a hundred percent success rate with godchildren."
He raked his fingers through his hair, not caring that he messed it up. After all, what was messed up hair compared to the mess the fairies, even now that they were human, were making of his mind.
"Their godchildren might end up happy,” he argued, “but first there's a lot of chaos."
"Who says that's so bad?"
"Me. I say.” He'd been saying it for years, and finally, the Council had listened.
"So you had the Council turn them into humans.” She drew her hand back, folding it with its mate on her own lap.
Bernie hated her withdrawal and tried to explain. “I urged the Council to turn them into humans so that they could learn their lessons."
"And are they?"
"Are they what?” he asked.
"Learning?"
"You're their godmother, you tell me."
It still annoyed him that she'd asked to be appointed as their godmother. Of all the creatures in the known universe she could have chosen for her first assignment, and she'd gone and picked his nemeses.
"Blossom loves acting. Titania says that she's seen A Midsummer's Night a thousand times—you know how partial she is to that particular play—and that she's never seen anyone as good in the role as Blossom, not that she'd tell Blossom that."
Fiona laughed, but Bernie could tell it was forced.
"But?” he prodded.
"How did you know there was a but?"
"Because I'm a fairy. I know things."
He wasn't going to tell her that his knowing what she was thinking had nothing to do with his fairyness. No it had everything to do with his loving her.
"But," Fiona said slowly, “despite the fact that she's found something she loves to do, something's she's good at, she's confused."
"About?"
"Needing time away from her sisters, about Rom.” She paused and said, “Her director kissed her, you know."
"No, she kissed him.” He chuckled.
"Of course, you'd take his side."
"Because he's right, she kissed him."
"Bernie, you are an obstinate man."
"It's part of my charm.” He grinned. Being around Fiona brought out the silliness, the smiles. She brought out the best in him. “What about the others?"
"Fern loves cooking and is kissing the owner."
"What's this with all the kissing?"
"Not just kissing. Blossom's going on a date with Rom."
Fiona was practically glowing as she said the words. Bernie knew he wasn't glowing. No, he was glowering. “That's not why I sent them down. I knew the Council should have let me supervise them. Instead, they banned me from the states of Pennsylvania, Ohio and New York and sent you."
"And is there something wrong with them sending me?” she asked, danger in her tone.
"Of course not,” he said quickly. “But you're new. Why, Fiona, you didn't even know you were a fairy until a little more than a year ago. And this is a tough case."
"And I assure you that I'm more than up to the challenge. You'll never know the amount of planning that went into these relationship
s. Do you know how hard it was to find them the right men? To get those men to move to Erie? To set up their meetings?"
"I didn't want them to be human so they could meet men. Fern's kissing people and Blossom's dating—"
"And kissing. She was kissing before she was dating."
She was teasing him and he knew it. “See? You can't control the situation."
Bernie realized he might have gone too far. His wife edged closer to the side of the couch and away from him, no longer grinning and teasing. He should drop it right now, but Bernie had never been good at dropping things, and before he could stop himself he said, “And Myrtle? Is she walking around Erie kissing men too?"
"No. She isn't kissing yet. But she does have a dinner date."
"Another date?"
What was going on? He sent the three to find out how hard it was to be human without bungling fairies making it harder, and instead of suffering, they were dating and kissing and heaven knew what else.
"Yes, a date. Myrtle's having dinner with two men."
"Two?” He jumped to his feet. “That's it, Fiona. We're going to the Council and having them appoint a more experienced godmother, or at least allow me to supervise you. You're making a muck of this."
"Bernie, the only one making a muck of anything is you."
"What do you mean?” he asked.
"Well, you took a lovely evening, alone with your wife in front of the fire. An evening where her only thoughts of kissing involved you. And instead of kissing each other, you've insulted her—"
"Honey, it wasn't meant as an insult. You're just inexperienced."
Fiona continued, as if he hadn't interrupted, “And you've chased her away."
"What do you mean, chased her away?"
"I mean, I'm going to spend the night with the girls."
"You are not,” he said.
Goodness knows, he tried to humor Fiona, knowing that being a fairy was still new to her, and being pregnant was even newer, but enough was enough. There was no way his wife was spending the night with those three. They'd already corrupted her enough.
"I am too. I need time to cool off before I say something I might regret."
"Fiona, you can't go there. The Council barred me from visiting there."
"I know, which is why it's a perfect place to spend a night."
"But—"
"Good night, Bernie. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"But..."
Bernie didn't bother to finish the sentence. His wife was gone. He sat back on the couch and stared at the fire. Well, he'd certainly made a ... What was the word Fiona had used? Muck. Yeah. He'd made a muck of that.
But she said that Fern and Blossom were kissing. And Blossom and Myrtle were dating.
What was Fiona thinking?
He hadn't made the fairies human in order for Fiona to try and fix them up. After all, they'd be fairies again in just a few months, and everyone knew that mixed marriages didn't work.
What was going to happen when the men found out they were dating fairies?
Nothing good that was what.
And speaking of nothing good, Bernie was alone in the house. The fire didn't seem nearly as warm as it had before Fiona left.
He'd like to go get his wife and kiss her until she forgot all about being angry with him. But he wasn't allowed in Pennsylvania.
What a mess.
Chapter Fourteen
Blossom
"Men,” Fiona muttered for about the twentieth time.
"Yeah, men,” Blossom and her sisters echoed.
All four women were sitting in the living room complaining about Bernie.
It wasn't a hardship at all. Bernie was ... Well, Bernie was simply the most annoying man in the fairy or mortal world. And that was saying something, because Rom was a close second. When he wasn't kissing her, she could remember how annoying he was. But when he was kissing her, she tended to forget.
"So you don't mind if I spend the night?” Fiona asked.
"You know you don't even have to ask,” Blossom said. Her sisters nodded their agreement. “But rather than just sitting around I have a suggestion."
Fiona needed cheering up, and Blossom needed to get her mind off Rom.
"A suggestion?” Fiona asked.
"Yeah. I think we should call Glory, Grace and Joy and have a party. A men-are-more-trouble-than-they're-worth party..."
* * * *
An hour and a half later Blossom was drunk.
She knew she was.
Grace had brought red wine.
Joy had brought a white wine.
And Glory had cracked open a bottle of this fruity wine stuff.
Blossom knew she wasn't much of a drinker because two glasses had knocked her on her butt. She looked at poor Fiona.
"Men. Can't live with them, can't live with them."
"I think the saying is supposed to be, can't live with them, can't live without them,” Fern pointed out. “But that's wrong because I can live without them, thank you very much. They're fickle creatures, men are."
"Not only human men,” Fiona, who was drinking ice water for the baby's sake, said. “Fairy men are just as fickle. And aggravating. And...” She paused, looking for a good word.
"Annoying,” Blossom said. “Overbearing. Obnoxious."
"Cute,” Grace said.
"Loud,” Fern said.
"Cuddly,” Joy said.
"Cranky,” Blossom said.
"Interesting,” Myrtle said.
"What?” Six sets of eyes were trained on Myrtle.
Blossom was sure she had heard wrong. She knew that Fern was attracted to her rather loud and obnoxious boss. Not that Fern was saying much about him, but it showed, every time she spoke about this Nico. Blossom had been a godmother for too many years not to recognize there was something going on there.
But Myrtle?
Myrtle who claimed to be sitting home every day, moping and worrying about her?
Myrtle had met a man she found interesting?
"Tell them,” Fiona said, encouraging Myrtle in such a way that said she knew about Myrtle's interesting mystery man.
Fiona knew and Myrtle's sisters didn't. Because Blossom could tell that Fern was as confused as she was.
"Yes, tell us,” she echoed.
"It's nothing,” Myrtle said slowly. Then she grinned and added, “Well, nothing much. You see, I'm ... I'm having dinner tomorrow with a man I met."
"Tell us about him,” Grace said.
Blossom had been struck mute by the shock, but she somehow managed to say, “Yes, tell us."
"Well, I'm actually having dinner with two men. There's Zak and Gordon."
"Two?” Fern asked.
"Don't you think you're moving a little fast,” Blossom said. “After all, I'm going out with one man and find the thought overwhelming at best."
"You're going out? With who?” Myrtle asked, pouncing on Blossom's slip.
"This isn't about me,” she protested. “Finish your story and I'll tell you mine."
Myrtle told about rescuing Zak and meeting his dad, and she assured everyone that the dinner was just Gordon's way of thanking her.
Blossom wasn't sure she believed it. But she didn't question her sister's explanation, mainly because she wasn't sure why she was dating Rom. After all, it wasn't as if she liked him.
"Tell us about your date, Blossom,” Grace said when Myrtle finished.
"It's a man I'm ... working with."
"Just what is it you're doing?” Joy asked.
"It's a surprise,” Blossom said. “And so is he. I mean, when I met him he was overbearing and a know-it-all...” She let the sentence trail off as she thought about the difference between who she thought Rom was when she first met him, and the other Rom she'd caught glimpses of since.
"And now what do you think?” Myrtle asked.
"Well, he's still all that, but I am starting to think there might be more underneath it all. I mean, the way he kissed me."
"Yes. It was ... Well, let's just say, I'm going out with him."
"I hate to be the voice of reason here, but you do remember that you're all going back to being fairies when your six months are up, right?” Fiona said.
You know,” Myrtle said. “It's a good thing your first godmothering job is helping us with this humanity stuff and not playing a happily-ever-after sort of godmother because, to be honest, your attitude about dating is less-than fairy godmotherish right now."
"Of course, being married to Bernie would be enough to give anyone a less than enthusiastic view of men,” Blossom muttered.
"I just don't want you to get attached to a mortal ... to someone who might not be all that excited at the thought of dating a fairy,” Fiona said.
"Well, we're not fairies now,” Blossom said. She wasn't a fairy at all, and she found she didn't mind so much.
"No, you're not,” Fiona said, smiling.
Chapter Fifteen
Fern
Fern watched her sisters get ready for their dates.
That weird sensation in the pit of her stomach wasn't jealousy. Fairies weren't jealous by nature, although at the moment, she was human, and occasionally humans did get jealous.
No. She didn't care that her sisters were going out. Goodness knows, Myrtle needed a good time, and after all, she'd assured them that this Gordon had only invited her to dinner out of gratitude. Myrtle had been having such a difficult time being human that Fern didn't begrudge her one happy evening.
Blossom was a bit more worrisome. After all, Fiona was the only one who knew what she was up to, and Fiona wasn't talking. So Blossom's date was a mystery man. But she seemed happy enough about it.
Blossom was really coming into her own. She seemed more confident, more independent, with each passing day. It looked good on her.
Fern didn't begrudge her the fun, but she was feeling a bit left out as the two primped and prepared.
And when they left, the house seemed too quiet and lonely.
She could call Grace, Glory or Joy. But they all had their own families, their own lives. And Fiona had gone back to Bernie this morning, saying she figured she'd made her point.
So, Fern was all alone in the big quiet house. There were really only two other people she was close to, Puffy and Nico.
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