"Hello? Yes, Mrs. Conrad. Thanks for calling me back. You spoke to Suzannah?"
Faith tensed, wondering what would come next. Had Suzannah agreed to see Julian?
"I see. Hold on a minute. Let me get a pen."
Faith handed Alex the pen and pad sitting on the kitchen counter. Just then Julian walked into the kitchen, his expression anxious. Apparently he'd heard the phone ring.
Alex jotted down an address. "Thank you." He paused. "I understand. I'll tell my grandfather. Goodbye."
"Tell me what?" Julian asked, his face tense.
Faith put a hand on Julian's shoulder to steady him, but he didn't even notice her. All of his attention was focused on Alex and the piece of paper he held in his hand.
"Suzannah doesn't want to speak to you on the phone," Alex said.
"Why not?"
"She wants you to come to Arizona." Alex held up the paper in his hand. "I have her address in Flagstaff."
Julian's mouth dropped open. He let out a gasp and swayed slightly. Faith grabbed his arm at the same time Alex rushed over. Together they pushed him gently onto a kitchen chair.
"Easy, Grandfather. Take a breath. There you go." Alex held on to his grandfather's shoulders with both hands, keeping him steady. "Better?"
"Here's some water," Faith said, handing Alex a glass of water.
Alex raised it to his grandfather's lips and Julian took a grateful sip.
"Better," Julian said.
Alex set the glass down on the table, but stayed kneeling in front of his grandfather. "Should I call the doctor?"
"No, I'm all right. I just can't believe you found Suzannah."
"This isn't good for you. I think we should drop it right here," Alex said.
"No, I can't. Suzannah is expecting me, and I will go to her."
Alex looked to Faith with desperation in his eyes. "You see what this is doing to him. Tell him he can't go to Arizona. He'll listen to you."
Faith wanted to do as he asked. In truth, she was alarmed by Julian's pallor, by the trembling of his limbs, but she could also see the light of hope burning in his blue eyes. He wouldn't listen to her. He could only listen to his heart. And Suzannah was calling him.
"I can't. I'm sorry. I don't think any of us can stop him. I'm not sure we should try."
"Faith, for God's sake--"
"Alex, it's all right." Julian held up a hand. "I'm not having a heart attack, and I don't need you or Miss Faith to tell me what to do. I know what to do. And I will do it. I've come this far. I'll see it to the end."
"What about your health?"
"My heart will last. I'm meant to do this, Alex." Julian shook his head, his eyes bemused with memories.
"I'm going to see Suzannah again. I can't believe it."
"You could be disappointed," Alex said.
"I won't be. I just want the chance to tell her I'm sorry for what I did. That's all. And, of course, I'd like to put the pot back so that you and Miss Faith--"
"Let's just worry about you for now."
"Very well. We must go tomorrow, Alex. There is no time to waste. Please, say you will go with me."
Alex hesitated, then slowly nodded. "All right. I'll go with you." He turned to Faith. "I'll have my secretary book us on a flight to Arizona in the morning."
Faith started at the purposeful look in his eyes, and it took a moment for his words to sink in. "Not us. You. You and Julian and Jessie."
"And you."
She put a hand to her necklace and gave it a nervous twist. "No, I couldn't."
"You have to. You helped my grandfather get this far. You're not going to let him down now."
"You don't need me."
"Oh, but we do."
"I have a business."
"So do I. You can find someone to cover for you, just as I can. We'd both be lying to say otherwise."
Faith saw Julian watching her with a hopeful expression on his face. She should say no. She was already far too involved with the Carrigans. Hadn't she learned anything with the Porters? Once this search was over, once Suzannah was found, the Carrigans would have no more need of her. And she'd be left alone, again. Maybe she should take a page out of Alex's book and make a break now.
"Could I speak to Faith alone?" Alex asked, obviously sensing her indecision.
"Of course." Julian got to his feet with more energy, more vigor, than Faith had ever seen. The discovery of Suzannah's whereabouts had taken years off his age.
When they were alone, Faith turned to Alex. "I can't go."
"Why not?"
"Because this isn't my problem."
"You made it your problem when you became friends with my grandfather. I told you not to get involved, remember? But you wouldn't listen."
"I helped him find Suzannah. I never said I'd help him put the pottery back. Besides, this is a good chance for the three of you to bond together."
"We need you, Faith. You're the bridge between us."
She ran a hand through her hair in frustration. "I'm tired of being a bridge, of being someone's link to someone else. What about me, Alex? Is my only purpose in life to serve as a conduit for other people's dreams?"
"Of course not." He looked taken aback by her words. "That's not what I meant."
"You're using me, just like Ben used me."
"That's not true."
"Then why do you want me to come with you if not to soothe your grandfather when he gets upset and keep Jessie out of trouble? Isn't that what you envision me doing? Isn't that my role?"
Alex didn't say anything for a long moment. "I care about you, Faith. Maybe I want you to come along for me."
"Why?"
Alex didn't answer.
"You can't say it, can you?"
"Say what?"
"Three little words. I'll give you a hint. One of them is love."'
"Do you want me to say I love you?"
"Only if it's true."
Alex sighed. "Dammit, Faith. I've got my hands full right now. Can't we talk about this when we come back?"
"When we come back, I won't be of any use to you. My job will be done. Either the curse will be broken or it won't. Your grandfather will either stay with Suzannah or find some other place to live. And Jessie -- well, we both know what you have planned for her. So tell me, Alex, how are you going to need me when we come back? You won't need a bridge, because everyone will be gone."
"Except me."
"A man who's afraid to love."
"You're beginning to sound like a woman who's afraid to love."
"I learned from the master."
Alex shook his head in bewilderment, as if he wasn't sure what to make of her new attitude. It wasn't surprising really. She felt as confused about things as he did.
"Okay, look at it this way. If you come with me to Arizona, we'll both be taking the same risk. Maybe at the end, I'll want you and you won't want me. Maybe you'll break my heart."
Faith considered his words. "I suppose that's possible. If you have a heart to break."
"Oh, it's there, all right. And if anyone has a shot at ripping it in two, it's you."
She supposed that was as near a declaration of love as she was going to get. "All right. I'll go with you to Arizona."
Relief filled his eyes. "Thank you."
"But not just to make things easier for you, Alex. I have to admit, I want to find out what happens."
"To Suzannah and Julian?"
"And to the people in my dream. I think they're all connected. Maybe we were meant to go to the desert all along. What's that your grandfather always says?"
"The winds will curse your life until you return to where it began."
"I guess we'll find out if that's true."
"I guess we will."
Chapter Twenty-Four
By late Monday afternoon, Faith was on her way back to where it began. With Alex at her side and Julian and Jessie sitting across the aisle, the plane took off for Arizona and the long-awaited reunion with Suz
annah.
Faith let out a breath as the plane lifted off the runway, banked to the west, and headed south.
"All right?" Alex asked, covering her hand.
She smiled, realizing her fingers were wrapped tightly around the ends of the armrests. "I'm fine. I don't fly much."
"Really? I thought your head was always in the clouds."
"Very funny." She settled back in her seat. "How about you? Do you like to fly?"
"I love it. I like that rush when the plane lifts off. Almost as good as..." He smiled wickedly. "Well, you know."
Since his words conjured up a memory she preferred not to dwell on, Faith ignored him by pulling out the magazine from the seat pocket in front of her. Inside was a map showing the route from San Francisco to Phoenix, Arizona. In two short hours they would be in the desert.
Faith passed the next few minutes by glancing through the magazine, but there was little to hold her attention, so she slipped it back in the seat pocket and laced her hands together in her lap.
Alex had the tray table down and was going over a file he'd pulled out of his briefcase. All she could see were columns of numbers. Alex seemed satisfied, a pleased smile curving his lips as he studied his reports. She liked watching him work.
When Alex was focused on something, he gave it his all -- 150 percent. She remembered when those intense blue eyes had been focused on her. Lord, how she remembered. Her stomach made its familiar gut-clenching twist, and she tried to focus on something besides Alex. But that was part of the problem. He simply overpowered everything around him. He was sharper, clearer, brighter, louder -- a man who commanded attention -- and a man who had no idea just how many people looked up to him.
Faith had a feeling Alex saw everything in his life through a pair of out-of-focus glasses that screamed failure and rejection. On the outside he was confident and secure, a successful businessman, but on the inside, he was still that kid who got his oversized foot stuck in the desk.
Alex caught her smile. "What's so funny?"
"Just imagining you with your foot stuck in a desk."
"I shouldn't have told you that story. I have a feeling you don't forget anything."
"Then we're even, because neither do you. Tell me something. Do you ever see your mother or your father?"
"Rarely."
"Are they mad at you as well, or is it one-sided?"
Alex closed the file in front of him and slipped it back into his carry-on. "No one is angry with anyone. You have to care about someone to get mad."
"You're still angry."
"I'm not."
"You are."
"And you're a stubborn woman."
"A survival skill learned early."
"Okay, I don't respect my mother for walking out on me. I guess you could say I'm still mad at her. My father -- we never had much in common. He didn't hang around long enough for us to find things in common. He's a photographer and travels all over the world. I don't even know where he is right now. And he doesn't know where I am. That's the kind of family I grew up in, Faith. It wasn't the Cleavers."
"That's too bad."
He shrugged. "Speaking of families -- did you talk to the Porters this morning?"
Faith tensed, wishing she'd never brought up the subject of family. "No."
"Why not?"
"Nancy is no longer working at the bakery. When she threw me out of her house, she also quit."
"What about Ben?"
"He never worked there."
Alex shot her a pointed look.
"I haven't spoken to Ben."
"Ben must have talked to his mother. He must know that she kicked you out of the house. I'm surprised he wasn't waiting for you when you got home last night."
"He wasn't."
"And he didn't call to apologize for putting you in an awkward position?"
"No."
"I thought the guy was your friend."
Faith squirmed in her seat, irritated with Alex for echoing her own thoughts. "He was my friend. Is, I mean."
"I think you were right the first time. Ben let his mother eat you alive, and he didn't do anything to stop her."
"Ben wasn't even there."
"He knew. Don't tell me he didn't know."
"Fine, I won't tell you." She sighed and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Ben is a dear, sweet -- coward. He couldn't stop his mother from throwing me out because that would have meant telling her the truth or at least some other lie that would have reflected badly on him."
"So he sacrificed you."
"I guess."
"Come on, Faith. You should be mad at this guy. You should be calling him every name in the book."
Alex's eyes blazed with an anger that seemed completely irrational. If Faith hadn't known better, she would have thought he was feeling protective toward her, furious with Ben because Ben had hurt her. But that would have meant Alex cared. A tiny, dangerous seed of hope took root.
"Why does it matter to you?" she asked.
"Because it's not right."
"I thought maybe you were angry with Ben because he hurt me."
"Well, I am."
"That would mean you care about me."
Alex frowned, his eyebrows curving down in a wary line. "You're putting words in my mouth."
"Someone has to."
Alex rolled his eyes. "Why do I bother trying to talk to you?"
"Because you're a marshmallow, Alex. All tough and crusty on the outside, but inside you're as mushy as they come."
"You know, you could switch seats with Jessie."
"And risk letting you fall in love even more with your daughter? I wouldn't dream of it."
Alex tapped his fingers restlessly against the tray table. He glanced out the window, then back at her. "I left a message for Eddie Saunders this morning. I told him to call me as soon as he got back to town. I also asked Melanie's attorney to follow up with him for me."
"Why didn't you tell Mr. Saunders that you had his daughter?'' Faith lowered her voice. Jessie had on headphones and was sitting on the other side of Julian, but she didn't want to risk being overheard.
"I didn't think it was a good idea to tell him that over the phone." Alex tipped his head toward Jessie. "You know, she should be in school today. And here I am trekking out to the desert with my crazy grandfather to chase down a curse. What kind of a father am I?"
"One who cares very much about his grandfather, despite his best efforts not to do so."
"I've cared before, Faith."
"I know, and look where it got you." She let out another sigh. "Look where it got me. I guess you have the last laugh after all."
Alex looked into her eyes, his own gaze a troubled blue. "I'm not laughing. I can't stand the thought of anyone hurting you. I know you haven't had it easy over the years."
"I survived. One of the social workers told me I was just like a weed. I could grow anywhere. I didn't need much, just a little sunlight, a little water, and a little space."
"Kids need a hell of a lot more than that," Alex said fiercely. "And you're not a weed. You're a rose, a beautiful, prickly, sweet rose."
Faith felt her tiny seed of hope grow bigger. "Thank you. That's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about me."
"Someday you'll meet a guy with a great family, and you'll fit right in."
She frowned. "I think that might be the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me."
"Why? I just wanted--"
"To remind me that I have no place in your long-term plans. I know."
"Faith, I don't have long-term plans. That's the first problem."
"And the second problem is you're too hardheaded to see that you and I could be absolutely perfect for each other."
He looked stunned by her directness. "I know we're good in some areas, but--"
"I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about love."
"I don't know much about love."
"Neither do I. Maybe we could figure it out togeth
er. At least we'd both know we were starting from ground zero. We could make our mistakes together."
He shook his head, not willing to give an inch. "I have a habit of disappointing people. It runs in the family. Ask my grandfather. The Carrigans have bad genes. I'm not husband material. I'm not a family man."
"Since I don't even know whether my genes are bad or good, then I suppose I'm not good wife material either."
"You are. Anyone just has to look at you to see that you would be..." His voice turned husky, as tender as his eyes. "You would be an incredible wife."
His words stole her breath away, and she wished for the impossible. "Someday, Alex, I'm going to remind you of that."
The flight attendant interrupted their conversation with drinks and peanuts, and by the time she'd finished serving, they were flying over the desert. The pilot came on the speaker to direct their attention to the Grand Canyon below.
Faith had never been to Arizona, never seen the Grand Canyon or the desert, and she wasn't prepared for the incredible sight. The land was vast, the earth a glorious orange-red, contrasting with the deep blue sky. Occasionally white, puffy clouds blew through the landscape, but they disappeared before long as if they were not allowed to shade the ground from the hot sun above.
"It looks so big," Faith murmured. "There's so much land to cover. Even if Suzannah has the pot..."
Alex sent her a skeptical look. "Do you really think she kept a piece of broken pottery for fifty years? And if she did, why didn't she try to find Julian?"
"Maybe she did try."
"He hasn't been in hiding."
"True, but he was married. And so was she. Maybe she felt it would be disloyal. As for keeping the pottery all these years, yes, I think she kept it."
"There's my Faith. You're back. I knew the optimist in you had not completely vanished."
She made a face at him. "I can't help looking at the bright side. It's what gets me up in the morning. You should try it sometime. Anyway, I think Suzannah kept the pottery because she knew it was important. Julian said that when Suzannah touched it she became afraid. She heard voices in her head. Just like me."
"Tell me about the dreams."
Faith hesitated, not sure she wanted to reveal the dreams to Alex, to his skepticism and his doubts. Still, perhaps he needed to know. "They take place in a deep canyon. There are caves, dwellings in the rocks; some can only be reached by climbing up the face of the canyon. There's a woman in the dreams, me, I guess. I don't know. There's an older woman, my grandmother, I think, or the woman's grandmother." She laughed nervously. "This isn't making any sense."
The Sweetest Thing Page 27