“I’m still clueless.” Leo shrugged.
T.J. closed his eyes and leaned back against the counter, trying to stop the room from spinning. This didn’t add up. Brute was a heartless asshole. Most importantly, he was an honest heartless asshole. He wouldn’t continue with a charade this long.
“There was a woman,” he grated. “She wanted to sleep with me.”
Brute’s laugh was harsh. Humorless. “Man, you’re so far outta the game you have no clue.”
T.J. opened his eyes, glaring. “What does that mean?”
“A woman wanted to fuck you and you blame me?” Brute scoffed. “Jesus. Do you think I give a shit about your sex life?”
“So, you deny having anything to do with it?” He straightened and pinned Brute and then Leo with a stare. “It must’ve been Shay. Your girlfriend is poking her nose where it doesn’t belong.”
“No, she isn’t.” Leo squared his shoulders and stepped forward. “Apart from holding an unfavorable amount of concern for you, she hasn’t done anything wrong.”
“Even if one of us did, what’s the big deal?” Brute stepped forward, scowling. “You’re single.”
Single in title only. His heart was still taken. His soul, too.
“Forget it.” He was stupid to think they’d understand. Neither of them had a clue what it was like to love unequivocally. Undeniably. They were virgins when it came to devotion.
“No.” Brute loomed closer, his emotionless façade faltering under the anger in his eyes. “You’ve caused a shit fight out there and I want to know why.”
“Get outta my face.” T.J. shoved Brute’s chest, unwilling to be the stand-up guy this time. They’d pushed his kindness too far. He was entitled to his own slice of brutality.
Brute’s eyes widened with the assault, then in a blink, the shock disappeared, replaced with fury. He lunged forward, swinging T.J. around until his back was up against the wall with a tight hand around his throat. “Answer me.”
T.J. smirked, itching for a fight. They’d never expect it from him. He was the level-headed neutral party. He broke up brawls and dissolved arguments. He was the damn A-class citizen who made up for his dirty proclivities by being a stand-up guy, every single day of his goddamn life.
Not tonight.
“Brute,” Leo warned.
“Answer me.”
The hand around T.J.’s neck tightened and he enjoyed the panic that cleared his mind of heartache. “Go to hell.”
Brute gave a feral smile. “I’ve been there for years, my friend. It’s nice for you to finally come for a visit.”
The tight grip loosened, allowing T.J. to rest his head against the cool tile. Life was never meant to be this hard. He’d been kind to everyone—his friends, his staff, his family. He was the gentleman. The comforter. He didn’t deserve this. He was sacrificing his marriage for Cassie’s happiness after all. This was for her future.
“I still fucking love her, okay?” He didn’t move. Didn’t open his eyes. He couldn’t. “I don’t want to live without her. I never did. But it’s the only option. For her sake, I have to give her up.”
“Why?” Brute’s tone was murderous as his hand fell away.
“It’s a long story.”
“We’ve got time,” Brute grated through clenched teeth.
T.J. released the air tightening his lungs, hoping it would lessen the pain in his chest. “Because love isn’t a good enough reason to destroy someone.” He opened his eyes and wished the two men staring back at him with curiosity could understand. “And that’s exactly what will happen if we stay together.”
Chapter Nine
Cassie was trembling—her arms, her legs, her chest. She couldn’t breathe. Everyone was staring at her, their pity shrouding her like a dirty blanket as T.J. stormed from the room.
She hung her head and covered her face with her hands, fighting back the need to cry.
“Come with me.”
A feminine hand came to rest on Cassie’s back and she raised her gaze to find Shay standing beside her.
“It’s going to be okay.” Zoe approached. “We’ll sort this out.”
No. She shook her head. It wouldn’t be okay. It wouldn’t get sorted out. T.J. had made it perfectly clear he no longer wanted her. He’d seen through her disguise, humiliated her and demanded she leave.
“Trust me.” Shay placed pressure on Cassie’s back, guiding her forward. “Let’s go upstairs where it’s quiet.”
All Cassie wanted to do was go home. But her house was filled with loneliness and despair. There was nobody there to comfort her. With a silent nod, she allowed them to lead her into the main room, bypassing the curious stares of patrons and straight past the secured door. The change rooms were a blur. The staircase upstairs was taken with no memory at all. They reached the deserted Shot of Sin bar and wordlessly guided her onto a stool.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Zoe asked, rubbing her warm palm in circles over the nakedness of Cassie’s upper back.
“Come on, honey.” Shay slid a glass of water over the bar, the swatch of lace over her eyes still perfectly in place. “You can tell us.”
The burn of humiliation heated Cassie’s cheeks. These were the last people she should tell. The thought of even explaining to Jan when she got home stung more than she could bear.
“I know I don’t look suitably dressed,” Shay continued. “But I’ve worked here for a while. I’m sure whatever happened with T.J. was a misunderstanding. Usually, he’s a really nice guy. He’s just going through a rough patch at the moment.”
Rough patch? It was demeaning that the destruction of Cassie’s marriage could be described in such simple terms. “I know.” She met the sympathy in the bartender’s expression. “I also know who you are, Shay.”
The woman frowned and ceased pouring the glass of wine she’d been preparing. “I’m sorry,” she spoke with a cautionary tone and slipped the strip of lace covering her eyes to her forehead, scrutinizing Cassie, “but I can’t place your face under the disguise.”
“We’ve never actually met.” Cassie grasped the bottom of her mask and sighed as she lifted the covering from her face. She shouldn’t be doing this. These were T.J.’s friends. His support network. Not hers.
“I’ve heard a lot about you through my husband.” She raised the mask over her head and met the bartenders gaze. “I’m T.J.’s wife, Cassie.”
Shay’s eyes widened, but it was Zoe’s gasp that made Cassie swivel on her stool. “I’m sorry I lied about my name. I didn’t want to risk being thrown out.”
Zoe shook her head, her lips gaping. “I’m not offended. I’m shocked T.J.’s married. He’s never made it known to guests. I always assumed he was single.”
He hadn’t made his marriage known. In a sex club, surrounded by women and men grasping for carnality and pleasure, he hadn’t told the members he was taken. Nobody knew of their love. Why did that knowledge fill her with horror?
“Don’t panic.” Zoe reached out a hand and squeezed Cassie’s shoulder. “I’ve never seen him with anyone. I rarely see him downstairs at all. It was merely an assumption.”
Cassie played with the elastic band on her mask, occupying her hands because she had no control over her mind.
“I didn’t know until recently either,” Shay added. “I think he’s far too much of a gentleman to share his personal details in a work environment.”
Yes, maybe that was it. He’d admitted long ago that he didn’t want her being a part of the sex club. Not until they had measures in place to safeguard the identity of everyone involved.
“He’s protective.” Cassie lowered her gaze to her lap, threading the elastic through her fingers. “I used to attend work functions years ago. But once they started chatting about opening Vault of Sin, T.J. wanted me as far away from the business as possible. He didn’t want to risk my involvement if the privacy of the club was ever breeched.”
“Hold up.” Shay leaned forward, into Cassie’s p
eriphery. “If he’s so protective, why did he let you in tonight? What was the fight about?”
Cassie met the woman’s gaze with a wince. “He didn’t let me in. I used a fake ID.”
“Oh, shit. Brute is gonna be pissed that you slipped past him.”
“Not as pissed as T.J. was when he found out he was kissing his wife instead of a stranger.”
Shay’s mouth gaped. “He didn’t know?”
Cassie shook her head and grabbed the front of her hairpiece. “I went to a lot of effort to make myself unrecognizable.” She pulled the wig off her head and placed it on the bar. “I’m blonde.” She mussed her hair, trying to form some semblance of normality from the plastered-down strands she could see in the mirror behind the bar. “Everything about me is different. Apart from the weight. Although, I have dropped a dress size since my husband informed me of the divorce.”
“Was this retaliation?” Zoe asked, sliding onto a stool.
“God, no.”
“Then what?” Zoe’s tone was gentle, the soft lilt filled with comfort and concern. “Why turn up at his sex club and pretend you’re someone else?”
“Because I love him.” Cassie hung her head. “I don’t want a divorce, and with every part of me, I know T.J. doesn’t either.”
“Then why would he request it?”
“It’s complicated.” She gave a derisive laugh. “Yet simplistic, too. We both made a mistake that he takes full credit for. He thinks he let me down. He’s too defensive when it comes to my wellbeing.”
“Okay.” Shay cleared her throat. “You’re going to have to go into more depth than that. I need deets.”
Tension built in Cassie’s chest, the need to bare her soul itched to break free. Nobody in her day-to-day life would understand. These women were the closest she would get to a knowledgeable sounding board, and she needed to rid herself of the guilt from the past. “My marriage with T.J. was nothing but flawless—”
“Really?” Shay drawled in disbelief.
“Let me finish. We rarely fought. We meshed perfectly. He gave me everything I needed from a lover and a friend, and I tried to give him the same in return.” The women were staring at her, clinging to her every word. “I learned a lot about myself because of him. Sexually speaking, I mean.”
She cleared the discomfort from her throat. “As a new couple, we tried everything and anything. As time went on, we began pushing boundaries. I had limited experience when we first met, and T.J. opened my eyes to the possibilities. He made me feel comfortable fantasizing about things that aren’t society’s standard of normal.”
“Like?”
Cassie shrugged. “It started off simple, with sex toys and classy porn.”
“Classy porn?” Zoe raised a brow, a smile brightening her features. “Is that even a thing?”
“Well, there’s dirty porn and there’s the stuff with the faintest hint of a romantic storyline. Neither have good acting.”
Zoe chuckled. “Okay. Carry on.”
“That evolved into light BDSM, but apart from T.J.’s usual dominance, it wasn’t our scene. We started talking about other topics like voyeurism and exhibitionism. It was around the same time the Vault was being discussed as a possible form of revenue for the business.” Cassie waved the conversation away. “I’m rambling. You guys don’t want to hear all this.”
“Of course we do.” Shay grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge underneath the far side of the bar. “I’ll even provide refreshments.”
The verbal purge didn’t seem to be lessening the tight hold on Cassie’s heart. It wasn’t helping. Yet neither would going home to a lonely house. “To cut a long story relatively short, the reason T.J. is leaving me is because we decided to go to our first sex club about a year ago. It was out of the blue. Unplanned. In fact, we were out of town, staying in Brute’s Tampa apartment. In Florida, people are open to much more than they are here. So, we went to a club on a whim… The worst whim of my life.”
“You didn’t like it?” Shay paused in the middle of pouring the first of three wine glasses on the bar.
“I don’t think the first time is ever easy,” Zoe added. “Even more so when you’re in an established relationship and have to consider the possibility of how it could affect your future together.”
“It was a disaster.” Cassie sucked in a breath, held it until the pain took over the nerves in her belly, then released it in a rush. “It was the biggest mistake of my life.”
Shay cringed. “It’s not for everyone. Hell, even I was disgusted to begin with.”
“That wasn’t the half of it.” She wrung her hands together in her lap, wiping the sweat from her palms. “For starters, I’d glamorized the thought of a sex club. I anticipated seduction and passion. Fine furnishings and men who cherished their women like T.J. cherished me. The place we went to was cold, dank and sleazy.”
“That’s not good.” Shay slid a glass of wine toward Cassie and another in front of Zoe.
“T.J. wanted to leave straightaway. I could sense his annoyance. But the surprising conditions didn’t curb my curiosity. We were out of town, finally in a place where I wouldn’t feel nervous about my friends and family finding out about our sexual tendencies.” Cassie placed the mask on the bar beside the wig and grabbed for the wine glass. “We’d been talking about going to a club for so long…work had already started on the Vault. And even though the scene was far from erotic, I wanted to understand what a sex club was all about. There had to be a reason why women were there, right? So, I begged T.J. to hang around, just for one drink.”
She sipped her wine, the sweet taste exploding over her tongue in complete contrast to the liquid she remembered consuming that night in Tampa. The bartender—dressed in a frayed wife-beater and ill-fitting silk boxers—had leered at her as he handed over the soda glass filled with cheap wine. He was just one of many men who’d eyed her like a dish they were determined to taste.
“T.J. didn’t drink. He stayed at my side, his hand always protectively placed on my hip as we watched men rut like dogs in heat. There was no seduction. No interest in pleasuring anyone but themselves. The women were merely a vessel to be used.”
“Drugged?” Shay asked.
Zoe swiveled in the stool, her knee grazing Cassie’s thigh. “Paid escorts, I’d assume.”
“Yeah.” Cassie gave Zoe a nod. “Apparently, it’s not uncommon. T.J. had murmured in my ear that some clubs who can’t obtain willing female clientele actually pay escorts to attend. So, in retrospect, I was like the rainbow unicorn—the one willing female who had turned up to this sleazy place without monetary compensation.” She shrugged off the stupidity, because she hadn’t even broached the worst part. “I made a vain attempt to salvage the night. I ignored our surroundings and tried my hardest to feel sexy as I stripped to my underwear. But my halfhearted attempt to get T.J. in the mood didn’t work.”
The humiliation of going down on a husband that couldn’t get hard was just as potent as how naïve she’d felt walking into an environment she had no right being in. “After twenty minutes inside that place, I’d lost all hope of exploring this part of our sexuality.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Zoe placed a hand on Cassie’s shoulder. “You can’t judge the lifestyle by one seedy club.”
Cassie ran her finger mindlessly through the ring of condensation left on the bar from her glass. Time hadn’t dimmed the memory of that night. It was the first regretful moment of her married life. One that had sparked a continuous tally of devastation.
“It gets worse,” she uttered. “Our apartment was a half-hour drive away, so I decided to use the bathroom before we left. T.J. did the same. It was the first time he’d strayed from my side, and he wasn’t happy about it either. He told me he’d be waiting right outside the bathroom door once he finished, and that I shouldn’t speak to anyone while we were separated.”
She stared at the polished bar, seeing the memory replay in her mind. T.J. had been pale with concern, ext
inguishing the adrenaline in her veins and replacing it with fear. He’d clutched her biceps, reiterating that she wasn’t to speak to anyone. Not even the women.
She’d nodded, and done as he requested, entering the empty bathroom and using the facilities as quickly as possible. She’d been poised to flush the toilet when the swing of the bathroom door had announced someone else had entered. As she’d clutched her handbag to her waist, she’d opened the stall door, prepared to keep her head low while she washed her hands and then get straight back to T.J.’s side.
“A man followed me into the bathroom.” He’d been one of the younger men, somewhere in his late twenties, she guessed. Tall and scrawny with the glaze of a drug-fueled high in his eyes. “At first, I thought maybe he was disoriented. That he’d picked the wrong bathroom. But he showed no shock at seeing me walk from the stall. He’d known I was in there.”
The recollection was vivid. He’d had oily blond hair and a sharp, bird-like nose. His eyes had been devoid of emotion, light blue and feral. There’d been no defining scars, only a permanent frown on his forehead. But his boxer briefs were what she remembered most. Probably because the image of his erection pressing against the crotch still made nausea creep up her throat.
“I smiled, somewhat nervously, as I approached the basin to wash my hands. I joked about him being in the wrong bathroom. Although something inside me was screaming to run, I didn’t want to act like a fool in case he’d made a genuine mistake.” Her ears filled with silence, her mind consumed with memories. “He made no move to leave. Instead, he approached me. And again, I did nothing. I kept denying what was clearly happening. I didn’t think that a man would ever try to hurt me in a public place with my husband in the bathroom next door.”
It had been too blatant to be real. Nobody could be that stupid. But apparently, she had been. “He started talking, his words slurred as he asked what my plans were for the night. He wanted to know why I was there. If I was unsatisfied with my current lover since it was obvious T.J. wasn’t in the mood.”
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