“I’m sorry.” Her face crumpled. “I didn’t know.”
“Sorry doesn’t cut it.” Fucking hell. The things he’d said to Cassie downstairs… The things he’d done. Even God couldn’t forgive him for betraying her like that.
“The offer to fuck him up is still on the table.” Brute drank from the can, not even bothering to focus his full attention on the way T.J.’s life was ending.
“No. Thank you,” T.J. grated. “He was caught and prosecuted. Once he was sent to jail, the story died, and that’s how I want it to stay.”
“He deserves some form of retaliation.”
T.J. inclined his head. “Yes, but at the risk of Cassie finding out? I’d prefer him to rot in his cell.”
Shay turned to Leo. “You knew about this?”
“Yeah. Since the masquerade party.”
“But, T.J., you love her so much.” Her voice rose. “You can’t leave her.”
He’d spent months trying to determine if he could live a lie just to stay with Cassie. Counseling hadn’t helped. He either had to tell the truth and watch her suffer through the consequences, knowing with each passing day that he was to blame. Or he could leave and allow her to find a brighter future with someone else.
“There’s no other option.”
Brute slammed his can on the counter and pulled another from the fridge. “I still think that bastard needs to suffer.”
“And you think I don’t? He’s in jail. What’s done is done.” Cassie was gone. He’d pushed her to her breaking point and doubted she’d have the heart to fight back.
“Then I suggest we let it go.” Leo crossed his arms over his chest. “Let her go.”
Words were so easily spoken. It was the pain they inflicted that made it hard to breathe. “Yeah, just dust that shit off, right?”
As if it would ever be that easy.
Leo snarled. “Look, we’re trying to be here for you, but you’re making it fucking hard.”
“Leo,” Shay chastised and made her way onto the dance floor. “I made a huge mistake, and I’m incredibly sorry. I never would’ve placed Cassie in this situation if I knew. Please forgive me.”
T.J. looked away. He didn’t want to hurt her. It was the pain, the anger and the desperation making him volatile. “I can’t even forgive myself right now.”
She nodded. “Then tell me what I can do to help. I know you have to pick up your belongings on Sunday. Let me do that for you.”
To hell with that. He’d do it himself. He was becoming accustomed to seeing his wife pained beyond recognition. Nobody else deserved to experience her anguish like he did. “No, it’s okay.”
Misguided or not, these people were his friends, and he was punishing them for something that was his fault. “This is my mistake. Let’s just pretend like tonight didn’t happen.” And the years with Cassie were only a dream. “I’m going to go home. I’ll see you all tomorrow.”
Silence followed him as he walked from Shot of Sin. Silence and mourning. He’d done the right thing…maybe not in the right way, but protecting Cassie from the past had been his aim, and he’d achieved that. Now all he had to do was live with the consequences.
Chapter Fifteen
Cassie spent three days in hiding. She didn’t answer the door when Jan came over, or pick up the phone when Shay called. She didn’t even turn on the television to let the outside world in.
Instead, she packed T.J.’s things. Piece by piece, she placed her husband’s belongings into empty boxes. She could’ve thrown them on the front lawn, giving him a taste of retaliation, but she wasn’t convinced he’d even care anymore. She no longer knew how he would react, or if he was even going to show up to claim what she’d packed.
She hadn’t spoken to him since she’d run from the club on Thursday night. Hours later, she’d started removing his things from her life. The process had been cathartic. Each item of clothing, pair of shoes and personal object had received a silent goodbye to the memories they held.
His wedding tux had been the hardest. She’d unzipped the clothing protector, flattened the familiar outfit on the bed and lain on top of it. With softly falling tears, she’d closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around the waist of the coat, pretending she was back there. On their special day. Speaking vows of love and commitment.
She was stronger now though. All that remained of T.J. were stacked boxes at her door. She’d blocked him from her mind. Pushed him from her heart. And would proceed to carry on with her chin held high.
But as Bear began to bark from the backyard, she wasn’t sure who she’d been kidding. This was it. There was no reason for him to come back after today. There was nothing to keep him here.
She sucked in a deep breath and yanked the front door open.
“T.J.,” she greeted.
He gave her an awkward smile. “Hi, Cass.”
She broke eye contact, unable to stand the familiar man who acted like a stranger. “I’ve packed your things and stacked the boxes inside the door. There’s a few more in the dining room.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
No, she didn’t. She owed him nothing. “I’ll leave you to it.”
He inclined his head, his face solemn as he leaned inside and grabbed the first heavy box from the stack.
He walked away with too much ease. She didn’t understand it. Couldn’t contemplate how a man who’d once claimed to love her with all his heart could find it so easy to cut ties. But she wasn’t going to think about that anymore. Nope. Not even once.
She strode for the back of the house, breathing through the pain overtaking her lungs. She refused to cry. Not after all the tears she’d shed. She was done. D-O-N-E. Or maybe it was spelled differently. More like D-A-M-A-G-E-D. She didn’t know anymore. Everything felt like varying degrees of numbness.
She hid in the spare bedroom at the rear of the house for over an hour, nestled upon the corner of the bed, her feet tucked beneath her as she stared blankly out the window. This was the furthest point in the house from him, and still the scrape of cardboard taunted her as he slowly dragged boxes of memories from her life.
“Cassie?” His call floated softly down the hall.
She remained quiet, unwilling to see him again. She had no more time for his pity. Or the pain he inflicted.
“Cassie? I’m done.”
She sighed. He was done. They were done. Everything was done.
“Okay,” she called out, unmoving. “I guess I’ll see you around.”
She held her breath, waiting for the front door to close. When the sound of his footsteps approached, echoing up the hall, her heart climbed to her throat. She pushed from the bed, scooting to the window to pretend she’d been caught staring at something fascinating as his frame came to stand in the doorway.
“I’m leaving now.”
She nodded again. Leaving here. Leaving her. “Good luck with everything.” The words burned her throat.
“Are you okay?”
His tone mocked her. Their marriage, too. Of course she wasn’t okay. He shouldn’t be either.
“Peachy,” she drawled.
He approached, his broad shoulders taking up her peripheral vision. “Is there anything you want me to do while I’m here?”
Hold me. Love me. Stay. “I think you’ve done enough.”
The room fell silent, the cloying thickness of memories filling the small space. She wanted to open her mouth, to remind him of all the precious moments he’d ruined with his recent actions. He’d tainted it all. Nothing was left unscathed. She didn’t even know if anything they shared was real.
“I never wanted it to end this way.” He came to stand in front of her, cocking his hip against the windowsill. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Really?” She turned her focus to him. “I’ve never been hurt more than what you’ve put me through in the last few weeks. Three nights ago, you used my love for you against me, tied me to a bed and left me there, humiliated and more devas
tated than the day you arranged for a stranger to give me the divorce papers.”
“I know.” His forehead creased into a mass of tension lines. “I hate myself for what I’ve done.”
She hated him even more. And she still loved him all the same.
“Then why do it? Why tear apart everything we had?”
He glanced away, focusing out the window. He had something to say, she could see it in the strain of his features. Yet, his lips didn’t move.
“I guess you can tell Leo and Brute,” she seethed. “You just can’t tell—”
“You deserve better,” he growled.
She jerked back. “Do you think our relationship was that bad? That we couldn’t have worked through whatever this problem is together?” It seemed a vivid black-and-white scenario to her—you talked through issues and resolved them, or you kept them bottled up and slowly drowned. “Did you have that little faith in us that you couldn’t even discuss it with me?”
“No.” His tone was sharp. “Being with you was everything to me. It always will be, Cass. I just can’t risk hurting you anymore.”
The tension in his features increased. He wasn’t lying, she knew that much. “Then tell me. Explain.” She stepped forward, unable to resist his sorrow. “I know our marriage is over. We’re done. Just please tell me why.”
He reached out a hand, stroked his calloused finger along her jawline. Her skin tingled along the trail of his touch, every nerve awakening while her heart ached for more.
“I shouldn’t have come today.” He streaked his other hand down her cheek, killing her with kindness. “Going to sleep at night, knowing you hate me is the worst feeling in the world. I knew once I saw you again I’d succumb to my own selfish need to touch you.”
Cassie closed her eyes. This was her husband. This was the man she’d married. With his heart on his sleeve and his love pulsing from him in waves, he made her toes curl with his affection. “Go on,” she whispered, opening her eyes to his dark gaze.
“You’re right about me holding on to my guilt. I hated myself for not protecting you in Tampa. And I loathed myself even more for not being able to help you after.”
“We could’ve gotten through it, if only you’d talked to me.”
He inclined his head. “Maybe. But you never should’ve been there. My stupidity could’ve cost you everything.”
“Could’ve, but it didn’t.” The words were a breathy exhale. She needed to know what haunted him, only the agony in his eyes made her second-guess if she really wanted to know. “You’re still not going to tell me, are you?”
“No.”
She winced, and scooted back to sit on the windowsill to space herself from the burn. His admission broke her heart. Collapsed her chest. “I need to know what you’re going through, Tate. I need to know what’s dragging you away.”
Her nose began to burn, her vision blurred. She still refused to cry. There was nothing tears could do to stop the damage that had already occurred. But everything inside her ached with the unfairness of what had happened.
“I do love you, Cass. But our marriage is over.”
The reminder of his love hurt more now than ever. They’d done so many things wrong. From the night of the club, to the way they reacted, to the underhanded way she’d first entered Vault of Sin, and everything in between. It was a tangled mess. One that would never unravel.
“But I…” She didn’t know what to say. She wrapped her arms around herself, wishing she had more will to fight. “What if—”
“No.” He gave a sad smile, announcing a myriad of emotions in one simple glance. “Please don’t fight this anymore. I can’t take it.”
She tried to mimic his calm, and was sure she came up short. It wasn’t easy when her insides were putty and the pounding in her veins felt like the world was going to end. She needed to touch him. Just once. To feel the strength under her palm and the heat to warm her frigid soul. She reached for him, running her fingers over his chest, sinking under the hypnotizing beat of his heart.
“I won’t stop loving you.” She continued to cling to his shirt, bowing her head to his shoulder. She closed her eyes, sinking into the rhythm of his heartbeat, wishing they were in another place and another time.
“I know. But will you ever forgive me?”
His whisper spread right through her, touching every nerve. She squeezed her eyes, gripping the material in her fists until her knuckles hurt. “I don’t know.”
There was so much to forgive—the way he’d shut her out for months after their trip to Tampa, the way he’d tied her to the bed in Vault of Sin and left her blanketed in humiliation, and most of all, the unanswered questions.
“I’m so sorry, Cass. I wish I knew how to explain my guilt so you would understand.” His breath brushed her ear, his lips a delicate caress against her skin. “I never should’ve introduced you to all this. I should’ve been happy with what we had.”
If only they hadn’t pushed the boundaries. If only she hadn’t enjoyed it enough to want more. If only they weren’t lost to breathtaking, heart-palpitating love, none of this would’ve happened.
If only.
She pulled back, her fingers still tangled in his shirt. “Your lifestyle choices were what I chose for myself, too. I wanted everything you offered. I would’ve told you if I didn’t.”
He winced, the harshness crumpling his strong features into something heartbreakingly vulnerable. “I wish…” He sighed. “I should go.”
He moved to pull away and she increased her grip. Yes, this was goodbye, but she couldn’t lose his warmth just yet. She needed to hold him, to breathe deep of his scent so her memory never faded.
He was beautiful. His face a picture of torture and devotion. Grief and adoration. She loved this man. Always would. And now she had to let him go.
“Goodbye, Tate.” She leaned into him, brushing her mouth over his. The delicate sweep scorched her all the way to the tips of her toes. It was exquisite in its softness. A purely instinctual glide of lips.
He returned her affection, sinking between her thighs, weaving a hand around her neck. She knew this was goodbye. The end. And still, she couldn’t stop herself from deepening the connection, sliding her tongue into his mouth.
Her fingers gripped tighter on his shirt, her body unable to get close enough, her heart too far away. She adored this man. Always would. But they were over now. This was all they had left.
She moaned against his mouth, kissing him harder. The parts of her soul that had died when he’d walked from her life reawakened with the force of a million tiny nerve explosions. He was everywhere—in her mind, in her heart, his taste on her lips, his love in her veins.
She couldn’t get enough.
He groaned and pulled back, snapping her from the pleasured daze. His eyes were filled with heat, his breath coming in short, shallow pants. He was on the brink, just like her. Wanting to take this further, yet needing to walk away.
“This is the end, Cass. I don’t want to give you the wrong impression.”
“I know,” she spoke against his lips. “But I’m already dead inside. Make me feel alive again, one last time.”
He closed his eyes, his forehead etched with lines of pain as he winced. When he looked at her again, she glimpsed determination. Desire. Passion so wild and unrestrained that it caught her off-guard when he slammed his lips back against hers.
He grabbed her hips and yanked her forward to the edge of the windowsill, his body sinking between her thighs. “God, I’ll miss you.”
She released his shirt, sinking her hands into the lengths of his hair like she’d done so many times before. “Make love to me, T.J.”
He growled and shook his head.
“Please.” She met his gaze, showing him the resignation she felt for their marriage. She knew it was over. He’d never let her jeopardize her future, even if she weighed up the risks and threw caution to the wind.
“I don’t want you to think—”
He froze, his spine stiff as her pulse echoed in her ears. Please don’t walk away.
“I’ll love you forever.” The clatter of his belt was a melodic frenzy, followed by the grate of his zipper.
She pulled at his shirt, tugged it over his head and let it fall to the floor. He was more defined than she remembered. His muscles were honed, his skin taut and inviting.
She grappled for the waistband of his boxer briefs and yanked them forward to expose the tip of the erection begging to be freed. Her mouth watered at the sight of it. The thick, bulbous head she wanted to get her mouth around.
“Cass…” He scrunched the material of her dress, tugging it up her thighs. “I haven’t had sex in a long time. I haven’t been with anyone but you.”
She grinned, enjoying his pained lack of self-control.
“You think this is funny?” he taunted, hitching a finger under the crotch of her panties. “You seem just as defenseless, pretty lady.”
She nodded, jolting her hips toward his touch, striving for the briefest glimpse of penetration to sooth the ache in her pussy. “I’ve never wanted you inside me as much as I do right now.”
She lifted her dress over her head and threw the material aimlessly. She didn’t care if the neighbors could see her in her underwear. Instead, she sank under the spell of lust and love her husband was bathing her in, refusing to believe this was the end.
“You’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
Her heart fluttered. “I guess you still don’t get out much.”
“I get out just fine, thank you,” he growled, reaching around her back to unclasp her bra.
Her breasts fell free, tingling under the admiration of his gaze. He descended upon her, taking her hardened nipple in his mouth, lavishing it with his tongue in an intricate pattern that tore a whimper from her lips.
“I need these off.” He yanked her panties down as he moved to the other breast, paying it the same attention.
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