Priscilla glared across the bed, but Delilah kept her face impassive.
“He was a young boatman on the Connecticut River. I don’t know anything about him—Mother refuses to speak of him—but they fell in love and met as often as they could. A week after he was killed in an accident on the river, Mother learned she was pregnant. When I grew up to look nothing at all like him, Noyes must have suspected I wasn’t his daughter. He started to mistreat Mother.
“He had always been awful to her in private, but now he started to be cruel in public. He embarrassed and ridiculed her. But what he did behind dosed doors was worse. As he grew older, he found it more difficult to perform in bed. But he soon discovered if he had an argument with Mother, things were better. She could always tell when he wanted to be amorous by the ferocity of his abuse.
“It got worse when things started to go badly for his business. He hit her. He was always careful to avoid hitting her where anyone could see the bruises, but I can remember seeing her with marks all over her shoulders and sides.
“She became petrified of him. One night he came home drunk and mean, and headed straight for Mother. She screamed at him from the top of the stairs not to come up, but he paid no heed.
“I don’t know what happened. Mother turned and ran when he reached the top of the steps. Whether she caused the rug to slip under his feet or he was too drunk to keep his balance, I don’t know. He fell down the staircase and broke his neck.
“We were left penniless. It turned out he had lost everything on speculation with a slaver that went down in a hurricane. We would have been thrown out into the streets if Uncle Ezra hadn’t taken us in. But it might have been better if he hadn’t. He made Mother a slave in his house, made her beg for everything she got from him. Mother lived for the day she would have some funds of her own.
“Uncle Ezra made a lot of money during the war, so he built this house and hired servants because he wanted to look good in the eyes of the community. All the time he promised my mother she would have his fortune when he died.”
“And he left everything to Nathan”
“Mother nearly went mad. She used to drink before Noyes came home so it would be easier to stand his abuse. When we moved in with uncle Ezra, she drank when he was cruel to her. Now she drinks whenever she feels threatened”
“Has she always wandered about in a stupor?”
“NO, that just started”
“She might hurt herself.”
“I know she’d be all right if she would leave here,” Priscilla said. “Maybe go to Boston. She has friends there. But she won’t budge. She’s afraid Nathan will go broke if she’s not here to watch him”
“Maybe if you explained this to Nathan …”
“I don’t want anyone to know. I wouldn’t have told you if you hadn’t pressed me”
“He may figure it out for himself. He’s not a stupid man”
Priscilla laughed. “I’m not afraid of him. I still have a trick or two up my sleeve”
“Maybe, but the trickster can be tricked, and I have a feeling Nathan Trent is a bad man to cross”
“What makes you say that?”
“He seems so quiet and easygoing, people make the mistake of thinking they can talk him into doing what they want, but you’ll notice he gets his way every time.”
“How will that help my mother?”
“I have a strong feeling there’s some trouble in his past. He knows what it's like to be stepped on, to be the one to suffer. I don’t know what he’ll do if you talk to him, but I think you ought to trust him.”
“No.” It was emphatic.
“Before you do anything desperate, please reconsider.”
“Why are you so high on Nathan all of a sudden?”
“Because he’s the only person in this whole snarled tangle who’s been able to take advantage of the situation rather than letting conditions dictate how he responds.”
Nathan was waiting when Delilah entered the garden. She could see him down by the river, watching the leaves flutter from the trees and float off on the sluggish current, their scarlet and gold deserting the landscape, leaving it brown and barren. Even the grass had begun to lose its color. A few more nights of frost and it would turn as brown as the leaves.
Only some late carrots and a few bedraggled turnips remained in the garden. Old Applegate had cleared away the debris and had cleaned up the rows in preparation for next year’s planting. His only remaining task was to wrap the roses and mulch the flowering shrubs to protect them through the deep cold of the winter ahead.
Everything looked forlorn compared to the day she had arrived. At variance with the way she felt then and now. That August day had been one of the most miserable of her life. Today she looked at Nathan and knew a happiness she had never before experienced. She walked toward him.
You had best make up your mind what you think about him. His clearly got some course in view, so unless you want to find yourself agreeing to something you’ll regret later, you’d better know what you mean to do before he tells you what he wants you to do.
But she had already tried to do that. She had never felt this way before, and she wasn’t sure what it meant. Worse, she couldn’t even talk to Reuben or Jane about it. They would never understand. No matter what happened, they wouldn’t accept the fact that Nathan could be anything but the enemy they perceived him to be. And she guessed she couldn’t blame them. Even though they would be out of danger when Delilah completed her four months, Nathan and his like would still be the reason the regulators were pushing to close the courts.
And she didn’t know if Nathan’s attempts to find ways for people to pay their debts without ruining themselves would make much difference. So many people owed him money, yet he could only offer such a chance to a few. And no matter what he did, it wouldn’t stop men like Noah Hubbard and Lucius Clarke from abusing those indebted to them.
“I was beginning to wonder if you would come,” Nathan said as she stepped through the hedge that separated the formal garden from the more natural area along the edge of the river.
“It’s not easy for me to leave the house without being noticed. With just three servants, everything I do is observed.”
“I’ll start hiring tomorrow. By the end of the week they won’t be able to find you in the crush.”
Delilah laughed. “You could hire a boy to help in the kitchen. You’d be surprised what a lot of fetching and carrying has to be done.”
“Especially with me making you stay up half the night.”
“That’s part of it,” Delilah agreed. Then, before she could say another word, Nathan drew her into an arbor formed by two willow trees and a towering elm. He gathered her in his arms and kissed her fiercely. She started to protest, but the sweetness of his lips and the excitement of their nearness destroyed any desire to pretend he wasn’t doing exactly what she wanted. She put her arms about his neck and returned his kiss with equal fervor.
The moment Nathan’s tongue dipped into her mouth, Delilah’s own tongue responded. It stirred, quivered, and then roused itself to pirouette around Nathan’s tongue. As Nathan’s excitement increased, Delilah’s tongue darted under his and entered his mouth. She quivered with excitement. Success made her bold, and she explored his mouth as he had hers.
She didn’t resist when he slipped his knee between her legs. She wanted to touch him. She wanted her whole body alive with the excitement of being in his embrace, of being virtually entangled with this man she had watched from afar for so long. She longed to touch his buttocks, but she didn’t have the courage. It seemed brazen enough that she should have her arms wrapped tightly around his neck.
She became aware that one of Nathan’s hands was no longer at the small of her back. It moved down her side and then across her abdomen, making her stomach flutter in a way that unsettled her. She trembled as Nathan backed her up against a tree. His effect on her was so weakening, the task of supporting herself so far beyond her, she felt
thankful for the support.
Nathan caressed her breasts with the back of his hand, and it nearly set her on fire. Who would have believed the mere touch of his hand could turn her nipples hard? Delilah became embarrassed, certain he could feel her stiffening nipples through her dress. She was only too aware of how sensitive they were to the pressure of his chest.
Then she became conscious of another pressure, this time in her abdomen. She knew immediately what caused it. Her breath caught in her throat. It was almost as though he didn’t have any clothes on, as though nothing shielded from her the effect she was having on his body.
She told herself she should move away, escape before this powerful response destroyed her ability to think. But desire urged her to press herself to him, to strive to become one with him. The heat of his swelling manhood unleashed a response in her as basic, primitive, and powerful as his more obvious arousal. Instinctively she knew only Nathan could cool the heat in her loins.
Yet when his hand slipped into her dress and cupped her bosom, she was unable to stand any more. With a startled gasp, Delilah pushed him away. She darted away when he tried to recapture her.
“I think it’s best if you stay over there and I stay over here,” she said, fighting hard for breath and for control over her emotions, wanting on the one hand to save herself and on the other to throw herself back into his arms.
“Are you frightened of me?”
She nodded. “Of me, too.”
“You know I wouldn’t hurt you.”
“Not intentionally, but neither one of us is in a state to decide what’s best right now.”
“I want you, Delilah. I want you so badly I can’t stand it.”
“I can tell you do,” she said, her eyes falling to the proof of his statement. Though amazed at her own brazenness, she was somehow unafraid. “I’m afraid I want you, too.”
Nathan started toward her, and she skipped out of his way once more.
“But that’s not what we ought to be thinking about.”
“Why?”
“There are consequences to everything a person does, and I don’t think you’d be too keen on some of the consequences of what you’ve got in mind just now.”
“I love you, Delilah.”
“You want me: that’s not the same.”
“I know the difference. I love you.”
“Maybe. At least the way you think of love. But I don’t know whether I love you, not the way I think of love.”
“What’s your way?”
“It starts with marriage and includes a home and babies. That’s not what you had in mind, is it?”
“What do you think I want, Delilah?”
“I’m not sure. I think you want someone to like you. I think you want someone you can talk to and enjoy being around. I also think you want someone you can bed as often as your body demands it.”
“Is there anything wrong with that?”
“Not if it doesn’t stop there. If I were to love you, I’d have to be willing to live with your aunt and cousin. I’d have to be ready to face the anger of the women who wanted you for themselves and the contempt of my friends who’d think I had sold myself for your riches. I’d also have to be willing to leave Massachusetts, to accustom myself to English society, to love your mother even though I’ve never met her.
“If you loved me, you’d have to be ready to take Reuben and Jane as deeply into your heart as they are in mine. You’d have to try to understand the anger of poor people caught between forces they can’t control and doing what they see as the only way to save their families. And you’d have to be willing to help them, even if it costs you dearly.”
“You don’t make it easy, do you?”
“It’s not my doing. If it were just you and me, it could be the way you want. There’d be nobody to consider, no consequences. But it can’t be like that for us. I don’t know if it can be like that for anyone.”
“Does that mean you won’t meet me again?”
“I’ll meet you as often as I can,” she said, gazing straight into his eyes.
“But it means you can’t give your body until we’re both ready to accept everything that gift implies. Is that right?”
“Yes.”
“And if I said I was ready now?”
“My heart would beat even faster than it’s beating,” Delilah said, “but I would tell you to think about it for a while. I would say you had to make certain you weren’t mistaken. I would say loving me may be the most difficult thing you’ve ever done.”
“And what would you say to yourself?”
“Pretty much the same thing. I’ve come to like and respect you, maybe even love you”—Nathan tried to sweep her up in his embrace, but she forestalled him—“still, it’s happened so fast I can’t be sure yet.”
“won’t let you go this easily,” Nathan said. “Uve waited too long for someone like you to let you get away because things are a little complicated”
Delilah couldn’t help but smile at this understatement of their situation.
“It happened quickly for me as well,” he went on, “but I’m not confused. And I know all about accepting relatives and friends, and about community disapproval. I won’t pretend to like it, but if I can’t have you any other way, I’ll do it.”
“It’s sweet of you to say that …”
“Sweet be damned,” Nathan exploded. “I mean it.”
“I know you do, now, but what about tomorrow? And the next day? This is not a matter of social acceptance or cold disapproval. The people of Springfield have just finished fighting one war, and they’re ready to fight another one. You’re in firing range of both sides. Marrying me would be just about the worst thing you could do for yourself.”
“I don’t care”
“Well, I do. I have a brother who wouldn’t understand. How do you think I’d feel if I had to choose between my family and my husband? I don’t think I could do it. We have to take a little time, make sure what we feel for each other is lasting. Then we have to decide whether we’re willing to pay the price.”
“I never thought I’d hear a woman preach caution in love,” Nathan said ruefully. “If anything, I’d have thought you’d be ready to tie the knot and worry about the consequences afterward.”
“Then I guess you don’t know me as well as you think. Maybe it’s a good idea if you take the time to better acquaint yourself with me.”
“Very well. I’ll make a deal with you. For one week we’ll go on as we always have”
“Two weeks.”
Nathan wanted to argue, but he gave in. “Okay, two weeks.”
“But?”
“But we’ll meet in the library every morning. We’ll tell Serena you’re advising me.”
“Won’t I be?”
“Yes, but that won’t be all.”
“I hope not. I want to learn everything there is to know about you. Will you tell me about yourself?”
“Yes.”
But his response was neither as quick nor as eager as it should have been. A chill swept through Delilah. Was Nathan hiding a secret? Did it have the power to destroy their love before that was fully born?
Chapter Sixteen
The next ten days were a beautiful, wonderful, happy time for Delilah. The few times Serena came downstairs she barely spoke to anyone but Priscilla and Nathan. Priscilla continued to act the bubble-headed fool around Nathan, but dropped the role with Delilah. This didn’t bring about any change in their relationship, but the change made Delilah more comfortable.
Nathan hired Tommy Perkins, the thirteen-year-old son of one of his debtors, to help in the kitchen. Mrs. Stebbens was no longer so tired, and Lester had someone to boss around. Now that she had some extra time, Mrs. Stebbens insisted that every piece of material from the attic be turned into a dress.
“You’ll be going home at Christmas. I know you won’t take a bolt of cloth, but you can take a few dresses.”
So every day Delilah and Mrs. Steb
bens spent several hours working on the gowns. Delilah guessed she’d own at least half a dozen new outfits when she left. She didn’t know what Reuben and Jane would say about such a wardrobe. She’d half made up her mind to leave everything behind when she went home, but right now she didn’t know what to do.
The best thing about the last ten days was that Nathan hadn’t been away from home.
“He hasn’t missed a single meal,” Mrs. Stebbens said. Then she winked at Delilah. “Doesn’t seem like he can stand to take his eyes off you.”
“It’s a good thing you come into the kitchen every once in a while to fetch something to eat,” Lester observed caustically. “Otherwise he’d starve to death with food sitting right under his nose.”
“It’s not that bad,” Delilah said, but she didn’t mind having Nathan look at her as if she were the only woman in the world. It gave her a wonderful feeling, one she would never get enough of.
She looked forward to Nathan’s increasingly frequent invitations to join the family members in the drawing room, but she never accepted when guests were expected.
“My presence will make everybody uncomfortable,” she had explained.
Serena soon figured out what Delilah was doing, and she began to issue open-ended invitations to everyone she met.
Nathan quietly rescinded them.
The time Delilah spent with Nathan in the library became the focus of her day. There, behind the closed door, with a view of the gardens and the river, she could forget they were separated by so much, that people and forces were at work to keep them apart forever. She could almost believe no one else existed but Nathan and herself.
One thing hadn’t changed. She still couldn’t control her response to his tightly clad body. She had only to look at him and her nipples became hard. He had only to touch her and his body became stiff with desire. That meant a quick parting and a stem effort to return their attention to the long list of names.
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