Delilah paused at the top of the steps. Was their love strong enough to withstand the storm that would break over them once everybody knew? She didn’t know. She guessed she wouldn’t until the opposition had to be faced.
What a chilling thought. Suppose they were wrong. They would be subjected to a lifetime of misery. She moved toward the door of her room. She didn’t know what to do, but she would have to think of something before Nathan swept her off her feet and into something unwise.
She smiled to herself. For a man able to be cool and calculating in every other area of his life, even ruthless when the occasion demanded, he was remarkably impulsive when it came to her. Protecting her from Serena and asking her to help him with his business were unusual, but not impossible to justify. Giving her material for dresses and following her to the kitchen were … well, she hoped nobody in Springfield ever found out. These situations would be impossible to explain.
The moment Delilah closed the door she knew someone was in her room. She was about to scream when a hand clamped over her mouth and her arms were pinned to her sides. Her body tensed and was about to explode into furious action when a voice whispered in her ear, “I couldn’t wait until tomorrow.”
“Nathan!” she exclaimed.
Nathan crushed her in an embrace before she could tell him he had no business in her room. Delilah liked being hugged so much she decided to wait a few minutes before telling him to leave. After all, the damage had been done. He was already in her room.
“You shouldn’t be here,” she said when she could finally breathe. “Do you know what Serena would say we were doing if she found us here?”
Nathan kissed the hollow of her throat. “Nothing that hasn’t already crossed my mind.”
“Maybe,” Delilah said, blushing crimson, “but it’s a far cry from crossing your mind to doing it.”
Nathan kissed Delilah’s warm flesh below the neckline of her dress. “Don’t I know it,” he groaned.
“But Serena won’t.” Delilah tried unsuccessfully to redirect Nathan’s lips. “She’ll assume the worst.”
“I don’t think we ought to disappoint her.”
“Nathan Trent, don’t you try to fool me with that innocent act. You’d be upset if I disgraced myself with you.” The feel of his lips on her flesh made her wonder if she had misjudged him. Her words were for herself as much as Nathan. Did she really want him to stop?
“Surprised,” Nathan admitted, “but I would get over it.”
Delilah tried to break his hold on her, but he would have no part of that. She tried to hold his head against her bosom, but he wouldn’t allow that either.
“You know there’s still a lot between us we haven’t talked about.”
“Talking would be a waste of time,” Nathan said.
He nibbled at her earlobe, traced the shell of her ear with the tip of his tongue. She couldn’t understand why her mother always said there was no feeling in the ear. He was driving her crazy.
“I say we dash headlong and tell people about it afterward.”
“I couldn’t get married without telling Reuben,” Delilah said, trying to keep her mind on the argument rather than his lips.
But the kisses on her ear were as nothing compared to her body’s electric response to his kissing the back of her neck. The fine hairs on her nape sent fiery sparkles exploding through her until she was nearly incapable of thought.
“You’ll have … to tell … Serena. Can’t have it said the … surprise of her nephew marrying the kitchen … maid caused her to fall down dead in a fit.”
“I’ll tell Serena,” Nathan mumbled. He was kissing her eyelids now. Delilah had never heard of anybody doing such a thing, but she liked it.
“You’ll do what every man does,” Delilah said, trying not to think about what the feel of his hands was doing to her. “You’ll wait until it’s too late, and that horrible Lucy Porter’s mother will tell her.”
Nathan didn’t answer. Apparently he found he liked letting his lips trail down Delilah’s neck and along her shoulders much better than answering questions about his aunt. In fact, he seemed to like that better than talking.
“You’ll need to … find somewhere else for … Serena and … Priscilla to live,” Delilah said. Between Nathan’s lips on her shoulders and his fingertips caressing the undersides of her breasts, she found it hard to keep to the thread of her conversation. “I don’t think they’ll … be happy with … us.”
Apparently Nathan seemed happy enough with what he was doing to let the future take care of itself.
“Nathan, are you listening to me?”
She received a groan in reply, but Delilah wasn’t sure whether it came from her or Nathan, for at that moment his hands cupped her breasts. Her body reacted as if it had been charged with electricity.
“No,” she whispered. But immediately she wondered if that was what she meant. Her body certainly didn’t seem to agree with her mind. She arched herself against Nathan only to be brought into contact with unmistakable proof that his blood was just as heated as hers. Delilah pulled back, but Nathan pursued her until she was backed up against the wall.
His hands continued to caress her breasts through her dress, his lips to lay trails of searing kisses across the top of her bosom, his body to scald her with the heat of his passion. The more she tried to summon the strength to push him away, the more her flesh cried out to hold him close.
Delilah thought she would pass out from the pleasure. How could she have survived all these years with no inkling of the intense gratification to be derived from the touch of the man she loved?
When his hands dipped inside her dress and lifted out one breast, she realized there was still more she had to learn. As he took her throbbing nipple between his lips and sucked it gently, she decided she couldn’t stand any more. Her every nerve felt white-hot, her every muscle tense and expectant. Even her breathing accelerated in anticipation. She was conscious of nothing but the sweet agony of his lips on her breast.
“Nathan, stop. Please. You’re driving me insane.”
But apparently he was beyond control. He cupped her other breast and gently massaged its almost painfully sensitive nipple with his fingertip.
Delilah was certain she was going to faint. It was no longer a matter of the propriety of what Nathan was doing to her. The pleasure was so intense, the agony so unbearable, she doubted she could stand it one minute longer without calling out his name in a long, shuddering moan of desire. It was now a question of whether she could overpower her own fierce longing to satisfy her need.
Using all the strength and willpower she possessed, Delilah broke from Nathan’s embrace. He reached for her again.
“Don’t come any closer,” she said, retreating around the corner of the bed. “I don’t think you’ve given what you’re doing enough thought.”
“I’ve thought about it until it’s nearly driven me mad,” Nathan said. He moved forward, intending to trap her in the corner. She leaped up on the bed and rolled off the other side.
Her action stopped Nathan in his tracks. He had done the same thing the night Priscilla had come uninvited to his room. Could he do this to Delilah? She loved him, he was certain of that, but did he have the right to force himself on her before she was ready? He did not question the answer, only his ability to do what he knew he should.
It took a staggering amount of effort, but he reined in his rampaging desires.
“I don’t know what came over me. I guess spending every night thinking about you was too much of a strain.”
“I spent every night thinking about you, too.”
“And you didn’t feel compelled to try to seduce me, is that what you’re saying?”
“No, just that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about us, trying to decide if we could have a future together.”
“And …”
“I found out I love you”—she had to hold Nathan off so she could finish the sentence—"but I don’t know if
I love you enough. I don’t know if you love me enough either.”
“I love you enough for anything.”
“That’s what you say now, when your blood is pounding in your ears and your body demands satisfaction” Delilah was delighted to see a tinge of color creep up Nathan’s collar. She was glad to see that he, too, could feel self-conscious about his physical condition. “You said you wanted me from the time you first saw me.”
“I still do.”
“I shouldn’t tell you—I don’t think nice girls say this to men—but I wanted you, too. I didn’t quite understand it then—I still don’t fully understand all the things that happen to my body when you’re around—but ever since I first saw you, I’ve hardly been able to think of anything else. If I didn’t know I was a well-brought-up girl, I’d swear I was a tavern doxy.”
“Who taught you to think that?”
“Never mind. I know now that it’s natural. Mrs. Stebbens explained it to me one day. But there’s more to it than that, Nathan. Even more than our wanting the same things. We’re on opposite sides. If the regulators and the government start fighting, it’ll be even worse.”
“If you really love me, none of that matters.”
“It will, regardless of how much I love you. I can’t expect you to change the way you think, give up all your money just for me.”
“And I can’t expect you to give up your family, everything you’ve ever known for me.”
“I couldn’t do that if it were my choice. I couldn’t stand it if they turned their backs on me and cut me off. They are my family and my friends. They’re who I am.”
“And me? What am I, Delilah?”
“The most wonderful man I’ll ever meet, the man I fell in love with, the man I want to marry.”
“Isn’t that enough?”
“I just answered that.”
“I’ll make you a promise,” Nathan said. He took her by the hands, led her to the side of the bed, and they both sat down on it. “I’ll give you till Christmas. I won’t pressure you to make any decisions. I just want you to think about one thing.”
“What?”
“If you could have only Reuben or me, who would it be? Don’t tell me anything now; don’t even think about it just now. But remember this. I love you more than anything else in the world, but I don’t want just your body. I want all of you. Your intelligence, your curiosity, your loyalty, your friendship, your trust, your time, everything. Or I want nothing. If it should ever come to the point where I’m pitted against your brother and his friends, or anybody else with a claim on your loyalty, I want you to know I will do everything I can to be fair. Everything. But I must know I have your loyalty.”
“I don’t know if I can offer you that.”
“I’m going to do everything in my power to convince you I’m the most important thing in your life. I’ll shower you with gifts and grovel at your feet.”
“You’ll do nothing of the sort. I’d never be able to endure the gossip.”
“God, the woman is never satisfied.” Nathan groaned. “What do you want, my heart on a platter?”
“If you don’t keep your voice down, Serena’s going to have my head on one.”
“Serena be damned.”
“A lovely thought, but not entirely Christian.”
“Be serious.”
“I am. You’ve got to go before someone discovers us. You may be immune to gossip, but I’m not.”
“I’d marry you.”
“Then none of us, the townsfolk included, would ever know if we really loved each other.”
“Do you doubt me?”
“No, but if I forced you into it, I would never know if you’d have made that last step on your own.”
“Do you have so little faith in my integrity?”
“No, Nathan. In myself. Why should you marry me? What can you gain? I have no dowry, not even a decent wardrobe. My family is poor and sides with your opposition. My friends don’t like you. The people I’ve grown up with don’t trust you. I know nothing about living in a house like this, having servants, wearing beautiful clothes, meeting important people. I don’t know how to do anything except be a farmer’s wife. And in a few months I’ll be twenty.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“Okay, I’m beautiful;” said Delilah, willing to concede him at least one point. “What good is that? You can’t put me in a cabinet with the best crystal or lock me away with the silver.”
“You’re not meant to be locked away,” Nathan said, a tender warmth coming into his eyes. “You’re meant to be loved and cared for each day, to be prized above rubies but to be enjoyed as easily as stone.”
“That’s sweet, it really is, but you haven’t given me an answer because you can’t.”
“You want to know what I love about you, what I need that I can’t find anywhere else? I need your honesty. When I came here, I thought all colonials were out only for what they could get for themselves. Everybody I met here was like that. Except you. You didn’t want anything for yourself, only for Reuben. I want your caring. I’ve never met anyone who cared so much about the people she loved. I’ve heard you mention Reuben and Jane, their boys, your friends until I almost want to banish them from the face of the earth. I wish you would care about me like that. I need your loyalty. I need someone who will always think of me first, someone I can trust enough to reveal my weaknesses. I need your strength. You don’t know what it is to stand alone. You may think you do, but you’ve got your family, your community, the kind of life you’ve led—you’ve got all that to support you.
“I love you because it makes me feel good to love you. Just being in the same room with you is better than being able to collect on a dozen loans. And there are a hundred more reasons. I’ve never met anyone like you, and I know if I let you go, no matter, the reasons why, I’ll never meet anyone like you again. I give you fair warning, I don’t mean to play fair.”
Suddenly Delilah thought of the painting in his closet, and she understood the character of the person he had painted. He looked upon her as someone bigger than life, bigger than any human. He had put her on a pedestal, and she had the dreadful suspicion she might end up staying there for the rest of her life.
Delilah knew instinctively that would ultimately destroy what they had together. She wanted him to admire and respect her, but she wanted to be his partner, his human partner. As he saw her now, how could he come to her for help, admit a failure or a weakness? He would ultimately go to someone like himself, someone imperfect, and she would be left to her pedestal, alone.
She didn’t like that.
She had to decide who was most important to her, but he had to decide whether he wanted a very human wife or a saint.
Nathan had overslept. If he didn’t hurry, he’d be late for his appointment with Delilah. He jumped out of bed and began to get dressed. The cold in the room encouraged him not to linger over his shaving water. A boy he didn’t remember brought it up piping hot.
“I’m Tommy Perkins,” the lad informed him, “the one as was hired to help in the kitchen.”
“How are you getting along?”
“Famous. Mrs. Stebbens says I needs some fattening up.”
He does look too thin Nathan thought. I wonder if his family has enough to eat.
“And Miss Delilah sees to it that old Lester don’t plague me too much.”
“Does he plague her?” Nathan asked.
“Naw, but there’s them that do.”
Nathan was shaving under his chin. He paused and looked at the boy. “What do you mean?”
The boy struggled momentarily with his conscience. “I shouldn’t be saying nothing, but I can’t stay quiet, especially after she stood up for me.”
Tommy was talking about Delilah. Even before he heard a word of explanation, Nathan felt a wave of anger start to build within him. His hands started to shake.
“You really going to wear them breeches?” Tommy asked, diverted by the sight of
Nathan naked from the waist up.
“You think I shouldn’t?” Nathan asked, rather startled.
“Looks like your long underwear.”
Nathan’s lips twitched. “You think they look immodest?”
“I don’t know what ‘immodest’ means, but you sure do get talked about when you go into Springfield. My ma says you English are a sinful lot, always getting up to devilish things with young maids and the like. The mamas be fair pulling their daughters off the street when you come by looking like that.”
Tommy’s ingenuous words stunned Nathan. Having grown up in London where every man dressed similarly, he’d taken the American manner of dress as a sign of indifference to style. Now he began to wonder. This might also explain, at least in part, people’s reaction to him.
“I’ll keep that in mind. Now what was it you wanted to tell me?”
“It’s the things they’re making Miss Delilah do.” He was clearly reluctant to explain further. “I ain’t never lived in a big house before, but they don’t seem right to me.”
“If they don’t seem right to you, I’m sure they will seem the same way to me. Please, go on.”
With that kind of encouragement, Tommy hesitated no longer. “They told her she was to do the laundry, but Miz Pobodie wouldn’t let her help none. Said it wasn’t proper, so they set her to doing the ironing. When she did that, they emptied out the chests and made her polish every piece of silver till it shined like new. Miz Noyes didn’t like half what she did and made her stay up at night, doing it over again.”
“Is that all?” It was enough. Nathan could feel his entire body shaking with rage.
“Yesterday they set her to oiling the floors. Now that ain’t right, sir. Miss Delilah is a lady, even if she is as poor as a parson. Messing about with coal oil ain’t a fit job for her.”
“Thank you, Tommy. Now you’d better get back to your work. Is Mrs. Noyes up?”
“’Course she is. Sitting in that parlor of hers, calling me to get something from the kitchen every fifteen minutes. Mrs. Stebbens is fair boiling mad.”
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