by C. C. Snow
His voice lowers and he tells me how he blames himself for not drawing his gun on the pimp faster.
“That’s ridiculous,” I say in outrage. “You can’t blame yourself for that! He was high. For all you knew, he could have had no intention of using the gun. You were doing your job.”
He smiles and kisses my nose. “You’re too good for me.” He pauses and sobers. “When James was shot, I wondered if it was karmic payback for pulling the sleazy move on my captain.”
My breath hitches at the pain in his voice and I clasp his hand tighter. This beautiful, honorable man doesn’t know how to see his own goodness.
“I always had such contempt for my father when he did the wink-wink-nudge-nudge deals, but here I was doing the same thing. I thought the universe was punishing me for my hypocrisy.”
“Oh, Sean. You can’t think that. You were only doing what you thought was best for your friend. Did James know how you guys became partners?”
“Not until a few days ago.”
“What did he say?”
“The same thing you did. Well, he yelled at me for being a dumbass and reminded me what could have happened had Erwin Woods been sitting in that car when he went after that pimp.”
I squeeze his hand. “Then the world would have lost a great writer. I agree with him. You can’t blame yourself for making a decision to help a friend.”
He picks up my hand and presses his face against my palm. “I’m starting to realize that. You once asked me why I didn’t get along with my father.”
I nod.
“My father and I were never particularly close. He was away too much for us to build any real relationship. Then when I was fifteen, I found out he was cheating on my mom.”
“Oh, Sean. I’m so sorry.” Knowing how much he adored his mother, it would have driven an even bigger wedge between father and son.
“I was so pissed off. I told my mom about his affair and demanded she leave him. God, Maggie, you should have seen how sad she looked. When she refused to ask him for a divorce, I had a huge fight with her. A week later, she died.” He looks tormented. “I’ll always regret that I didn’t keep my mouth shut.”
“You were fifteen. You were just a kid.”
“She died thinking I was still angry with her. Thinking that I didn’t respect her.” He presses his face into my shoulder and shudders.
I stroke his back, trying to offer what comfort I could. I can’t believe how long he’s been carrying this guilt around with him. “I am one hundred percent positive your mom knew how much you loved her. She knows, Sean.”
He doesn’t reply, but the tension slowly seeps from his body. When he looks up, his eyes are wet and red-rimmed. “The final straw was when my father married that woman. How could he let her sit in my mother’s chair? Sleep in her bed? The day he told me he was marrying Gail, I stopped calling him Dad in private. I hated him, but I also hated myself because I was just like him. Calculating. Manipulative. Self-serving. When you said you loved me, I felt like I didn’t deserve you. Wasn’t worthy of you.”
His self-hatred has blinded him to so many things.
I put my hand on his cheek and say gently, “No, Sean. You’ve always been worthy. You’re nothing like what you described and I don’t think your father is either. You’re seeing him through the lens of a fifteen-year-old. He’s not perfect, but I know he cares about you. Do you know what he said to me at the party?”
Sean shakes his head.
“He said, ‘Thank you for loving my son.’” I blush at how transparent I must have been to the Senator. “That doesn’t sound like someone who doesn’t care about you.”
“He said that?”
I nod and smooth the furrow between his brows. “He really did. I think it’s time you talk to him about what happened.”
The hard lines around his mouth fade and he sighs. “I think you’re right.” He presses our noses together and my heart skips happily.
“I love you,” he says, looking deeply into my eyes.
My breath hitches in my lungs at the beauty of his eyes. It takes me a few seconds to realize what’s different about them. The bright blue orbs are radiating pure light, with no trace of the darkness usually lurking in their depths. It’s impossible for me to tear my gaze away.
“I love you too.” It’s finally sinking in that this is reality. And my reality is my fairytale.
“Move in with me.” He clasps the back of my neck.
My eyes round with surprise. I clamp my lower lip between my teeth. “I signed a contract to stay a year in the dorms. Don’t you think we’re moving too fast?” I ask even as I want to shout “yes.”
Eyes narrowing, he turns around and rifles in his nightstand. I hear a clanging sound. He turns around and snaps something around my wrist.
“What in the world?” I stare at the handcuff encircling the base of my hand, uncomprehending.
Grinning, Sean stretches my arm over my head and I hear the snick of the other cuff fastening on a post on the headboard. I tug at my hand in disbelief, but I’m held fast.
“Sean!”
He settles his hard body over mine, distracting me. “I’m going to keep you cuffed to this bed until you say yes,” he says with a teasing lilt as he gazes down at me.
I wrap my free arm around his back. “This is a gross misuse of power,” I say, trying for a reproachful tone.
“Like I give a fuck.” He leans down and kisses me hungrily.
***
While Sean is on the phone with Leslie, I call Hannah. She sounds aghast as I update her on last night’s incident and my suspicions about Calvin. She still has no memories of the attack and I pray she never will. The trauma may be too much for her psyche. We talk for a while and I promise to visit her after the holidays.
When I get up to refill my coffee, my phone buzzes with a text from Todd.
Girl, when were you going to tell me?
Brows raised in curiosity, I click on the link he sent and scream, “Oh my GOD!” I gasp, feeling like there’s not enough oxygen in the room.
Sean charges out of his office, his eyes searching for a threat.
Seeing the look of terror on his face, I say quickly, “I’m okay. It’s nothing.”
He yanks me into his arms, his body shaking. After everything that’s happened, he’s understandably on edge. Instead of meeting Cael for breakfast at a nearby diner, Sean ordered delivery and we all ate at the apartment. I have a feeling it will take some time before Sean lets down his guard.
“You almost gave me a heart attack. What made you yell out?”
I hand him my phone and watch his reaction.
His frown clears up immediately and he shrugs his broad shoulders. Handing the phone back to me, he says, “I don’t see what the big deal is.”
I stare at him in astonished annoyance, point to the headlines of the online rag and read it out loud, “Who is the mysterious redhead in billionaire playboy’s life?” In case he missed our pictures, I scroll down and point to the grainy photos of us kissing from last night. “How did they get a hold of these?” I throw the phone to the end of the sofa, feeling icky and violated.
“There are always paparazzi looking for a fast buck,” he says.
“Doesn’t it bother you to have them speculating about your life?” I shudder at how intrusive it feels to have my private life paraded in front of the world.
“Sure, but after a while, you learn to ignore it. Besides once they find out who you are, they’ll stop.” He says teasingly, “Unless you’re ashamed to be seen with me.”
I scoff at the preposterous claim. “Shouldn’t I be asking that of you? The headline says it all. You’re a billionaire and I’m a nobody.” I drop my gaze, recalling the tabloid speculation about Alicia and him.
He grips my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Don’t ever say that!” he says harshly, suppressed violence in his voice. Piercingly sharp eyes study my face. “The money means nothing. I didn’t work for
it. I didn’t earn it.”
I grab his wrist to remove his hand from my chin. “Sean, all I’m saying is that some people will consider us an unlikely couple.”
“I don’t give a fuck what other people say. And neither should you.” He leans down to give me a hard kiss. “People are probably wondering what you’re doing with an asshole like me. You’re the one who’s too good for me.” He brushes his nose against mine in an Eskimo kiss and my chest becomes super tight. “I love you,” he says.
“I love you too, but–”
Jaw clenched, he starts to drag me upstairs.
“Hey, what are you doing?”
“If you’re going to spout this bullshit, then you can stay handcuffed to the bed until you come to your senses.”
Appalled laughter bursts out of me as I run to keep up with his strides. “You can’t do that every time you want to get your way!”
“Hell yeah I can!”
“I knew I shouldn’t have given in on moving in with you,” I say ruefully.
An hour later, I say breathlessly into his chest, “You know, you haven’t thought this through. If this is your technique for convincing me to agree with you, I would argue with you all the time.”
His smile is slow and sexy as bends down to take my lips softly. “I win either way.”
“We really need to have a serious conversation about your interest in BDSM,” I say with a wiggle of my brows.
“Woman, don’t think I won’t spank you. I still haven’t forgotten how you broke your promise to never walk anywhere by yourself. And to not go near Ludlow,” he snarls.
My backside tingles and I moan, feeling incredibly turned on.
Sean’s eyes brighten and he grins sexily.
Chapter Thirty-One
Sean
As I pull through the gates of my father’s property, I glance at Maggie. It’s hard to believe she’s finally mine. I reach over and caress the delicate line of her jaw. “I forgot to tell you how beautiful you look tonight.”
Her dark green dress brings out the lowlights in her eyes, making them look like a sun-dappled forest.
“Thanks.” Her cheeks bloom adorably and all I want to do is to drag her back home and keep her in bed.
After this past eventful week, I think we deserve to hibernate until next year.
Bleed has been charged with aggravated assault, threatening a police officer, and a long string of crimes that should put him away for a long time. A search of his phone and computer had yielded evidence that he had been working to derail the case against Carmona—which should earn him an obstruction of justice charge. Arrogant fuck didn’t even bother using a throwaway phone.
Sheena has stepped forward again to testify against both of them. Surprisingly, Maxine has also become a willing witness, providing corroborating evidence to Bleed’s threats. I have a feeling there might be more women emerging shortly. The DA is rubbing her hands together in glee.
Ludlow had indeed been following Maggie. He denied having any malicious intent, claiming he was happy to have made a new friend. Maggie is softhearted enough to believe his story, but I’ll always be skeptical of people’s motives. As far as I’m concerned, the kid needs help. Apparently his family agreed with me because they decided to pull him out of school and get him some counseling.
My angel has been talking about visiting him to thank him for saving her, but I already have my handcuffs ready. I can’t believe she thinks I’d allow her to visit someone who could be a potential threat to her.
Maggie’s suspicions about Poole had prompted Leslie’s team to refocus their efforts on him. They discovered video footage of him on the subway substantiating his vicinity to the scene of the crime. Under Leslie’s skillful interrogation, he finally broke down and admitted to attacking Hannah Michaels. Apparently she had agreed to meet with him at the back of her dorm. When she refused to forgive him for cheating, he had been enraged and wanted to punish her.
Psycho.
When I got the phone call, I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders. Knowing she was in constant danger had been unbearable.
Of course, my sprite could kick any perp’s ass, as my friends have pointed out helpfully—with shit-eating grins on their faces. Bo had refused to accept any payment for his services, joking that he’d settle for our silence on his failed mission to protect her.
Cael flew back to Chicago after Poole’s arrest, but he will be here for Christmas and will make the permanent move to New York early next year. Maggie and I are both looking forward to having him close. With the way she’s fretting about his single state, I have a feeling Cael is due for some meddling in his life.
As for living with Maggie…I didn’t understand what happiness was until I woke up next to her with the bedrock knowledge that she’d never leave me. That she loved me despite all of my flaws and past mistakes. Baring my soul to her has been the single most liberating moment of my life.
As I promised her, I’m going to try to rebuild some bridges with my father.
I pull up to the front of the house, park, and escort Maggie into the drawing room. As usual, Gail deigns to give us a chilly smile, but my father is clearly delighted to see Maggie. He looks from her to me with a small smile on his face.
The conversation flows smoothly over dinner, thanks to Maggie and my father. It’s amazing how much more relaxed I feel with her at my side, but as the meal draws to a close, my tension returns. A glimpse of Maggie’s animated face bolsters my resolve.
I haven’t had a real conversation with my father in years. Maybe he and I will never have a normal relationship, but I owe it to her to try to be a better man.
“Can I talk to you in private?” I address my father and place my linen napkin on the table.
He looks startled by my request. “Of course, son.” He takes a sip of red wine and stands up.
Taking the hint, Gail offers to show Maggie the house. With a parting smile of encouragement, Maggie sails off with my stepmother while my father and I head to his study. I take a seat on the sofa and he strides to the bar.
“Do you want something to drink?” He pours out two fingers of brandy.
I doubt even the whole decanter will make the upcoming conversation easier, but I say, “I’ll have what you’re having.”
Splashing the amber liquid into another snifter, he walks over and hands it to me. I warm the glass in my hands and take a sip. I savor the burn as the brandy slides down my throat.
Sitting down on the leather sofa across from me, he stretches his legs in front of him. “What do you want to talk to me about, son?”
I notice for the first time how much my father has aged. Normally too focused on avoiding him, I haven’t really seen him. Cocking my head, I study him carefully. He still looks distinguished and vital, but there are deeper grooves around his eyes and mouth. There is a slight stoop to his shoulders, as if he’s exhausted.
“Are you okay?” I ask, feeling a trickle of worry.
He seems pleasantly surprised by my question and I feel like a tool. We may not get along, but have I really never asked after his health?
“I’m fine. Just tired. I’m working on a couple of new bills, but I’m getting a lot of blowback from my party.”
Since my father and I hardly ever agree on politics, we generally steer clear of the subject, but I surprise myself by asking, “What are they?”
He briefly outlines pieces of legislation that would have far-reaching consequences for the country. I really listen to him talk and it’s an eye-opening experience. I may not like the world of politics, but what he’s proposing can positively impact many lives.
“Those are really good policies. I think you should keep pushing,” I say, finally getting a glimpse into what motivates my father. I don’t kid myself that he’s not interested in power, but he also wants to make the country better.
His eyes widen at my endorsement. “Thanks, son.”
After a moment of awkward silence, my father look
s at me expectantly. “I know you didn’t ask to talk to me about the inner workings of the Senate. What’s going on?”
Setting my snifter down on the table, I take a deep breath and dive in. “I’ve been thinking about Mom a lot lately.”
He leans back in his seat with a somber expression.
My legs twitch to move, but I force myself to stay still. This conversation is too important. “I’ve been thinking about all the things I wish I had said to her. And not said.”
“Sean, we all have regrets.” His eyes darken with memories.
“A week before she died, I told her about your affair with Gail,” I say baldly.
My father’s intake of breath is loud in the room.
“I know I shouldn’t have interfered, but I was so angry with you for cheating on her. I demanded she confront you about your infidelity and ask for a divorce, but when she remained silent, I went crazy. I accused her of being weak and staying with you because she liked having power and status. I said so many awful things to her that afternoon.”
“Sean–”
I speak over him, wanting to get everything out in the open. “I wish I had never said anything to her. I blamed you for her unhappiness, especially toward the end, but I was equally culpable. You’re right. I do tend to see things in black and white. When you married Gail, it just fed my rage. We haven’t had the best relationship, but I need to own my part of the dysfunction.”
With a heavy sigh, my father stands up. “You have nothing to regret, Sean. I made a lot of mistakes. With your mom and with you. I lavished all my time and attention on my career and I took my family for granted.” He circles his chair and then reverses his path, stopping in front of me. “Sean, your mother already knew about my affair.”
“What?” My head rears back in shock.
He sits down. Hand shaking, he drains his brandy. The empty snifter hits the glass table with a loud clack. When he meets my gaze, his blue eyes are clouded with pain. “Your mother and I loved each other very much, but you must have known we weren’t always happy.”
I nod, remembering the late night arguments. “Yeah.”