by David Vann
Steve and Kelly have a conversation about mass murder for the next three days, mixed up with sex and race. Steve sends her a link on February 1 to a story about a woman who microwaved her baby, asking “Defrost or Timed Cook?” and Kelly responds, “You should know that nothing much offends me, that’s just kinda sad. makes we want to hunt down people and off them. then again, a lot of things have that effect on me . . . im off mon thru thu this week, so maybe we will both have a free day. sometime anyway! i have something i want to try, haha (note evil laugh . . . )”
“hmmm, you have me intrigued,” Steve replies. “What do you want to try? You know I’m open to everything and anything, (especially creative ideas), as long as you don’t leave me visible marks with the whips and chains. Monday may work, if the weather doesn’t totally suck and if it’s around the afternoon . . . ;-).”
“Well now, if I told you, that would ruin the fun . . . monday i have class until 2ish, so maybe after that will work. i promise no visible marks. i don’t even have chains! a whip, yes. if you have anything you want to try, im game as well. unless it involves me being peed and/or pooped on. i have one that can only be done at night, and maybe when theres no snow and its less cold, and it involves a cemetery. im a creep :-)”
“The whole peeing/pooping thing is a bit out there,” Steve replies. “and I only do that on weekends anyway. Seriously though, I am up for anything, even if it involves pain and/or water-boarding CIA style. After 2ish may work, so let me know what your preference is. Do you mean you have a ‘whip’ like the leather thing you used to beat people with, or a ‘whip’ as in a blinged out car like in Pimp My Ride? I’m not sure I understand you youngsters and your ebonics, so I wanted some clarification. A strange thing happened like a month ago. I did the whole 420 thing before going to a concert and it was fantastic . . . I forgot how fun it was. This isn’t to say that I’m going to be a pothead or whatever, (I haven’t done it since then), but I forgot how fun it was, lol. Drugs are bad Pacman. I’ve never 420’d and had ‘stress relief’ though, which may be fun ;-). Not sure if you’re into that though. Besides, I don’t have any hookups in Champaign, as it’s been years since I’ve been into that whole scene. Just thinking . . . Sure, I like surprises, as long as they don’t end up with me lying face down in a ditch, bound and gagged in a drug induced haze. That happens wayyyyy too often for my liking.”
“I have never incorporated cia style water boarding into something erotic,” Kelly writes, “but that would be festive. im more of a masochist. and I mean whip as in leather thing to beat people into submission witg. the go go beetle isn’t quite a pimp ride . . . as for the smoking, it’s a fun time, but that will have 2 wait until i find out about the job situation, because im betting they test, it being a rehab and all . . . lame. i actually would enjoy waking up face down in a ditch, bound and gagged, in a drug induced haze. that never happens to me. :-( my life is so boring.”
“Well, I’ve never really been with a ‘dominant’ woman, although I’ve always fantasized about it!” Steve admits. “That would be something that I would love to do, (I mean, have done to me). I’m totally up for being ordered around, slapped, beat etc. and would definitely be interested in that, if you were serious, of course! I have a very high tolerance for pain, which is probably one of the reasons I’m addicted to tattoos, lol. Being dominated really turns me on for some reason. Typically during sex in the past, I’ve almost always had to be the dominant one, and always wanted to be told what to do and where to do it ;-). Hmmm, sorry, but I’m really turned on right now . . . too bad it’s 12:31am, and you’re probably at work, lol. . . . Rehab sounds fascinating. Will you be dealing with hardcore crack-heads and/or nappy headed hoes?” A reference to Don Imus. Steve is also a huge fan of Sean Hannity.
Steve emails Mark the same link about the microwaved baby. “Ding,” he writes. Mark writes back, “I wonder if she used reheat or regular settings.”
“Ordinarily I’d say reheat,” Steve replies. “But then again, you’d have to factor in weight and size, so regular settings might have been preferred.” He includes a link to a drink called “Dead Baby Recipe.” “Do you think she had a drink of this the night before?”
“And I put lol tasteless,” Mark says. “But it’s just an example of our humor. It was nothing harmful, as far as that goes.”
On February 1, Steve writes to Mark about conspiracy theories. “I didn’t tell the detectives about this,” Mark says. “I didn’t know how relevant it would be, but he sent me—one of his conspiracy theories he asked about was Timothy McVeigh and all that whole thing with Oklahoma, and he attached the PDF for the Turner diaries.”
“I recommend it,” Steve writes, “if only to gain a better understanding of McVeigh and what drives the CIM (the Christian Identity Movement)” and then he adds, “haha, Ruby Ridge does refer to the Randy Weaver controversy, which also inspired McVeigh’s actions. I’m just happy because I have it straight about Ruby Ridge.” And then he sends Mark a link about Terry Nichols: “I know Wikipedia sucks, but I wanted to point out the waste of money that the Feds and states spent while pursuing the death penalty.”
“What the Turner diaries are,” Mark explains to me, “it’s about the government taking the guns from people, basically.” Mark reads a description of the book: “The Turner Diaries, by Andrew McDonald: what will you do when they come to take your guns? It’s about Earl Turner and his fellow patriots, who face this question and are forced underground when the US government bans the private possession of firearms and stages the mass gun raids to round up the suspected gun owners.”
As idiotic as it sounds, this is the real basis for the pro-gun lobby in America: right-wing libertarian paranoia that the federal government wants to enslave all its citizens and needs to take their guns away first before enacting the evil plan. I would just laugh and shrug it off, but this is a major force in mainstream American politics. How can that be? Who are we?
“It was one of those things where he sent it to me and said it would be interesting,” Mark says, “and this is our humor, here: I put ‘this is our motivation for our plan on 4/19.’ Back to, I believe 4/19 was Columbine, or 4/20. Something was on 4/19. And then I quoted from Wikipedia, ‘his neighbors reported he was spraying fertilizer on his lawn of his Kansas home on the morning of the explosion.’ I put down: ‘How would someone take notice of such a mundane activity such as lawn care on a seemingly normal day? Lol, media manipulation.’ Because why would neighbors notice that someone was fertilizing a lawn?”
Mark and Steve call each other NIGGA in their emails, and race keeps coming up as an issue: “Steve wrote ‘Nichols has been married twice, first to Lana Padilla,’ and then I put, ‘oh, I smell a dirty bomb conspiracy.’ That ties back to Jose Padilla. Steve goes: ‘lol at Padilla’s dirty bomb reference. See, right-wing extremists and dirty ragheads’—please keep in mind, too, that he wasn’t racist or anything like that—‘are one in the same.’”
“We were equal opportunity offenders,” Mark says. “We offended everyone by just [being] ourselves. Whether it be Americans or Middle Easterns, or blacks or whatever. We just talked about the stereotypical, whether it be whites, the red-necked trailer park people, just how dumb they act, you know what I mean? Not to be offensive, right? Or, even with the blacks. There’s the respectable black professionals, like Obama, the people that are respectable, then there’s people that live in the hood that just want to live off government welfare checks and all that. So those are the people that we took ahold of and just said, these are different issues in society. Like the terrorists in the middle east. He had, not a fascination, but he was interested in Hamas. He was interested in Hamas because they were a group that gives back and helps out.”
Steve was especially angry at affirmative action. “Another thing he didn’t like,” Mark explains, “is that a lot of the minorities that come there [NIU] took it as a joke, right? And not necessarily minorities, but there were a lot of minorities that got on there
because of—I forgot what the chance program was called, I don’t know if they have something similar down in Florida, but in Illinois they have it where, it, uh, underprivileged inner city students, there’s a certain percentage that has to be accepted to the university, okay? Steve looked at it that he was in the same place at one point as these inner city students and he accomplished it and he greatly valued his education and he achieved what he wanted, versus the other students who come and they make a joke out of it. They don’t go to classes, they just hang out all day, and he didn’t like that. And I didn’t like that either. You know what I mean? But then if you look at that, then why didn’t he go to a black center and shoot people, right?”
IN HIS EMAILS WITH KELLY on February 1, Steve begins to worry about privacy. According to Mark, this was always a concern for Steve: “Steve was kind of paranoid about things, I don’t know why, but he would delete all the emails, always. But I never erased any.”
“Well, I’ve always wondered if you show these emails to anyone,” Steve writes to Kelly, “because that would be weird, but I don’t really care, lol. Oh, I meant to mention . . . when I said I’m up for anything, I mean anything, even a 3 way (male or female) on the back of a train with hobos watching and fighting with home-made shanks over canned soup. It can be an erotic version of Bum-Fights or something. It’s great that you want to be a CADC (not sure of the acronym at the moment), because it’s not a bad profession. Druggies are fun and will provide you with many, many crazy stories to tell. Like that time where I snorted coke off a hooker’s belly while tripping on LSD. j/k, but I’m sure you’d be a great counselor; particularly since you need a totally fucked up sense of humor for a job like that. I’m amazed at times how many of my fellow students, (whom want to be social workers), are so offended by everything and anything that’s not pure, (whatever that means). Some of the people in my program were/are very sheltered. I’m a nick-name type person, so I just usually refer to odd people as nick-names. There’s this one lady who I call Rated-G who is a bible thumper and is offended by curse words, violence, sexual references, etc. She verbally opposed watching a movie for social work, because the characters use words like ‘Damn.’ Seriously. She always talks about how she only lets her kids (and herself) watch G-rated movies and such, and is annoyed by some of my very vocal separation of church and state comments. Jesus freaks piss me off, as do most fundamentalists. But people like rated-G put the FUN in fundamentalist, I guess. All the worlds a stage meant for the entertainment of people with a bizarre sense of morality and humor, I suppose. Oh, To catch a predator is on right now, hence the name Hanson. I really want that show to be done in Illinois somewhere!”
Steve’s feelings about religion come from his hatred of his mother, but it’s interesting to note that you can be ultra–right wing and antireligious. The religious right isn’t the only right. In fact, the ultra right is about the primacy of the individual, and so in its purest forms, it can’t embrace religion, which is essentially against the individual. If religion weren’t corrupt, it would be a force to the left in politics.
“That would be weird if I showed your emails to people,” Kelly writes back. “You don’t show them to anyone, do you? I only have a couple of friends who even know of the situation, and that was really only a precaution. I wanted them to know where to send the cops if I came up missing, hacked into pieces and put into an acid bath, etc. An erotic version of Bum Fights sounds amazing. I enjoy that show a lot. Especially that one loud crackhead with the fucked up teeth. I forget his name, but one of my best friends used to be able to imitate him pretty accurately. It was awesome. Was it Bling-Bling? Or did he just use that phrase a lot? Monday will likely work, but maybe 3 or 4? (That will give me time to shove my heap of laundry under my dresser, kick out all the homeless people that sleep in the corners, and hopefully plunge that dead fetus that has been clogging the toilet all week, etc. Should have just microwaved it, eh?) It’s weird to meet in the afternoon, but since that’s what works for you, I can probably skip my after-class nap for a day . . . Jesus freaks piss me off as well. Mostly because they refuse to respect the opinions of others most of the time. If ‘g-rated’ spent half an hour with me when I’m not playing nice, she’d likely have to be chemically sedated and committed. I have a way with people, you know . . . We should just do our own version of ‘To Catch A Predator’! I’ll do the dirty chat to lure them in, I have a friend who looks 13 to be our decoy, and you can be Chris Hanson. Instead of arresting them, we can taser them and then beat the shit out of them, leaving them in a ditch somewhere. Or whatever. It would be fun!”
“Okay, now I really am going to bed lol,” Steve replies. “Sleep is difficult at times, but such is life. No, I don’t ever show any emails to anyone, nor do I let anyone know where I am going, lol. Yeah, it may sound reckless, but it’s not something that’s an everyday occurrence. I can usually read and feel out people from the way they write, and would never meet up with someone who I didn’t initially trust. I tend to be a fairly private person in general . . . The afternoon shouldn’t be too unusual! The evening isn’t the only time for stress relief!”
Steve and Kelly continue their emails later in the morning of February 2: “Well, you’re probably safe to trust me,” Kelly writes. “You should know that I really only kill minorities and children. I just give a vague explanation of the situation, really. It would be awkward to have to explain it. :) . . . I really don’t want to have to work tonight. Those tards better be on their best behavior. (And yes, I am aware that ‘tard’ is not the pc term these days . . . ).”
“Well, give me a call later if you’re bored at work,” Steve writes. “I should answer, as long as I’m not in the middle of preparing the acid bath. The garbage disposal is just not cutting it anymore. Oh yeah, I was watching this movie on cable the other day called ‘Drive Thru’ where the villain was a disgruntled fast food mascot. It started off hilarious, with a bunch of wiggers going through a drive thru late at night and getting slaughtered, (one of them gets his face deep-fried), but then (unfortunately) started to take itself too seriously. I love, LOVE B-movies, but not ones that try to be serious after showing cool kill scenes. Also, you should check out the new Rambo, if only to see the gratuitous violence and hidden messages, (i.e. patriotism good, god good, violence good, pedophilia bad . . . seriously there messages strewn through Rambo and it is incredibly comical at times). It’s a Lionsgate distributed film (the film distributors of SAW and many other great movies), and it was entertaining. Probably the most violent movie I’ve seen in years. If you’re into shockingly violent movies (with a minor message at the end) see Cannibal Holocaust. Besides having the best movie title ever, it was made in 1979 and is still the most violent, graphic, and craziest movie I’ve ever seen in my life. Nothing tops it!”
Why is this the best movie title ever? Is it the combination of Nazi and horror, the chopping of bodies in fantasy and in real life brought together?
“Garbage disposals clog too easily on the big parts,” Kelly replies. “You have mentioned the Cannibal Holocaust movie before. I want to see it, but I’m not sure where to find such a film. :) . . . How do you feel about some light bondage? Haha”
“Light bondage sounds fascinating ;-),” Steve writes. “Or, we could go more extreme if you so desire . . . it’s your call, as I am willing to try anything, (and you know I will respect limits and what not) . . . Hmmm, I may still have handcuffs somewhere (they are trick handcuffs, so no worries about losing a key, lol), and still have an eye mask, (intended for sleeping, but whatever!). I’ll be sure to bring them.”
The next day, on Sunday, February 3, 2008, Steve decides to commit mass murder. He’s been off his Prozac for almost a week, and there’s an important event in the local news. The day before, at Lane Bryant, a clothing store in suburban Chicago, an armed robber, believed to be a black man, shot and killed five women execution-style in a botched robbery. With this event, Steve begins buying what he’ll need, beginning with
extra magazines for his Hi-Point .380 pistol, purchased online.
He has an email exchange that day with Kelly titled “Why can’t Helen Keller have children?” Kelly answers the joke with: “Because she’s dead, haha. My residents are scared of storms, so this could be an entertaining evening of terror . . . How was your weekend? email me back if you’re not busy. :)”
“No, I’m too busy,” Steve writes back. “Just plotting world domination and all. Did you hear about the ‘man in black’ at Lane Bryant? Crazy World! Tell them that the thunder is just Satan bowling. The bigger the pin count, the louder the thunder. Or something like that . . .”
I have to wonder what “pin count” really refers to. Steve seems taken by the idea of fame through a high pin count. Perhaps he also believes in his historical importance, or even believes he is teaching in some way, similar to how Jigsaw teaches.
Steve sent a quote to Mark on February 2, a famous quote from Hermann Goering, second in command of the Third Reich and Luftwaffe commander: “Naturally, the common people don’t want war; neither in Russia nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a parliament or a communist dictatorship . . . voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of their leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country.”