by Jen Andrews
“What are you doing?” he asked, and followed me from the bed.
“Cleaning up my messes.”
I walked through the doorway and glanced down as I sidestepped the puddle in the hallway. I’d only thrown up liquid. Fuck. I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast yesterday. Not good, Zoey.
Quickly, I grabbed a towel from the bathroom cabinet, ran it under the faucet at the sink, and went back into the hall.
Andy stood in the doorway to the bedroom and held his hand out for the wet towel.
I shook my head. “I’ll do it.” I wasn’t going to let him clean up my puke.
“Zoey, please,” he said, “let me do it for you.”
I sighed. “I didn’t get to eat after breakfast yesterday. Can you fix me something while I clean this up?”
He’d never deny that request because he always made sure I ate and took care of Hannah and myself. He stepped past me into the hallway without another word.
After he went to the kitchen, I got on my knees and cleaned the floor. When I was done, I rinsed the towel in the bathtub until I was sure all the puke was gone then hung it on the edge of the tub to dry. I brushed my teeth, cleaned myself up, and found the first aid kit.
In the kitchen, I took out antiseptic wipes and antibiotic cream to clean Andy’s scratches. I could not believe what I had done. He’d only been trying to keep me from hurting Hannah, or myself.
Andy set a plate with a sandwich on it in front of me, and went to get me a glass of water. He sat down in the chair next to me. I was sick to my stomach at the helpless expression on his distraught face. Not only did he have the claw marks on his neck, but he had scratches running down his forearms too.
“Andy,” I whimpered, and buried my face in my hands. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”
He placed his hand on my cheek to comfort me. “I’m fine, Beautiful. Are you sure you’re okay?”
I didn’t answer him. I definitely wasn’t okay.
Kneeling on the floor next to him, I cleaned his wounds. I was horrified and wept the entire time, but he sat silently and let me do it. He knew I needed to, because I would never forgive myself, if I couldn’t make it right. After I finished, I crawled onto his lap and he just held me.
“Zoey,” he said quietly, getting my attention. “Please, you need to eat.”
He was right. I felt like a horrible mother and wife at that moment, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave the comfort and safety of his arms, so I stayed on his lap to be close to him. Slowly, I ate the entire sandwich. I didn’t even taste it. There was no way I was going back to sleep after my nightmare, so I sat on the couch and stared off into space for a while.
I was definitely taking the day off from work to get an emergency appointment with Dr. Jensen. I had completely lost it because of the nightmare, and in the process, I had physically assaulted the one person I never wanted to hurt.
Sometime during my space out session, Andy came and sat on the couch with me, covering us both with a blanket.
“Andy,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry for hitting you. I didn’t mean to do it.”
He took my hand and laced his fingers with mine. “I know. It’s not your fault, Zoey. You almost fell off the bed. I didn’t know how else to keep you from hurting yourself or Hannah.”
“Thank you,” I replied as he wrapped me in the comfort of his strong arms.
The next several days passed without any more nightmares. My bruises slowly faded, and Andy’s scratches healed. I went to a few appointments with Dr. Jensen to talk about the attack and my dream. Andy attended them as well. He was worried about me, and we both thought it would be good for him to sit in on the sessions.
Rob was still in jail and charged with simple battery. Andy was in a rage that he wasn’t being charged with attempted murder. I didn’t blame Andy, and I fully agreed with him. Rob did try to kick a pregnant woman in the stomach.
Andy went to every single court hearing and frequently spoke to Officer Sherman. They were actually becoming good friends. The only reason Rob was still in jail was that nobody would bail him out. Not even his family.
I had frequent visits from Tara and we had bonded over our tag team defense from Rob. I hadn’t left our apartment much since the attack, other than to go to and from work and I hadn’t even started my Christmas shopping because of it.
We had an appointment with Dr. Stewart, who confirmed that baby Hannah was growing right on schedule and would arrive toward the end of February. The renovations were under way on the loft.
In the form of destruction, that is.
The construction crew knocked down internal walls, while windows, wiring, and plumbing were being replaced. The bottom floor had already been fitted with new windows and security doors. We were waiting for the installation of the new alarm system.
It would be months before we would move back in, so we would be in the cramped, one bedroom apartment over the shop when Hannah was born. However, the three of us would be together, and that was all that mattered to us.
Because I’d been feeling a bit claustrophobic being cooped up in the apartment, I asked Andy to take me shopping for Christmas, and to shop for things for the baby too. Jess and Sasha were throwing me a baby shower after the first of the year, and I needed to register for gifts like they’d asked me to.
We took Andy’s truck and went shopping. We bought toys for Jake and Alex, and I had a hard time leaving the store without buying too many cute, girly things for Mya.
We had quite a bit of fun scanning everything for the baby shower registry too. Andy put himself in charge of registering for safety equipment, and of course, he went nuts with it. I was surprised that he didn’t want to put in padded walls.
A week before Christmas, I decided to go shopping one afternoon by myself to buy Andy’s Christmas presents. He decided to go shopping too since he said he hadn’t had time to buy me anything for Christmas either.
He had mentioned on a few occasions how small my Audi was, and wondered how we were going to fit in a car seat and a baby, along with all of her things. I threatened him with no sex for a month if he went out and bought me a new car. Of course, he teasingly laughed at me and said I could never resist him.
He was right because he knew I’d never be able to refuse him.
He mumbled something about not buying me a new car before he kissed me goodbye.
The way he said the word car, I knew he was up to something.
Now that I knew he had all that money, I had no idea what I would get him for Christmas. Technically, he could buy whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. That made it so much more difficult for me to shop for him.
I ended up sticking with the usual man-type gifts. I bought him some new clothes, cologne, and even found some pretty lingerie for myself to wear for him. I’d have to wait until after Hannah arrived to wear any of it, but I knew he would love it.
After spending hours shopping, I was exhausted and anxious to get home to make dinner. I stashed all the bags in my trunk and headed home.
When I pulled onto our street, I came to a roadblock. Looking around, I saw fire department barricades blocking off the street. What the hell? I rolled down my window and smelled smoke in the air. It had a funky chemical smell to it.
Shifting into reverse, I backed up my car and turned it around in an attempt to get to my place using a different route. That street was blocked too. Son of a bitch. I was tired and hungry from shopping and just wanted to go home.
I pulled out my cell to call Andy and let him know I couldn’t get home because the streets were blocked. He didn’t answer. I couldn’t even see the shop or the store from the street I was on because there were too many trees around.
There was one other road I could try to get home, so again, I reversed my car and flipped a U-turn. The next street wasn’t blocked yet, so I drove toward my place. The closer I came to home, the more worried I became. I was getting near enough I could see the smoke was coming from the area rig
ht over the store and our loft. I sped up, but once I was closer, I found the road was blocked. I parked on the street and hurried out to the barricade to talk to a police officer who was standing guard.
“Officer, I need to know if my building is on fire!” I said in a panic. “Can you tell me if it’s at James Racing or The Speed Shop?”
He gave me a curt nod. “Let me check for you, ma’am,” he said and stepped away, calling someone on his radio.
Shit! I couldn’t hear what he was saying.
A few minutes later, he walked back over to me. “Are you Zoey Tate?”
The officer would only know my name if it was my building on fire. Fuck. I nodded, as my heart sank.
“Ms. Tate, there was a small fire inside the warehouse at the back of your store. The fire is out. Luckily, it wasn’t very big. It was more smoke than fire, so that’s good news. The fire department is trying to—”
His radio let out a loud squeal at that moment, and a voice came over it. “We’ve got a code nine-two-six here, Sergeant. We’re gonna need the coroner.”
Oh God, someone was dead? Where was Andy? He hadn’t answered his phone when I called him. My body shook uncontrollably, so I held my arms around Hannah for comfort.
“Officer, please . . . I need to get over there now!” I cried. “My husband might be there.”
I prayed harder than I had ever prayed in my life.
Oh God, please don’t let it be Andy. Please, God. Oh, no, no, no! We had so much we were looking forward to. I can’t lose him—we can’t lose him.
“Officer, please, I need to get over there,” I begged again.
He took pity on me, put his radio up to his mouth, and walked away. I heard him tell someone that Andy might be on the property somewhere.
I pulled my cell out and dialed his number again but he still didn’t pick up. I needed to get over there. While the officer had his back to me, I snuck past the barricade and rushed toward my store.
Knowing the area well, I was able to make my way to the back side of the shop before I was grabbed by another cop. Once he realized I was pregnant, he let go of my body, but kept a hold of my arm.
“Please,” I begged. “This is my building. I need to find my husband.”
I looked over to where Andy’s truck was always parked, praying to God it wasn’t there, but it was.
My heart sank further when I scanned the crowd of firefighters and policemen but didn’t see him anywhere.
Where is he?
My heart was thumping so fast I couldn’t catch my breath. I thought I might have a panic attack because I couldn’t find him. I was becoming lightheaded, and my knees finally buckled underneath me.
The officer caught me as I went down and helped me sit on the curb.
I was freaking out, thinking about all the plans Andy and I had made. How was I going to raise our daughter on my own? I couldn’t do it without him. I didn’t want to do it without him.
If they told me he was dead, I would want to die right along with him. I hated feeling that way, but I did.
The officer stayed with me after he called a paramedic over to check me out.
I heard through the commotion that the coroner had arrived, and they were going inside my store to pick up the body of a man in his twenties.
As hard as I could, I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my ears so I didn’t have to hear them when they told me that my husband was dead. My mind became so overwhelmed, I imagined my body had been lifted from the hard concrete and deposited somewhere safe and comforting.
That’s when I took in a deep breath and smelled his cologne. When I opened my eyes, I expected to be sitting on the curb, but I wasn’t. I was sitting on someone’s lap, tucked into a warm embrace. A paramedic knelt in front of me taking my vitals, and the most beautiful man I had ever seen was beneath me, and whispering in my ear that he loved me.
Andy.
At first, I thought I was dreaming, but then he reached out and pushed my hair off my tear-streaked face.
“Zoey, are you alright?” he asked.
Once the paramedic let go of my wrist, I threw my arms around my husband and hugged him, pressing as close to him as my belly would allow. “I thought you were dead!” I sobbed, shaking uncontrollably.
God, please don’t let this be a dream. Please let him be here with me.
“Please don’t wake me up this time if I’m dreaming.”
I looked at his beautiful face and waited for him to say something. He squeezed me tighter. “Zoey, it’s not a dream . . . I’m here . . . I’m right here. I told you I’d never leave you again, and I meant it. Nothing can keep me from you.”
I grabbed his face hard and kissed him all over it as many times as I could before he started chuckling, and pulled my hands away so he could talk again.
“Zoey, relax. I’m here, Beautiful,” he reiterated as he smiled down at me. “Can you try and stand up for me?”
I gave him a nod and he helped me stand up on my wobbly legs. As soon as he stood, I wrapped my arms around him. There was no way I was letting him go.
“Why didn’t you answer your phone?” I asked. “I tried to call you when I came to the roadblocks, and then I couldn’t find you when I got here.”
Andy let go of me and checked his pockets, and came up empty-handed. He tipped his head when he remembered where it was. “Shit. My phone’s in my truck on the charger. I’m so sorry I worried you.”
The officer who was standing with us received a call on his radio asking if we would be willing to come over and try to identify the body they had taken out of the building.
My mind raced with the thought that it might be any of my brothers inside the building. But why would they be there? It was past closing time, and they would all be at home.
“Zoey, stay here.” Andy tried to pry my arms from around him. “I’ll go see if I know who it is.”
“No way, I am not letting go of you for anything right now.” I held him tighter. “I’ll go too.”
He nodded, knowing better than to argue with me. Besides, I needed to know who had died in our warehouse.
We walked a few feet before he stopped. “Zoey, are you sure you want to go over there?”
No, I’m not sure . . . but I nodded and began walking again.
When I realized I was making it difficult for us both to walk properly, I loosened my hold on him. Once we reached the other side of our store, I let him go briefly and linked my arm with his.
As we followed the officer, my mind began wandering again, and I felt sick to my stomach. Was the person we were to identify going to be burned up? And if they were, would I be able to live with that image in my head for the rest of my life? What if it was one of my brothers? I stopped short, ten feet from the person who was inside the blue body bag, on a stretcher.
“I can’t look,” I whispered. “What if it’s one of my brothers?”
The look in his eyes told me Andy hadn’t thought about that. “Stay here.”
He pressed a kiss to my hair, and left me to wait for him to come back. I turned my back to the stretcher as I heard the bag being unzipped. I refused to look in that direction. I waited, and a minute later, Andy said he knew the person.
Oh God, who was it? Andy came up behind me and put his arms around me. I didn’t turn to face him. I let him hold me as I waited to hear who had died inside our building.
“Zoey, it’s Rob,” he said quietly.
The next twenty-four hours passed by in mass confusion.
Why was Rob out of jail? Why had nobody told us?
He tried to make good on his promise of burning the place to the ground. At least it had been without me in it like he had threatened.
From his initial examination, the coroner said that Rob had most likely died from smoke inhalation. There were no burns on his body, thank God. I hated the man for what he had done to me, but I didn’t want anyone, even him, to suffer like that.
Apparently, he had tried to start the fire
with some type of chemical he had found in the back room. We weren’t sure of the substance yet, but it was something that caused more smoke than flame. In his rush to get out of the building, he had somehow become confused and overcome by the smoke. He probably couldn’t find his way out, because he had never stepped foot inside the warehouse before that day.
The coroner’s office was performing toxicology tests to see if he was under the influence of drugs or alcohol when he died. I was ninety-nine percent positive he had been high on meth at the time.
There was a little bit of media attention because of the fire and Rob’s death, but it died down after a couple of days. My family thought it was best if we closed the store and the shop until after the new year, giving all our employees paid vacation until we were ready to reopen.
Andy and I decided to go to Sonoma and spend time with Hamish and Sarah after Christmas.
When we returned home after New Year’s, Officer Sherman, actually Kyle, since we now considered him a friend, came for a visit. He let us know Rob had been released from jail due to overcrowding. Several offenders that were considered more violent than him had been transferred into the jail to serve time on their sentences. That meant the less dangerous criminals, and those who had been charged with only misdemeanors, as Rob had been, were released until their court dates.
Kyle hadn’t been aware because he’d been on vacation for Christmas. Had he known, he would’ve called us immediately.
Honestly, I didn’t want Rob to die, but he would never be able to hurt me again. I finally felt safe and wanted to move on with my life. My life with Andy, Hannah, our families, and friends.
It was the only life I was given and I needed to live it to the fullest. No regrets.
Officially, I had been in labor for twenty-four hours. According to my doctor’s original calculation, Hannah was well over a week late. I was so miserable, and extremely uncomfortable in my own body, I couldn’t imagine how cramped she was inside of me.