by Eve Gaddy
If there was, what in the hell could it be?
“I need to ask you something.”
Mia glanced at Wyatt in the mirror. “That sounds serious.”
He shrugged. “Why is it when you say you love me, you sound so sad?”
So much for her ability to hide her feelings. Nevertheless, she couldn’t come clean. Yet. “I don’t.”
“Come on, Mia, you had to think about it before you answered. What’s going on?”
She turned around to face him. He sat on her bed, shirtless, bare feet, wearing nothing but his jeans. From the expression on his face, he wouldn’t be put off much longer. But once Christmas had passed he’d know everything.
“It’s nothing. I’m a little worried about something, that’s all.”
“Something that has to do with you and me?”
She was in serious need of a distraction. She used the only one she could think of.
“No.” She wore her PJs, which were as far from sexy as you could get, but she had to work with what she had.
He frowned. “You’re not going to talk about it, are you?”
Mia walked over to stand in front of him. “I can think of more fun things to talk about.” She sat on his lap and twined her arms around his neck. “And do,” she added, and kissed him.
It wasn’t a gentle kiss, a slow lovemaking kind of kiss. It was hot and fast and intended to shoot him into overdrive. A let’s-get-naked-and-get-after-it kind of kiss.
His arms tightened around her as his tongue met her in a sexy thrust and parry. But then he stopped and pulled back to look at her. “Mia—”
She put her fingers on his lips to stop him. “Don’t talk.” She stripped off her shirt, took one of his hands and placed it on her breast. “Let’s make love.”
His hand closed around her breast, then caressed it. He groaned. “You’re distracting me.”
“I hope so.” She stood and stripped off her pants and panties. “I’m trying like hell to.” Pushing him back on the bed, she unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. Helped him pull them off along with his boxers.
They rolled over the bed, first one on top, then the other. It was fierce, it was fast, stopping just this side of rough. But when he finally drove inside her and she looked into his eyes, she saw such love in them it made her heart ache.
“I love you,” she told him. “So much.”
Much later, she slipped her arms around him and laid her head against his chest. “It’s important to you to have kids, isn’t it?”
“I never thought much about it before. Then suddenly, wham, bam, I was a father. Or so I believed. Losing that baby, never having that baby, shook me up in a way I hadn’t expected.” He tugged her head back and kissed her mouth. “I went from sorrow to anger and back again, and every emotion in between. And to be honest, some of it was relief that I wouldn’t be marrying a woman I hardly knew.” He hugged her and kissed the top of her head. “I’ve had time to think about it and come to terms with it. It’s not like that was my last chance to have kids.”
Her heart plummeted to her toes, regardless of the fact that nothing he said came as a surprise. She willed herself not to stiffen. Put her head down so he wouldn’t see the despair in her eyes.
“Mia? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Something is.” Fingers under her chin, he turned her face up to search her eyes. His eyes were so beautiful. Blue sky at dusk, dark with concern. “Tell me.”
She shook her head. “It’s nothing,” she repeated.
“You know you can tell me anything, don’t you? There’s nothing you could say that will change the way I feel about you.”
Oh, God, if only that were true. But she knew it wasn’t.
There went her last hope. That he could somehow forgive her and they could find their way back to each other. But he wouldn’t, knowing there would never be a baby, not from her.
He wouldn’t blame her, wouldn’t be angry because she got pregnant or lost the baby. But he trusted her. Trusted her to be straight with him. And she’d been anything but straight.
If she’d just told him from the first, when she realized she was pregnant... The night she’d taken the home pregnancy test had only confirmed what she knew. Just two days later, she asked him to come over, intending to tell him. And he told her he was moving back to Marietta, in a matter of days. Wouldn’t that have been timely? Oh, by the way, Wyatt, before you move I’ve got a little bombshell to drop. I’m pregnant. And unlike Loretta, it really is your baby. God, the very thought made her shudder.
Would he understand why she’d kept it from him then? And what about now? Now that they’d become lovers, something they both knew was more than a fling, and she still hadn’t told him. Partly because of the wedding and the baby and Christmas. But even more because she knew when she told him their relationship would be over. She’d not only lose her lover, she’d lose her best friend.
What a mess she’d made of her life.
Christmas with the Gallaghers was unlike anything Mia had ever experienced. The holiday morning started late, to give everyone a chance to finish their morning chores. Wyatt had been up early helping out Dylan, since the ranch hands had the day off.
Once Jack and family, and Glory and her husband, Billy, arrived at the ranch, everyone opened their presents at once. This resulted in mass chaos that seemed to fit with the family she’d grown to know and care for so much. Mia had painted pictures for everyone, leaving Sean and Honey’s for them when they returned from their honeymoon. She’d put a lot of thought into what everyone would like and judging from their reactions, she’d been successful.
Touched, she found that everyone had a present for her as well. A beautiful sweater from Jack, Maya and family. A whimsical carving of a horse from Dylan. Glory had written out a number of recipes for some of the dishes Mia had raved about. Since she knew Glory didn’t share her recipes indiscriminately, she felt very honored. Honey and Sean had left presents for everyone. For Mia, Honey had picked out a set of sparkle pens that she’d noticed and exclaimed over on one of their shopping trips.
Carmen and Gina had already opened most of their presents at home, but they opened their presents from their uncles and Glory and her husband. Wyatt’s gift certificates were a big hit. The girls immediately began planning when to use them.
Everyone pitched in to clean up the mess from the presents. Will woke up and Maya left the room to feed him. She said he didn’t nurse well when it was noisy, and the volume in the room was high.
When she returned with the baby, she must have seen Mia watching them. “Would you like to hold him?” Maya asked her.
“I’d love to, but that wasn’t why I was staring at you.” Maya put the baby in her arms and she continued. “You and Will make such a touching and beautiful picture. I would love to paint you.”
“I’d love for you to. But I’ll warn you right now you’ll have to decide on which picture to use. Jack has taken so many I couldn’t possibly choose.”
“I’d like to take one of my own. That way I can be sure and have the light and shadows how I want them.”
“Okay, just say the word. After you finish holding him,” she added with a grin.
Will snuggled into her arms as if he belonged there. He was so sweet. So soft. So perfect. Mia’s heart swelled with emotion. If only... She glanced up to find Wyatt watching her. Across the room, he met her eyes and smiled, sweet, intimate. Heartbreaking. After tomorrow, she’d never see that expression again.
Late that afternoon, they sat down to a traditional Christmas dinner of turkey and dressing, baked glazed ham, side dishes of every variety and two home-made apple pies for dessert. Mia had no clue how Glory had pulled it off only two days after the wedding.
It was a Christmas to remember and to cherish through the lonely days ahead.
Chapter Sixteen
There’s no reason to be nervous, Wyatt told himself. Even if it was the first time he’d asked a woma
n to marry him. A woman he was in love with, anyway. A woman he honestly wanted to marry. Which took Loretta out of the equation on all counts.
You’re nervous because Mia’s been acting weird. For the life of him he couldn’t figure out why. And she wouldn’t tell him. He remembered the white-hot sex they’d had last night when he’d tried to get her to talk. Not that he minded hot sex, of course. He’d have to be crazy to object to being seduced by a single-minded, beautiful, desirable woman.
Everyone had gone, leaving Mia and Wyatt alone, sitting in front of the fire with the Christmas tree lights twinkling. Dylan had gone off to the annual Christmas night poker game one of his friends always threw. Jack and his family and Glory and Billy had gone home long before.
Mia stood in front of the tree with her back to him. She had on a green, fuzzy sweater and blue jeans. He went over and slipped his arms around her. “What are you thinking?” he asked her.
She sighed and leaned back against him. “It was a wonderful Christmas. You have a great family, Wyatt.”
“They’re okay,” he said, surprising a laugh out of her. “Yeah, they are pretty great. Most of the time.” He paused and added, “They like you. Jack and Maya think you’re amazing. They were still talking about where to hang the picture once it’s framed. What made you decide to paint a portrait again? Last I heard you were done with those.”
“I couldn’t resist the picture Carmen and Gina made with Will between them. They’re beautiful children,” she said, sounding wistful.
“You couldn’t have picked anything they’d like more. How did you find time to paint something for everyone?” She’d chosen to paint Honey’s horse, Halo, from a photograph and left it for when Honey and Sean returned from their honeymoon. She gave Dylan a watercolor of one of his horses, and Glory a painting of a field of flowers, just emerging from the snow.
She moved away from him and shrugged. “I painted a lot when you were working.”
“How did you know what to paint for Glory?”
She turned around to stare at him. “Haven’t you heard her raving about her favorite time of year?”
“No. Does she?” She stared at him incredulously. He laughed. “I’ve known Glory since I was born. I’ve only heard that maybe a million times. But I didn’t know you had.”
“I imagine anyone who knows Glory knows her favorite time of year.”
“Probably so.”
“I haven’t given you your present yet,” Mia said.
“I haven’t given you yours.”
“Let me go first. I’ll be back in a minute.”
She wasn’t gone long. When she reentered the room she held a large painting, turned so that he could only see the back. “Merry Christmas, Wyatt.” Propping it up against the back of the couch, she stepped away to let him see.
It was the landscape she’d started weeks ago. A painting of the creek and waterfall in the midst of snow, with the hawk circling overhead. She had finished it, done something subtly different to it. Something that made it seem brighter, more defined. He was no artist so he didn’t know what that was. But he knew talent and he knew love and he saw both coming from the painting.
“It’s—I don’t have words. It’s amazing, Mia. I’m there. I can feel the cold, hear the water rushing in the creek and the cry of the hawk.” He tore his eyes from the painting to look at her. “Thank you.”
“You seemed to like it. I wasn’t sure—” She shrugged. “I hoped you’d like it.”
He pulled her into his arms and smiled down at her. “Like is far too weak of a word. So is love, for that matter.” He kissed her lips, then picked up her painting hand and kissed it. “I knew you were talented. I’ve seen your work, after all. But this”—he looked at the painting again—“this is beyond words.”
“I don’t know about that, but I’m glad you like it.”
“How could I not?” He kissed her, then set her aside. “I’ll be right back.”
He went to his room and picked up the jeweler’s ring box from one of his drawers. The box wasn’t new. The velvet on both the outside and inside was worn. The ring wasn’t new either, having belonged to his grandmother, his mother’s mother. It was a beautiful, old-fashioned ring, a single round diamond surrounded by smaller diamonds in a platinum setting. Wyatt thought it suited Mia. It had been in a safety deposit box and marked with Wyatt’s name. Their father had opened it when Jack and Brianna, Jack’s first wife, got engaged. There were numerous pieces from both sides of the family, each marked with one of the brothers’ or Glenna’s name.
He stuffed the ring in his pocket and went back downstairs. Mia sat on the couch, staring into the fire. Wyatt sat beside her and held her hands. She looked at him quizzically, her expression turning to alarm when he got down on one knee.
“Mia, I love you.” He let go of her hands to pull the ring out of his pocket. “Will you—”
Mia jumped up, interrupting him mid-sentence. “Don’t, Wyatt. Please, don’t.”
He stared at her, wondering if he’d heard right. “Don’t what? I’m trying to ask you to marry me.”
“I can’t. Oh, God, I can’t.” Her eyes filled with tears and she ran out of the room.
Leaving him down on one knee, holding his grandmother’s ring and feeling like the biggest fool who’d ever lived.
Mia lay face down on her bed in abject misery. God, she was an idiot. Why hadn’t she told him before this? She should never have let it get this far. But no, she’d put off telling him about the baby she’d lost just like she’d put off telling him she was pregnant in the first place.
And now it was too late. For anything.
“Mia.” He knocked on the door. “I’m coming in.”
She sat up, trying, with no success, to get hold of herself. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have run out.”
“Mia, what the hell is going on?”
A fair question. “I can’t marry you.”
“Interesting. Since I haven’t managed to actually ask you. Speaking hypothetically, why can’t you marry me? Do you still think I’m on the rebound?”
“No, I don’t think that.”
“Do you love me?”
“You know I do.”
“Then why were you so freaked out at the thought of me asking you to marry me?”
“Because I’ve been lying to you.”
He looked surprised. “Lying about what?” He shut the door, then walked to the bed and sat down. He didn’t look angry, just surprised.
But then, she hadn’t told him exactly what she had lied about. “I didn’t want to tell you until after Christmas. Hell, I didn’t want to tell you at all, but I knew I’d have to.”
Gently, he said, “When I said there was nothing you could tell me that would change my feelings about you, I meant it. Just tell me.”
“I’ve been in love with you for years,” she said bluntly. “But the timing was always bad, so I believed nothing would ever come of it. Especially when you told me you were marrying Loretta. Then, the night you found out the truth about her, you came to me. And we made love.”
“I remember,” he said, with the hint of a smile.
“I didn’t know what would happen but I hoped we could build something lasting. But nothing more happened. I didn’t even talk to you until—”
“Until I told you I was moving.”
She nodded.
He shoved a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, Mia. I should never have treated you that way. It was a shitty thing to do.”
She shrugged, as if it didn’t matter. Yet it did. It had hurt, badly. It still hurt.
“I was pretty fucked up over Loretta and what she did.”
“I know. I understood that. But it didn’t matter. It didn’t help.” She looked at him then, wanting, but dreading to see his reaction. “The night we spent together I got pregnant.”
Pregnant? Mia was pregnant? Wyatt couldn’t wrap his mind around any of this. Except she was very obviously not pregnant now.
“You didn’t tell me.”
“I was going to. The night you told me you were moving, I had planned to tell you. But you were determined to leave. If I’d told you then—” She paused, then said, “I was afraid you’d think I was trying to trap you.”
“How long had you known?”
“Not long. Just a couple of days.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? When you found out, why not tell me?”
Mia got off the bed and started to pace. “For God’s sake, Wyatt! It wasn’t that long since you found out that you’d been—”
“Suckered?”
“Lied to. Would you have believed me if I’d told you? Oh, by the way, Wyatt, I’m pregnant and this time it really is your baby.”
Would he have believed her? “Yes, I’d have believed you.”
“You say that now, but at the time you were, as you put it, still fucked up about Loretta. We used birth control. You’d never have believed that I was pregnant with your baby, or if I was, that I hadn’t done it on purpose.”
“I trusted you. I’d have believed you if you’d told me, but you didn’t.” He looked at her, not wanting to know, but he had to ask. “You’re not pregnant now.”
“No.” Her eyes glistened with tears.
“Did you have an abortion?”
“No.” A tear tracked slowly down her cheek. “I had a miscarriage.”
“Convenient. No baby, no need to tell me anything.”
The tears were falling faster now. She looked stricken, miserable. He felt like a jerk, but shit, she’d lied to him. For months. She’d been pregnant with his baby. His baby.
“I knew I had to tell you. I was looking to book a flight to Bozeman when I started cramping. But I waited too long. I miscarried that night.”
This was Mia. The woman he’d fallen in love with. The woman he had never imagined would lie to him, much less lie about something of this magnitude.
“Why should I believe you?” he asked harshly. “You’ve been lying to me for months.”