by Joan Rylen
“With a name like that, we gotta stop,” Vivian said and laughed.
Lucy flipped that bitch around the roundabout and pulled into the parking lot, screeching to a stop.
Kate grabbed her camera. “We’ve got to document.” She instructed the girls into place under the green neon sign, put the camera on the back of a sedan parked beside them and set the automatic timer. She ran into place just in time.
The girls took several more goofy shots and were still laughing as Lucy held the door open.
A young guy sat behind the counter. “I was beginning to wonder if you were going to make it inside.”
“We had a few pictures to take first,” Kate said. “Are you even old enough to drink?”
“We get that a lot, and I am.”
The kid seriously looked maybe 18. Mohawk, nose ring, eyeliner but a big, friendly smile and he knew his way around the goods. After helping them select a couple of bottles of wine, Baileys and butterscotch schnapps, he insisted on taking their picture with the Beaver Liquor mascot, Woodchuck. Judging by his yellowed front teeth, brittle eyes and a thick layer of dust, he looked to be an old, old taxidermied beaver. Backwards baseball cap and Mardi Gras beads completed his ensemble.*
“Hands down, that is the ugliest thing I have ever seen,” Wendy said. “And it kinda freaks me out a little.”
Lucy took a step back. “Ugh, he’s nasty. Good grief.”
“Poor little beaver snatch,” Vivian said, taking a step forward and leaning in close to his beady eyes. “Bless his poor little dead, removed heart.”
“Did you just call him a beaver snatch?” Kate asked just as Young’un said, “Say Woody” and snapped the picture.
They were all caught with different expressions of beaver admiration, which made the picture an instant classic.
They paid, then Young’un pointed them to the Beaver Liquor souvenir shop with its T-shirts, hats, koozies, bottle openers, magnets, stickers, flip-flops, sweatshirts, boxer shorts, edible panties and everyone’s favorite, Beaver Balm.
“It says ‘for soft and supple beaver lips,’ ” Lucy read off the label.
“We all need that,” Kate said and then grabbed a handful of Beaver Balm and a pair of boxer shorts for Shaun that said “I’m a beaver liquor.”
Everyone else loaded up on stickers, magnets and “I beaver liquors” T-shirts and a few more Beaver Balms.
Young'un helped them out to the car with their plethora of beaver goods.
I hope he makes a commission off all the beaver crap we bought, Vivian thought.
They gave him a high-five and got their beaverness in the car.
“That was a beaver-lickin’ good time,” Lucy said and expertly steered them onto the road, headed back to The Ridge.
23
THE valets opened the hotel doors for the girls at the same time, making for a grand entrance. Vivian giggled to herself. I could get used to this!
They stopped by the front desk, and Trey handed Kate a discreet paper sack. “For you, Madame. It was my pleasure.”
Vivian was the most excited. “I just know it’s going to be positive!”
“It could be the altitude,” Lucy said. “It does weird things to people.”
Once in the elevator, Lucy made an announcement. “I have a surprise!”
“You hired a stripper?” Vivian asked.
Lucy gave her a “no, smart-ass,” look.
“Somethin’ sweet?” Wendy asked.
“Maaaaaaaaybe…,” Lucy said.
“It’s chocolate, isn’t it?” Kate said. “Something chocolate? I could use some chocolate.”
“As a matter of fact, it is partly chocolate. I have stuff for s’mores!”
Woo-hoos all around.
“First things first,” Vivian said. “Kate’s got a plastic stick to pee on.”
They hustled into the room, and Kate went directly to do the pregnancy test. Wendy opened one of the bottles of wine and quickly poured three glasses and got a bottle of water ready for Kate, in case congratulations were in order.
“How’s it going in there?” Vivian called through the door, excitement building.
“Hurry up!” Lucy said.
Kate emerged a few minutes later, a smile on her face.
“Well?” Wendy asked, handing her the bottle of water.
Kate reached for Wendy’s glass of wine instead. “Negative!”
“You sound happy about that,” Vivian said with a twinge of disappointment.
“Although we’ve been trying, the idea still freaks me out a little. And besides, I want to be with Shaun when we get the news.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Lucy said. “We get it.”
“It’s all good,” Wendy said. “If you’re happy, we’re happy.”
“Yes, but I think you should start popping ’em out soon,” Vivian said. “As y’all reminded me several times on my 30th birthday, we’re not spring chickens anymore!”
“Let’s take the wine and go down to the great room for now,” Kate said. “I’m suddenly feeling much better and ready to sit on those comfy couches and enjoy this glass.”
Lucy packed up the s’mores supplies and another bottle of wine, and they left the room.
Vivian walked into the great room and came to an abrupt stop. Wendy ran into the back of her and muttered, “No.”
Agent Nelson sat in a high-backed, leather chair, his back to the windows, watching people come and go.
Recovered from her surprise, Vivian said, “Didn’t expect to see you here.”
He stood as they approached. “I’ll be staying overnight. Right across the hall from you.”
Kate wrung her hands. “Why? Did something happen?”
“Those were the orders I received. No need to be worried.” He looked around at the surroundings, then at Wendy. “The hotel is so nice I didn’t want to argue.”
Right, Vivian thought but said, “Where’s Cervantes?”
“She took the evidence back to Denver.” He changed the subject and asked, “Any problems getting back to the hotel?”
“Negative, ghost rider, but we did have a Beaver Lickin’ good time!” Lucy said, holding up her wine, which spilled a little on the carpet. “Whoopsie!”
The girls snickered and Wendy looked uncomfortable. “Let’s go outside to the fire pit,” she suggested.
“Why don’t we sit here with Agent Nelson and enjoy a glass of wine first,” Vivian said, sitting on a couch. “Would you like some?” she asked him.
“I’m set.” He held up his rocks glass with some kind of clear, carbonated beverage. “Please, call me Wade.” He sat back down.
Wendy pulled at the neck of her sweater as she sat in the chair opposite and the farthest away from Nelson.
They cheered to working brakes and a lack of stalkers.
“So how long have you been in the FBI?” Vivian asked.
“Almost two years.”
“Ever busted anyone in the mob?” Lucy asked.
“Oh no, here we go again,” Kate said and laughed. “You’ll have to excuse her.”
Nelson laughed and said, “I could tell you, but then I’d have to whack you.”
Kate glanced at his left hand. “Are you married?”
“No.”
“Girlfriend?”
“What is this, an interrogation?”
“It’s just gettin’ to know you questions,” Vivian said. “This is hardly an interrogation. We’ve been there, done that, and this ain’t that.”
Nelson raised his eyebrows and cocked his head.
Vivian raised her glass. “Here’s to Mexican police work!”
“Screw that,” Wendy said, refusing to toast. “We solved that crime. Otherwise, you were goin’ down!”
“And not in a good way,” Lucy added.
Nelson just shook his head. “Care to elaborate?”
“No, that was our last vacation,” Vivian said. “You can read all about it in Escándalos.”
“You’re
not married and no girlfriend,” Kate pressed. “Is there a, uh, boyfriend?”
Wendy choked on her drink for the second time that night, and Nelson answered quickly, “No. I just don’t have a lot of time for a significant other.”
“That’s a bummer, but sometimes significant others cheat, lie and steal your Facebook password,” Vivian said.
Kate waved off Vivian’s comments. “Wendy, you look like a Ralph Lauren model, sitting there in that chair wearing your preppy turtleneck, your hair shining and spilling over your shoulder, your brown eyes sparkling.”
“Hot momma.” Kate flipped more of Wendy’s hair over her shoulder.
“Boom, chicka-baobao,” Lucy sang.
“I need more wine,” Wendy said, getting up and reaching for Lucy’s bag o’ goodies. She dug around for a minute. “We forgot the wine opener. I’ll run up and get it.” She walked toward the elevators.
“Buddy system!” Vivian called, then looked at Nelson. “Maybe you should make sure she gets there safely.”
He took the hint, downed his drink and followed.
24
WENDY stepped into the elevator, and as she turned she saw Nelson walking toward her. She frantically pushed the door close button. Come on, come on, close!
Just when she thought she was in the clear, an arm flew into the doors, causing them to retract. Nelson stepped in.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you,” Wendy said, hitting 8, then taking a step back.
“Your friends said something about the buddy system?”
“Yeah, we had to implement that down in Mexico. She’s got four young kids.”
“I read her file. She was blessed with attractive children.”
Wendy thought of one of her favorite musicians, Josh Weathers, and his song “I’m Blessed.” She loved that song. Blessed to walk, blessed to talk, blessed to breathe, blessed to open my eyes… and see. Blessed to be alive and well. By the way I’m livin’ now, you probably couldn’t tell. I am blessed!
The doors opened to the floor and she stepped out first as Nelson protectively ensured the doors were not going to close.
She let them into the room and started searching for the bottle opener. He went out to the balcony as she scrounged around the table.
“It’s a gorgeous night out,” he called, looking up at the stars.
“You should see it during the day.” She found the wine opener and pushed the curtain back. “I found it. You ready, Agent Nelson?”
“The stars are amazing,” he said. “And like I said earlier, call me Wade.”
She reluctantly joined him on the balcony, and her insides did a flip. What am I doing? What am I doing?
“So what about you, are you married?”
“Nope, not me.”
“Is that the big dipper?” He pointed to the sky, then let his arm drop down behind her and grazed the small of her back.
“Uh, no, Wade. I think that’s the little dipper, actually.”
He turned and looked her in the eye. “It’s the big one.”
She looked back at him, unsure of what to say. After a few seconds she started laughing and turned to bail, but Wade grabbed her hand.
“I’m sorry for this afternoon. I should have looked away immediately. I don’t know why I didn’t. I should have, and I apologize.”
“Let’s just pretend like it never happened.”
“Deal,” he said, squeezing gently. “I’ll leave that out of my official report.”
She drew her hand back and laughed. “That’s probably a good idea.”
A gust of wind kicked up and blew Wendy’s long, brown hair across her face. Wade pushed it back, tucking it behind her ear. Her skin tingled where he’d touched her face and sent shock waves through her body. She wanted to kiss him.
Her body said “yes,” and her mind said “no” and “why not” at the same time. He was hot, of that there was no doubt, but she loved Jake, didn’t she? Did he love her? Why did Wade’s touch feel so good? Dammit.
She pushed away the urge. “So what do you think about Craig? How dangerous do you think he is?”
“I’m not sure yet. Craig is a wanted criminal and I plan to apprehend him, but at this point it looks like Vivian screwed around with a bartender who probably snapped that picture just to mess with her for leaving. It was sent in an envelope from where the guy worked.”
“Hmm, I don’t know.”
“Guy had a bruised ego.”
“What about the brakes?”
“I couldn’t find anything that had been tampered with, and she’d had an oil change the week before. Those types of places mess things up all the time.”
Wendy wasn’t ready to buy what he was selling, even though it was possible. She was quiet for a moment. “So you don’t think it was Craig? It’s all just coincidence?”
“We’ll know more if Agent Cervantes pulls any prints off the picture.” He put his hand on hers. “But I don’t think there’s any real danger.”
She held up the corkscrew end of the wine opener. “They’re probably ready for more wine by now.” She turned and went inside.
He sighed, then followed and slid the door closed and locked it.
She grabbed the bottle of Baileys and butterscotch schnapps on her way out. “I’ll make us all Buttery Nipples out by the fire.”
“Sounds tasty.” He gave her a sly smile.
Damn, why did I say that? She made a beeline for the elevator, hitting the down button four times before the doors opened.
They both reached for the lobby button, their hands grazing. Wendy didn’t step back this time, allowing him to stand close to her. Much closer than was necessary. The doors opened and he excused himself.
Wendy met the girls back in the great room. “Ready for the fire pit?”
“Y’all were gone for a while,” Vivian said. “We figured you were heatin’ things up in the room and wouldn’t need the fire pit.”
“There were some sparks but no full-fledged fire.”
“Oooouuuu,” the girls said.
“Do tell,” Kate said.
“Ouu, nothing. He apologized for staring at my boobs. No biggie.”
“Nothing? No kiss, no flirting?” Lucy asked.
“There might have been some minimal flirting. Can we please go outside now? He’ll be back any sec, and I don’t want him to know we’re talking about him. The whole situation is still a little uncomfortable.”
The girls went outside and grabbed the last four chairs by the fire. A couple to their left were holding hands and giving googly eyes to one another. A group of girls, all 25-30, sat to their right. One of them sat along the ledge rimming the fire pit, her butt crack exposed.
“There’s no way she doesn’t feel her ass hangin’ out, as cold as it is out here,” Wendy whispered.
“She knows. She just doesn’t care,” Lucy said, then got to work on the s’mores, commandeering two skewers and sticking marshmallows on them. She thrust them into the flames. “I’m stickin’ ’em in, ladies.”
“That’s what he said!” Vivian said, opening the package of graham crackers. “I like mine flamin’ hot, by the way.”
“Are we still talking about marshmallows?” Lucy asked.
“I like mine hard and gooey, all at the same time,” Kate said, then ripped open the Hershey’s package with her teeth.
“Y’all and your sexual innuendos,” Wendy said.
“Let’s move on to something else that cracks us up,” Vivian said and indicated to the butt-crack girl with her glass of wine. “In case I haven’t told y’all, you should always say no to crack.”
“Does that window have a crack in it?” Kate said, pointing to a nonexistent window.
Nelson came out carrying some firewood. He stood on the brick ledge and threw it on the fire.
“I’m not a crack whore,” Lucy said and pointed to butt-crack girl with a skewer.
Nelson’s line of sight followed the skewer and he almost fell off the ledge.
“Is it me, or is there a full moon out tonight?” Kate asked.
“Oh, it’s definitely a moons-over-my-hammy type of night,” Vivian concurred.
“A blue moon type of night, definitely,” Wendy said. “But since we don’t have any, let’s do a Buttery Nipple!” The two liquor bottles were already cold from sitting outside behind her chair, so she poured them out in little plastic cups she’d grabbed from the water station.
Wendy passed out the shots and Vivian held hers up proudly. “To an asstonishingly good friendship that is blooming from the mooning we are cracking up at, butt does anyone know a good plumber? Ass we are in need of one, right now right this very minute.”
“Bluuuuuue moooooooooooooooooooon,” Lucy started singing.
Nelson, getting into the ass groove, said, “Can you please pass me a graham cracker?”
With that, it was on.* The girls, Nelson and the couple next to them cracked joke after joke. Ass-girl never indicated she heard or cared that they were making fun of her mostly bare butt cheeks.
Wrapping up the ass jokes, Vivian said, “I think I hear wolves howling at the moon,” which instigated howls at the moon from the girls, the couple, even Wade.
“Aooooouuuuuuhhhhh,” they bellowed.
They enjoyed the fire for a while longer, then the girls decided to pack it up, and Nelson escorted them upstairs.
As Lucy closed the door to their room, she yelled, “That was fantabulASSSSSSS!”
25
Day 4
VIVIAN awoke to the sound of the sliding door closing and water running in the bathroom. The warm, cozy bed enveloped her, and she snuggled deeper under the comforter, pulling it over her head.
Lucy’s perky voice chimed, “Rise and shine, sleepyheads.”
Wendy groaned, flipped over and plumped her pillow.
Guess she’s not ready to get up, either, Vivian thought.
“Kate’s already up and at ’em,” Lucy said as she pulled back the room-darkening curtains. “It’s a beautiful day outside, and look at this view.”
Vivian didn’t move.
“I said,” Lucy said, yanking the covers off Vivian’s head, “look at that view!”