by Cassie Cross
After, Caleb curls around me on the couch, our arms and legs twined together. It’s comforting and safe, and I kind of want to stay here for the rest of my life. I could do that, easily, but I’ve got some unfinished business out there in the world, and I’m ready to take care of it.
“Caleb,” I whisper. He’s breathing so deeply that I’m not sure he’s still awake.
“Yeah,” he replies sleepily.
I take a deep breath, and swallow. “I want to go back to Chicago.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Standing in the foyer of my apartment in Chicago, I feel this odd sense of relief wash over me. If I’m completely honest with myself, when I was packing my things into the bag that I took with me to New York, I didn’t really think I’d ever come back here. I thought Privya would kill me, or—best case scenario—I would be on the run for the rest of my life.
I never could’ve imagined that I’d meet and fall in love with a wonderful man who would change my life in so many ways, and give me a future I didn’t think I would have the last time I was in this apartment. So, I’m glad he’s here with me now, standing by my side as I take some time to decide what exactly I’m going to do with that future.
The first thing we did upon arrival was make a stop at my mailbox, where over a month’s worth of junk was piled up inside. Caleb’s holding it all in the crook of his right arm, and our bags are slung over his left.
“You can put that over there on the table,” I tell him, pointing to my left. “Sorry, it’s…it’s kind of sparse in here.” I take a step into the living area, which is the complete opposite the lush apartment that Caleb has in New York. This whole place is about half the size of his bedroom, and that’s being generous.
I lost almost everything I owned in the explosion, and I rented this studio a week after, when I was tired of sleeping on Marcus’s couch. I was living my life in a daze back then, still grieving, still unbelieving. I never bothered to put up any pictures on the wall, and barely even decorated the place. I didn’t ever think of it as “home” so much as a temporary resting place. Seems like that’s exactly what it turned out to be.
All I have in here is a bed, a comfy chair I picked up at a thrift store, and an old bookshelf filled with my favorite books that I had replaced at a secondhand bookstore. I walk over to the window, and slide my fingertips across the arms of that old chair. I spent a lot of time curled up in this thing. Sometimes I was hard at work, laptop balanced precariously on my lap. Sometimes I was reading, curled up with a blanket and a good book, hoping I could forget about life for a while. Sometimes I just sat down and cried.
The air is a little stuffy, because the place doesn’t have central air, and the windows have been shut ever since I left. There’s just a musty, un-lived in smell, and I’m grateful that I had the presence of mind to throw away all of my food before I left. Otherwise, this place would be unbearable.
I turn to Caleb, who’s standing next to my bed. He’s looking around with this small smile on his face, like he knows something that I don’t.
“What?” I ask, amused. “What’s that look for?”
Caleb shrugs, and takes a step toward me. “This place is very you.”
“It’s not even decorated, Caleb. Anyone could live here.”
“No, not anyone. This,” he says, bending down and sliding his fingers across the blanket at the end of my bed. “You wear this color a lot. And your pillows…” He points out the way they’re tossed on the bed, two to rest my head on and one behind me. “You sleep like that, even with me.” He lifts up one of the pillows, and smiles when he finds a pair of pajamas folded underneath. “You do this at home, too.”
I don’t miss his mention of “home,” like it’s there in New York, not here in this tiny apartment hundreds of miles away from the life that we’re building together.
“Those are books that you want to read, but haven’t gotten to yet,” he says, pointing at the small stack next to the chair. “Just like you have at home. There are a couple of the same books here.”
The look on my face must convey what I’m feeling at the moment: complete shock. “You notice all of that?”
Caleb closes the distance between us, then leans down and gives me a kiss. “I notice a lot of things about you.”
I caress his cheek. “Why don’t you have a seat? I should go through all of this mail.”
Caleb nods, then lowers himself onto my chair. He leans forward, and starts thumbing through the books on my shelf. I’m struck by the sight of him here, surprised that he doesn’t seem out of place at all. I mean, there’s something about Caleb that exudes wealth, and he still looks right sitting on my second hand chair, looking through my secondhand books. I fit right into his world, too.
Something about that realization strikes me hard in the chest.
“Mia?”
“Yeah?”
“C’mere,” he says softly. When he asks like that, I can’t help but comply.
I walk over, and sit down on his lap, then swing my legs over the arms of the chair. Caleb wraps his arm around my back, and places a hand on my knee, rubbing small circles across the skin there with his thumb.
“Tell me what you’re thinking?” he asks, before pressing a kiss to my temple.
I take a deep breath, then tell him, “I’m thinking that this is a little surreal.”
“How so?”
“I…I’m just not sure how I ended up here. It seems a little too good to be true.”
“Well,” he replies with a teasing lilt in his voice. “We got on a plane and flew.”
I reach up and scrub my hand across his stubbly cheek, and laugh. This man, he makes me happy. Happier than I’ve been in my entire life, actually. He lit the spark inside of me that seemed to burn out after my father died.
“When I left here, I thought I wouldn’t ever come back. Well…not under any good circumstances, at least. I didn’t think I’d see this place again, and when I met you, I just…I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was sure that when you found out about what I’d done you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. You’ve been so wonderful and supportive, and it’s more than I ever could’ve dared to hope for. And now, I have the choice between two lives. I never thought…” I trail off at the end, because I’m afraid I’m going to start crying. This is a happy sentiment; I don’t want to ruin it with tears.
“I’m not going to pressure you, Mia. I told you we could make this work.”
“I know,” I say softly. “I just never thought I’d get to this point, you know? Where I was safe here, where you were here with me.”
“I want to be wherever you are,” he replies, kissing the underside of my jaw. “Wherever that is.”
I run my fingers through his thick hair, loving Caleb’s hum of satisfaction. “You’re being so supportive, but I know you must have an opinion.”
He presses his lips together, then looks down at the floor. “I do, of course I do. But I don’t want to give it to you.”
“What if I asked you for it?”
I see just the hint of a smile, before Caleb answers. “I still don’t want to give it to you.”
“You know that makes me want it even more, right?”
“So,” he replies, twining our fingers together. “Say I give this opinion to you. What happens in the future if things don’t work out the way you hoped or expected them to, and you resent me because you feel like my opinion swayed you one way or the other?”
“Caleb,” I sigh. “I could never resent you.”
“You know who has said that before?”
“Who?”
“A person who resents another person.” He brings my hand up to his lips, and gives me a kiss. But he’s grinning at me, and that’s a good sign. “I want you to come back to New York, Mia. I want you to live with me, and I want us to have a home and a life together, and that’s what I can promise you right now. But that’s what I want. If that’s not what you want…I realize this i
nvolves uprooting your life.”
“I already uprooted my life.” The fact is, I’ve already moved to New York, I’ve already changed everything. I just have the option of undoing that now if I want to.
“That was because you didn’t have a choice. If you’re going to do it this time, willingly, I want you to do it because that’s what you want to do, not because it’s what I want you to do.”
“Thank you for that. And thank you for telling me.”
Caleb leans in and kisses me. “Thank you for asking my opinion.”
“Do you want to stay here tonight?” I ask. “Or we could find a hotel, if you want to.”
“I want to stay here tonight.”
That’s the answer I was hoping to get, so I can’t help but beam at him. “Good.”
“What are your plans for the rest of the day?”
“I’d like to go see Marcus and Amelia,” I tell him.
“I think that’s a great idea.”
“Would you like to come with me?” I ask hopefully.
I can tell from the look on his face that he’s struggling with an answer. At least, struggling to figure out a way to tell me his answer.
“I think you should spend some time with your friend and his mother. I don’t want you to feel like you have to invite me because of everything that happened. I think I’d probably be a third wheel.”
Sliding my fingertip along the placket of Caleb’s shirt, I say, “Marcus is going to want to thank you, you know. I told him about everything you did for us. He hates Jack Kemp as much as I do.”
The corner of Caleb’s mouth quirks up. “I like him already.”
“You’re going to like him a lot,” I promise.
“You go alone. How about we have a late lunch with Marcus?”
I nod, smiling. “Yeah. I’d like that.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
I didn’t cry when Caleb and I walked down my street, and I didn’t cry when we walked into my apartment, but when Marcus wraps his arms around me for the first time in what feels like forever, that’s when the tears finally break free. He holds on tight, like he has since we were younger, and whatever awkwardness there is between us for what I’ve done for him and his mother, it’s gone for the time being. It’s just the two of us, without the weight of responsibility between us.
“I’m so glad you’re back,” he says, as I reach up to wipe a tear from his cheek. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’m glad I’m back, too. I didn’t think…I didn’t think I’d ever be able to show my face here again.” I didn’t think I’d ever talk to Marcus on anything other than an untraceable cell phone again, either.
“So…that’s it?” he asks, leading me to a quiet corner at the end of the hallway in his mother’s care facility. “It’s all over now?”
I told him the details of the deal Caleb made with Jack Kemp over the phone, but it’s still hard to believe. I understand why he wants me to say the words again. He’ll probably ask me again at some point; I know I had to ask Caleb more than once if it was true.
“It’s over. Your mom’s going to be taken care of, and this isn’t going to happen again. Not to anyone who lives in any of his other buildings.”
Marcus grins as he lets out a breath of relief. “I’m going to need you to tell me that again sometime.”
I laugh. “I know.”
“I’ve got to meet the guy who pulled this one off. Is he here?”
“No,” I reply, shaking my head. “I think he wanted us to have some time just the two of us. I think there’s another part of him that’s just really modest, and was worried about what it might look like if he showed up here. I think he didn’t want you to feel like you owe him anything.”
“Mia,” Marcus says incredulously. “I owe him everything.”
“He’s weird like that,” I reply with a wide smile.”
Marcus’s eyes widen, and he smiles. He looks lighter, happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. I’ve almost forgotten what he looks like when he’s happy. “You’re in love with him.”
“Yeah, I am.” I’m not even going to try to deny it.
“Who would’ve thought? When you took off that night, who would’ve thought this could happen?”
“Not me, that’s for sure,” I say, laughing.
Marcus wraps his arms around me, giving me another long, tight hug. “I can never thank you enough for what you did for us.”
Even though it was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done, I can’t find it in myself to regret it. It led me here, to this point. “How is she doing?” I ask, motioning toward the door that leads to Amelia’s room.
“She’s doing okay. She had another operation yesterday, and her doctors have her in a medically induced coma. She’s probably not going to be awake for a while.”
I ask the question that I’ve been avoiding for a while, but I just have to know. “Is she ever going to get out of here?” This is a really nice facility, but I can’t imagine spending an extended period of time in a hospital, no matter how nice it is. Knowing Amelia—as independent as she was—she wouldn’t want that, either. She’s always been so bright and full of life, and all I want is for her to get back to that point, or as close as she can get to it.
Marcus looks down at the floor, where he shuffles his feet. “It’s going to be a while, but the doctors are hopeful. The only reason she’s gotten as far as she has is because of you, and I…” He bows his head as he trails off. I step up, and hug him.
“I know,” I say soothingly. “I know.”
“You want to go see her?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
We walk into the room, and I’m struck by the sight of Amelia, laying still in her bed, wrapped from head to toe in bandages. She’s attached to so many tubes and machines, and all I can hear in the room is the steady beeping of her heart monitor, and the gentle whoosh of the machine that’s breathing for her.
I have to swallow down the lump that’s rising in my throat. I can’t cry, not now. How many times has she held it together while sitting by my bedside, trying to make me feel better? Even if she can’t hear me, I have to be here for her now. So, I do what she always did for me. I pull a chair up to the side of her bed, and gently wrap my hand around the tips of her fingers, which are bandage-free.
Then I lean forward, and start humming.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Later, after the hospital nurses kick Marcus and me out of the room so that Amelia can get some rest, we meet Caleb at our favorite pizza place. Like I expected, Caleb and Marcus hit it off instantly. We’re sitting in the corner of the restaurant, and Caleb is nursing a beer while Marcus regales him with tales of my most embarrassing moments.
“She what?” Caleb asks, laughing so hard that he’s almost doubled over.
“She shoved it right up her nose,” Marcus replies. “And it fit! Her nostrils are huge.”
“What?!” I cry, completely offended. “They are not! And it was one of the plain candies, not the kind with peanuts in it. It’s not like it took a lot of work to get it up there.” God, why am I helping them with this? “I was a curious kid, okay?”
If anything, Caleb looks at me like these stupid, embarrassing stories have made him fall even more in love with me. I’m glad that it’s going to end whenever we leave, it’s not like I’m going to reveal any of these things about myself. This must be what it feels like to have your mother sit down with your boyfriend and show him your baby photos. I suppose if there’s a positive to having all of my embarrassing baby pictures incinerated in an explosion, it’s that they can’t ever be used as ammunition for embarrassment.
Laughing, Caleb leans forward and kisses me. “I love you,” he says. “But I guess I’m going to have to watch you around the bite-sized candy from now on.” I give him a light smack on the wrist, and glare at Marcus, who’s cackling.
When the laughter dies down, Marcus turns to Caleb. “I can’t thank you enough for what you did for my mot
her and me, what you did for Mia, and what you did for all the other tenants in Kemp’s buildings who don’t have any way out of that situation. None of them know that you probably just saved their lives.”
Caleb gives him a warm smile, and simply says, “You’re welcome.” No long speeches, or heartfelt anecdotes. “I hope your mother gets better, and I hope that you’ll keep me updated.” He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a business card, and hands it to Marcus. “If you need anything, my number’s on there. Or, you can let Mia know. I’ll make sure that it gets taken care of.”
Marcus is visibly touched, and he’s fighting through the emotions he’s feeling. He and I aren’t the kind of people who have ever had someone go out of their way to care for us. It’s a difficult thing to accept, and it’s hard to do gracefully sometimes.
“I will do that,” Marcus finally replies, his voice wavering. “Thank you so much.” I see Marcus’s gaze move to where Caleb is holding my hand on the table, and he gives me a smile.
Caleb’s phone rings, and he quickly pulls it out of his pocket, his eyes narrowing when he looks at the screen. “This is rude, I apologize, but I need to take this call.”
Marcus nods. Caleb kisses my cheek, then squeezes my hand as he leaves.
“You’re going back to New York with him,” Marcus says. There isn’t any sadness in his voice, just…happiness. For me.
“I haven’t decided yet,” I reply, twisting my fingers together.
“Yes you have. Do I really need to say it?”
“Say what?” I ask.
“This isn’t where you belong anymore.”
* * * * *
After Caleb and I leave the pizza place, we take a tour of my Chicago. We walk past my high school, the playground where I broke my leg jumping off of the swing set when I was 12. We get a cupcake at my favorite bakery, and dip our feet into my favorite fountain. As we walk around, I realize that despite how much I love this city, and the fact that it holds countless dear memories for me, it doesn’t feel like home. Not anymore.