Silence. Despair ricocheted through him. He was an idiot. He shouldn’t have called.
“I didn’t want to be apart. I wanted you with me.”
Okay, he’d laid everything on the line. At this point, she could cut him off at the knees and it couldn’t hurt any worse.
“I’m sorry, Matt. I overreacted.”
“No, it was my fault,” he said quickly, stunned at her apology.
“No, I didn’t explain myself like I should have. We need to talk, but I don’t want to do it over the phone. When you get back, I’ll give you the reasons for my behavior that will help you understand my reaction.”
There was silence for about thirty seconds while he considered everything she could tell him. It didn’t make him feel any better.
“I’m not ready to give up on us,” he said. “So, please don’t tell me that this talk is a Dear John speech you’re going to give me, because if it is, I’m not coming home.”
She chuckled, which eased the tension a little.
“I’m not ready to give up on us, either. I just need to be honest with you,” she said, giving him a moment of fear.
“I hear that the honesty thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” he said, trying to make a joke.
For a moment she didn’t say a word.
“When are you coming back?”
“The trial should wrap up tomorrow. I expect to be home late Saturday night. Could we get together on Sunday?”
“Sunday afternoon is the Grahams’ golden wedding reception,” she said. “I don’t want to miss it. They’ve been so nice to me at the café.”
“They’re my clients, and we’ve both been invited. Why don’t we go together to the reception? Afterwards, we can go out to dinner.”
“Okay, I’ll see you then.”
Another long silence on the phone and he knew they’d said everything, but he didn’t want to hang up.
“Sleep well,” he said finally.
“You, too,” she whispered softly. “Sweet dreams.”
“Good-bye,” he said and replaced the receiver.
He wanted to dance. He wanted to sing. Somehow they had made some small measure of progress tonight, and he wasn’t sure why, but it felt good. She wanted to talk. She admitted she didn’t want to give up on them.
He smiled. She wanted to be honest with him. And that couldn’t be all bad, could it?
But God, he hoped she hadn’t lied to him. The image of his mother came to mind, and he shuddered. His father’s lies had all but destroyed her.
Chapter Twelve
Matt knocked on his sister’s back door, before he entered.
“Uncle Matt,” Austin cried from the table where he sat with his sister.
“Hi kiddos, what are you doing?”
“Colors,” Ashley said, holding up a page that looked like a drunken rainbow with all different colors scribbled on the page.
“So you made it back from Dallas,” McKenzie said as she colored part of Austin’s picture.
“Last night about midnight.”
“And you won your case?”
“Yes, I had a very happy client. He was awarded two million dollars.”
“Oh my God!” she exclaimed, looking up from the pink bunny she was coloring.
“That’s what happens when you drive drunk and kill someone,” he acknowledged. “Where’s Valerie?”
“She’s getting ready.”
About that time, Valerie descended the stairs in a short filmy dress that flowed about her like water in a gentle rain. The dress seemed more summery than winter, and he wanted to run through the sand with her while waves rippled around them.
“Wow,” he said, stunned. “You look great.”
She smiled, her lips full and inviting. “You look pretty good yourself.”
Valerie glanced at the kids coloring at the table. “You guys aren’t going?”
“No,” McKenzie said. “I’m not chasing around toddlers with cake and punch in their hands.”
“We would help you take care of them,” Valerie offered.
“I know, but frankly, I don’t think I’m up to an anniversary party.”
Matt noticed that she didn’t look Valerie in the eyes, and he suddenly realized that her and John’s anniversary was this past week.
“You guys have a great time.”
“You need for me to bring anything back?” Matt asked, wishing he’d remembered the anniversary earlier.
“Nope, we’re good.”
McKenzie jumped up and went into the cloakroom. She ran back and handed Valerie a lace shawl. “Here, you’re going to need this with that dress.”
“Thanks,” Valerie said as she slipped the shawl around her shoulders.
“Let’s go,” Matt announced.
They waved good-bye and hurried out to the Jeep. On the ride over to the church they sat in awkward silence.
“Did you have a good trip?” Valerie finally asked.
“Yes, my client won,” he said, glancing at her briefly while he drove. She looked like a model of sophistication and elegance and beauty that stole his breath away. Exactly what he wanted in his wife. And the last few days apart had seemed like forever.
“Congratulations. And the city of Dallas? How was it?”
“Warm. I had forgotten how much traffic there is.” He’d been anxious those few days in Dallas, wanting to get home to Valerie. Needing to talk to her.
“Yes, the traffic never seems to let up,” she replied automatically and then quickly glanced at him.
He frowned. She spoke like she knew the city of Dallas well. But she’d told him she came from Phoenix.
“So how long have you known the Grahams?” she asked, changing the subject.
“I met them when John was sick. Mrs. Graham would bring over food each day for McKenzie and the babies. She brought flowers and even stayed with the twins one day while McKenzie took a break.”
“They’re such a sweet couple.”
“Yeah,” he said as they pulled up in front of the church where the couple would renew their vows.
Valerie got out of the Jeep, her heels sinking down into the muddy ground. The snow melted during the day and then the moisture froze at night, leaving the ground soggy. She glanced at the Chapel and was reminded of the last time she’d been to church.
She pushed the thought out of her mind and on impulse took Matt’s arm. He gazed at her, his emerald eyes warm, a smile on his lips, and heat sizzled through her. She’d missed him while he’d been gone. And though she dreaded telling him the truth, it was good to see him.
They walked inside the church, where family members were stationed at the door. “Welcome,” one of the Grahams’ grandchildren said. “Please sit wherever you like.”
Matt and Valerie went halfway down the aisle of the chapel and took a seat.
“This is the first time we’ve been to church together.”
She looked at him and smiled. “Yes.”
Soft music from the organ began to play, and everyone hurried to take their seats. A few moments later, the couple walked down the aisle holding hands, followed by their three children. The Grahams’ beamed at one another, smiled and waved to their family and friends that had gathered together to celebrate this special day.
Their love radiated from the happiness on their faces like a beacon, and with a sudden certainty Valerie realized she’d never loved Carter. She almost gasped aloud as the realization smacked her upside the head with clarity. This couple knew love, and nothing she’d experienced with Carter even remotely resembled the emotion they displayed.
If only she’d seen through Carter and known that he didn’t love her, he loved the position in society that she gave him. And if only she had not accepted his proposal to make her father happy. Sadness consumed her with the comprehension that her own wedding had ended so badly, and the entire affair was a huge mistake.
Tears welled up in Valerie’s eyes when she saw the love flowing from the Gra
hams’ eyes. Carter had never looked at her that way. She’d never looked at Carter that way.
She glanced at Matt, and he smiled at her, his eyes a smaller reflection of what she saw in the older couple. And with stunning awareness she knew what he was thinking.
He was thinking they could be that couple if only she’d let this thing between them develop. If only she’d give him her love.
She almost choked and quickly looked away, back at the Grahams. They faced one another and spoke their vows, repeating each word with such meaning as their children stood at their side. In their seventies, they pledged their love to their last dying breaths.
Valerie peeked at Matt and tried to deny the feelings that enveloped her, frightened her. She felt so many things for Matt. Could these feelings be love?
Oh no, she couldn’t have escaped a wedding only to come to a small town and fall in love with the first man who held her in his arms, making her feel safe. No, it couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t.
Yet when she looked at him, her heart swelled with emotion. She wanted to only spend time with him. He was kind; he was fair; he apologized; he was a great man, and oh God, she loved him.
Fear threatened to overwhelm her and have her running from the church. It was too soon to care about him. It was too soon to fall in love. But her heart was bursting with emotion for Matt.
She swallowed, trying to keep the tears at bay. Tonight she intended to tell him the truth about who she was. But now…how could she when she loved him? But how could she not?
When the ceremony was over and the family had taken enough pictures to fill many albums, they urged everyone to follow the happy couple to the fellowship hall. There they greeted everyone.
When Mr. and Mrs. Graham saw Matt and Valerie, they smiled. “Here is our favorite lawyer and waitress. Did the two of you come together?”
Valerie hugged the older woman. “He picked me up from McKenzie’s.”
“Where is she?” Mrs. Graham asked.
“She stayed at home with the children,” Matt replied.
“Give her our love,” Mrs. Graham said.
They strolled away from the couple and were served a slice of cake and a cup of punch.
They took a seat at a table where she watched Matt staring at the couple’s grandchildren, who served the cake, and their great-grandchildren, who ran through the hall chasing one another. “Wow, can you imagine that from the two of them most of these people came into the world. Can you imagine their Christmas? Their Easters and birthdays?”
“No,” Valerie said, choking back the tears that threatened to spill.
Matt looked at her strangely. “I mean, you can see when they look at one another that they are still in love. I’ve never experienced that kind of love.”
Valerie didn’t say anything. She loved Matt and didn’t know what to do.
“How about you?” Matt asked. “Were your parents in love, and do you have a bunch of brothers and sisters?”
She quickly took a bite of cake, trying to gain time while she cleared her throat of the unshed tears.
“I’m an only child,” she managed to get out.
“Oh, I didn’t know,” Matt said. “What about your parents?”
“My mother died when I was very young.”
Matt frowned and looked around the room again. “My own parents never could have created this because they hated each other so much. My father lied to my mother.”
Pain reflected from his gaze, and she wanted to soothe him. She reached out and touched his arm. Could this be why he was so intolerant of anything other than the truth?
And now she’d lied to him. How could he understand when she’d lied about everything? Fear tied her insides into decorative macramé knots. What had she done?
“When I get married, I want to experience this kind of love. I want kids. I want the family table filled at Christmas and Thanksgiving with children and eventually grandchildren,” he stopped and stared at her, a quizzical expression on his face. “I want a marriage that lasts forever.”
A sob escaped from Valerie. A tear rolled down her cheek. How could she tell him the truth when she knew how much it would hurt him? Yet how could she not?
“I’m fine,” she said automatically. She wiped the tear and drank from the punch.
“The hell you are,” he replied. “Come on, we’ve paid our respects. We’ve seen the happy couple. It’s time to go.”
He didn’t give her a chance to object. He took her plate and cup, strode over and put them in the trash. He hurried back and grabbed her by the hand.
“Let’s go,” he commanded.
They hurried out of the fellowship hall and straight to his car. It was a short and painfully silent drive to his house. He pulled into the garage and parked.
“What if we fixed dinner here tonight instead of going out? I think I have some steaks,” he said, staring at her cautiously.
“That’s fine,” she said quietly.
They walked into the house, and when they were inside, he opened a bottle of chardonnay and poured them each a glass. He lit the fireplace to take the chill out of the room, and they sank down on the couch, their arms touching.
“What happened back there?” he asked. “Was I insensitive with my remarks about my dreams of a family?”
She gave him a painful smile. “No.” She took a deep breath. “It’s me, Matt. I watched the Grahams and I realized that the man I almost married, the man I ran from, I never loved. I almost married a man I didn’t love.”
“Why the tears? You should be happy you realized you were making a mistake and ended it when you did.”
“It didn’t happen that way.” She took a deep breath. “I was dressed, and everyone was seated in the church. It was five minutes before I was to walk down the aisle when my best friend, Blair, told me she was pregnant by my fiancé.”
Matt stared at her, suddenly understanding her reluctance to get into another relationship.
“What did you do?”
“I called Carter into the bride’s room and asked him if it was true. He didn’t deny sleeping with Blair. When I tried to tell my father the wedding was off, he took Carter’s side. So I left. I ran out of the church and jumped in Carter’s car.”
For a moment Matt didn’t say anything, and then he stroked her arm, feelings of tenderness overwhelming him. He wanted to go out and kick the ex-fiancé’s butt for hurting her. He wanted to yell at her father. He wanted to cradle her, to protect her and promise her he would never hurt her if she gave her love to him.
The thought kind of startled him, and he pushed it aside.
“What does Carter do for a living,” he asked, knowing instinctively he was a lawyer.
“He and my father are both lawyers,” she said, confirming Matt’s thoughts.
He laughed softly. “No wonder you know so much about the law and you don’t want to get involved with another lawyer.”
Valerie smiled at him, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “That’s one of the reasons why I’ve been resisting this thing between us. I was afraid the attraction I felt toward you was just a rebound reaction. And I promised myself no more lawyers.”
“Okay, I’ll give up the law and become a farmer.”
She shook her head. “And you’d be miserable.”
“But I’m miserable when you’re not with me,” he admitted.
The smile on her face died away. “I missed you so much while you were gone.”
“So you still think the feelings you have for me are rebound?”
She moved closer to him. “No, they’re not rebound. With you things are different. I never felt such an intense need to be with Carter, like I do with you.”
He looked into her sapphire eyes and felt himself harden. Oh God, he so wanted to explore the aching desire she ignited. But he’d promised her to take it slow. In the meantime, he was having a meltdown.
“Explain to me how you feel different,” he asked, his hand running thr
ough her hair.
She paused. “Everything with you is different. It’s more intense. Like it can’t be denied.” She took a deep breath. “And if you don’t kiss me in the next sixty seconds I’m going to die.”
Matt groaned. “You don’t have to ask twice.”
Matt’s lips came crashing down on Valerie’s, and he loved the way she tasted of frosting and wine. She tasted sweet and tempting, and he wanted her with a fierceness that couldn’t be denied. It seemed like he’d waited forever for her.
He wanted to taste her from head to toe. He wanted to forget dinner and feast on her for the rest of his life. His tongue swirled inside her mouth, teasing and tempting, his mouth mating with hers. Why did she feel like the person he’d been searching for all his life? Why did she make him think of home and hearth, children and laughter, security and comfort?
Valerie was the most alluring woman he’d ever met. Not in the way of looks, but rather more in her actions, her laughter, and the way she stood up to him.
His hands grasped her head while his mouth plundered hers. A moan escaped from her, and they fell backwards on the couch. He lay on top of her, his body full length against hers. He could feel her breasts, smashed against his chest, and she must feel him hard against her leg. He shifted until he was between the V of her legs, their clothes a barrier separating them.
She moaned deep in her throat, and he pushed himself against her, needing more. He felt like a kid in high school making out for the first time.
The phone rang, a clanging noise in the distance. Matt reached over, and with a flip of a switch turned it to silent mode.
He released her mouth and stared into her face. Her lips were swollen from his kisses, her eyes glazed with passion. Their breathing was labored, and he knew his senses were clouded with the smell and feel of her. She pulled his head down to hers and kissed him hard.
He groaned and knew he had to gain control or be lost.
Abruptly she broke off the kiss. She rolled out from under him, and he let her go with a sigh. God, he didn’t want this to end. Not now, not like this.
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