He was breathing hard, his pupils had become pinpricks, and his non-gloved hand clenched and opened as if he seriously toyed with strangling me. “What are you doing, Maddy, to protect these women?”
My guilt quotient for the week apparently hadn’t been met yet, because here he was loading me up with more. “Nothing yet, though I have some clues. I promise I intended to get back to them after tonight. I did,” I asserted when he just stared at me, straight-faced. “I did,” I said more softly. I thought I’d intended to, but without Bahlin’s support, I wasn’t sure what to do.
Seeing my discomfort, Tyr took a deep breath that filled out his barrel chest and let it out through his nose. Doing this twice more, he leaned forward and pulled me into his arms. “I was scared for you, Maddy. You’ve had the worst start to the Niteclif position. Anyone else going through this much trauma has been mercifully killed, and tonight when you turned your back on the vampires? I nearly manifested as a corporeal deity and laid waste to the room. You make it hard to watch over you,” he said, resting his chin on top of my head.
I hugged him and he hugged me back. “Dýrr barn,” he whispered into my hair, “oh, my precious child. My heart has hurt so for your over the last few weeks, just as it has rejoiced for you in finding your true félagi, or partner.” I’d never heard him slip into the old language, but the familiarity with which it rolled off his tongue could make it nothing else. “You have scared me, daughter mine.”
“Do you know who’s killing the girls?” I asked.
He nodded but said nothing. “I do, and I fear you must hurry if you are to stop h… the killer from reaching you. That or keep moving every day to stay in front of the killer, but then the question becomes who is chasing whom?”
I nodded at this sage observation, not sure we weren’t already at that point. “What about Bahlin? Is he still going to help?”
Tyr looked sad and he shook his head. “He’s your familiar, but he won’t offer you assistance for a while. It will be up to you, me, Hellion and—” Thunder rumbled across the astral plane and I winced. Tyr wasn’t fazed. “I swore I’d give you what I could, and Odin will just have to accept it,” he mumbled, scratching his short beard. “How about this: include in the group your new friend, made tonight with a blood exchange.”
“Darius?”
“Craps!”
“Huh?”
“The game you call out when someone is right. Craps, it’s not craps. What is it?”
“I think you mean bingo,” I said, grinning.
“Bingo.” He smiled back at me. “Darius is a strong ally, someone you will do well to align yourself with. I’ve been aware of him for years. Don’t blindly trust anyone, of course, but you would do well to get to know him and foster the friendship. I don’t trust all his people, and neither should you, but you’ll navigate those waters just fine.”
Tyr sighed, clenching his head in his fists. He looked up, no longer smiling. “Maddy, you’re going to need to give Bahlin some space. His world has been shattered, and his belief that he could manipulate the outcome of the prophecy has been decimated tonight. He thought you’d leave with him—”
“Even after his behavior at the stones?” I thought about his little spy session at Hellion’s London home. “Was the burning smell I picked up at the hotel and Hellion’s London house related to the dragons?”
Tyr tapped his forefinger to his lips. “I can tell you tit was related to your killer. For now, let’s leave it at that. For what I’ve told you tonight, Odin is near to ripping me back across this plane to the divine—and that hurts like a son of a bitch. I’ll space out my punishments, thanks. I will caution you against tempting Odin, though, Maddy. Not your wisest move to date.”
I ducked my chin to hide my anger. Odin can kiss off.
Tyr sighed and said, “He can hear that, Maddy.” He leaned back against the bathroom wall and crossed his arms over his chest and his feet at the ankles.
“So no private thoughts?” I asked, biting my lower lip.
“Hellion is hung like a chicken?” He grinned widely.
I blushed like mad. “Thankfully you’re the only one that knows about that little experiment. Um, where should I focus my energies? Is that all right to ask?”
He cocked his head to the side, seeming to listen to some otherworldly answer. Turning his face back to me he said, “I’ll tell you the killer is stalking you, even interacting with you. Have Hellion cloak your activities and tell no one where you’ll be. I mean it when I say no one. Be seen in public, then dematerialize to another location and be seen again before moving on for the night.” He sighed and stood up, stretching. “This will keep the killer chasing you, but it will keep the focus off the innocents.”
I looked over and realized my physical body had begun to shiver. The hot water must have run out.
“Take a day, tomorrow maybe, and lay low here, but have Hellion bring in more of his people tonight and ask Darius to bring in more vampires to leave behind. It’s important you become proactive in protecting yourself because I can’t pull either of you back again without consequence.” Tyr stepped up to me and wrapped me in his arms, and for just a moment I smelled my dad’s old pipe smoke. It was a relief to find that memories like this were happy.
“Back you go, sweetheart.” He turned me back toward my physical self. “Oh, and don’t sleep alone tonight.”
I spun back around. “What else is going to happen?” I asked, ashamed of the higher pitch of fear that leaked through.
“Nothing, love. Just don’t miss this time to reinforce your destiny.”
And he was gone before I even thought to ask him about my internal debate over destiny and free will.
I awoke in the shower, pruny and cold. I unfolded my frozen limbs and stood up, stretching and turning the water off. I toweled myself dry, thinking of what Tyr had said to me. I needed to spend some time with Hellion and work on healing together; probably wise, but I still couldn’t sleep in that room. I needed to talk to him about cloaking immediately, and I needed to coordinate a small army of backup between the coven and the vampires. How bad could this killer be? I wondered. Not reassuring to know the god of war was encouraging me to rally the troops. I was rubbing the dirk down when I walked into the adjoining bedroom in nothing but my skin. That’s how I found Darius.
Chapter Thirteen
I screamed. Darius rushed to me and slapped one hand over my mouth and the other around the back of my neck. One push and he could snap my neck.
“Shh, pet, shh,” he whispered, his cool skin firmer than a normal man’s against the softness of my mouth. “I want to talk to you, nothing more. Dawn is close, so I’m pressed for time. Okay?”
I couldn’t nod my head so I let out a muffled, “Gluck,” and he slowly removed his hands.
He looked uncomfortable and I sighed, wrapping the towel around my chest.
“Thank you,” he said.
His voice was sorrowful, and I wondered what had happened. “Hellion? He’s all right?”
“He’s fine.” Darius rolled his shoulders and walked to one of the wingback chairs situated near the room’s fireplace. Sitting slowly, he gestured for me to do the same.
Relieved, I nodded. “Just let me grab some clothes.” I started for the foot of the bed where I’d left my clothes before I remembered that all I had were the clothes stained with Clay’s blood. Once again, I was left with a towel and nothing more. To hell with it. I walked to the bed, stripped off the top sheet and went back into the bathroom. I wrapped it around myself like a toga and came back out to sit with Darius. “What can I do for you?” I asked.
His lips twitched, and he waved a hand toward my improvisation. “Very nicely done. I would ask you to model it for me but you’re still wielding the dirk, and I’d hate for you to take the request poorly.”
It was true. I had the dirk clenched in my hand and had only put it down to tie the toga. This wasn’t what I had imagined for my life. I sighed.
> “Is it all that bad, Maddy?” Darius asked, leaning forward and putting his elbows on his knees, his hands dangling loosely between them. He looked at me so intently I could only listen as I blurted out my fears.
“I’ve got to get my shit together, Darius.” I waved the dirk around for emphasis. “I’ve done nothing about the murders of these women short of gathering a few clues and accepting a threat on Hellion’s behalf, I’ve killed a very good acquaintance if not a new friend, men seem to be coming on to me every time I turn around, I’m breaking one man’s heart as I seem to fall in love with another, I feel like I’ve been inconsequential with my love and let’s not discuss my body, there’s a prophecy hanging over my head, and I can’t figure out what the right thing to do is in all of this.” I gasped the last as I ran out of air. “Oh, and I watched a very ugly part of myself I hadn’t known about come out to play tonight with Conor. I don’t like myself very much right now.” I slumped back in the chair, feeling better for having purged my guilt with this veritable stranger. It was the old adage “a burden shared is a burden halved” come to fruition.
Darius grabbed the arms of his chair and scooted it closer to mine. Reaching out slowly, he took the dirk from me and set it on the floor. He grabbed my hands and squeezed gently, and I looked at him. He looked flush and healthy. Ah, the color of Conor.
I half smiled at the thought, and then grimaced at the morbidity of it all.
“Maddy, I must confess why I’m here.”
If he wants to take me to bed, I’m embracing the violence without apology and cutting out his heart, I thought.
“…worried about it,” he said.
“Can you say that again, please?” I asked, unsuccessfully stifling a yawn.
He smiled. “I know you saw our baser nature tonight—vampires—and I was worried about it.” He watched me for some reaction, to which I proudly gave none.
Inside I was shuddering, but that was private.
He nodded and went on. “It’s the first time in eight hundred years that it has mattered to me whether or not someone thinks well of me. I want to assure you that, while a vampire, I’m not necessarily cruel by nature. A large part of the man remains, and I’m left with free will. I choose what type of man to be every night when I awake.”
Free will. “Do you believe the choice is entirely yours?” I asked. I knew both curiosity and skepticism showed on my tired face. I could feel the transparency of emotion but I didn’t seem able to school my face into submission.
“I believe I influence the outcome of my destiny with the choices I make, but I do believe we all have a destiny, a calling. Is the choice entirely mine? That’s a debate for another night when you’re not weaving with exhaustion,” he said gently, and I realized my eyes were closing.
I stood up, abruptly ending the conversation. “I’m so sorry. I am exhausted. Darius, will you bring some more vampires to watch the house? I think we need a little extra reinforcement in case the dragons come back again. And I hate to be such a bad hostess, particularly when the house I’m offering isn’t mine, but the only rooms that are light-proof are probably in the basement.”
He nodded. “I agree it’s necessary, and all of us have slept in worse than a basement at one time or another, so don’t fret about it. I’ll send for…?” He left it a question.
How many more did I want? How many could we reasonably feed?
He smiled. “We’ll find a place to hunt, so don’t worry about how to feed us.”
I groaned. “You read minds too?”
“‘Too’?”
“Nothing. Just forget everything you heard tonight.”
“You were broadcasting the chicken dick comment so loudly I nearly lost it right there. Don’t test my humor like that without a little warning next time.” He smiled big enough I saw his fangs and oddly I wasn’t scared of him. “Oh, and I am not a metrosexual.”
Darius was a good man, or monster, and I felt comfortable with him. I nodded my head. “Yeah, you are. But you wear the look well, so don’t worry about it.” I stood and stretched. “Will you do me a favor, Darius?” I asked, looking around the small room. I’d have to have a larger bed or we’d smother each other in sleep.
He nodded. “Anything, my friend.”
Warmth spread through my body, and I realized he was the first friend I’d made independently since I arrived. My conscience whispered, Hellion has offered friendship and what have you done with it? Ignoring that nagging voice, I held out a hand to Darius, and he came to me willingly. I stepped up to him and kissed his cheek softly. “And a worthy friend I hope to be,” I said softly. “I need to find a larger bedroom, particularly a larger bed, and then I want you to bring Hellion to me, even if you have to carry him. I need him tonight, Darius.” Emotion balled up in my throat and choked me, and I looked away.
“I’ll tell you that the bedroom two doors down is ready, and it has a king-size bed. Settle yourself there and I’ll go get Hellion. Ten minutes?”
“Perfect.”
The room was just what I was looking for. It was like another master suite with attached bath and large closets and a huge bed. I piled the decorative pillows on the floor by the footboard and folded the sheets back. Seconds later there was a knock on the bedroom door.
“Maddy?” called Darius.
Shit. Hellion hadn’t come. “Come in,” I said, unable to hide the disappointment in my voice.
He opened the door and leaned his head in. “Hellion’s here,” he said, then pushed the door in the rest of the way, fading back so the shadow of the man I so badly wanted filled the door.
“I’ll leave you two to each other’s company. I’ll see you both later tonight after sunset,” Darius promised. He moved silently out of the doorway.
Hellion stood just inside the open door. “You asked to see me.” His voice and his eyes were flat, his posture rigid and wary, his uncertainty broadcasting clearly.
“I’m not good at apologies, so bear with me as I fumble through this. I know I owe you one. An apology, that is.” I walked toward him, stopping several feet away. “I sent you away when really I should have been pulling you closer. I struck out when it wasn’t justified, but you shouldn’t have pushed me quite so hard or grabbed me quite so tight, literally.” I lifted my arm and showed him the bruising. He winced. “I needed a little space, then a little comfort. You gave me demands and criticisms on the heels of me killing a friend, realizing Bahlin wants me but doesn’t love me and, finally, acknowledging that there’s some dark part of me that’s good at violence.” I stopped and shook my head, as if clearing it from the sticky web of guilt and anger and confusion.
“To ice that cake, I had a visit from Tyr tonight. It made several things clear to me, not the least of which is that I’ve acted like an ass and I’ve been neglecting my job. I’m sorry, Hellion.” I turned and walked back to the bed slowly, unsure how to get beyond this one moment.
Hellion’s soft voice carried across the room. “As far as apologies go, I’d rate that one sufficient.” I heard him move and the door close, and I sagged. He’d gone. I wanted to cry. When his hand landed on my bare shoulder I instinctively jerked, and his hand fell away. I turned to face him and found him staring at the fireplace, looking bereft.
“I’m sorry,” I said, “again.”
He smiled a little and turned toward the door.
“Don’t go. Please. I’d like you to stay with me tonight.”
He stopped, putting his hands in the pockets of his lounge pants. “Why?”
And then I realized what part of the problem was. The proposal. I’d never answered him. I still didn’t know what to do, so I left it alone and focused on the now. Taking a fortifying breath, I said, “I want to pick up where we left off before the dragons arrived.” My stomach clenched in fear, and I worried that this decision wasn’t the right one. I’d never been casual with sex or my body, and I was proposing to offer both to him tonight. The only consolation I had was that I knew I c
ared for him on some real level; I just didn’t know exactly what it meant. And I believed, honestly believed, he cared for me, prophecy be damned.
Hellion turned back to me and rocked back on his heels, biting his lower lip. He stood this way for several moments before he asked, “Why now? What’s changed? I didn’t ask before, but I should have. You’ve disregarded the prophecy, have only just accepted my friendship, you’ve turned from the little affection I’ve shown you, and you’ve acted guilty about the few times we’ve touched. What’s different now?”
Fair assessment, I thought, if a hard one to answer. “You’re right. I was torn between you and Bahlin, and to a point I still am. I don’t know how to change that immediately because I believed I loved him. I agreed to marry him—it was only a few weeks ago. I can’t just let that go, even if it was a whirlwind romance. He betrayed me and broke my heart at the same time you and I went from enemies to predestined lovers. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s all just been overwhelming,” I whispered in a rush that could barely be heard above the crackle of the fire as I slumped on the edge of the bed. Aware Hellion was studying me closely, I tucked the sheet tighter around me before continuing this admission of desire. “But still I want you on some basic level that defies reason and understanding and logic. This ‘want’ disregards my personal boundaries, my morals and my general fear of commitment. It’s not something that’s easily put into words.” I stood again and moved passed him to the fire. Like the other room, there were two armchairs before the fireplace, and I sank into one feeling as fragile as spun sugar. “I can’t tell you what’s different, exactly. It just is. Maybe it has to do with the prophecy, maybe it has to do with Tyr’s endorsement, maybe—”
“I don’t hear the reason I need, Maddy. Love. It has to have something to do with love.”
“Can you give me some more time? Love me now, physically, and we’ll nurture the emotional together. Because I feel strongly for you. I do,” I said with emphasis when he looked at me, fine lines and flat eyes marking the guardedness of his thoughts. “It’s just, I don’t trust it yet. I did that with Bahlin, and it left me brokenhearted. I need a little help here, Hellion.” I moved to sit in a chair by the fireplace and give him a private moment to sort out his thoughts, to accept or deny my proposition.
Wrath: The Niteclif Evolutions, Book 2 Page 14