SUBJECT: Raul Cruz of Houston
POSING AS: Rita Fry
NOT WHO HE SEEMED TO BE: Rita Fry, a housewife, was actually Raul Cruz, a special education teacher at Woodson Middle School in Houston. Students at the school knew Cruz as a man, but neighbors had no inkling that Rita was anything but a woman.
Jupiter’s Great Red Spot is 25,000 miles wide.
And nobody (except for the cops, that is) knew that Cruz and the man he lived with were drug dealers.
CAUGHT! Police had Rita and her “husband,” Jeffrey, under surveillance for more than two months before arresting them in September 1986 on charges of delivering cocaine to undercover police officers. “This bit about her being a man is absolutely incredible,” next-door neighbor Eloise Saylor told the Houston Chronicle. “I just can’t imagine her being a man. She will always be a she to me.”
SUBJECT: Baldrick the cat, owned by Julie Coulthart, an English barmaid
POSING AS: Scruffy the cat
NOT WHO HE SEEMED TO BE: One morning in July 1991, Coulthart put the cat out and went off to work. But when she got home, Baldrick wasn’t there to greet her. He didn’t come home the following day, either, and after a couple of days, Coulthart assumed that he had run away or died. Not quite. Three weeks later, Baldrick turned up again, with a plaster cast on his leg. Where had he been? And who gave him the cast?
Coulthart assumed that some kind stranger must have taken Baldrick to the vet after he’d broken his leg, so she started going door to door, canvassing the neighborhood to see if she could find the Good Samaritan who had taken her cat to the vet.
CAUGHT! Three doors down she found her woman, Frances Orgee, and thanked her for taking care of her pet. “She said, ‘That’s my cat.’ It turned out we had been sharing him for three years without either of us knowing,” Coulthart reports. Baldrick—a.k.a. Scruffy—had been having breakfast at Orgee’s at 6:00 a.m., then (after a nap on Orgee’s bed) having lunch at Coulthart’s, and then returning to Orgee’s for another snack at 3:00 p.m.
“He had it all worked out,” Coulthart says.
PURR-FECT GRAMMAR
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws, and the other has the pause before the clause.
World’s largest baseball card collection: the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s (200,000 cards).
YOUR #1 NEWS SOURCE
From the news stream...
CAUGHT YELLOW-HANDED
“It wasn’t tracks in the snow that helped police in Nevada break the case. It was the yellow snow. According to officers in Elko, a burglar relieved himself from the roof of a restaurant that he robbed, and the yellow snow yielded enough DNA to link Roger Gray to the scene. Investigators are now looking at his possible involvement in burglaries at a pizza place and a JC Penney.”
—azcentral.com
PEE (FOR PESTICIDE)
“The Times of India newspaper reported in June 2003 that India is planning to export compost and pesticides made from the urine and dung of cows to the United States. The scheme, says the Times, is the brainchild of the Municipal Commission of Delhi, which has been trying to round up the 35,000 or so stray cattle on the streets of the Indian capital. According to authorities, the strays can produce enough urine and dung to yield 160,000 tons of vermicompost and 70,000 litres of biopesticide each day.”
—Agence France Presse English
CHEERS!
“Cameroon health minister Urbain Olanguena Awono says people should forget about using urine for therapeutic purposes even though reports say it can cure 64 diseases. And Awono warns that people caught ingesting urine—which can be toxic—will be prosecuted. Supporters of urine therapy say it can cure hemorrhoids, ulcers, infertility and snakebites, among other things. Emile, who uses it for hemorrhoids, told Le Messager newspaper: ‘Everyone uses it in secret. But you need to be brave—not everyone has the necessary courage.’”
—United Press International
I FOUND SOME GATORADE, MA!
“It’s not a pretty sight, but plastic jugs filled with urine are becoming a common sight along highways, particularly at freeway interchanges. ‘You wonder what’s happening in our society,’ said Karen Cagle, who supervises highway cleanup crews in Eastern Washington. In 2002 one Adams County highway cleanup crew picked up 2,666 jugs of urine. That prompted Adams County Waste Reduction & Recycling to take out a full-page newspaper ad that features a photo of a plastic milk jug filled with urine, prefaced with a message: ‘Okay, one last time: This is not a urinal.’”
—The Tri-City Herald
There are 7,000 varieties of apple in the United States alone.
STRAIGHT FROM THE COW TO YOUR HOME
“Robert J. Wall and his Department of Agriculture team are the first researchers to genetically engineer animals that concentrate a pharmaceutical product in their urine. They have developed mice that produce human growth hormone in their bladders. Although the mice produce only a tiny amount, Wall says they show that urine farming techniques work. But collecting urine from farm animals may also prove challenging, researchers warn. Drug farmers may have to keep their herds attached to catheters.”
—Sciencenews.org
URINE CANDID CAMERA
“Mystified by the recurring stench behind their garage, Wes and Heather Skakun used video surveillance equipment to catch their neighbor in the act of splashing a jug full of urine on the garage door. Robert Kukura, 60, pleaded guilty to mischief in provincial court and was ordered to pay $1,732 restitution. The Saskatoon couple thinks Kukura kept the urine in his sun-heated garage for many days between applications. ‘He was saving it and letting it steep in the sun,’ Skakun said.”
—National Post (Ottawa)
THE LIVING MOP!
“Accountant Danny Miller considers his two Cockapoos his children. That’s why he was particularly horrified when he watched a PETsMART groomer use his dog, Mocha, as a mop, wiping up a puddle of urine she had created. ‘I was speechless,’ he says. The store says the groomer was using a form of ‘aversive training,’ but was not acting in accordance with the store’s philosophy of animal training. Miller received a refund on his $36 grooming charge for Mocha.”
—Phoenix (Arizona) New Times
Internal revenue: In the 4th century, Rome levied a tax on urine and excrement.
BONEHEADS
What’s the difference between horns and antlers? Which animals have which? And why do they have them? Inquiring minds want to know.
RACK ’EM UP
Many different mammals in many parts of the world have what is known as headgear—horns or antlers. All the species that have them have unique varieties which grow in their own special way: Some are straight as an arrow, some spiral like vines, some are only inches long, and some weigh more than 40 pounds each. Nearly all headgear comes in the form of true horns and antlers, but there are some rare exceptions: keratin horns and pronghorns.
•Horns are found only on bovids such as cattle, sheep, goats and antelopes. They are made of compressed keratin—the same thing that human hair and fingernails are made of. True horns grow in a single tine—they have no branches—and are permanent fixtures that keep growing throughout the animal’s life. In most species they appear on both the male and the female.
•Antlers are found only on cervids, members of the deer family. They are made of solid bone and always branch out to form several tines or “points” (as in a five-point buck). While antlers are still growing they’re covered by a layer of soft, very sensitive skin, known as velvet. The velvet contains veins and nerves that actually “grow” the antlers. They’re the fastest growing bone on any animal—up to an inch a day on some species—and only the males have them (the caribou is the one exception).
Antlers are deciduous. Just before mating season the velvet dries up and the antlers stop growing. The animal scrapes off the dry velvet on trees or bushes, and the antlers become hard and sharp. After mating season the ant
lers fall off, and within a few months they start growing again. Each year (on healthy animals) they will grow a little larger.
•Keratin horns only appear on some species of rhinoceros. Just like horns, they are permanent and appear on both sexes. They don’t grow in pairs—they jut out from the midline of the snout.
Whales don’t have hips or legs, but they do have hip bones and leg bones.
•Pronghorns are only found on...the pronghorn (often called the pronghorn antelope, although it is not a true antelope) found in western North America. Their headgear is a unique mix of both horns and antlers. They have the bone core and the keratin sheath of a horn, but they’re not permanent—the keratin falls off each year like antlers do, leaving only the bone core.
SO THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT “HORNY”
The most important role of headgear: sex. It’s no coincidence that antlers grow to prominence just in time for mating season and then fall off when the work is done. Males of nearly all species with headgear use it to fight off rivals for mates. It’s usually done in harmless, ritualistic ways, but can sometimes get brutal and bloody. And sometimes the bull with the mightiest headgear doesn’t even have to fight—his display alone can ward off contenders and impresss the females.
Bambi Bites Back
All animals with headgear are herbivores, or plant-eaters; they are prey, not predators, which means they lack the sharp claws or teeth of carnivores. Their headgear is their weapon—nature’s way of providing them with “teeth.” Take the bull elk for example: his first instinct is to flee, but if necessary he will stand down a 150-pound mountain lion, with dagger-sharp antlers up to five feet across. (And not just lions: The elk at yellowstone National Park have been known to gore careless visitors. A few have even attacked automobiles, poking holes right through car doors with their antlers.)
Headgear can also be used for marking trees, digging in the ground for food, or scratching a hard-to-reach itch.
HEADGEAR STANDOUTS
•The Moose is the largest member of the deer family, often reaching seven feet at the shoulder. Every year the male grows a set of palmate antlers. They spread out like the palm of a hand with large flattened areas and tines sticking out of the flats. His anlters can span more than six feet, have as many as thirty spikes, and can weigh 40 pounds each.
•Elk’s antlers grow to five feet, with six to ten spikes on each side. During mating season their battles get fairly violent: some stab wounds can kill outright or cause so much damage that the loser cannot escape from danger. Worst-case scenario: two bulls interlock their antlers and are unable to get them apart. Both animals will eventually die of starvation or be killed by predators.
This year, Americans will throw away more than 100 million cell phones.
•The Indian Water Buffalo has the longest horns of all. In 1955 a bull’s horns were measured from tip to tip around their long, sweeping curve. Length: 13 feet, 11 inches.
•Big Horn Sheep have thick, stout horns that curve back around, beneath their ears, and then forward again. And the horns can weigh more than all the other bones in their bodies put together. Each mating season the males fight for social dominance, running into each other and bashing the thick bases of their horns together—at speeds of over 20 mph with a force of 2,000 pounds per square inch. Their battles can be heard up to a mile away.
•The Chousinga is a member of the true-horned bovid family, but instead of two horns, it has four. Also known as the four-horned antelope, this small creature lives in India and Nepal and grows an extra set of horns on its forehead, just above its eyes.
•Giraffes are unique: Their horns aren’t covered with keratin—they’re covered with skin.
GET TO THE POINT
•The Asian Musk Deer is one of the few members of the deer family that have no antlers. What do they have instead? Tusks—long, fang-like teeth that grow down over their lower jaw.
•Imagine seeing a tusked animal only 20 inches long that looks like a cross between a deer, antelope, and a pig. That’s the mouse deer from Malaysia.
•The Irish Elk is the name given to an extinct species of deer. Their antlers measured over 13 feet across, and weighed up to one hundred pounds—each.
•Not only are all of the animals with headgear herbivores. They also share one other characteristic: they all have hooves.
•Animals with headgear are native to every continent except Antarctica and Australia. No native Australian mammals have antlers, horns, or hooves.
How fast does a bumblebee flap its wings? 160 beats per second.
HUNTING FOR DVD EASTER EGGS
Uncle John finally bought a DVD player, and now he’s got a new hobby: finding “Easter eggs”—deleted scenes, alternate endings, bloopers, etc.—that are hidden on many discs. Here are a few he’s found.
CITIZEN KANE (1941)
Easter Egg: From the main menu, choose “Special Features.” Then click the right arrow on your remote control. When the Rosebud sled appears onscreen, press Enter.
What You Get: A five-minute interview with actress Ruth Warrick, who starred as Emily Kane
Bonus: Click on “Production Notes,” then “In the Beginning,” and then “Still Galleries.” If you click on the sleds, you’ll get two more bonus features: an interview with editor Robert Wise, and one with film critic Roger Ebert.
THE SIXTH SENSE (1999)
Easter Egg: From the main menu, choose “Bonus Materials,” then click all the way down and choose “More.” At the bottom of this page is a jewelry box. Click down to it—the lid will open, and you’ll see an image of a videotape that says “Night’s First Horror Film.”
What You’ll Get: A 1-1/2 minute horror film that director M. Night Shyamalan made when he was 11 years old
THE SIMPSONS: SEASON 1 BOX SET (1989)
Easter Egg: Insert the third disc. From the main menu, choose “Extra Features” and go to the second page. Click on “‘Some Enchanted Evening’ Script,” press the left arrow key, then press Enter.
What You Get: Remember how controversial The Simpsons was when it first went on the air? This genuine 1990 TV news report will refresh your memory.
First known musical recording: “Yankee Doodle.”
AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME (1999)
Easter Egg: From the main menu, choose “Special Features.” Wait about 30 seconds until Dr. Evil’s spaceship appears at the bottom of the screen and flies up to the top, leaving a big E in its wake. Click over to the E, and when it turns red, press Enter.
What You Get: A page called “Dr. Evil’s Special Features” lets you view four hidden features, including a mock documentary called “The Dr. Evil Story”
THE GODFATHER (1972)—DVD COLLECTION
Easter Egg: Insert the fourth disc, the one labeled “Bonus Materials.” From the main menu, choose “Setup,” then press the right arrow. When the globe appears, press Enter.
What You Get: A few classic scenes dubbed into foreign languages
Bonus: Ever wondered what prompted author Mario Puzo to write the novel The Godfather? From the main menu, select “Film-makers,” and then select “Mario Puzo.” Press the left arrow button twice—a dollar sign will appear, and when it does, press Enter. Puzo will answer the question while shooting a game of pool with Francis Ford Coppola.
PLANET OF THE APES (2001)
Easter Egg: Insert the first disc. From the main menu, choose “Special Features,” and then click on “Commentaries.” Press the down arrow two times, then press Enter.
What You Get: A film commentary—in ape language
CAST AWAY (2000)
Easter Egg: Pop in the second disc. From the main menu, choose “Video and Stills Galleries” and click down to “Raft Escape.” Don’t press Enter—instead, press the left arrow button. That will cause yellow and blue wings to appear on the left of the screen. Press Enter.
What You Get: Did you ever wonder what was in the FedEx package that Tom Hanks’s character has
with him the entire film? Press Play, and director Robert Zemeckis will give you the answer.
Bye-bye VHS: Since 1997, more than 2 billion DVDs have been sold in the U.S. alone.
MORE NICE CROOKS
We love dumb crooks, but lately we’ve discovered another variety: nice ones.
THE SINGING DETECTIVE
In May 2004, an off-duty police detective named Dave Wishnowsky noticed Willie Mitford sitting in a karaoke bar in Palmerston North, New Zealand. Wishnowsky had worked a case that resulted in theft charges against Mitford, and Mitford had already beaten one of the charges. The detective went over to Mitford, and the two started chatting over a few beers. Before long, Mitford made a surprise offer: “You get up there and sing a song, and if you’re good, I will go guilty.” So Wishnowsky, who—unbeknownst to Mitford—was a former singer in a pub band, got up and started belting out “Better Man” by Robbie Williams. “I had only sung two lines,” he said later, “and he came over to me and said ‘I’m guilty.’” Mitford lived up to his word and changed his plea to guilty later that month because, he said, the singing cop was so good.
DON’T FORGET TO SAY “THANK YOU”
In January 2004, a man went into a Wells Fargo branch in Phoenix, Arizona, waited his turn in line, and walked up to the counter. “This is a robbery,” he told the teller. “I need $1,500 in fifties, please.” He made no threats and had no weapon. The teller gave him what she had and he strolled out the door. “It was like Emily Post does a bank robbery,” said Officer Rick Tamburo.
CHECKING OUT
Nazareno Rodriguez and Sebastian Gallardo, two prisoners in Argentina who had been accused of robbery, were able to unscrew their jail cell door and make a middle-of-the-night escape. Police were surprised when they later found a note in the empty cell. “We love our freedom and can’t live locked in,” it read. “We’re sorry for any inconvenience we might have caused you.” “They were so cheeky,” a police officer said. “We couldn’t believe they left a note. But we’ll find them!”
Uncle John’s Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader Page 44