Danny. She paused, a bag of frozen vegetables in one hand and a half gallon of ice cream in the other. She'd barely seen Craig since he'd told her the truth about his youngest. It had been a couple of days, but the information still astounded her.
Danny wasn't his son. She didn't know which shocked her more – the fact that Krystal had intended to trick Craig into thinking it was his, that she'd been willing to give up her child for adoption or that Craig had taken the boy in and treated him like one of his own.
"Jill?" Ben held open the freezer door.
She looked at the frozen food she held. "Oh, thanks. I was just thinking."
"I guess."
She gave him a quick smile. "You can go outside with your brothers."
"I don't mind helping."
She tossed him the empty bag and reached for the next one. Cereal. These boys went through more cereal than any ten normal people could eat. She pulled out the boxes.
What astonished her the most was that she'd assumed Danny was his favorite. There was something special about Craig's relationship with his youngest. Now she knew what it was. Craig was an honorable man. He would do his best by the boy and that meant making sure he never had a hint that he was different. In time, he would need to be told, but only when he was old enough to handle the information. In the meantime he was growing up surrounded by love.
"What's in here?" Ben asked, pulling out a white plastic bag.
Jill turned toward him and bit back a gasp. How could she have forgotten? "Just girl stuff," she said, trying to sound calm.
He shuddered as if he'd touched bug guts, then tossed her the bag. It circled lazily thought the air. A square pink-and-white box slipped free and tumbled to the ground. She and Ben reached for it at the same time. She tried to cover the lettering with her fingers, but he got there first. He handed her the box.
The front door opened. "Ben, are you comin' or what?" C.J. called.
"Go ahead," Jill told him and sank into one of the kitchen chairs.
When he left without a backward glance, she told herself he hadn't seen anything. She hoped she was right.
After tossing the box on the table, she read the front panel: Accurate Home Pregnancy Test.
It was unlikely, she told herself as the familiar panic welled up inside. They'd used protection. Which sometimes fails, a little voice whispered. The odds were against her being pregnant, she silently argued. Except she was late. Very late.
She should have started her period about ten days ago. There hadn't even been a hint of anything. Which meant the stress of everything had affected her, or she was going to have a child.
A baby. She leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes. If she was, what would she do? What would Craig say? Would he think she had tried to trap him, much as Krystal had? After all, she'd been the one coming on to him.
As always, the thought of her wanton behavior made her blush. She buried her face in her hands. She hadn't planned for them to do anything. Of course, she'd thought about making love with Craig. How could she live with him day after day and not think about it? But thinking and doing weren't the same thing. Still, when he'd walked in on her in the bathroom, it had seemed so right.
It hadn't even been about finding love. Instead, she'd suddenly gotten tired of feeling lonely. Was that so bad? Did she deserve to be punished for one night of comfort?
Since returning from Glenwood, she and Craig had been involved in an elaborate dance of avoidance. Except for that night when he'd confessed the truth about Danny, they hadn't had a single personal conversation. She was still reeling from his accusations. In the past week, she'd tried not to think about them, but she couldn't think about anything else.
Had she deliberately chosen Aaron so she could hold some part of herself back? Did she find it easier to exist in impossible situations because she secretly wanted to be disappointed? Was she so afraid of giving and receiving genuine love?
And what about Craig? He came from a long line of failed marriages. The Haynes family didn't have a great record when it came to relationships. Yet look at what was happening now. Travis and his wife. Kyle and Sandy. Was it Craig's turn? Was it hers? How did she feel about him?
She picked up the box and stared at it for a moment. If she didn't love him, was she strong enough to walk away even if she was carrying his child?
A baby. She smiled as tears sprang to her eyes. A child of her own. It was a dream come true.
She brushed her eyes with the back of her hand. A baby wasn't her whole dream, she admitted to herself. She'd also wanted a husband. Someone she loved and respected. Someone she could trust and admire. Someone who would cherish her. Had she already found that?
If only… If only she could know his feelings. She stood up and grabbed the pregnancy kit. As she headed into her bedroom, she knew it didn't matter. Even if Craig admitted he cared about her, how was she going to trust him? How would she know that he wasn't just interested in having a mother for his children? She'd already been burned like that before.
She placed the pregnancy kit inside the medicine chest. She knew there wasn't an easy solution to the problem. There was no way Craig could prove that he wanted her and not just the convenience of having her around. She would have to take a step of faith. She wasn't sure she could.
Summer was fast approaching, then it would be September. Her condo lease would be up, her job would be waiting. Would she stay or would she go? Could she walk away from Craig and the boys? Could she risk being used once again?
How much of her confusion was fear of the past repeating itself and how much of it fear of love? Until she answered that question, she knew she wouldn't be able to decide.
* * *
"Dad?"
Craig looked up from the book he was reading. It was nearly ten. "What's wrong, Ben? Don't you feel well?"
His oldest stepped into the bedroom and shrugged. "I'm fine. I just can't sleep."
Craig patted the cushion next to him on the small sofa in front of the fireplace in his bedroom. He placed a bookmark in his book and set it on the table. "Are you worried about your dance next week?"
"A little, but I think it's gonna be okay." Ben plopped down. He pushed up the long sleeves of his pajama top and sat cross-legged in the corner. "I think I saw something, and I don't know if I should say anything or not."
"Okay. What did you see?"
Ben looked at him, then ducked his head. "It's about Jill."
Craig's stomach clenched. Was something wrong with her? Was she ill? Was she leaving? "What about Jill?"
"We were putting away groceries a couple of days ago. I was helping, and she had this plastic bag. She didn't want me to touch it. She didn't say that, but I could tell." He paused. Color stole up his face.
What had he seen? Birth control? The thought gave Craig a jolt of hope. Maybe Jill was willing to admit she had feelings for him. "Then what happened?"
"I sorta tossed it to her and this box fell out. I swear it just fell on its own. I wasn't trying to do anything wrong."
Craig leaned over and placed his hand on his son's shoulder. "I know you weren't. It's all right. What did you see?"
Ben stared at him. "I'm not sure. It said Home Pregnancy Test on the label. Is Jill gonna have a baby?"
Even as conflicting emotions raced through him, Craig forced himself not to react. He didn't want to frighten or confuse Ben and he didn't want to get either of their hopes up. He knew the boys wanted Jill to stay permanently.
"I don't know if Jill's pregnant," he said. Could she be? They'd used a condom. Of course, condoms occasionally failed. Pregnant? A baby.
"Are you going to say anything?" Ben asked. "I don't want her to think I was prying."
"She knows you wouldn't do that, son. I'll talk to her."
Ben nodded, then rose to his feet. "If she has a baby will she have to leave?"
"No. She won't. She can stay right here."
Ben nodded. Craig wasn't sure if the boy knew who th
e father might be. They'd talked about sex several times over the past couple of years. Ben had a clear understanding of the conception process. Craig thought about reassuring him that there wasn't a strange man in Jill's life, but then he figured he'd better talk to her first. If she was pregnant—
Ben closed the door quietly behind himself. Craig sagged back against the sofa. A baby. He grinned. Hot damn. He hadn't seriously thought about having another child, but at that moment he realized how much he wanted one with Jill. A girl, just like her mother.
A girl. He sobered quickly. Would it be a girl? Had the curse been broken by love?
He'd spent the past six years hiding, waiting for something certain. Instead, life had given him the gift of Jill Bradford. Given a choice between his precious sure thing and her, he knew what he would choose. Jill. Always Jill.
He was finally willing to take a chance. All he had to do was convince her this was about her and not the children.
He stood up and started for the door. As he reached for the handle, he froze in place and swore. If she was pregnant, she would never be able to accept his love. She would assume any declaration by him was about the baby and his feelings of responsibility. After what he'd told her about Danny, she would be even more cautious about getting involved with him.
She wanted to know it was about her and not the children or the pregnancy. Somehow he would have to find the words. Now that he'd finally figured out he'd been given a second chance, he didn't plan to blow it.
* * *
Chapter 16
« ^
Craig headed for the stairs. He wasn't sure what he was going to say to her, but he prayed he would find the words once he got there.
He crossed the dark family room. There was a light shining under her door. He knocked softly.
"Come in," she called.
He opened the door and stepped into her bedroom. She sat on top of her bed, with the small television tuned to an old movie. When she saw him, she reached for the remote control and flipped off the set. Her eyes were wide and green, their expression questioning. She gave him a half smile.
"What can I do for you?" she asked.
Words failed him. He knew he wouldn't be able to find the right ones, anyway. How could he explain love and caring when he'd just figured it out for himself? How could he make her understand the emptiness he'd felt inside and how she'd managed to find her way in to fill every crevice of need? How could he tell her that she was the most loving, giving person he'd ever met?
He crossed to the bed and stared down at her. Without conscious thought, he reached for the hem of his T-shirt and pulled it over his head. Then he waited for her reaction.
He braced himself for her rejection or for her to calmly tell him they had to talk about this first. He even told himself she might slap him for being so presumptuous. Instead, she rose on her knees and pressed her mouth against the center of his chest.
Jill knew this was a mistake. She even knew why Craig was here. But she could no more have turned him away than she could have turned back time. They needed to talk and try to figure out what they were going to do. The logical part of her brain told her they should talk first. The rest of her body, on fire from the moment he'd walked into her room, slammed the door on logic and begged her just to feel.
She complied. She touched his warm skin, running her fingers across his shoulders and down his arms. She kissed his chest, his flat nipples, his belly. The waistband of his jeans rested just below his belly button. She dipped her tongue inside and teased with a quick flick of dampness.
He groaned. "Do you know what you do to me?"
"If it's anything like what you do to me, we're both in trouble," she said.
He reached for her, tugging on her arms until she rose to her feet. With her on the bed, she was taller. She grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Now I've got you where I want you."
"And I've got you."
He gripped her around the waist and stepped away from the bed. She caught her breath and wrapped her legs around his hips. Instantly her damp, hot center came in contact with his arousal.
She clung to him as he spun them both around in the room. When she was too dizzy to do more than hang on, he slowed and pressed his mouth against hers.
Their lips brushed together, moving slowly in a dance of sensation so sweet, she wanted to weep. She parted and he swept inside. Fiery need cascaded through her, sensitizing every part of her body, making her tremble in his embrace. If he hadn't been supporting her, she would have slipped to the ground.
He sat on the edge of the bed. Her legs hugged his thighs. As she traced the rippling muscles in his back, he unfastened the buttons down the front of her shirt. When he'd tugged the garment free, he flipped open her bra with a quick flick of his fingers.
He cupped her curves, then sank back on the mattress, taking her with him. She landed on her hands and knees, her head slightly higher than his. He took advantage of the situation and reached up to suckle her. At the first moist touch of his mouth on her sensitized taut peaks, her arms began to tremble. She had to hold in a moan.
"Don't," he murmured against her skin. "Don't be quiet. The boys can't hear us from here."
"They can if I start screaming," she said in a gasp as his thumb and forefinger teased her other nipple.
He chuckled. His warm breath fanned her flesh. He moved his free hand between them and rubbed her damp heat. She was frozen in place, caught between two pleasures so intense, she thought she might perish.
He tilted his head slightly so he could reach her other nipple. His fingers caressed her breasts, stroking the soft undersides. Between her legs, he continued to slip back and forth, bringing her closer to her moment of release.
She rocked in rhythm with him, urging him to do more, but frustrated by the layers of clothing between them. When she couldn't stand it anymore, she straightened and reached for the button at the waistband of her jeans. Craig raised his eyebrows, then stretched out lazily, lacing his hands behind his head.
"Don't look so damn smug," she muttered as she crawled over him and pulled off the rest of her clothes.
"I can't help it. You're cute when you're turned on."
"Gee, thanks."
He released one hand and patted his belly. "Come on back."
She knelt next to him and started to lift her leg over his waist. He grabbed her hips. "Not there."
He urged her up until she was beside his shoulders. She stared down at him. "Here?"
"Yes." He reached for the pillows and pulled them out from under the bedspread. After slipping two under his head, he drew her over him, so she straddled his neck. He reached up and parted the damp curls, then touched his tongue to her most sensitive place.
Jill closed her eyes and fought back a scream of pure pleasure. She'd never done it exactly like this before. The new position made her feel exposed and vulnerable, but at the same time heightened her pleasure. She felt as if Craig could see all of her.
She braced her hands on her thighs and began to rock in counterpoint to the quick flicking of his tongue. Every fiber of her being focused on that tiny point of pleasure. She could feel herself collecting, tensing, readying for the moment of ecstasy.
He grabbed her hands and pulled them down so she could hold herself apart for him. She continued to thrust back and forth, urging him faster, deeper, harder. The passion grew. She was caught up in the intensity and barely noticed him shifting beneath her. The bed rocked as if he was moving.
Just as she came within a heartbeat of her release, he stopped. With a quick, fluid movement, he turned her on her back and kicked off his jeans. He'd already worked them halfway down his thighs. Before she could protest or even lose her passion, he plunged deeply inside her, filling her until she thought she would explode.
She opened her eyes and found him watching her. Passion filled his dark eyes, passion and something else. Something warm and wonderfully tempting. If she'd been able to think or do anything
but remind herself to keep breathing, she might have called it love.
But she couldn't do anything else right now. She could only react. He braced his hands on either side of her shoulders. His powerful legs and hips thrust him inside her, then he withdrew in a rhythm designed to drive her over the edge of sanity. Within seconds, she was as close as she'd been before.
Even as the ripples of ecstasy swept through her and her body convulsed around his, she felt him achieve his release. She forced herself to continue to hold his gaze, staring in wonder at the pleasure tightening his features, at the way he exposed all of himself to her. As she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his hips, holding him tight, she felt the first prickle of tears.
He held her while she cried. "I'm s-sorry," she said shakily. "It's j-just—"
"You don't have to explain," he said. "I understand."
She was glad someone did. It didn't make sense to her.
Gradually, his murmured words and the slow stroking of his hands against her skin comforted her. She pulled back and stared at him.
"It's never been like this before," she said.
"I know. For me, too." He shifted so he was lying next to her, then pulled her on top of him. He ran his fingers through her hair and traced the length of her spine. "I remember the first time I saw you. At Kim's."
"Hmm, me, too."
"You were naked."
She tried to sit up, but he held her against him. "I was not."
"You were naked under your robe."
"Oh." She felt her cheeks heat. "That."
"Yes, that. You made it very difficult for me to hold a rational conversation. How was I supposed to talk to you about my children when your breasts were swaying back and forth like that? Don't ever answer the door like that again."
She giggled. She'd thought the robe covered her fine. Apparently, she'd been wrong. "I haven't flashed anyone else that I know of."
"Good."
He sighed. She felt the rise and fall of his chest, then she closed her eyes and listened to the sound of his heartbeat. Images sprang to mind. Bits of conversation, time they'd spent together. A shiver raced through her.
PART-TIME WIFE Page 19