by L. A. Witt
Colin managed a quiet laugh. “I’ll try to remember that next time.”
“Good. Now go grab a shower, and then we’re going to get something to eat.”
He blinked. “We are? Don’t you have other plans for the day?”
“Honey, my plans for the day involved binge-watching all the stuff that’s been backing up on Netflix. I can take a break from that to make sure you’re putting some food in you. And keeping it there.”
Colin knew better than to try to protest. She’d come all the way here to put him back on the rails, and she was going to be in his face until she was absolutely sure he wouldn’t go off them again. Thank God for her, his therapist, his brother, and the guys at his shop—they’d pulled him out of this spiral more than once.
“All right. Let’s go.”
* * *
Colin’s hands were shaky from lifting for hours and barely eating for days, so Amanda drove, which meant she picked the restaurant. Naturally, she chose one of the places that, in addition to the usual greasy spoon fare, actually served reasonably healthy sandwiches and sides, so he wouldn’t be able to fall back on rejecting them for ingredients. She was going to make sure he ate.
They took a table in the back, away from the handful of other people having late lunches, and ate in silence. She never talked to him while they were eating when he was in this state of mind because she’d learned, like most people who paid any attention, that conversation was an easy way to distract him from what he needed to do—eat.
After the waiter had taken their empty plates, Amanda sipped her sweet tea, then folded her hands on the table. “So. What happened?”
“Man, where do I start?” Colin took a deep breath, and told her about the other night with Daniel. They were friends as well as having a professional relationship, so he held nothing back. If she could give him uncensored details about her boyfriend going down on her during the boring parts of West Wing reruns, then he could tell her about sucking Daniel off in the parking lot.
After he’d told her everything, he sat back and sighed. “So, I don’t know. Maybe he just wanted a tattoo and got a blowjob as a bonus, and now he’s moving on with his life. But the way he left in a hurry and seemed kind of rattled—I mean, what if I just fucked something up?”
“Well, what if you did?” She shrugged. “Maybe he wasn’t interested in you after all, and now he’s gone, and you can move on? You barely knew the guy.”
“I know, but . . .” Colin chewed his lip as he chased an ice cube around the glass with his straw. “If he’s not interested and that’s all there is, then fine. I guess I’m just worried that I crossed a line and upset him or something. Like he might be angry at me.” He put the straw down and rubbed his neck with both hands. “Not that it makes any sense to think a guy is angry over getting his dick sucked, but . . .”
“No, no, it does.” She folded her arms on the edge of the table. “But you said he was into it when it started, right?”
“As far as I could tell. I asked him if he wanted to and he said he did. And he was pretty damn enthusiastic about it.”
“Huh.” Her eyes lost focus for a moment. “When you’ve tried to contact him, what have you said?”
“Told him I had some sketches for his tattoo. Asked if he wanted to come by the shop.”
“Maybe you should just be direct when you text him. Tell him you want to talk about the other night and clear the air.” She smirked. “I know boys don’t do that as a rule, but when all else fails—as it obviously has—talking might not be a bad idea.”
“Oh, come on. Boys do talk about things.”
Her eyebrow arched. “Then why haven’t you talked to him?”
“Touché.” He sighed. “Okay. Okay. Fine.” He took out his phone and quickly jotted a message. As he hit Send, he said, “There. Happy?”
She grinned. “Yes. Now if you see our waiter, could you please flag him down? Because there is an apple cobbler in that kitchen with my name all over it.”
Colin laughed. “Have you seen the dessert portions here? They’re huge.”
“Mmhmm.” She looked around. “That’s why you’re going to help me with it.”
Colin’s laughter halted. “I am?”
She waved at someone—presumably the waiter—before turning back to Colin. “You heard me.”
The waiter materialized beside them.
Amanda smiled up at him. “Could I get the apple cobbler à la mode with two spoons, please?”
“Of course. I’ll be right back.”
Colin didn’t argue. Silently, he reminded himself that if she could allow him to eat something like this, then he could allow it, too. Which was exactly the point.
“It’s not a setback,” she’d drilled into his head for the last three years. “It’s being flexible. Indulging once in a while won’t send you back to square one.”
In the beginning, he’d doubted the shit out of that, but they’d done this enough times that he knew the routine. She’d order something decadent and make him eat a tiny bit of it with her. The idea was to remind him that it was okay to enjoy food, that it wouldn’t destroy all his progress, and it wouldn’t make him gain twenty pounds. Early on, it had been a way to remind him he could eat at all. Now he’d come far enough, and she gently nudged him toward remembering he didn’t have to eat flawlessly clean at every turn.
It wasn’t the most orthodox way of working with someone like him, but he had to admit, sharing an indulgent dessert with his trainer and nutritionist did make him feel less like he was committing some terrible, shameful sin. His therapist hadn’t been so sure about Amanda’s approach at first, and it probably wouldn’t be in any textbooks anytime soon, but strangely enough, it had helped him.
Amanda watched him from across the table. “You doing okay? Feeling any better?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I think just talking about it helped. So, thanks.”
“Anytime.”
A few minutes later, the cobbler arrived.
“Oh, hell yes. This looks amazing.”
Colin gulped. He had to admit, it did look pretty good. And it wasn’t huge, either. A few bites—maybe a tiny bit of the ice cream and a couple of apple slices—wouldn’t kill him.
“Come on. Dig in. I’m not eating this whole thing on my own.” She picked up her spoon and started to say something else, but Colin’s phone vibrated and startled them both.
Immediately, Colin’s heart jumped into his throat. He eyed the phone uncertainly.
“Well?” Amanda prodded. “You gonna check that?”
“Um. I . . .”
With an impatient huff, she grabbed it off the table.
“Hey!” He lunged for it, but she was faster, especially since she didn’t have muscle fatigue slowing her down.
She held the phone out of his grasp as she read the screen. Smiling, she handed it back. “Congratulations, sweetie—he’s coming by the shop tomorrow afternoon.”
“He is?” Colin took back the phone. Sure enough, Daniel had texted him back to say he’d be by after six. “Holy shit.”
“Guess we’d better finish this so you can get back to the shop.” She pointed with her spoon at the cobbler.
He gulped. Then he picked up his own spoon. “Guess you’re right.”
* * *
“Ow!” the brunette yelped. “Oh my God that hurts!”
Colin lifted the tattoo needle off her ankle and looked up at her. “You okay?”
Her lips contorted into a grimace, but she nodded. “Yeah.”
“You want to take a breather?”
The grimace intensified. “Just . . .” She gestured at her foot and the daisy he’d barely started outlining. “Keep going.”
“You sure?”
She glanced at her friend, who was stoically getting a cat’s paw print on the inside of her wrist, then looked at him again. “I’m fine. It just stung more than I expected it to.”
“It’s okay. It’s a touchy area on most people
.” He dipped the needle in the little cup of black ink, and when he pressed the foot pedal, the needle started buzzing. She tensed, so he adjusted his free hand on her foot, doing the best he could to keep it still. As lightly as possible, he touched the needle to her skin. As he expected, her foot jerked, and she almost pulled it out of his hand. He did it again, and this time she muffled another yelp, but didn’t move.
After a few minutes, he asked, “Hanging in there?”
“I think so.”
“Just tell me if you need a break.”
“Okay.”
They didn’t say much after that. The shop was pretty noisy as it was—Matt and Pete were busily tattooing the girl’s friends at their stations, so three needles were buzzing while some indie heavy metal album blasted in the background. There was some chatter going on, but the buzzing and music drowned most of it out.
His client didn’t seem to want to talk, and Colin was quite okay with that. He tried to be talkative with his clients, especially first-timers. It gave them something else to focus on besides the pain. Today, though, he wasn’t much of a conversationalist. It was hard enough concentrating on lines and shading when he knew who was going to come strolling into Skin Deep later this afternoon.
He finished with the girl’s tattoo, bandaged it, and sent her on her way with instructions for taking care of it. Shortly after she’d left, another college-aged girl came in for a flowery lower back piece.
“Spring break tramp stamp!” Her friend giggled as Colin set up his station.
The girl laughed. “Just don’t tell my dad.”
They kept right on chatting while Colin put the stencil on her back, and even after he’d started. Good—then he didn’t have to worry that he was giving her the cold shoulder, and her friend kept her relaxed while he drew the long-stemmed roses across the base of her spine.
At some point, he looked up from shading the red petals and realized it was after six. His stomach flipped. Daniel was quite possibly on his way right now.
Colin dipped the needle and forced himself to focus. Once Daniel was here and this client was taped up and gone, then he could worry about whatever was on Daniel’s mind. For right now, he had a tattoo to finish, and he’d damn sure finish it right because just the thought of botching someone’s ink horrified him.
As it turned out, Daniel’s timing was impeccable—he walked in just as Colin was settling up with the client. After she’d gone, Colin turned to him. “Uh. Hey.”
“Hey.” Daniel slid his hands into his pockets. “Sorry I’m a little late.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Colin gestured after the girl who’d just left. “I ran a bit late myself.”
“Oh. Okay. So it worked out.” They both managed a quiet, halfhearted laugh.
“Listen, um.” Colin nodded toward his workstation. “Let me clean this up really fast, and we can step out for a few.”
“Sure. Take your time.”
Colin had the routine down to a science, so it wasn’t like it took very long anyway. He cleared away the Saran Wrap he’d laid down over every surface, which also took away the dabs of petroleum jelly, the used ink cups, the piles of ink-stained paper towels, and the packaging for the bandage he’d put on her skin. Then he ran an antiseptic-soaked paper towel over everything, made sure all the bottles of ink were back in their proper places in the cabinet, and turned off his work light.
“Hey, Matt?” he said.
The other artist looked up from a tiger on a wincing girl’s ankle. “Yep?”
“Heading out. I’ll see you tomorrow. Make sure everything’s locked up, all right?”
“Will do, boss.”
Colin grabbed his wallet and keys, and gestured for Daniel to follow him out of the shop. He wasn’t worried about leaving. He’d covered the late walk-ins for the last few nights, and he didn’t have any appointments tonight, so he’d already planned to leave the shop in the capable hands of Matt and Pete.
Outside, some of the guys from the gym were milling around in the parking lot, so Colin took Daniel around the back of the building where they’d have some privacy. There he stopped and faced him, fighting the urge to fidget nervously. “So, how’s the tattoo healing?”
“Good. Good.” Daniel shifted his weight. “It’s still kinda itchy, but it’s getting better.”
Colin grimaced sympathetically. “That’s the worst part. The pain I can deal with, but the itching sucks. You’re not scratching it, are you?”
“No, of course not.”
Their eyes met, and they both smiled, but quickly looked away. Awkwardness didn’t even have to set in—it was already present and accounted for.
After a moment, Colin raked a hand through his hair. “Look, things went really fast the other night, and I’m sorry. I mean, maybe—”
“No. No.” Daniel shook his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I just kind of freaked out.”
“But . . . why?” Colin struggled to hold his gaze. “Did I make you nervous?”
“No, you didn’t. But what we were doing . . . yeah. It did. Kinda.” He paused. “Okay, a lot.”
“So, how is that not me making you nervous?”
Color bloomed in Daniel’s cheeks, but blushing wasn’t as cute this time. He seemed genuinely uncomfortable and embarrassed, and Colin’s stomach turned with guilt over putting him in this position.
Daniel took a breath and met his gaze again. “The thing is, that was . . .” He scratched the back of his neck and added a barely audible, “My first time.”
“Your . . .” Colin blinked. “Are you serious?”
Daniel was bright red now, and nodded. “Yeah. I mean, I made out with a guy while I was on cruise, but otherwise . . .” He laughed uneasily. “I’m a virgin.”
Colin stared at him. “Really?”
“Wasn’t it obvious?”
“Not from the way you kissed, no.”
Daniel gave a soft, self-conscious laugh. “Beginner’s luck, I guess.”
“Something like that.”
Daniel moistened his lips. “So it wasn’t that I didn’t want to do anything the other night. I did. And it was . . .” He laughed again and looked at Colin. “It was amazing. I know I took off and all, but it was fucking . . .” He whistled, shaking his head.
Colin smiled. “Good. I was worried I’d maybe gone too fast. Pushed you too far.”
“No. It wasn’t your fault. I mean, I liked it. A lot. And I definitely want it. More. More of it. I just . . . I . . .” He pinched the bridge of his nose, pausing as if trying to collect his thoughts. “Okay, the reason I freaked out is afterward, I thought you’d want me to reciprocate. And I . . .” He dropped his hand and stared at the ground between them. “Man, I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing. I guess I was scared you’d be disappointed.”
“Disappointed?” Colin shook his head. “No, not at all.”
“Yeah.” Daniel laughed humorlessly. “That’s because I left before I had a chance to make an ass of myself.”
“My God. Did you think . . .” Colin cautiously stepped closer. “You wouldn’t have made an ass of yourself.”
Daniel said nothing.
Colin advanced again, and now he had to be well within Daniel’s comfort zone. He halted, giving Daniel a chance to pull back if he wasn’t comfortable, and when Daniel didn’t move, Colin reached for him. He paused, glancing around to make absolutely sure they were still alone out here, and then slid a hand around Daniel’s waist, his own skin prickling with goose bumps even before Daniel’s breath hitched. “So you’re afraid you won’t be good at it, right?”
Daniel nodded, still avoiding Colin’s eyes.
“Is that the only thing stopping you?”
“Definitely.” Daniel hesitated, but finally made eye contact. “Because I really, really wanted to keep going last time.”
Colin grinned. “Is that right?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Well, my house is just over there.” He nodded past D
aniel. “Five minute walk, and my brother works nights, so we’ll have it to ourselves.” He lifted his eyebrows. “You want to?”
Daniel gulped. Then he whispered, “Yes, please.”
Chapter 10
Daniel had never been as nervous as he was the moment Colin shut the front door behind them. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t in the same universe as fessing up to his parents that he’d been busted smoking weed, or the moment he’d stepped off the plane in Afghanistan or Iraq, but on the scale of nervousness that included things like playing his first solo in the high school orchestra or being up to bat in the ninth inning of the state finals with the bases loaded, this was way up there.
They faced each other in the entryway, and a little hint of amusement tugged at Colin’s lips, but not in a way that made Daniel feel stupid or self-conscious. Colin narrowed the space between them. “You all right?”
Avoiding his eyes, Daniel nodded. “Yeah. Just, um, nervous.”
“No reason to be nervous.” Colin’s hand came to rest on his waist.
Oh God. Oh dear God.
“I know you are, and everyone is their first time, but I promise you . . .” He tipped up Daniel’s chin so they were looking each other in the eye. “There’s really nothing to be nervous about.”
Daniel forced a laugh. “That’s easy for you to say.”
“It is.” Colin inched closer. “But you’re in good hands. I promise.”
And now . . .
Finally . . .
Away from the prying eyes of the rest of the world . . .
Colin kissed him.
Daniel’s whole body turned to liquid. At least, aside from one part that was getting harder by the second. He knew what it felt like to be turned on, but not like this. Not when he was with another person who’d all but promised him they’d be getting into bed tonight.
Oh Jesus.
Colin broke the kiss and looked in his eyes. “You’re really nervous, aren’t you?”
Mortified, Daniel managed a laugh that made him sound even worse. “Am I that obvious?”