by L. A. Witt
There were still a million things he wanted to try, and he’d get there, but at least he wasn’t a virgin anymore. It wasn’t something he’d been ashamed of or anything, but that night marked the end of years of frustration. He’d wanted to be with a man, and he finally had been.
Throughout his shift, he was lucky he could focus at all. His brain was anywhere but here. Good thing there wasn’t a lot going on at work these days—the ship wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while, and there weren’t any aircraft on board. For an avionics electrician, that left a whole lot of nothing to do aside from making sure all the equipment in his work space was functioning properly. Fortunately, he could do that in his sleep.
End of shift took its sweet time, but it finally showed up, and Daniel had never moved so quickly to change out of his uniform, throw on some civvies, and get the hell out to Virginia Beach.
Colin had finished his last appointment, so he’d texted Daniel to come to his house instead of the shop. Fine by him—the sooner they were in his bedroom, the better.
As soon as Colin let him in, though, the hair on Daniel’s neck stood on end. Something was wrong.
Oh, Colin was obviously happy to see him. He smiled when he opened the door. He kissed Daniel and did that really hot thing where he slid his hands into his back pockets. His dick was hard, and his shirt was gone, but . . . something wasn’t right. It was like Colin was just going through the motions this time.
Daniel’s heart sank. Is he just humoring me?
He broke the kiss, and the second their eyes met, Colin shifted his gaze away.
More alarm bells went off inside Daniel’s head. Colin hadn’t been this tense before. Had he? Or had Daniel just been too distracted by his own nerves to notice?
No, this was different. Something about the way he kissed and touched felt distinctly like he was holding back. Or uncomfortable doing even this much.
Daniel broke the kiss and met his gaze. “You okay? You seem kinda . . .”
Sighing, Colin closed his eyes. Damn. He was right.
“What’s wrong?”
Colin drew back, putting some space between them. “Okay, I . . . listen, before we go any further . . .” He cleared his throat. “I think there’s something you should know about me.”
Daniel rested his hand on Colin’s waist, and Colin laid his over the top of Daniel’s arm, so that was promising. Heart thumping, Daniel waited for him to continue.
Taking a deep breath, Colin looked him in the eye. “Remember how I said I’d been around the block a bit? That this isn’t my first rodeo?”
Daniel nodded.
“That might’ve been . . .” Colin chewed his lip. “Not necessarily an understatement, but not completely truthful, either.”
“Meaning?”
Colin swallowed. “Maybe it doesn’t make a difference, but I feel weird going into this, what we’re doing, without telling you . . .” He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and looked at Daniel. “A lot of that experience happened in front of cameras.”
“Cameras?” Daniel blinked. “Like . . . porn?”
Colin nodded. “Yeah. Porn.”
“Really?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Wow.”
Colin studied him for a moment. “If it’s an issue, I’ll under—”
“No. Not at all.” Daniel chuckled uneasily. “But if I was intimidated before . . .”
Colin grimaced. “No, don’t be intimidated. It’s . . . I could spend half the night explaining how different it is to have sex on set versus in bed. And trust me, some of the guys who work in porn?” He wrinkled his nose. “They’re terrible in bed.”
A nervous laugh burst out of Daniel. “Seriously?”
“Oh God yes.” He rolled his eyes. “They’re in it to perform, not get their partner off. I could tell you some stories. But stories can wait.” He slid a hand up Daniel’s chest. “And I mean, maybe this wasn’t the best time to bring it up. I didn’t want to kill the mood or anything, but it’s been eating at me all day long, and I just felt weird not telling you. Some people get squicked out. They don’t want to be with someone who’s been a sex worker. So I wanted to give you the chance to back off, you know?”
“Back off?” Daniel slid his hand down over Colin’s ass. “I could think of a lot worse things than being in bed with a former porn star.”
“Oh yeah? Such as?”
“Such as . . . not getting into that former porn star’s bed before I come in my pants?”
Colin laughed. “Not a chance of that.” He took Daniel’s hand and nodded toward the bedroom. “I’d much rather have you come in my mouth.”
Daniel’s knees wobbled, but he somehow managed to follow him.
In the bedroom, with the door shut behind them and the rest of the world a million miles away, Daniel stripped off his shirt and sank onto Colin’s bed with him. Their other clothes would come off eventually. For now . . . yes, this was the kind of kissing Daniel had been craving. Now that Colin had relaxed . . .
But had he really?
Maybe it was Daniel’s imagination. Maybe he was on edge because of what Colin had told him. Still, he could’ve sworn Colin’s body was just slightly more rigid than before. That he was still holding back.
Daniel rolled onto his back, and when Colin moved on top of him, their eyes met.
Nope, he wasn’t imagining it.
Daniel touched his face. “You all right?”
“Yeah.” Colin smiled, but it seemed forced, especially when his eyes darted away for a second. “I’m—”
“Is this about what you told me?”
Colin exhaled. His shoulders sagged a little. “It’s stupid. I’m not ashamed of my old job, and it’s a hell of a relief that you’re okay with it, but I . . .” He looked in Daniel’s eyes again. “It really doesn’t bother you?”
“Should it?”
“Well, no. But some guys . . .” He shook his head.
“I mean, it might fuck with me a bit if you start setting up cameras or something.”
Colin laughed uneasily. “No cameras. Promise.”
“Good.” Daniel smiled. “Seriously, though—it’s fine. I mean, at least one of us has experience.”
“Fair enough.” Colin chewed his lip. “Maybe I should’ve told you before we slept together, though. But I . . . I don’t know. I just—”
“No, I’m glad you waited.”
“Really?”
“Well, yeah.” Daniel slid his hands up Colin’s back. “I was intimidated enough by you having more experience than me. Knowing I was in bed with a professional might’ve been a bit much.”
Colin laughed as color bloomed in his cheeks. “Worried about me comparing you to other porn stars?”
“Gee, ya think?”
Colin turned on his side, and as they faced each other, he draped an arm over Daniel. “You have nothing to worry about.” He brushed their lips together. “I’m serious when I say sex in front of a camera is so different from the real thing.”
“How so?”
“Different motivation, for one thing. When I was in front of a camera, it was all about what the director wanted. What looked good.” He cradled the back of Daniel’s neck. “With you, it’s all about what feels good. For both of us.” Their lips brushed again, just enough to make Daniel shiver even before Colin whispered, “Nobody’s watching except me, and I want to see you lose your mind.”
“Mission accomplished,” Daniel murmured into his kiss.
Colin’s lips curved into a grin against his. “I haven’t even started yet.”
If Daniel hadn’t already been putty in Colin’s hands, he was now. Was this karma for taking so long to find someone? It was like the universe was saying, Sorry about keeping you a virgin for twenty-six years. Here’s an ex-porn star with tattoos and a six-pack. Enjoy.
Don’t mind if I do.
“Just, uh . . .” He swallowed hard, sliding his hands up Colin’s back. “You really aren’t comp
aring me to—”
“Absolutely not.” Colin kissed Daniel’s neck and pressed his clothed hard-on against his. “Let me assure you,” he murmured against Daniel’s throat, “that when we’re like this, I’m not comparing you to anyone. I’m sure as fuck not thinking about what I used to do for money.” He pressed a kiss beneath Daniel’s jaw. “All I’m thinking about is how to make you forget about anything except what I’m doing to you.”
Daniel shivered. “You’re . . . definitely succeeding.”
“Good.” Colin nipped gently, just enough to sting and make Daniel gasp. Then he pushed Daniel onto his back and straddled him. “Do I really intimidate you?”
“A little, yeah.” Daniel shrugged, watching his hands drift up Colin’s chest. “Everything intimidates me when it comes to sex. I’m twenty-six and there are teenagers out there with more experience than me. Who wouldn’t be intimidated?”
“Well, fair. But I don’t want to make it worse.”
“You’re not.” Daniel chewed his lip. “I guess I’m just afraid of doing something wrong. Or not knowing how to do something right.”
“You haven’t done anything wrong with me. And honestly, there isn’t much you can do wrong.” He ticked off the points on his fingers. “Be careful with your teeth. No means no. Listen to feedback. Give your own feedback. And don’t insult your partner’s body.” He lowered his hand. “That’s really it.”
“Insult your partner’s body?” Daniel squirmed uncomfortably. Sliding his hands up Colin’s flawless torso, he said, “People do that?”
Colin sighed. “If you date jackasses like I have, yes.”
Daniel looked him up and down, trying to imagine what in the world someone could find to insult on such an amazing body. It was easy to see how the guy had made it in porn. He had a very impressive cock, for one thing. Not that Daniel had ever seen an erect penis besides his own in person, but still. And he was gorgeous. Tattoos. Muscles. Eyes that seemed to be hardwired into Daniel’s pulse. Lips that effortlessly moved between the most gorgeous smile and a spine-tingling grin, not to mention the things they could do when they touched Daniel.
Colin fidgeted, and Daniel realized he’d been staring.
He shook himself. “Sorry. I . . .” He swallowed as he trailed the backs of his fingers down Colin’s abs. “Just hard to imagine what anyone could find to criticize.”
“You’d be surprised.” The haunted look in his eyes told Daniel that someone had found something to criticize, and it had obviously cut deep.
Daniel didn’t know what to say to that. He couldn’t imagine. Even if Colin hadn’t been damn near perfect, who the hell would want to hurt him?
Not me, that’s for sure.
Their eyes met. Colin’s guard was still up, and Daniel wondered how much of his hesitation tonight had been about his porn career at all.
What the hell happened to you?
Daniel still had no idea what to say.
Abruptly, Colin cleared his throat. “So, is there anything new you want to try tonight?”
Well, it was as good a subject change as any, so Daniel ran with it. “Is ‘everything’ too vague?”
Colin laughed. He lowered himself a bit, pressing his abs against Daniel’s. Their lips almost brushed as he said, “Much as I’d like to do anything and everything tonight, I don’t think either of us could handle it.”
Daniel chuckled, running his fingers through Colin’s hair. “I like what we’ve been doing.”
“Yeah?” Colin squirmed a little, his dick pressing against Daniel’s, and thank God, the mood was definitely salvaged. They could talk later.
“I, uh . . .” Daniel licked his lips, nearly brushing Daniel’s in the process. “Not tonight, but I really want to try anal.”
Colin shivered hard. “Like, giving or receiving?”
“Both. But mostly receiving.”
“Really?” Colin lifted up again, and his eyebrows jumped. “Most guys I’ve been with kind of hesitate about that. Like they’re afraid it’s going to hurt.”
“I am. I’m nervous as hell about it.” Daniel swallowed. “But the sooner I try it, the sooner I’ll know if I like it.”
“That’s one way to look at it, I guess.” Colin paused. “Not everyone likes it, by the way. I’ll make damn sure it doesn’t hurt, but I can’t promise it’ll be your thing.”
Daniel pulled him closer. “Guess we’ll find out. Tonight, I’m really liking the idea of getting blown by a porn star.”
A huge grin spread across Colin’s lips. “Well.” He leaned down to kiss Daniel’s neck. “Your fantasy is my command . . .”
Chapter 13
So it was out there, and Daniel hadn’t run.
He’d been a little intimidated, which Colin had expected, but he hadn’t balked in the slightest, and he couldn’t possibly imagine what a relief that was. After all, there’d been others before him—those who weren’t new to getting physical with a man—who’d been horrified. It wouldn’t have been the first time “I used to be a porn star” had left Colin’s bed empty.
Tonight, his bed wasn’t empty. They were both sweating, panting, and smiling, and Daniel was here.
Stroking Daniel’s damp hair, Colin released a long breath. All day long, his confession had been gnawing at him. After he’d mentioned to his brother this morning that he’d be seeing Daniel again, Shane had given him that look. That Do I have to spell it out? look.
“Does he know?”
“Not yet.”
“You know if it’s going to fuck things up, it’s always worse after you’ve waited to tell someone.” Shane had shrugged. “Just tell him and be done with it. Before you get attached.”
“I just met him—I don’t want to scare him off.”
“But he deserves honesty. And you deserve to find out now if it’s going to be a problem.”
Colin hadn’t been able to argue. So, throughout the day, he’d wound himself up over every possible outcome. He hadn’t let himself waste a single minute fantasizing about what they’d do once they were in bed together because he couldn’t tell himself honestly that they’d get into bed.
Surprise.
Beside him, Daniel yawned. “Man, I’m going to doze off in a minute.”
“Me, too. In fact, I think I could go for some coffee.” He lifted up onto his elbow. “You want some?”
“Oh God, yes, please.”
They got up, each pulled on a pair of jeans, and moved out to the kitchen. Daniel leaned against the counter while Colin started up the coffeemaker. He took out some creamer and sugar for Daniel. They were tempting for him too, but as always, a nagging voice in his head reminded him that coffee didn’t have many calories unless he polluted it. But as he’d steadily learned to do over the last couple of years, he tamped down that voice.
I drank water all day. One cup of coffee with a tiny bit of creamer is no big deal.
No way was he listening to that shit tonight. He’d already gone out on a limb and told Daniel about his time in porn. No point in piling everything on all at once.
While they waited for the coffee to brew, Colin riffled around in the fridge for something to munch on. And as he did that, and the two of them carried on talking about whatever, everything felt the same between them. Like things really hadn’t changed just because he’d put a card on the table.
Yeah, just wait until he’s slept on it.
Colin’s heart sank. As relieved as he was that they’d talked about it, deep down he was still afraid Daniel might not be okay with it. It was easy to say, “Yeah, sure, it’s cool,” when the alternative meant a case of blue balls. Now that their hard-ons were taken care of and they’d both caught their breath, they’d see how things really looked.
“I’m really curious,” Daniel said, bringing Colin out of his thoughts. He set his coffee cup down. “What was it like, working in porn?”
“Tiring, mostly.”
Daniel blinked like that was the last answer he’d expected.<
br />
Colin chuckled. “What? You don’t think it’s physically taxing now that you’ve experienced it?”
“I’d just never thought about it.” Daniel laughed. “Who’d’ve thought?”
“Right? It’s not easy, though, I’ll tell you that. Especially not when you have to go for hours.” He groaned, rolling his shoulders as he remembered how wrung out he’d be after a day on set. “Most people don’t have sex for more than like ten or fifteen minutes. It just doesn’t last that long.”
“Really?”
Colin sipped his coffee. “You ever spent an hour jerking off?”
Daniel’s lips quirked. “Now that you mention it, no. I think my arm would fall off.”
“So would your dick.”
“Or it would at least chafe. A lot.”
Their eyes met, and they both shuddered.
“Okay, I see what you mean,” Daniel said. “Working in porn would be tiring. How long did it take to make one scene, anyway?”
“Depends. Usually, shooting a twenty-minute porno meant at least two or three hours of footage. Which meant hours on the set.”
“And you were fucking that whole time?”
“Not necessarily. If there was a set change, or they needed to fix some lighting or whatever, we’d move out of the way. But we had to be ready to get back to it as soon as the director wanted us to.”
Daniel’s eyes widened. “I assume you’re going to tell me that insta-boners don’t happen after a few hours.”
“They stop happening before that first hour is over. And being on the bottom isn’t easy, either. I mean, I love anal. Giving or receiving. But doing either for hours on end?” He grimaced. “There isn’t enough lube in the world to make that comfortable.”
“God, I can’t imagine.” Daniel shuddered. “Was it at least worth it?”
“For the money? Hell yeah.”
Daniel started to speak, but a key clicked in the lock on the front door, and he almost jumped out of his skin.
“It’s okay.” Colin rested his hand on the small of Daniel’s back. “It’s just my brother.”