Unlovable

by Sherry Gammon

  “True.”

  “Kiss me?” I quoted him, my voice dripping in sarcasm.

  “Right this minute? I don’t think it’s a good idea since I’m driving. Would you like me to pull over, or can you wait till we’re back at school?” His twisted grin was more than I could take.

  “There, you did it again. That’s flirting!” I folded my arms in triumph. “That’s why Hillary thinks you two are an item.”

  “Yes, that was flirting. However, I want to kiss you. I don’t want to kiss her.”

  He wasn’t serious, was he? No, I decided, just more of his flirting.

  “How is Hillary supposed to know you’re teasing when you talk to her like that?”

  “I told you already, I don’t flirt with her, I only flirt with you.” He looked at me without a hint of a smile. Why was he saying these things?

  Because guys like him, only play with girls like you. I could see Hillary in the bathroom glaring at me in her condescending way as she said those exact words yesterday.

  “I know I’m not the type of girl you like to date, so you can save your games for Hillary. I won’t be used.” My voice shook with anger. He pulled the car into the school parking lot, slamming hard on the brakes.

  “I don’t like being accused of something I haven’t done.” He was livid. His eyes were an eerie shade of green, though still completely hot. “Maybe the other guys in your life are after one thing, but I’m not.”

  “What other guys?” What exactly was he implying with that statement?

  “Zack?” He was a little behind the times, I didn’t bother correcting him. I climbed out of the car and slammed the door shut; so did he. “You’ve cut every guy out of your life for the actions of one moron.” He turned and practically vaporized across the parking lot. I followed, running to keep up.

  “Why should I give up on my dreams for some guy? Just because I don’t have money and live in a trailer doesn’t mean guys can take whatever they want from me. Like I said, I won’t be used.”

  “I’m not trying to use you, Maggie, and for your information I do understand how you feel.”

  “Yeah, I’ll bet it’s rough going through life good looking, rich, and popular. I’ll bet you hate waking up in the morning knowing there’ll be a ton of people whom you know you can trust, and who are glad you exist. How do you manage?”

  Softness permeated his eyes, and he reached out to brush some loose hair from my face. “It’s not as great as you think, Maggie, never knowing if someone only likes you because you’re popular, or if they’re a real friend, especially after they learn you have money.”

  The bell rang in the distance. I turned and quietly walked to my next class, leaving Seth standing there as it began to snow. I felt ashamed. Except for his relentless flirting, he really was a nice guy, I should have calmly told him his flirting bothered me. Why did I have to be such a jerk?

  Once at home, I hopped into the shower to warm up. The cold had permeated to my core and the hot water felt good as it slowly thawed my body. I leaned back against the shower wall, letting the drops bathe my face. The hot water also melted my cold heart.

  I’m a mean, cruel person who doesn’t deserve love.

  7

  “My head is killing me!” I slammed my hand down onto the alarm clock, silencing the hideous ring as the memory of last night rolled over me.

  I’d cried myself to sleep.

  Dragging my pounding head gingerly out of bed, I took a couple of aspirin before pouring a bowl of Cheerio’s and eating it dry.

  Forty-five minutes later, I muttered a goodbye to my mother, which she ignored as she made her way into the bathroom undoubtedly seeking aspirin for her hangover.

  We had an ice storm sometime during the night and the snow was shrouded in a good quarter-inch of ice. It looked as if God had coated the earth, including each and every tree branch, with a sparkly glaze. It was beautiful. More importantly, it meant the snow would be frozen solid, and my feet wouldn’t get wet walking to school.

  My morning jog was brisk as the ice crunched loudly under my feet. Instead of finding Mr. Googolo, my Calculus teacher, when I trotted into class fifteen minutes later, Vice Principal Volkel stood in the front of the room. She wore a bright plum dress and matching shoes.

  “Students, please take your seats—Steve, if you want detention, do that one more time.” He immediately dropped into his chair. “It seems Mr. Googolo’s car door is frozen shut so he’ll be a bit late. He has asked that I have you do the assignment on page 184. He’ll be quizzing you, therefore I suggest you spend this time studying and not talking.”

  Great! I had wanted some help with the last lesson, now I had to try to figure out a new assignment. I opened the book; it may as well have been written in Japanese. I leaned over to my left. “Steve, do you understand this stuff?” He shook his head.

  Julie was sitting in front of me, fingering her curly-red hair. I reached over, tapping her on the shoulder. “Do you understand the lesson?”

  “No, you should ask Seth for help,” she said, turning to face me. “He’s really good at Calculus.” She laughed at my sour expression. “Don’t you like him? I think he’s really cute.” Her eyes darted to Steve who scowled at her, and she immediately turned back around.

  After several futile attempts to figure out the lesson, I gave up and resorted to my doodling.

  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one having trouble. A few minutes later, Julie slyly slipped me a piece of lined notebook paper. Across the top she’d written The Hottest Guys at Port Fare High. I had to laugh. I’d never met anyone as boy crazy as Julie. She’d listed five guys, and beside each name she’d written a number she entitled Hotness Factor. Seth’s name was first. She rated him a 12 on a one to ten scale. I thought that was a little low.

  Steve was next on the list, he was rated at a 10. He’d probably be lower on the list next week when she’d moved on to another guy.

  She had scribbled a small note across the bottom asking me to agree or disagree. Enjoying the diversion, I wrote my answers, agreeing with most of her choices and bumping Seth’s number to 23, it’s not as if he was ever going to see it. It also made me feel a little better after treating him so poorly yesterday. I added a few names to the list, giggling a little too loudly. Mrs. Volkel came walking over before I could pass it back. “Is there a problem, Miss Brown?”

  “I don’t understand the assignment,” I said, slipping the note coyly into my book bag.

  She took the book and thumbed through the pages, handing it back quickly. “Miss Brown, Seth Prescott’s an excellent math student, I suggest you give him a call and ask him for help.” She smiled, before adding, “And unless you’d like me to share the note you and Julie have been passing back and forth with the class, I had better not see it again.”

  “Yes, Mrs. Volkel.” I resorted back to my doodling, trying not to think about Seth and his hotness score.

  ***

  My eyes scanned the cafeteria in search of a friendly face to share my lunch hour with. Melody was sitting at the far table on my left; I immediately looked to the right hoping to find someone else. Sadly, that someone else was Zack. I cringed when he called my name. I didn’t look in his direction, hoping I’d be able to sneak out before he reached me. I didn’t. He slithered up next to me, snaking his arm around my waist.

  “Come over here and play along,” he said. I shot him a hard glare. “Please, I won’t ask you for another favor if you do this for me.”

  “Do what?”

  “Shut up, I’ll explain later. Follow my lead, Maggot.” I looked up and saw he was leading us straight to Seth. After my childish outburst yesterday, I had no desire to see him up-close and personal. To compound the matter, Miss Perfect Pom Poms was standing next to him.

  “You think you have a chance with her? Look who she’s with.” I whispered, absentmindedly twisting the stray hairs next to my cheek.

  “She didn’t seem to remember him this morning during Sp
anish 3. In fact, I could hardly keep her off me.” He puffed out his chest, and then scowled. “And stop twisting your hair, you look like a freak.” I quietly dropped my hand. “Steve Boyer says she and Seth are just friends. Melody thinks they’re doing the nasty.”

  “Why do you have to make it sound dirty?” I tried elbowing him in the ribs. He tightened his grip.

  “Not everyone’s a prude like you.”

  “Wanting to wait for sex doesn’t make me a prude.”

  “Blah, blah, blah, save the sermon, Maggot. I’ve heard it enough from you to last me a life time.”

  It was pointless talking to him. Zack was a narcissist through and through. He was the star of the baseball team, a fact he shared with me daily the entire time we dated. Who could have believed anyone would want to keep track of hits, runs, and 'RBI’s,' whatever that was. I was surprised when we started dating, we didn’t exactly run in the same crowd. I now regret having ever dating him, and hated that I’d shared anything about my life with him. It's a mistake that won’t happen again.

  “Hillary,” Zack said as we approached them. “You know my girlfriend, Maggo-ah-Maggie, right?” This couldn’t be good. I tried to pull away, only he tightened his grip further. “Please,” he hissed in my ear. I folded my arms and kept quiet, seriously, I needed to have my head examined.

  “I heard you two had gotten back together. Strange, because Melody’s been telling everyone you broke up before Christmas break.” Hillary spoke directly to Zack, probably hoping I’d disappear.

  “A little misunderstanding.” He smiled and kissed my cheek. I shoved my hand into my pocket to keep from wiping off the slop. Disgusting! “We made up last night.” He gave a tug on my waist, I forced a smile. Seth’s eyes narrowed, but he said nothing.

  “Do you and Seth want to double date with us to the Winter Festival this weekend?” My mouth dropped open before I could stop it. This was his plan?

  “Sure, sounds fun,” Seth said. My eyes and still gaping mouth turned back to him. He smiled widely and slipped his arm around Hillary’s small shoulders. She beamed.

  I had to think of a way out of this awkward scenario. “I can’t. I’ve a huge paper due in Mythology, and I have to get started, it’s due soon.”

  “It’s not due for six weeks, you’ve got plenty of time,” Zack said, pinching my waist.

  I felt defeated. My mind was a complete blank. “Fine.”

  “I hate to be rude, but we’re going out for lunch. We’ll see you two later,” Hillary said, looping her arm around Seth’s and gloating directly at me.

  I really can’t stand that girl!

  “You two are welcome to come with us, my treat.” The look on Hillary’s face tempted me to accept Seth’s offer, only the idea of having to watch her wrap herself around him for an hour stopped me.

  Zack, on the other hand, had no problem accepting a free lunch. “Sounds great.”

  I jerked out of his grip. “No, sorry, I have other plans, maybe next time.” Before anyone could press me about my plans, I raced out of the cafeteria.

  “I’ll give you a ride home today, babe,” Zack belted out across the room as I rushed through the door. Groaning, I went straight to the library and secretly ate my peanut butter sandwich, safe and sound with Washington Irving and Ichabod Crane.

  ***

  I immediately planted myself in the empty chair next to Julie when I got to culinary class. Seth entered the classroom seconds later. Julie practically drooled when he walked past our desk heading toward the back to sit with a large kid named Dwayne. It was lecture day, which meant I didn’t have to worry about being teamed up with Seth to cook.

  After school, I tried to take a new way home in hopes of avoiding Zack. Sadly, he discovered me jogging across the track field.

  “Not so fast, girlfriend.” He cinched his arm around me, dragging me to his car and practically shoving me inside. He started driving toward his house, not mine.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Relax.” He shook his head as if I were some pathetic moron. “I want to let you know the game plan.”

  “Game plan?”

  “For the Winter Festival, stupid.”

  “If you keep insulting me, I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  “Here’s the deal, I want to go out with Hillary, and she only dates guys who are involved with someone else, well, except for Prescott.” He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “Anyway, she gets a thrill out of stealing guys away from their girlfriends. Wild, huh?”

  He turned down his street, continuing with his sick fantasy. “I need you to pretend we’re dating again. We don’t have to really date, of course, we could make out if you wanted." He smiled wickedly.

  “Disgusting!”

  “Still as frigid as ever.”

  “I’m—”

  “Just come with me to the Winter Fest,” he said, overriding me, another charming trait of his. “You’ll have to hold my hand, that’s it.”

  Yeah, right, as if he’d ever kept his word. “I see a few flaws with your plan. One, she likes Seth. Two, why would she even think about dating a creep like you when she has him? Three—”

  “She told me she doesn’t like Prescott, she’s only using him. She said she could have anyone she wants on the side, as long as no one finds out. Those were the exact words out of her hot little mouth.” I looked at him in disgust.

  “Maggot, do you realize how many guys are trying to steal her away from him? Imagine the reputation I’d have if I stole Prescott’s girl. Anyhow, I’m not interested in a permanent relationship. Rumor has it she’s a total make-out whore.” The guy’s expressions were crude at best. How he had made it on the honor roll was a mystery to me.

  “You’re sick. I’m not going to help you use her.”

  “She’s giving it away, Maggot. How can you use someone who’s giving it away? Besides, she really hates you for some reason.” A dark expression filled his face. “If Hilly thinks she lured me away from you, who knows what could happen. What did you do to make her hate you anyway?”

  “Nothing. She’s delusional.”

  “You should have seen how excited she got when I told her we were dating again. She came on to me like crazy in the cafeteria until Prescott showed up. She has to keep up the pretense in front of him. She needs him.”

  “Needs him for what?” The more I got to know these two, the more I realized how perfect they were for each other.

  “He’s rich, popular and people are naturally drawn to him for some reason, even the teachers treat him like an equal instead of a student. He has a lot of power at Port Fare High, Maggot, and Hillary loves power. She’s an unbelievable manipulator.” He wagged his brow.

  Why did I ever go out with this guy?

  "What do you think this little scheme of yours will do to Seth when he finds out his girlfriend’s cheating on him?”

  “The guy can have any girl he wants, he’ll find another one, if he finds out.”

  “And you think I’ll help you because…”

  “Because we’re friends,” he said, smiling sweetly. I stared back at him coldly. “Because if you don’t, I’ll tell everyone we slept together.” His eyes were now as cold as mine. He meant what he said, and even if I denied it, the seed would be planted, and there would be people who would always doubt my word. This was why I preferred to be alone. This was why I trusted no one.

  “You’re vulgar and disgusting. You two deserve each other.” At the next stop sign, I jumped out of the car and started walking back toward my house.

  He stuck his head out the window and yelled, “Is that a yes?”

  I wheeled around glaring at him for a moment. I felt trapped, just like with everything else in my life. “Fine, but this is last time I’ll ever do anything for you.”

  I took off running before the tears started, I wasn’t about to give Zack the satisfaction of seeing me cry. After several minutes, I slowed to a walk, chastising myself for crying again as
I dried my face.

  I was sick of Zack and sick of feeling trapped. I refused to let him manipulate me anymore. If he wanted to try and get Hillary away from Seth, he’d have to do it without me. I would simply explain it all to Seth tomorrow on the way to CaL class. He seems like a reasonable guy, he’ll probably believe me, I hope.

  I’ll tell him about the rumors Zack is going to spread about me too, though the rest of the school will think I’d slept with Zack. That might be a problem, but as long as Seth knew the truth and believed it, I could live with that.

  I also realizing that I cared a little too much about what Seth thought. It was why I treated him so rudely yesterday. I’ve been trying to drive him away before I could get hurt. How pathetic; I was falling for the most popular boy at school, just like every other girl. Despite his flirting, he would never really like me. Zack said it best, he could have any girl he wanted, he certainly didn’t have to settle for trailer trash.

  I started jogging again, partly to keep warm, mainly to forget what a silly fool I was. My house was another four miles away, it was plenty of time to clear my mind. I pulled the hood of my sweater up over most of my face in an effort to keep the wind from whipping against my skin. It also made it impossible to see that there was a person standing on the sidewalk until I almost ran them down. I twisted to the side to avoid a collision, and watched my book bag fly through the air.

  “I’m sorry. Are you alright?” I picked up myself up and looked around to see if my poor victim survived.

  Seth! Was the entire universe conspiring against me?

  I noticed he had a fistful of mail in his hand as he stepped toward me. “I’m fine. What are you doing here, stalking me?” He smiled slightly. I could tell he was still hurt by my bitter outburst yesterday. He helped me gather up the spilled contents of my bag.

  “No! Ah—Zack and I had a fight, and I decided to walk home. You live here?”

  He nodded. I looked over at the picturesque, two story, red brick house; it took my breath away. There was a huge white wraparound porch adorning the front of the house, along with two bay windows, one on the main floor, and one coming off what I guessed to be an upstairs bedroom. A wooden swing, begging to be sat in, hung from the ceiling of the porch, with an antique watering can perched on one end. Connected to the wrap-around porch was a vast wooden trellis with dozens of dormant vines weaved liberally through the slats, promising a plethora of flowers come spring.