“The murders have been on this side of town, Maggie, I wasn’t suggesting anything else.”
I guess that could have been what he meant. “Sorry. I’ll be fine.”
“Be careful. Lock the doors and check all the windows.” He pulled out a cell phone, punched several buttons, and placed it in my hand. “Here, take this.” His hand immediately sprung up to my mouth. “If you don’t take it, I’ll throw you over my shoulder, drag you off to my house, and tie you up in the basement. Your choice,” he said sweetly. “If you need me, if you get scared, if some strange feeling invades your body and you feel like you want someone to talk to,” he said, arching an eyebrow, “call me. I programmed the speed dial, button number one, to call my cell directly.”
“If I have your phone, how can I call you?”
“This is a pay-as-you-go phone I picked it up for you at the hospital gift shop,” he said nonchalantly.
I felt ashamed for jumping to conclusions. “I don’t deserve a friend like you.”
He took my face in his hands and looked into my eyes for several moments. Sliding his hands around to the back of my neck, he pulled me slowly toward him and caressed my cheek with a kiss no more than half an inch from my lips. “I’ll see you in the morning,” he whispered against my skin.
Oh, man, I’m in so much trouble!
15
Early the next morning, I called and checked on my mom. The nurse informed me that she’d had a rough night, and Dr. Colter had changed her medications around to see if that would help ease her through the withdrawals. He wanted to bump back her release date to Friday. She was going to flip out.
Seth called as I finished my shower. “Are you still alive?”
“Sort of.” I patted the water off my face. “The undead came in the middle of the night, and, well, I hope you don’t mind having a friend who’s a vampire.”
“I hear they’re not so bad once you get passed the whole blood sucking thing.”
“Good, hurry over, I’m thirsty. Maybe I’ll nibble on you a little before school.” I realized I was flirting as soon as I sputtered out the words. Me, flirting, definitely a first.
“Hmm, is that a promise?”
Realizing I had no comeback, I abruptly ended the conversation and finished getting dressed. Seth knocked on the door as I was tying my sensible brown shoes. “Come in.”
“There’re crazed killers running around, and you yell ’come in’ without knowing who’s at the door?” He shut the door behind him and checked to make sure the living room window was locked.
“I heard your car.”
“Unless you can see through the door, you couldn’t be sure.”
“Ah, that’s part of my new vampire skills, x-ray vision.” I smiled slyly.
“Impossible.”
“How do you know? Are you some kind of vampire aficionado?”
“I meant you are impossible!”
I laughed. “Let me grab my book bag, and we can go.”
“Wait.” He caught me around the waist, pulling me next to him. “You said if I hurried over you’d give me a little nibble.”
“I thought we were just friends, Mr. Flirt, remember?”
“What if I want to be more than just friends? What if being just friends isn’t working for me anymore?” Without a hint of a smile, he leaned forward to kiss me.
But I didn’t want him to, did I? Fortunately, or unfortunately, I wasn’t sure which, someone began pounding on the door, saving me from having to decide.
“Come in,” I said automatically. Seth threw me an exasperated look, I cringed. “Sorry!”
My neighbor, Mr. Hoffman, entered with the customary sneer on his face. “Is the hospital going to be calling me all day?” It certainly wasn’t the first time he’d complained having to take a message for us.
“I have a cell phone now so they won’t bother you,” I assured him.
“When does your Mom get home?”
“Probably not until Friday.”
“She owes me money.” His voice was a low grumble.
“Money, what for?” As if I didn’t know already. Booze. Since our phone service got canceled the day before Christmas for lack of payment, she’d been asking Hoffman to pick it up for her. I’d always leave a check for him in the exact amount, but she must have increased her order again. I had no idea how we were going to pay for it.
“See, your mom’s been running a little low on her vodka lately, and I’ve been buying some for her. She said when her check came she’d skim a little off the food budget to pay me back,” he said, looking at Seth, then back to me. He stepped closer, and I drew my head back. He reeked of alcohol and cigarettes, not a good combination.
“A pretty young thing like you, maybe we can work out a deal so your mom doesn’t have to pay so much in cash,” he murmured low in my ear, running a finger up my arm.
Seth crossed the room and had Mr. Hoffman up against the wall in less than a second. “Get. Out. Don’t EVER touch her again. Don’t even LOOK at her. Do I make myself clear?” Mr. Hoffman’s eyes popped open wide. He nodded, saying nothing as he lost his balance and slid to the floor. He scrambled to his feet, and Seth handed him a wad of folded up bills from his wallet.
“Does this square up what her mother owes?” He nodded, still too frightened to speak. “Get out.”
I felt stupid. “Thanks.” I headed to his car, and stood quietly, waiting for him to open the door.
“Your mother…” I turned to look at him. His eyes were a brilliant green and his face burned bright with anger. Clearly fighting for control, he didn’t finish his sentence. He ran his fingers through his hair and opened the car door without another word.
We drove to the school in deafening silence. As always, he was around to my side of the car before I could get out. “How do you do that?” I smiled, hoping to lighten the mood. “You move stealth-like. One minute you’re over there, and then suddenly you’re next to me, it’s very impressive. In fact, I don’t even hear you approaching. It’s like Poof, suddenly you’re there.”
“I do not poof,” he protested drily. With a whole lot of effort, I held back a giggle. I jumped in front of him and began walking backwards to see his face.
“Do you have a magic wand up your sleeve?” He shoved the arms of his shirt up, proving there was nothing up his sleeves, so to speak, although I did get a look at some really great forearms. He took a hold of my shoulders, guiding me through a group of kids who were passing us.
“Seth, please don’t let Mr. Hoffman upset you.” I halted my walk, not wanting to chance a collision. “I’ve had to deal with creeps like him my whole life. You learn to ignore them.”
He looked at me as if I was insane. “You’re okay with what happened?”
“No, it’s disgusting, it makes my skin crawl, but that’s life. There’s nothing I can do except deal with it.”
“Maggie, it’s not how life is, your neighbor’s a creep. Most people don’t live like that, and you shouldn’t have to either. You do realize the reason you go hungry all the time is because your mother,” he said the word with choler, “drinks your food money away!”
“She’s sick.”
Gently shaking me, he let out a rush of air, his mood noticeably calmer now. “And you say I’m the amazing one. I think not.” Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, he softly kissed my forehead as we walked to Mythology together. I felt somewhat nervous having his arm around me, yet a part of me enjoyed it too much to say anything.
After school, he took me to the hospital. I stayed for only a few minutes, she was unbelievably rude, not to mention angry at having to stay longer. “I may actually prefer her drunk,” I said as we left.
By Friday, she wanted out badly. Due to a paper work glitch, we weren’t able to leave the hospital until almost 10:00 P.M. Seth drove us home and helped me get her inside and into bed. She was still heavily medicated, but not heavy enough to stop her from harassing Seth. To his credit, he said nothing.
“Thanks, again. I owe you more than I can ever repay,” I said, walking him to the door.
“I’m keeping track, you know. So far, you owe me quite the kiss. Don’t worry. I’m not ready to collect, yet.”
“When did we rescind the no flirting thing?” He shrugged and turned to go. “Wait, here’s the phone back. I won’t need it anymore, thanks.” I dug down into my pocket to retrieve it.
“Maggie, I’d feel much better if you kept it at least until w-they catch the killers. Remember, all the murders have been on this side of town,” he pointed out.
As soon as he left, I went straight to bed, lack of sleep was my biggest enemy. I became downright loopy, if not totally unreasonable when I didn’t get enough. Thankfully, tomorrow was Saturday, it meant two things, sleeping in and delivering lunches with Seth. I smiled, tucked the threadbare purple blanket under my chin and drifted off.
I didn’t sleep well at all, waking up several times during the night in a panic and running to check on my mom. At 6 A.M., I finally gave up on sleep all together and got dressed.
I was excited to see it had snowed, it meant I could wear my new boots. After weeks of false promises from the weatherman, we finally received some decent snow. I slipped them on and shoveled our sidewalk. When I finished, I began clearing off Gertie’s and discovered Fluffy fast asleep on her porch. “Hey, dog, are you two timing me?” He came bounding across the snow, barking for me to pick him up. I quickly finished and took him back to my house.
Seth suggested we take him along on our lunch deliveries, which turned out to be a big mistake. It took us twice as long to finish having to fight to keep the dog from getting into the food. Normally spending extra time with Seth wouldn’t have bothered me, only with my mom being fresh from the hospital I worried about her being home alone.
By the time he dropped us off, it was nearly three o’clock. Fluffy darted out of the car door as soon I opened it and took off after Gertie’s cat. Aside from the free food, it was apparent he didn’t like the car ride. I rushed into the house, setting the extra lunches Seth always gave us on the table.
“Mom, I have some food, are you hungry?” I tossed my fleece on the couch and ran to my room to change out of my boots. The house was too chilly for bare feet so I pulled on my makeshift slippers and my old sweater before heading back to the kitchen for some food. I found my mom standing by the table, glaring down at the lunches.
“Hey, Mom. How are you feeling?” I zipped up the sweater against the cold.
“What did you do to Mr. Hoffman?” Her voice was as cold as ice. It stopped me dead. “He told me to leave and never come back again.” I surmised she must have gone over there first thing to get some vodka.
“Mom, we don’t need him anymore, you’re getting better. It’s been almost a week since you’ve had a drink. You can do this, mom. The doctor sai—”
“I DON’T CARE WHAT SOME DOCTOR SAID. I’LL DECIDE WHAT’S BEST FOR ME.” Her breathing was erratic, and her face, red.
“Where did you get that coat?” She pointed to the fleece Seth had given me. “Did you take what little money we have and spend it on yourself, you self-centered brat?”
“No, Seth… gave it to me.” As the words left my mouth, I knew she would twist his gift into something salacious.
Her eyes narrowed. “And what exactly did you give Seth for the coat?”
“Nothing, mom, he’s not like that.”
“They are all like that, don’t kid yourself.” She turned back to the lunches and continued with her acquisitions. “What about this food? Did he give you these also, or did you buy these because you are too lazy to cook? These are expensive.”
I had never served her one of Seth’s lunches in the Styrofoam container before, having always set it on a plate for her. “No, they didn't cost us anything, I-”
“LIAR!” She took the lunches and flung them across the living room, the contents spewed everywhere.
“Mom, I worked for those, they were free.” As I explained Seth’s charity to her, she stomped across the room and stood less than six inches from me.
“You stupid idiot!” She slapped me hard across the face. “Don’t you see what he’s doing? He’s using you. I won’t raise another child if you get pregnant, do you understand?” Not having her full strength back, she stumbled against the table.
“I’m not sleeping with him,” I said, rubbing at the sting on my cheek.
“Hah! I’ve seen the way you look at him. You’ve been warned, young lady. You will not bring a child into this house, is that clear? I’ll drag you down to the clinic, and you’ll get an abortion, like I should have done with you!” She dropped down heavily onto a kitchen chair.
I felt sickened by her words, and told myself the alcohol withdrawals were causing her hideous mood, but my heart was still breaking. She was my mother, for crying out loud, did she feel nothing for me?
“I met your father while at a party with one of my girlfriends. I was only sixteen years old. He was incredibly handsome, just like your precious Seth.” She dropped her head against the back of the chair and shut her eyes. She never spoke of my father. Whenever I had asked about him, she’d say he was a loser and drop the subject.
“He plied me full of Gin and Tonics all night. I can’t remember how many exactly, but too many. The next morning I found a note on the pillow.
’Hey, Betty, thanks for a great time.’
“Not only did he get my name wrong, he didn’t even sign the note.” She snorted. “I never did learn his name. When I figured out I was pregnant, it was unsafe for me to have an abortion. I was so angry. I didn’t want a stupid baby to take care of, I didn’t even want you back then.” She rose up off the hard kitchen chair, limped slowly over to the couch.
I was too stunned to move.
“After my parents found out I was knocked up, they practically locked me away. I couldn’t drink again until after you were born. They railed on me daily, lecturing me on the dangers of drinking while pregnant. For some unknown reason they cared about you.” She grumbled something under her breath, shaking her head in disbelief.
“I decided to give you up for adoption. My parents arranged for me to meet with a social worker named Debbie Watcher. She wasn’t much older than me, maybe five years, and we became fast friends.” She smiled while reminiscing about her old friend. I couldn’t ever remember seeing her smile before. It looked strange.
“We’d sit in her office telling drinking stories for hours. We even planned a huge celebration party for after you were born. Not to celebrate you, but to celebrate my freedom.”
Nausea invaded my every pore. I thought deep down inside she cared about me and just had trouble showing her emotions, like me. I was wrong. Never before had I felt so completely alone; I mattered to no one. I was a zero, a cipher, an unlovable nothing, as she had always claimed. No longer capable of standing, I dropped to my knees.
Oh, God, please just let me die, now.
“Do you know why I didn’t give you up when you were born?” Apparently, my mother wasn’t done destroying me. She continued, even though I didn’t answer her. “One day Debbie came to visit me at the house. She was one of the few allowed in to see me, my parents trusted her.” She laughed. “She’d been drinking and let it slip that if I kept you, I could get government aid to help raise you, all I had to do was fill out some forms. I had no idea it was that easy.
“After you were born, I used the money to move out on my own, finally free of my meddlesome parents. About six months later, they found out I was drinking again, and we had a huge fight. I agreed to let them have you if they didn’t tell social services, that way I could still get my money.
“Everything was working nicely until they got killed in that stupid accident. I got burdened with you and a permanent limp,” she glared at me. I felt the tears stinging my eyes, but there was no way in the world I was going to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry. Numb, I silently began cleaning up the tosse
d lunches.
“Two more months, Maggie, then you’re out of here, and out of my life. I’ll no longer have to take care of you. You’ve been nothing but a drain on me from the moment I found out I was pregnant, but soon I’ll be free.”
I lost it. Withdrawals or no withdrawals I’d reached my limit. “Take care of me? When have you ever taken care of me?” I peeled myself off the floor and continued in my rage. “You care more for your booze than you do for me. You traded me away for that stupid bottle of vodka you lovingly nurse all day long!” I saw something flash in her eyes. Tears, maybe? No, not from my mother.
“I cook. I clean. I put you to bed at night. Please enlighten me, when have you ever taken care of me, or loved me for that matter?”
“Get out of my house! I regret ever giving birth to you, you unlovable nothing!” She picked up a glass from off the coffee table and shied it at me. I turned and left as it hit my shoulder.
The cold winter air propelled me back against the door. I wanted to go and get Seth’s fleece, only there was no way I was going back inside. I started running, not caring where I was running to, simply running. I wanted to run away, away from everything and everyone and never come back, leaving my miserable life behind.
It started snowing, a heavy wet snow, and soon I was shivering. I had gotten used to riding in Seth’s warm car, and my body was rejecting the cold I was inflicting on it now. I kept forcing myself to run to try and increase my body heat. My legs began to feel numb, and still, I pushed harder. The tears were flowing, no matter how hard I tried to stop them, they kept coming. More than once, I collapsed on the ground, sucking in air to nourish my oxygen-deprived lungs. When the pain from my mother’s words started to engulf me again, I’d forced myself back up onto my feet and took off running once more.
Only after coming around the corner on Ivy Circle, did I realize where I was. Sprinting onto Seth’s porch, I didn’t knock. Instead, I stood there, panting hard. Why had I come here? Seth didn’t love me.
Unlovable Page 16