by M. J. Scott
“I told you it didn’t make sense. I thought it must have been a coincidence, but then last night something else happened and I decided I needed to know. That’s why I came to see you this morning. So I could touch you again.”
I didn’t know whether to ask him if it had worked first or ask him what had happened. My brain had half stuttered at the phrase “touch you again.” Gather your wits, Saskia. He’s just a man. My mother’s voice in my head came to my rescue. “Did it work?”
He nodded. “Yes.”
“If you touch me, your visions go away?”
“So far, yes.”
I wanted to suggest we try again just to confirm things, but I was reluctant to touch him. My mind tried to come to grips with the implications. “Do you see anything now?”
He shrugged. “Nothing much. Faint glimpses. One on one I can usually keep them under control.”
“Usually?”
He ignored that, studying me. I didn’t like the speculative expression lurking in the depths of that gaze. What did he see around me? My stomach tightened as I realized that he might be seeing my future. I wouldn’t ask. I didn’t want to know. Or did I? “But surely stopping your visions isn’t a good thing. You earn your living through them, don’t you?”
“Yes. But that doesn’t mean I like it.” His left hand drifted toward his right wrist, then jerked back.
I looked again at the iron chain. “You told me that didn’t hurt.”
“I lied. I do that.” The last held a hint of warning.
I resisted the urge to rub my temples. It seemed the combination of not enough sleep and the frustrations of the morning were combining to set me up with an aching head of my own.
“I don’t understand—” I stopped for a moment. Tried to think. “It has to have something to do with my powers. I have an affinity for iron. Maybe that means my power is like iron to yours?” I stopped again, unsure of myself. “But surely if that worked, someone would have known about it before?”
Fen’s expression was intrigued . . . if a little skeptical. I knew how he felt. My theory was just that, a theory. A wild-sounding one at that.
“Not necessarily.” He spoke slowly. “The Fae and the Beasts don’t really spend much time with metalmages, after all.”
“The Fae sometimes do.”
“Fae seers?”
I had to admit I didn’t know the answer to that. “Where does your sight come from, anyway?”
Another fluid shrug. “Nobody knows the answer to that particular question. There aren’t many Fae-Beast-human by-blows like me.”
I could believe that. While Fae and Beasts both slept with humans, I couldn’t imagine a Fae doing the same with a Beast. They would consider that far too undignified. Fen’s heritage was, if not unique, then at least very rare. Much like his powers. That was unfortunate, but it also meant my theory was as good as any right now. No one knew exactly why metalmages had an affinity for one metal over another either. It was plausible that whatever made iron and me a good match could mean that I could be the human equivalent of iron for Fen.
Not that I had any idea what earthly use that might be. Did he? “Why did you want to know for sure?”
“Because, as Holly would say, information is power.”
That didn’t ring true to me. It wasn’t as if this particular fact was any use to anybody but him.
I studied him. He met my gaze calmly, but I wasn’t reassured. “Don’t start lying now. What were you hoping to achieve?”
He made an exasperated noise, then stood and stalked over to the window.
Silence reigned as he stared out the window. He had good aural wards, that was for sure. The Swallow and the Dove were both large and constantly busy. They also faced one of the busier streets in Brightown. It was nearly midday now. The streets below us would be crowded with people and vehicles, yet all I could hear was the sound of Fen’s breathing and the faint rustle of my dress as I eased my position on the chair.
Eventually Fen turned back to me. “I don’t know.”
“So it’s just curiosity?” I paused. “Why don’t I believe you?” I tried to remember everything he’d said here in this room and back at the Guild. “Wait—you said something else happened last night. What?”
“That doesn’t concern you.”
“It does if it sent you scurrying to my doorstep.”
“I do not scurry.”
“Fine. Sent you striding manfully to my doorstep,” I retorted. “What happened?”
“I’m not going to tell you.”
“This is going to be a long day then.”
His mouth flattened. “You know, it’s possible that you’re even more annoying than your brothers.”
I smiled. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You like being annoying?”
“It’s better than being invisible,” I said.
“I hardly think many people would consider you to be invisible.”
“You might be surprised.”
“Humans are idiots,” he said.
“Aren’t you half-human?”
“Technically, it’s three-eighths.”
“Oh?”
“My father was Fae. My mother’s mother was immuable. Do you know what that is?”
I nodded. “A Beast who doesn’t change.” I’d known he was part Beast but not the immuable part. No wonder he could charm the birds from the trees. I’d met only a few Beast Kind—those who sometimes came to the Guild to commission work—but they were invariably handsome men and women, radiating . . . something I didn’t want to think too closely about. And the immuable—the Beast Kind who didn’t change—were said to get all the other qualities of the Beasts in extra doses. Strength. Beauty. Charm. Temper. Along with a helping of Sight. Fen’s grandmother must have been a very interesting woman.
And apparently her blood ran strong. Fen had those same qualities. He drew the eye. Amongst other things.
“Interesting,” I murmured.
“That doesn’t bother you?”
“I’m a mage. My brother’s a mage. My future sisters-in-law are likely to be a wraith and a demi-Fae. If none of that bothers me, why do you think your parentage would?” I lifted my chin. He might have me in the category of “good human girl” in his head, but I’d rather he saw me for what I really was. A person in my own right. Someone who was capable of more than decorating drawing rooms and ballrooms, someone who valued more than just the strictures of the privileged human society I’d grown up in.
“Perhaps I underestimated you,” he said.
I tamped down the immediate glow of pleasure. “Yes, you did. So now that we’ve cleared that up . . . are you going to tell me what happened last night? Maybe it’s a problem that I could help with.”
“I doubt it,” he said. He looked for a moment over to the shelf that held the brandy. He probably wanted a drink. Holly said he drank too much. I was beginning to understand why.
“Tell me,” I said again, trying to coax him.
Fen shook his head. He moved to the bed, sat, and dropped his head into his hands. Then he straightened. “I don’t want to drag anybody else into my mess.”
“Tell me or I’ll tell Holly that you’re in a mess and then you’ll have more than me to worry about.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Care to put that to the test?”
His expression turned resigned. “No.”
“Then tell me.”
“Let’s just say that last night I received several invitations to participate in the treaty negotiations.”
I stared at him. “That’s a bad thing?”
“Sweetheart, if you could see what I see, you wouldn’t want to be anywhere near those negotiations. In fact, you’d be leaving the City.”
“Then why are you still here?”
“Because apparently it’s not only humans who can be idiots.”
“You really don’t want to be on a delegation?” Anger and disbelief sparked in m
y stomach. I had spent months trying to achieve what he was going to casually discard. Sweated and slaved and—
“No,” he said shortly.
“Why not? Simon and Guy will both be on the Templar delegation,” I said. “Holly too, I guess.”
“I know,” he said. “But just because Holly has lost her head doesn’t mean that I want to lose mine.”
My jaw tightened. “Did you ever consider that perhaps the way to prevent whatever it is you’ve seen happening is to work to stop it?”
His brows drew together, dark slashes that matched the dark worry in his eyes. “You think it’s that easy?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what you’ve seen.”
“And you’re not going to,” he said.
“I’d do it,” I said. “If someone gave me the chance to help, then I would.” I bit down before I could say any more and all the disappointment of this morning came spilling out of me.
His mouth twisted. “Then that’s the difference between you and me.”
“I don’t believe you,” I said. “I know you helped Holly when Reggie was in trouble.”
“Holly and Reggie are my family.”
“Everybody’s family might be at risk if what you’ve seen is true.” It had to be bad, whatever it was that made him look so haunted.
“I can’t help everybody.”
“How do you know unless you try?”
“Spoken like a well-protected human girl. You don’t know what it’s like outside your safe little world. The Night World is dangerous.”
I was all too aware of the costs that the Night World could impose. “I’m not—”
“Don’t try and tell me . . . you didn’t grow up in the border boroughs. You don’t know what it is to fight for survival.”
“Only because no one will bloody well let me!” My voice was louder than I intended, echoing around the room. “You think I just want to sit on the sidelines and embroider hankies? No. I want to make a difference. And I wouldn’t throw away the chance if I was offered it.” I rose from the chair, not sure exactly what I was intending to do. But I couldn’t just sit there.
Fen rose as I did and took one step toward me before stopping. We stared at each other. I wanted to read something in his eyes, something to tell me he wasn’t really so cynical. But all I saw was a flat resolve that I couldn’t decipher any further.
“Are you really not going to help?” I didn’t want to believe that he would turn his back on what was right.
“I don’t think I’ll have a choice,” he said bitterly.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I either accept your brothers’ offer to be on their delegation or I inevitably end up being forced into helping somebody else.”
I wondered who else had made him an offer. Someone from the Night World, I presumed. The Fae had their own seers—I couldn’t see that they would trouble themselves with a half-breed who seemed to be at war with his powers.
Night World then. Beasts or Blood.
“Would you really consider working for the Night World?”
“It wouldn’t exactly be a choice.”
“If you don’t want to do that, then, it seems as though you should choose our side.”
“I’d rather choose my own side and stay the hell out of things altogether.”
“And I’d rather grow wings and fly to the moon, but that’s not likely to happen, is it? You can help.”
“That’s part of the problem, I don’t know if I can. I can put my bloody neck on the line and be completely useless. Or worse.”
What was worse? “Because you can’t control the visions?”
“Partly. But it’s not just that. It’s—” He stopped. “No. I’m not talking about this.”
“Because it hurts,” I said softly. “Doesn’t it?”
I crossed to him. I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t a healer like my brother but I didn’t have to be to feel the pain in Fen. I laid my hand—still safely gloved—on his cheek.
“Yes,” he said simply. “And I can’t make it stop.”
Chapter Five
FEN
The touch of Saskia’s gloved hand was warm against my cheek, the leather soft where it brushed my skin. But instead of leaning into the comfort she offered, as part of me wanted very much to do, I made myself stop, straighten, step away.
Admitting my pain had been an error in judgment. I wouldn’t compound my mistake.
Saskia’s hand fell slowly away, but she didn’t protest my retreat. The weight of her gaze, the knowing look in those eyes, seemed to bore right through my skin, as though she could see into me. I didn’t want her seeing that. The mess that I was.
“You can’t stop it,” she said hesitantly. “But maybe I can.”
She started pulling off her gloves.
I held out a hand, palm out. “Don’t.”
“I can help you, Fen.”
“No.”
Hurt flared in her eyes, then turned to something hotter. Anger.
“Why not? Too proud to accept help from a female?”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what?”
I hadn’t entirely understood my instinctive rejection, but her questions had made it clear. “Because,” I said, trying not to snarl the frustration that knowledge brought, “knowing there is a way for it to stop will just make the rest of the time harder than it already is.”
“Oh.” Her expression softened again.
Which, perversely, made me angry. “Exactly. You can’t just snap your fingers and fix everything. This is the real world.”
Her hand twitched. Probably wanted to slap me. Wouldn’t be the first woman to do so either. But her fingers curled into her palm instead, and her chin came up.
“I’m well aware of that,” she said. “And maybe it won’t work all the time, but surely some of the time is better than none?”
“You going to come down here every night and hold my hand? It’s a tempting offer, sweetheart, but I’m not sure your family would approve.”
Her eyes narrowed. “I’m not offering to go to bed with you, if that’s what you’re suggesting.” Her chin tilted higher still, her eyes suddenly flinty. “You’re not my type, anyway.”
I let that one lie. I knew it wasn’t true. Knew that she felt the same pull toward me that I felt toward her. But given that I thought the smart thing to do was ignore it, I was glad that she seemed to have reached the same conclusion. “Then what exactly are you proposing?”
“A mutually beneficial arrangement.”
I lifted an eyebrow. I might be prepared not to act on the attraction between us, but I wasn’t entirely above a little flirtation. Her cheeks went pink, but she just ignored that and kept going.
“I have something you need. You have something I want. We can help each other.”
“And what is it of mine that you want?” I asked, curious despite my better judgment.
“I want you to join the Templar delegation.” She paused, took a deep breath. “But I want you to tell my brothers you’ll agree to join if they take me too.”
“And in return for me sticking my head into the lion’s den, I get what?”
“You get relief from your visions.”
“How often?” How far was she actually willing to take this? She had determination, I had to give her that. Not to mention a certain degree of courage—or misplaced bravado—to come to see me in the first place.
“We can discuss that once you agree.”
“Why should I agree before I know what I’m going to get out of it?”
She flapped her gloves at me. “Oh, stop being difficult. The choice is easy. You can suffer or you can help me and I’ll help you.”
Definitely Guy and Simon’s sister. Ruthless in pursuit of what she wanted. Still as attractive as her offer—the thought of no pain, even temporarily—was, I wasn’t going to drag her into a situation that I didn’t want to be in myself.
“No,” I said.
Saskia’s mouth flattened. “I’m getting very tired of people telling me no.”
“Be that as it may, no it is. Simon and Guy would have my head if anything happened to you.”
“Simon and Guy don’t get a say in what I do. Sainted earth, I’m twenty-three years old.”
“They might not get a say but that won’t stop them from coming after me.”
She looked like she wanted to throw something. At me.
“Maybe you should be more worried about me than them.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m a metalmage, Fen. I’m not some delicate female flower who needs a big strong man to protect her. I don’t see you telling Lily or Holly what to do.”
“I have more sense than that,” I muttered.
“Then I suggest you add me to whatever strange mental category you include them in.”
“Lily is a wraith. You can’t walk through walls to escape if something goes wrong at the negotiations.”
“Nor can Holly.”
“Holly can handle herself.”
Her eyes had moved beyond flinty. Now they were a storm cloud shade. Lightning lurked in their depths. It matched her thunderous expression. “How do you know I can’t?”
“You work metal, don’t you? That’s not going to help you if a Blood or a Beast comes after you.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes. Beside, you’re not yet a metalmage. You’re still a student.”
“That’s just semantics.”
“Well, right now, in this city, your semantics might just get you killed.”
“Is that so? Tell me, Fen, what special powers do you have that make you invincible?”
I shrugged. “I can see trouble coming.” That was a lie, but nearly thirty years of life in the border boroughs had left me with a healthy instinct for trouble and the ability to fight my way out of it when I had to.
“I thought you wore that chain around your wrist to stop yourself from seeing. So I really don’t see how your sight can be all that useful. It’s hardly practical.”
Before I could answer, she reached up and yanked a hairpin free from the neat coils of her hair.
“Whereas I can do this.” She held the bronze-colored pin upright between her thumb and forefinger, then narrowed her eyes at it. The tip of the pin burst into flame.