by M. J. Scott
“Really? Because it looked to me like you were taking advantage of my sister.”
I rolled my eyes. “Good grief, Guy. I’m not sixteen.”
Guy ignored me, his eyes still on Fen. Fen’s face was equally stony.
“Saskia and I are—”
Guy held up a hand. “Do not say what I think you’re about to say.” His free hand curled around the hilt of his sword. “Is this the thanks we get? For including you in our—”
“Oh, am I meant to be grateful that I’ve been dragged into this debacle?” Fen snarled. “I thought I was helping you.”
“And I thought you were trustworthy. But now I see I need to reconsider that opinion.”
“Guy!” I snapped, appalled. “Shut up.”
“This is between me and Fen.”
“I’m standing right here,” I pointed out.
“You don’t know any better. He should. He knows the rules when it comes to—”
“What, human girls? Hai’salai scum like me shouldn’t soil them with our touch? Is that what you think, Guy?”
The fury in Fen’s face had me rocking back a step. Oh, my idiot brothers. The links of my prentice chain suddenly warmed against my neck as my temper climbed to match Guy’s.
“I think you shouldn’t be taking advantage of girls half your age,” Guy said. “Especially not my sister.”
“I’m hardly half his age,” I snapped.
“Be quiet, Saskia. Let your brother say his piece.” Fen’s voice was a rumble of ice. “I’m interested in knowing the truth about what he thinks of me.”
“Don’t tempt me,” Guy snarled. “I should have seen this coming, I guess. Well, I know better now. This changes things.”
“Fine with me,” Fen snarled in response. “I know when I’m not wanted.” He turned on his heel and strode off down the corridor, leaving me gaping after him with a rapidly growing ache in my heart. I turned back to Guy.
“You moron!” I yelled. “How dare you speak to him like that? Do you want him to leave the delegation?”
“We’d be better off without him,” Guy snapped. “He can’t be trusted.”
“I trust him,” I ground out.
“You’re not thinking straight, he’s seduced you and—”
“Maybe I seduced him! Gods, Guy, you are such a hypocrite. You’re with Holly, Simon’s going to marry a wraith, and I’m not allowed to see Fen?”
“It’s different.”
“Don’t make me set your helmet on fire,” I warned. “Because I’m starting to think that would be the only thing that might make you see sense. It’s not different. I am a girl but I am a mage. And a person in my own right. I’m not going to follow all those neat little paths that you and the rest of human society seem to think I should.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he said. “He’s turned your head.”
I smacked his shoulder then. Hard. Then winced as my hand throbbed after connecting with the mail beneath his tunic. “I am not an idiot. Unlike my male relatives. Nor am I a simpering virgin who’s been taken by a pretty face. For your information, I’ve never simpered and I lost the other qualification for that particular title quite a few years ago.”
Guy’s mouth dropped open. I wanted to hit him again. “Honestly, Guy. What world do you live in? Even you Templars have sex. Simon wasn’t exactly celibate before he met Lily and I don’t think you were either, before Holly.”
“I love Holly,” he said stiffly.
“Really? And you were in love with her the first time you slept with her?”
“That’s not up for discussion.”
“Then pay attention. Neither is my relationship with Fen. It is my choice and my business. And I swear on the earth that binds us, Guy, if you’ve chased him off, I will never forgive you. And I’d imagine that Father Cho isn’t going to be very impressed with you either. You need Fen. You need his visions.”
Guy squared his shoulders. “Not that much.”
“You want to risk it? Besides, I need him and you’re just going to have to get used to the idea.”
“Sass, listen to me. I know his history. Fen is not the type who settles down. He’s a . . . He’s fickle.”
“That’s my problem, not yours. For now, I’m choosing him. If I get my heart broken, then that’s also my problem and you can say I told you so as many times as you like. But you can’t blame Fen. And you can’t treat him like you just did, no matter what happens. What do you think Holly would have to say about it?”
That made him grimace. “Holly would understand.”
“No, she wouldn’t. Fen’s her family. Have you thought about that? Holly would never cut him out of her life. You’re going to have to put up with him no matter what.”
Guy stayed silent for a long stretch, his lips pressed together. “I don’t want to see you hurt,” he said finally.
“I know,” I said. “But as I keep telling you, that’s not your job. You can worry about me—the same as the rest of us worry about you every fucking time you go out on patrol—but you don’t get to tell me how to live my life. You just get to be on my side when I need you.”
“I—”
I held up a hand. “No. I’m not going to argue about this anymore. You owe Fen an apology and you will not bring this up again. Or I will melt every sword and piece of armor you own. I swear it.” I glared up at him, willing him to see that I was serious. It scared me a little just how serious I was. I hadn’t realized exactly how I felt about Fen until just now, when I’d seen the pain in his face before he’d left.
I needed Guy to understand, once and for all, that he didn’t run my life.
Guy met my gaze, giving me his best “I am a Templar warrior and I always win” expression. Fortunately I was relatively immune to that particular gaze, though I’d seen him make Templar novices quake with it. He wasn’t going to get his way this time. “The only words I want to hear are ‘Yes, Saskia,’” I warned. “Or it’s puddles of steel for you and you can explain to Holly why you’re charbroiled.”
The side of his mouth quirked. “You wouldn’t.”
“Try me,” I said sweetly. “I’m just as stubborn as you or Simon. After all, I had both of you as role models. Well?”
Guy sighed. “I don’t like this.”
“You don’t have to like it. You just have to accept it.”
“Isn’t that the same thing?”
“No. I accept that you are a Templar and that you risk your life daily. I grant you the courtesy of respecting your choice and doing my best to live with it. So you can try and do the same for me. Doesn’t your God preach acceptance, amongst other things?”
Guy pressed his fingers to the space between his eyebrows, as though his head hurt. “Yes.”
“Well, then. What do you have to say to me?”
“Yes, Saskia.”
“Good.” I smiled at him, then stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. “Now, I’ll bid you good night. I have to go find Fen.”
* * *
I was worried that Fen might have left the hospital altogether, but as I moved farther away from the hidden ward and its iron, I could sense his chain again. Outside.
Perfect. He was aboveground in the middle of the night with Blood all over the place and Ignatius throwing his weight around. Still, I wasn’t going to leave him to think that Guy’s stupidity had made any impression on me. I had to find him.
I followed the small song of his chain to one of the sheltered garden areas in the midst of the hospital buildings, where he sat with his back to the trunk of a massive oak. The moon was full, or near enough, shedding a silvery light over the expanse of grass and plants, turning them deep and mysterious green. Like the eyes of the man I was seeking.
“My brother is an idiot,” I said softly as I settled down beside him.
Fen stayed silent.
“I told him as much. And that he needed to mind his own damned business. I’m sorry he spoke that way to you.”
; “Maybe he was right.”
I sighed. “Please don’t make me lecture you too. I’ve had enough for one night.”
“I’m not good for you,” Fen said. “I’m not good for anyone.” He sounded miserable. I shifted to my knees, leaning back on them so he could see my face.
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. I’ve never been good for anyone. I make a living spinning pretty tales and half-truths to part people from their money. I have no family. No loyalty.”
“You’re loyal to Holly and Reggie.”
“And look where that got Reggie.”
“You’re as bad as Guy,” I said. “There was no way you could have guessed that Reggie would be in danger. Besides,” I added, “Adeline thinks Ignatius is taking Fae women. So it was Viola they were after. Reggie was just in the wrong place.”
For a moment Fen looked interested but then he shook his head. “I’m meant to be a fucking seer, Saskia. What use am I if I can’t see?” His chain clinked softly, the iron very dark against his skin in the moonlight. “All this pain and I couldn’t even see that my best friend was in danger.”
“But you saved her,” I said. “You got her back. Simon can cure her.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
“Bad things happen, Fen. Even if you can see them, maybe sometimes you aren’t meant to stop them. Maybe sometimes they need to happen.”
“Do you think your sister needed to die?” he asked softly.
“No. But she did. Simon tried to save her and she died anyway. The world doesn’t always work the way we want it to.”
“All the more reason you should stay away from me. You think you can change the world to suit you. All you DuCaines do. But you can’t, Saskia. Guy’s right. You’re human. Your family is important. You shouldn’t be with someone like me.”
“Guy and Simon have hardly made conventional choices.”
“All the more reason you should.”
I shook my head. “No. All the more reason I shouldn’t. Our society isn’t perfect. Maybe it needs shaking up a little.”
“I don’t want to be your rebellion.”
The breath rushed out of me. “Is that what you think this is? Rebellion?”
“Isn’t it?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Then what is it?”
Love, maybe. The word quivered on the tip of my tongue. But I didn’t think he was ready to hear it. Not so soon after Guy’s little performance. “I don’t know, exactly,” I said. I rocked to my knees, straddled him, suddenly not giving a damn about Blood or Beasts or danger. The only important thing was Fen and finding a way to take the ache out of his voice. So that it stopped hurting me. “But I know that I like being with you.”
He looked away, hands flat on the earth beside him.
“I like talking to you.” I traced my hand over his cheek, then laid it on his shoulder. “I like who you are.” I repeated the gesture with my other hand.
He lifted his head, his eyes searching mine.
“I like touching you,” I breathed and I dropped my mouth to his.
Soft. So soft, this kiss. Soft as the moonlight and as heady as the scent of green and earth and damp surrounding us. I felt as though I were melting into him as his mouth moved against mine, as though skin was trying to say what words couldn’t.
He tasted sweet and hot and dark. Of Fen. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get enough of the taste of him. I made a noise deep in my throat and his hands came around my waist, tight and strong. He pulled me tighter against him and the kiss turned fierce. Wilder than the moon and the earth beneath us, heat sparking between us quick and true.
I tugged at my skirts, trying to free them where I knelt on the fabric. My bare knees hit the earth and a surge of power mingled with the roar of desire in my blood.
The world dissolved to a dizzying whirl of Fen and heat and the sensation of skin on skin. Hands found buckles and buttons and removed obstacles, though I doubted either of us could have said who did what. All that mattered was the drowning kisses that built the fire between us, sparking the flames as sure as the bellows’ breath over a banked forge fire.
Fen’s hands slid beneath my skirts, found me, moved against slick skin, driving me higher. I writhed against him, but fingers weren’t enough. I wanted him inside me, as close as he could get. I pulled him toward me and toppled backward, almost screaming when his weight settled against me.
His eyes were so green in the moonlight, nearly glowing. For a fleeting moment I wondered if his Beast Kind heritage meant that he felt the moonlight like I felt the earth. But then the thought passed as he angled himself against me, teasing me. I wrapped my legs around him and arched my hips, drawing him into me, feeling the slide of him through every inch of my body, relief and desire and a sense of rightness like the turn of a key in a lock I hadn’t known I possessed.
“Fen,” I whispered and he smiled down at me.
“I’m right here,” he said and then he began to move, his rhythm exactly what I needed. Strong and sure.
I tugged his head down to mine again, wanted the taste of him as he filled me, completing the circuit between us, mouth meeting mouth and skin meeting skin.
Not soft any longer. Hard now, and hungry. Frantic. I heard him groan and then his hand found me again, those clever fingers pushing me over the edge in time to fall with him.
FEN
* * *
All of the human delegates were bleary-eyed and disheveled when we reconvened far too early the next morning. My own eyes burned as though I’d dipped them in raw alcohol. I hadn’t snatched more than an hour or so of sleep by the time I had finally returned Saskia to her family’s rooms within St. Giles and then taken myself back to the Brother House. I’d half expected that the brothers guarding the gate would turn me away on Guy’s orders.
But they let me through with no more than a slightly raised eyebrow from one of them. Fortunately he was too well trained to inquire as to where exactly I had been.
Guy hadn’t said anything when I’d taken my seat beside Saskia this morning. He hadn’t really looked pleased to see me, but that was better than trying to take my head off with that bloody big sword he carried, so I would take it for now.
Simon’s gaze was also somewhat disapproving, from which I deduced that Guy had shared his discovery with his brother, but he too held his peace. Saskia greeted me with a pleased smile, though perhaps in deference to her brothers’ sensibilities, she didn’t do anything more than that.
Not surprisingly, none of the Blood were present. Adeline and, I assumed, quite a few of the others she’d brought with her were old enough not to need to sleep the day away, but the Brother House wasn’t designed for vampires, and the room we had gathered in had stained-glass windows that let in multicolored sunlight, tinting the faces of the delegates. The orange patch floating on Guy’s forehead made him just a little less intimidating.
I swallowed coffee and waited for Father Cho to open the proceedings. He did so soon enough, dismissing the problem—or opportunity—of the Blood refugees for the moment and returning to the equally thorny issue of the Veiled Queen.
The conversation quickly revealed that the majority of the delegates were still in favor of an envoy being sent to Summerdale. Lady Bryony reasserted her case that she was the logical one to go.
The discussion circled for some time as the last lingering objections were raised, but it didn’t have the heat of the night before. It seemed that Adeline’s news of Ignatius’ bid for power had focused everyone’s minds on the urgency of returning the queen to the negotiations.
Finally Father Cho called a vote. I wasn’t surprised when it passed with very little objection.
“Very well,” Father Cho said gravely. “Lady Bryony will be the one. Have you changed your mind on those you would have to accompany you, Lady?”
Bryony shook her head. She wore a dress of a deep, deep red today, a color I hadn’t seen her wear before. The chain arou
nd her neck sparked with flashes of the same color, and the red also glinted off the purple and blue jewels in her Family ring and the matching dark jewels in her hair. She looked beautiful.
Beautiful and deadly. If I’d been Father Cho and the other delegation leaders, I would have just murmured, “Whatever you wish, Lady” and fled before I was turned into a frog.
“No,” Bryony said. “I will take Fen and Saskia and Brother Liam.”
Liam, who was sitting a few chairs farther down the table, bowed his head at this news. I wondered if he was trying to hide fear or satisfaction. It couldn’t be easy being a maimed Templar, kept away from the action. I just hoped this chance wouldn’t drive him to do anything stupid if we should stumble into trouble.
“How long do you need to prepare?” Father Cho asked.
Bryony considered the matter. My stomach began to churn and I regretted the coffee.
“There are some matters I need to organize at St. Giles,” she said and I sucked in a breath, hoping I might at least get a day to prepare myself for what was to come. A fate I’d worked to avoid since I was old enough to understand what could happen to me in the Veiled World.
“But those won’t take more than a few hours,” Bryony continued. “I suggest we leave by midday. That will get us to Summerdale with plenty of daylight left.”
Father Cho nodded agreement and I slumped back in my chair, feeling suddenly sick.
Fuck.
I was going to Summerdale.
Chapter Twenty
SASKIA
Summerdale.
I was going to Summerdale. I gripped the seat of the carriage, trying not to bounce with excitement. I knew that our mission was serious but I couldn’t help the joy bubbling up inside me.
Summerdale.
I’d wanted to come here since I’d been a child and my nanny had told us tales full of the wonders of the Fae. And once my power had come in I’d wanted nothing more than to study with the Fae smiths and learn their secrets. Learn how to make metal do some of the things I had heard they could do.
I curled my fingers tighter into the leather, determined not to smile. No one else seemed to feel as I did. Bryony and Fen were both grim-faced, though if I’d had to guess, I would have said that Bryony was worried and Fen was alarmed. Liam was, perhaps out of respect for the mood in the carriage, silent, his good hand holding a leather book of treaty law. He flipped it open occasionally and read something before returning to staring out at the countryside we were passing through.