by Joya Ryan
He pinched my chin and lifted my face to the rain. I stared up at him, eyes fluttering from the drops of water hitting me. His gaze was ensnaring and his expression burned me up as he looked down at me, haloed by the gray sky and thick blanket of rain.
He was an angel. A stark, beautiful angel of darkness.
“Say what you need to say,” he rasped. “Be done with me if that’s what you want.” His hips shifted, pressing into my body and I bit back a moan. “But I’m nowhere near done with you.”
He’d come back into my life last week, and ever since our brief encounter, his presence hadn’t left. Rather, it followed me around like aftershocks of lightning. And in that moment, seeing Jack’s dark eyes and deep frown, I wanted so desperately to close the few inches between our lips, and hide.
I hated myself for wanting such a thing. He was the man that stole my soul. Lied to me. And left my broken heart behind for his best friend to pick up the pieces.
Yes, I wanted to run and hide. But I didn’t know in which direction to do either.
“You shouldn’t have come here,” I said. “This is my…” I stopped the word “mess” from slipping out. Because that’s what this was. A mess. Brock, my father’s death, the unsolved stalker issue. All of it was crashing down harder than the rain and I glanced at the casket in the ground. All the flowers that were lovely mere moments ago, were ruined.
“This is my father’s funeral,” I finally got out, shock hitting me, and I had no idea what to do with it.
“I know,” Jack said. “And you’re not alone.”
My eyes shot to his. He was there, had been there, offering shelter beneath his cover of darkness. I missed that shelter. The hot, raw, consuming way I melted into his arms and the world faded away. The same fever that came with his consumption swirled around me in a different way than it used to. Because I knew what I was missing.
Loss.
It was a day of total loss.
I’d had Jack once. Had that shelter. But that was over now. He may be standing there, but I still felt alone.
“Goodbye, Jack.” I looked at my father one more time, then walked away, further into the storm.
Pulling my car keys out of my purse, I lifted my chin and prepared to make a clean getaway. My car was only a few more feet away. Almost there…
“Lana,” Jack said, passing me and stopping by the front of my car, hovering near the driver’s side.
“Nope,” I said back, focusing really hard on unlocking my door. I couldn’t do this. Couldn’t be near him. Couldn’t talk to him. I was teetering on the brink of tears and anger and sadness and I. Just. Couldn’t.
“Talk to me,” he demanded, but his tone was softer than usual. Though he still issued a command, the way he said it held an undertone of…begging. I shook my head because, clearly, I’d misheard. Jack Powell made others beg. But not him. Not ever.
The umbrella was back up and he was covering me once again…the wall he was so good at playing in full force. And the memory of how he once guarded me, while pushing me to be strong, stung like a thousand wasps along my skin.
“Talk to me,” he said again.
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“Oh, I’m sure you have plenty to say to me.” He was right. I likely did. But nothing that would change the past. When I said nothing, he moved toward me, dominance radiating off of him. “You can’t avoid me forever.”
I glanced up at him, fury and anger and bone chilling sadness enveloping the last ounce of patience I had.
“Sure I can.”
His eyes narrowed and he unleashed the dark glare he typically saved for when he was preparing to unleash all kinds of hell…or all kinds of lust. I was interested in neither at the moment, no matter how much my body was itching with the need to grab hold of him.
“But you won’t.” Calm confidence dripped from every word.
I redoubled my efforts of unlocking my car. When did jamming a key into a metal notch become so hard? Maybe it was the intense man staring me down that had my palms shaking. A man that spurred all kinds of feelings and memories I didn’t want to tackle. Especially when his hand around the handle of the umbrella gripped tighter. Hands I knew intimately.
He leaned in, crowding me. My little Honda looked like a clown car compared to his broad shoulders and towering frame.
“What do you want from me?” I asked with exhaustion.
“I want you to come home with me and talk to me. I want to listen to you. I want you to listen to me back.” His free hand skimmed along my neck. The damp feeling of his fingertips made me shiver, and my cold body instantly ignited with heat. “I want to take this pain in your eyes away.”
I wanted that too. So much. Jack was the first man that I’d told about Brock attacking me when I was young. Jack gave me the strength to be honest and took the burden of my secret I’d carried for years away. He was the cure to the poison that had been a part of me for so long. Only now, Jack was a special kind of drug, one that held its own side effects.
“You can’t,” I said.
“Yes, I can,” he said harshly. “You just have to let me. So, let me, Lana.”
“Let you?” I scoffed. “Since when do you need to be let to do anything?”
His eyes smoldered. “Since you.”
That stopped every single thought I had.
He gripped my nape, his palms brushing my wet hair down my back, and he pulled me closer.
“Please, baby,” he whispered, his mouth close to mine. “Let me fix this.”
I choked on a sob. His heat, his scent, was pulling me in like a whirlpool. I’d go around and around until I couldn’t breathe…
“There’s nothing left between us to fix,” I whispered.
He went instantly still, his challenging stare devouring mine.
“There’s much between us. And we will discuss it at some point,” he said, dropping his hand. I shuddered at the loss.
“No, we won’t,” I said, the key finally clicked in. I twisted and the locks popped up.
“Yes,” he said in his trademark firm tone, “we will.”
Shoving away a chunk of hair that blew across my face, I stood tall and eyed him. I was done arguing.
“I get to decide when—if—I want to talk to you.” I hit him with the best glare I could muster. “You lost the right to tell me what to do when you lied to me.”
“It was never a right,” he rasped. “It was a privilege.”
Needles pricked my veins. For a single moment, the rawness in his admission clawed at my chest. Jack never tossed out random words. Ever. Which is why my stomach squeezed. He spoke about me, about the control I’d once given him, as an honor. And I believed him. But we were over, had been over, because he’d walked away. That truth delivered another agonizing twist to my entire body.
“Regardless,” Jack snapped, cutting into the silent exchange, where I believed he was actually asking instead of demanding. He had a way of effectively yanking me back to the chilly afternoon of reality. “You will face me and we will talk, because your safety is at stake at the very least.”
Leave it to Jack and his demands to ratchet up my temperature. Once upon a time, I liked his demands. Because they always came with freedom and left me with strength. Now, I had to remind myself and him that, “My safety, or anything else about my life, is not your concern.”
“I disagree completely.” His tone dropped an octave. Those dark eyes skated over me leaving a searing heat behind. “Everything about you concerns me.”
“Why?” I whispered.
“Because I lo…” Jack paused, like whatever he was about to say sliced through him and made him rethink. But his dark mask slid back into place quickly. “Because you are mine.”
Mine. It was a single word that held so much weight. But there was an even heavier word I had in my arsenal.
“Was,” I said and yanked open my car door. “I was yours.”
With that, I got in and shut the door o
n a man I’d once thought to be my future, and drove away.
Chapter 2
I jammed the magnetic card into the slot on my hotel room door and jimmied the handle open. The door gave way really easily, like I didn’t even need a key. I stepped into my room. It was cold and sparse, but the ten by ten box with a busted TV and ratty brown carpet was what I called home for now.
I just wanted today to be over. I kicked off my heels and—
“Jesus!” I gasped when I saw a large man sitting on my bed.
“Do you have any idea how easy it was for me to get in here?” Cal asked, his crystal blue eyes fastening on me. Scratch that, I had a large fireman sitting on my bed, and he was in navy pants and a matching blue button-up uniform shirt, complete with silver badge and way too much swagger.
“Breaking into my hotel room now?” I said and crossed my arms.
“It wasn’t difficult,” he said. “Especially since your lock is busted. It’s not safe, Lana.”
It was the same argument he’d been giving me for the better part of a week. And I’d been successful in ignoring him. Until now.
“You’re the only one breaking in!” I snapped.
“That you know of. Either the lock is super shitty due to the quality of this place or someone broke it and has already been in here.”
“Could that someone be a blond pain in the ass?” I said, looking at him hard to make my point. Not looking at him hard because the way his uniform fit tightly around his strong biceps, with just a hint of the tattoos he concealed beneath barely peeking out. And also not staring an extra second to appreciate that muscular chest leading down to a black leather belt. He stood casually and flexed his hips.
My gaze snapped up, and we both knew what I’d just been caught staring at. But Cal in his fire uniform came second only to Cal naked. Another thing I wasn’t thinking about…
“I miss you, Kitten.” He took a step toward me. “And I think you miss me too.”
He delivered a smile so dazzling I rocked on my feet from its power. But when he fired off both dimples, I was swooning.
No!
Damn it, I was losing my mind because I was exhausted. Between the funeral, confrontation with the evil step-mother and her little son too, not to mention Jack’s hot gaze that left first degree burns on my skin, I was spent. And in no shape to fight against Cal’s charm.
“You should go,” I said.
“Okay,” he agreed easily. “As long as you come with me.”
“No,” I said, unable to keep the shaking out of my voice. “We’re done, Cal.” It was the second time I’d said that in less than an hour. And it hurt just as badly as saying it the first time. Because Cal was right there with Jack when it came to deceiving me. When Jack had left, Cal stepped in and made me believe in love. Believe in myself. Made me hope.
The prick.
He made life so easy. Too easy, because I fell in love with him and gave him all the pieces Jack had left broken, and he’d taken them, and put me back together. Only I found out that he’d made an arrangement with Jack to have his time with me. Apparently, they’d both wanted me and had to work around that. So they’d thought they were giving me a chance to be with each of them, so I could then choose. Too bad I fell in love with both of them.
Cal made the brazen in me rise. He let me claw at what I wanted and hold on tight. He let me have my control, giving me power over myself. He let me run, whenever I needed, but he always came after me.
“I’m not going anywhere without you,” he said. “I know you’re hurting. I know I fucked up. I know today was hard on you. I would have been there…”
I looked him over, registering that since he was in his uniform… “You’re on duty?”
He nodded. “I came here to take you home with me.”
“Cal, I can’t,” I whispered. Because his home was so warm and welcoming. It felt like him, and if I closed my eyes really tight, I could feel the soft sheets of his bed against my skin and the spicy smell of his skin as he climbed in next to me…
I needed these memories to go away, not repeat them. Because I was already losing a losing battle.
“I’m not looking to control you,” Cal said, regaining my focus on him. “I’m looking to protect you. Show you that I’m sorry.” He stepped closer, the bottom of his shoe scuffing against the carpet. He tucked that stray lock of hair behind my ear. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “So damn sorry. For what you’ve gone through, what I put you through. Please believe that I never meant to hurt you.”
My pulse sped up and my forehead hurt from the deep frown marring it. It was all I could do to keep my eyes from watering. Part of me did believe him.
I took the smallest step toward him.
“I just want to protect you. I’ll give you space, but let me at least keep you safe.” His voice was smooth, and I knew too well he was playing good cop.
Let him?
Again, the second time I’d heard that. Both Jack and now Cal had spoken to me like this whole situation was in my hands. Like I held the power and dictated what they could and couldn’t do. If that were true, why did I feel so weak? So alone?
I looked into those deep blue eyes and, for a moment, remembered how only a handful of days ago I was lost in them. Stared at those same eyes and told him how much I loved him. Funny how life changed in moments. Seconds.
“I don’t need your kind of support,” I shot the last word out like a bullet. One that clearly got a reaction, because anger laced Cal’s face. That rarely happened unless he was feeling out of control.
“A summer-fuckin-breeze could open your motel room door, Lana. What makes you think the person who burned your house down, or Brock, who has shown he has a taste for breaking in to your place, won’t find you here?”
I swallowed hard. I had no answer for that. And Cal’s need to keep me safe, physically at least, was driving his prime instinct. He let me have control in any other way I needed, but this was one area he’d fight me on until I caved.
“It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. I’m not your problem or yours to save. I can deal with the door, and my life, myself.”
“I’m trying,” Cal said. “Trying to give you what you need. Trying to give you space. But asking me to sit back while you’re in clear danger is not going to happen. I’m not going away. You’re more important than anything, and I’m tired of this.”
My brows shot up and I wanted to yell at him. To cry. To throw my hands up and scream a little too. “You are tired of this? Guess what, so am I. Only you and Jack are the ones who started this and I’m not playing anymore!” With a deep breath, I cursed my eyes to stop watering immediately. No way was I showing weakness now. I couldn’t let a single ounce of sadness or despair creep out, because once it did, I wouldn’t be able to call it back. Facts. I needed to cling to the facts.
“You set me up from the beginning,” I whispered. Fact. “You lied to me.” Fact. “You used me and passed me between the two of you like some—”
“I’m not going to let you finish that statement,” he said with fire. The edge of his voice was something not only my mind, but my body registered. And I hated it. Hated that my own self betrayed me. “I never used you.”
He went to reach for me, but I backed away. The look that flashed over his face was so pained it almost brought the threatening tears back up. Anger quickly surged and drowned out the need to cry. How dare he look like I was hurting him!
“Did you expect me to feel differently?” I asked.
Earlier, Jack had been demanding. Pushing me to believe him. While Cal was silently pleading. They pulled at every emotion I had. Memories flooded each time I caught the faint smell of Jack’s cologne or the flash of Cal’s dimples. They were imprinted in my mind and I couldn’t escape them. In any sense. And I’d tried for the past week.
Cal took a step closer, his big build closing in on me.
“I never want you to feel anything but loved. Come home
with me,” he whispered. “I don’t want you staying here any more than you want to be here.”
The last bit of tenacity I had left was dwindling rapidly. Because, honestly, I was ready to give in. Cal was right, I didn’t want to be in a shitty hotel. I didn’t want to sleep on stiff linen and take cold showers. I wanted to be wrapped up in the man I loved. I wanted my home to still exist. I wanted my life back.
My whole body and mind were at odds with…everything.
Cal looked at me, long and deep, and just the sight of him stung my ribs. The wounds of his betrayal were so fresh that every single second I was in his presence was like salt sprinkling over the gaping hole he’d left behind in my chest. And Jack only made it worse. Because while I made amends with the fact I’d never get over him, being in his proximity, feeling his heat, yet being too far away to harness the warmth, was torture. He’d left me. I’d rebuilt with Cal. And now I stood in the same town with two men who possessed equal and different parts of my entire being.
“I’m on shift for the next forty-eight hours,” Cal said, as if sensing he was losing me. “You can have the place to yourself. Avoid me all you want, just do it from my house.”
I glanced around the tiny room, then at the lock. Could someone have broken it? It was hard to admit that part of me was scared. Had been for a while now. I wanted to be able to sleep through the night just once.
If Cal was going to be on shift, maybe I could compose myself, rest, and be gone before he got home from the station.
It was still a step to take down a path that led me to Cal. And I couldn’t help wanting to run straight down that path and jump in his arms, no matter how unwise that was.
“I’ll let you flash the lights,” he said.
My gaze snapped to his and my brows shot up. He couldn’t mean…
“The truck is here?”
Cal let those incredible dimples free once more and nodded. He pointed just outside and I walked out the door, around the corner and—