by Joya Ryan
“Hell yeah, I do,” she said with some sauce in her voice. “Those boys messed up big time. You have every right to feel the way you do. I think it’s good for them to be paying the price it cost of hurting you.”
Great, now I wanted to cry for a whole other reason. Bea wasn’t even my family and she was supporting me. Letting me feel how I needed to. Telling me it was okay.
“You have to know something, though,” she went on. “Those boys have always had each other. It’s been them against the world from the start. Nothing has ever come between them.”
“I didn’t mean to come between them.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” Bea pulled to the side of the road, parked, and faced me. She grabbed my hand, and there was a desperation in her eyes. “Lana, you are their world.”
They way her blue eyes searched mine, like I had an answer, made bile rise in my throat. Because I didn’t. I had no answer and even less of a clue of how to tackle my life. But she was looking at me like I held some kind of power.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted. Loving and losing Jack had been hell. Now there was baggage between us, the truth between us. And it surrounded me like thick smoke. He’d left to give Cal time with me. And I’d fallen in love with Cal, while never letting go of Jack completely. In the end, they both deceived me. “Love should be about trust and isn’t supposed to hurt,” I whispered.
Bea frowned and blinked several times. “Oh, honey, I’m with you on the trust part, but you’re kidding yourself if you think love doesn’t hurt. Love is the worst kind of pain, and I’m sorry to see you go through it, but it means something real is there.”
“Was,” I corrected.
“Oh?” she challenged in her sweet voice. “You don’t love Cal? Jack?”
That was something I wouldn’t acknowledge out loud.
“You’re in love with two men,” Bea answered for me. “That’s going to hurt.” She gave my hand a squeeze and finished with, “But that doesn’t mean you give up on it. You fight for it. Through the pain. Through the hard times. Because if it’s real, it’s worth holding on to.”
For the briefest moment, her words sank in, and I wanted so badly to believe them. To take her advice and run to Cal and get wrapped in those big arms that warmed me instantly. To look at Jack and shiver with anticipation right before his touch landed on my skin.
But it wasn’t that simple.
“Do you think this was all a game?” I asked.
She sighed and glanced out the window with a shrug. “Honestly? No, I don’t. They never would play a game with your feelings. But I’m not surprised how they went about you.”
“What do you mean? They took turns like I was a Monopoly board.”
“I know it looks that way. But that would make them malicious. Which they aren’t.”
I tossed my hands in the air, then slapped them on my lap. “I know they aren’t. Which is why I’m so mad at them.”
She nodded. “In the past, when they both wanted something, they figured out a way for both of them to be happy.”
“Like sharing a toy,” I whispered.
“You’re not a toy, and that wasn’t their intent. I think they were both taken by you and didn’t know how to react, so they went with logic.” When Bea spelled it out like that, I heard pieces of Jack in her tone. How simple everything could be explained, like it had nothing to do with emotion. It’s just a matter of logic, is all. Try telling that to my throbbing chest and that big empty place where my heart used to be.
“Somewhere along the way, they fell in love with you,” Bea said. “So, it doesn’t matter how it started. They aren’t vicious men. They care. But my guess is they had no idea how to handle what they fell into with you.”
Breath refused to leave my lungs as I looked at Bea while her words settled over my skin like hot wax. They didn’t know how to handle me?
“That’s hard to believe,” I said. “Between the two of them, they could handle anything.”
She nodded. “That’s right. Between to the two of them, they can. But look who’s standing between them?” Her eyes pierced mine. Not in an accusatory way, but an enlightened one. “I think part of them is just as lost as you are, honey.” She rubbed my hand between hers. The momentary warmth was comforting.
She tugged my seatbelt, making sure it was tight, and threw the car into gear.
“Now, on to the most important question of the day,” she said in a happy tone. “Short stack or full stack?”
I smiled. “It feels like a full stack kind of day.”
“That’s my girl!”
She slowly pulled back onto the quiet road. As if my brain couldn’t crank out anymore thoughts, Bea had thrown a wrench in. She was on my side, yet arguing the case for the guys. A mess. Everything was a mess.
Bea stopped at the only yield sign in a five mile radius and looked left and right. There wasn’t even house out here. Just trees, snow, and a small intersection.
The car jolted forward violently and a loud crash sounded. Bea lunged forward, her whole body hitting the steering wheel. A crack, like a pencil being broken in half, hummed through the car. Bea screamed in pain.
My seatbelt cut my jarring off short, whipping me back in my seat, my knee banging against the glove compartment.
Bright headlights shone in the rearview mirror. We’d been hit from behind.
“Bea, are you okay?” I asked. She dropped her hands from the steering wheel, grabbed her wrist, and winced.
She hissed, and before she could answer, the sound of squealing tires rang out and then—
Crash!
We were hit again.
Bea yelled as we both lunged forward again. Not only were we hit from behind, we were hit repeatedly…on purpose.
The car swayed just a moment, finally settling after the recent hit. I reached over and threw the car into park, then rubbed Bea’s shoulder. She was still clamping her wrist, only now her knuckles were starting to swell from where her fingers hit the steering wheel from that second hit.
“I-I’m okay…” she said around a bite of pain.
So much anger flared and took over every single cell I had. Looking at Bea, crying in pain, made my fight instinct kick into high gear.
“Son of a bitch,” I muttered. It was Brock. It had to be. And he just hurt a woman I cared about.
I looked behind us and couldn’t see the car that hit us. Their high beams were on, and I could barely look back without being blinded. But I heard screeching tires and reversing wheels.
No way would I let him near her. I threw off my seatbelt and grabbed my cellphone, quickly dialing 911.
Signal lost.
“Shit!” I tried again.
Signal lost.
The wheels were continuing to reverse, getting further from us. He was going to hit us harder this time.
“Come on, Bea,” I said, unclicking her seatbelt and tugging her toward me. I opened my passenger side door, hugged her hard, and scooted her across the seat and out my side. She moved as best she could, and finally she was out of the car and safe on the shoulder of the road. I clicked on my video camera and held my cell phone out to catch the asshole. I refused to sit there while he continued to ram us.
The car was far away, and instead of coming our way, it peeled out fast, kicking up slush, barreling in the other direction, the fall of snow coating it to where all I could see was a flash of white. There was no license plate and barely a shadow of a person behind the wheel.
All I had was a glimpse of a white car speeding away in the snow. Not helpful.
I ran back to Bea’s side. Helping her into the passenger side, I buckled her in. The poor thing was holding her wrist and trying so hard not to wince in pain. I got in the driver’s side and tried to call 911 again.
Signal lost.
I yanked on my seatbelt and thanked God the car was still running and drivable. I pulled onto the road.
“I can’t get a signal, but here in just a mile, service
should pick up.” I had my phone in my lap, ready to dial emergency as soon as reception came through.
“Who are you calling?” she asked.
“911.”
“No,” she winced. “Don’t do that.”
“Bea, you’re in pain and—”
“And you’re taking me to the doctor, right?”
My mouth dropped and I looked spastically between her and the road. “Of course! I’m going to the hospital.”
“Good. We’ll figure all this out there.” She leaned back in her seat, still holding her wrist. “Will you get ahold of Cal, though?”
My phone blipped with service. I was ready to argue with Bea, but she just looked over at me, those blue eyes watery, and asked, “Please?”
I nodded and dialed.
“Cal?” I asked.
“What’s wrong?” he said immediately.
“I’m with Bea, we’ve been rear-ended. I’m taking her to the hospital.”
“I’m on my way. Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I glanced at Bea. “Her wrist is hurt, but we’re both okay.”
A string of curses lit up the phone and I heard Jack’s voice in the background. I didn’t have time to explain more and needed to focus on driving, so I hung up and headed straight toward the hospital.
“I’m so sorry, Bea,” I said.
“Oh, honey, how could this be your fault? You have nothing to be sorry for.”
That’s when my gut sank. Because this was my fault. My presence put Bea in danger. Though I couldn’t see the driver, it was no coincidence that my house had burned down, and now we were hit, twice. Someone clearly had it out for me. And I was certain that someone was Brock.
A part of me had thought that with my father’s death, this stalking would be over. That Brock would leave me alone. I was wrong.
“I’m so sorry,” was all I said again. Because, deep down, I knew this was, in fact, my fault.
Chapter 6
I waited outside the doors to the X-ray room, running my palms over my face. My knees were shaking, my brain hurling thoughts around a thousand miles a millisecond. Poor Bea. She was hurting. And this stupid stunt likely had something to do with me.
My knee hurt from where it’d bumped the glove box, but it was nothing compared to what Bea was going through.
When would this end? I was fighting shadows and losing. The realization that I was totally and completely out of control shot a dose of mind-numbing fear straight through my temple.
I was losing.
Losing my mind, losing the fight, losing everything.
I was right back to being that scared little girl, waiting for Brock to hurt me. Wondering when it would happen again. When he’d choose to barge in and wreck my world. Panic climbed. He was out there, laughing and taking joy in my fear. In the power he had over me. While I waited to be heard and plead my case.
“No,” I whispered to myself. The hands on my knees turned to fists. “No,” I said louder. I wouldn’t let him do this again. Every moment I gave in to the fear, was a moment in his favor. My chest stuttered on a gasp. No matter how hard I fought it, the panic wouldn’t die down.
I was afraid.
And I hated myself so much for that.
No…my mind whispered. Don’t give up…
The heaviness of the terror was overwhelming. Kicking against the current and reaching for the surface was no match for the undertow that kept beating me back down.
So, kick harder.
I heard the loud booming steps of heavy boots coming my way. I looked up, and there was Cal.
Tall and strong and plagued with worry on his handsome face. I pulled myself together the best I could and rose to greet him. His steps increased, eating up the distance between us in the florescent lit hall of the radiology wing. Those big arms opened, and instinct took over…
I ran to him.
Just for a moment, I wanted to take a break from all that treading and just sprint away from the burden clawing at my ankles.
“Aw, Kitten,” he whispered, and swept me up in his massive embrace. Warmth instantly took over. The spicy smell that was all him triggered a calmness I couldn’t harness on my own. I got lost and buried my face in his chest as he hugged me tighter, like nothing in the world could touch me.
Too soon, he pulled away and cupped my face.
“Are you okay?” he asked with a catch in his voice.
I nodded and a small relieved smile tugged at his lips. Lips that came crashing down on mine. Surprise took over, but my body registered him as a necessity. I kissed him back, hard and heavy, and with all the fear and exhaustion and hurt I felt. His stubble with thicker than normal. It felt like at least five days’ worth and it scraped against my chin. I loved it. I remembered how it felt all those times he’d kissed me before.
His tongue parted my lips and I let him in. Needing to taste him. Needing to let him take an ounce of this ache from me. I clung to him and moved my mouth with his. Tangling his lips with mine, I tried to get closer. To take a deep drink of everything he was offering. The sound of his strong lips hitting mine over and over made my breaths deepen. More. Just a little more.
His groan vibrated down my neck and all the way to my toes.
Home.
He felt like home.
I remembered this well.
Remembered…
I opened my eyes and stepped away quickly, my hand coming to cover my mouth like it had betrayed me. Cal just looked at me. His blue eyes shining in a way I hadn’t seen them shine in a while. Those gems dazzled with a clear sign of satisfaction.
I wanted to tell him that I was confused. I’d surrendered to another moment of weakness. Fell into a pattern I hadn’t mastered breaking, but none of that came out. Because dark eyes caught my attention.
Jack.
He was standing right behind Cal and honing in on me with a look of heat and fury and lust? I didn’t know. But a look like that melted my insides while my skin pricked with cold.
“What happened?” Jack demanded. His thick black hair was combed perfectly and all his sharp, starkly beautiful features were on full display, thanks to a recent shave. His dark blue suit was creased to perfection with clean lines and fit his broad shoulders perfectly. He smelled like sex and money and power.
I shook my head, forcing reality back to my brain, and taking an extra step back from the two hulking men in hopes of clearing my mind further. It didn’t help.
“We were rear-ended. Twice. The person took off.” It must have been Brock but I had no proof, so I went on. “Bea is in getting an X-ray on her wrist right now. The doctor thinks it’s a fracture, but not a break.”
“Is she hurt anywhere else? Are you hurt?” Jack asked quickly.
“No.”
He nodded once, as if that was good enough for him. But the look in his eyes and the way he moved so intently toward me said we were far from over with this discussion.
“We are done doing this your way,” he said, taking another step toward me, bypassing Cal. “I’ve waited for you long enough. It’s time you see reason.”
That clicked my temper to full force. I’d been terrified a moment ago, and Cal was there to catch me and take it away. Jack just stood there, pushing buttons only he had access to, causing a concentrated dose of strength to shoot through me.
“Excuse me?” I snapped. While his wording irritated me, the rush of power I felt was incredible. I missed this feeling. Hadn’t had it since Jack left. He was like my own personal battery, and I’d thrive on the juice while I could.
“Yes. You’re actively putting yourself, and now Bea, in danger.”
I went to defend myself, but couldn’t. Because I worried about the same thing. This was no accident. This was an attack. A repeated attack. All I was lacking was hard proof of who.
“I would never put Bea in danger,” I said. Never on purpose. But I had no excuse now. She’d been hurt because I was in the car. I was the target. Not her. And it was clear th
is wouldn’t stop until I made it stop. “It was a white car,” I stared. I may not have much more than that, but I would report all I knew. “He hit us once, then reversed and hit us again. When I heard the tires pull away for the third time, I couldn’t sit there and let him keep hurting Bea.”
Cal looked ready to kill someone and Jack stayed still, rage pouring off of him like slow moving fog.
“You said him. Did you see who it was? Or the license plate?” Jack asked.
“No. I didn’t recognize the car either. But it had to be Brock.”
“I agree,” Jack said.
I glanced at Cal to gauge his stance on this and the knit brow told me he was obviously supporting Jack’s thread of thinking.
“I would never put Bea in danger,” I whispered again. No matter how many times I said it, the horror of how close she came, we both came, to being seriously injured wouldn’t fade.
Heat grazed over my face. Surprise blasted though my blood when I looked up and found Jack running the back of his fingers down my cheek.
“I know, baby.” It was the first time his sharp words held a softer edge, and for a moment, I leaned into his fingers tracing my skin. It had been so long since I’d felt his touch. My body instantly recognized it and screamed for more. But I stepped back, refusing to get sucked in once again.
Jack scowled. “You run toward Cal, but back away from me?”
He glared at the distance I’d just put between us like a tangible barrier. I remembered when I’d seen him on the street months ago, before we really started dating. I had backed away from him then. He wore that same look. He’d thought I’d been running from him. Ironically, I wasn’t then. It’d taken me a long time and him leaving before I understood what I’d been doing. I didn’t ever shy away from him, I was trying to lure him into the dark corner he provided.
But that was then. Was I running now? Or just seeking that same hiding place and begging him to come with me? The answer didn’t matter, because keeping a distance was best. No matter the look it put on his face. A look that made my gut slice with pain.
“I’m not running in any direction,” I said.
Jack looked from my eyes to my knees, then back up again. Like he was trying to determine my response based on my stillness. Finally, he said, “Your father was going to sell his company. He had a meeting set up with a buyer after the New Year.” He was back to business as usual.