by Joya Ryan
Jack’s eyes stayed right on my face. “Yes, Cal wanted time with you. I’d been prepared to fight him on that. To stay with you. But after seeing your step-brother, shaking his fucking hand and finding out what he’d done?” Jack shook his head. “I needed space to suppress the rage. It didn’t take me long to realize that I hated the lack of control. Hated the situation. And it was because I love you so damn much.”
I gasped, but his lips pulled back from his teeth and he bit the next words out.
“And I hated myself because I couldn’t protect you.” He closed in. Black gaze flaming from beneath thick lashes and said, “But, I can now. And I will. So, deal with it.”
I swallowed hard, my head slowly turning from side to side, as if trying to register everything he’d just admitted. “You hated me?”
“Yes, because it was the only emotion I understood. I won’t let anyone hurt you, Lana. Including yourself.”
“That’s not up to you,” I whispered.
“Maybe not, but I won’t stop trying.”
“I hated you too,” I admitted. “Still do. Because you ripped away everything when you left.”
“You’re strong, baby.”
I didn’t feel strong. I felt weak. Tired. Scared. Mad. So mad because he had the nerve to hate me…had even more nerve to love me.
“I’m sorry I met you,” I said around clenched teeth.
He nodded and leaned closer, like he understood, was okay with me saying what I was saying. Which only heightened the bubbling anger to a full boil.
“I’m sorry I’m not as strong as you think.” Keeping the tears pushed back was hard, but I did and powered through my thoughts. “I’m sorry I kept things from you. I’m sorry I thought I could handle it on my own. But, mostly, I’m sorry I fell in love with you.”
He closed in on me and gripped the back of my head, threading his fingers through my hair. “That’s a shame,” he rasped and bit my lower lip. “Because I’m only sorry I left. And I’ll be sorry for that for the rest of my life.”
I pushed at his chest, but he didn’t budge. Yet, somehow, pushing at him made me feel better. Made the anger rise and spew over like lava from a volcano. I got lost to it. Wanted to hurt him. Wanted him to feel the pain I was feeling. My palms slapped against his chest again, and again, he didn’t budge. He let me hit him. Let me push at him. All while maneuvering me back against the wall. When he pressed me against it, his hand in my hair took the force so my head didn’t hit. Even now, he was protecting me. And it only skyrocketed my anger.
The battery that was Jack Powell hummed with energy and gave me a full charge. He was trying to help me. Hold me.
I shoved at him again.
“Do what you need to do, baby,” he growled in a thick deep voice. Those words broke past my consciousness and I did just that.
Do whatever it takes to get through this…
“You left me,” I yelled and smacked his chest again.
“Yes,” he admitted.
“You think I’m strong? Do I look like I’m strong to you?” I smacked again.
“You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known,” he said. “Stronger than me. Stronger than you realize.”
I shook my head. It had taken everything I had to move away from his memory. And still, I wasn’t over him. Would never be.
And it wasn’t fair. The truth wasn’t fair. The pain wasn’t fair.
But life didn’t care about fair.
“You. Left. Me!” Another slap, and he just took it.
My forehead fell against his bare chest, and I just heaved in and out oxygen. Waiting for this feeling to leave my system. My lips brushed against his skin and the slightest taste of him wasn’t even close to enough. I was dipping my finger in the sugar bowl and wasn’t ready to pull back. Instead, I took a deeper taste.
Parting my lips, I barely pushed my tongue enough to make contact with his smooth skin. He was hot and spicy and the tiniest hit of him sent an instant high racing through me.
His free hand came up to cup my throat and I looked him in the eye…our mouths open and a fraction apart, breathing each other in.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“I’m sorry too,” I admitted. “But part of me still hates you.”
“Good,” he grinned. “Because that means you still love me.”
Logic was gone. Emotions took over. I crushed my mouth against his. My hands against his chest turned to nails and scraped down his torso. All those cut abdominal muscles jumped beneath my touch and skyrocketed me over the edge. I knew this man. Knew him so well it was slowly killing me how much I loved him. Missed him. Recognized him. Every inch of his skin, every brush of his hands, my body registered like he was its master. And I was helpless against it.
“Nothing is more important to me than you,” he said against my mouth. He kissed me hard. Deep. Plunging his tongue to ravage my mouth and eat up my taste like a ravenous man with his last meal.
Tugging at my towel, he threw it open and it fell to the floor. The instant my skin met his was like coming home. My breasts pressed against his hot torso, making breathing impossible in the best way.
He grabbed my hips, his thumbs digging in, and slid them up my sides to my ribs. “Fuck I’ve missed you. Miss this perfect curve. Missed your sweet taste.” His hands were everywhere. Seeking out my skin roughly, like his fingertips were starved for a drink.
I threaded my fingers through his hair and bit down on his bottom lip. He hissed and shoved his tongue deeper. Pressing me further into the wall, he kicked my legs apart and hoisted me up. With a single arm wrapped around my waist, I locked my legs behind his back and kept kissing him. Hard and fast. Our teeth banged against each other’s. I paused only to scrape them against his jaw, then back to his mouth, as I went in for another brutally penetrating kiss.
Jack was a man who was always in control. But, right then, he was as lost as I was. I could feel it. Feel him. The part of my soul he’d taken with him was, for a moment, sparking to life.
“I’ve missed my woman,” he said, reaching between us to shove down his boxers. He used the head of his cock to find my slick heat. “Tell me you’ve missed me.”
“I have.” I cupped his face and kissed the side of his mouth, his cheekbone.
He ran the velvety crown between my folds, hitting the sensitive bundle of nerves, making me gasp.
“Tell me what you want.”
“You,” I said around a moan. He was grinding, up and down, against my damp core and it was driving me to the brink of blissful agony.
“Say it again,” he rasped against my face.
“I want you, Jack.”
I barely got his name past my lips when the thick head of his shaft breached me and he surged deep.
“Oh, God!” I screamed out. He groaned as he withdrew a few inches, then thrust up, impaling me again.
“Fuck, baby,” he said, like he was in pain, or ecstasy. But feeling him deep inside me turned everything I’d been fighting up a notch, and I lost myself to him. To missing him. To hating him. To loving him. Just lost everything.
“More,” I told him. Begged him. More of all of it. Because I couldn’t handle thinking. Couldn’t handle real life or what any of this meant. Couldn’t handle the past or the future. I just wanted to get through this. And that’s what I was doing.
He thrust in and out. My ass hitting the wall while he fucked me with all his strength. I held on to him, my nails digging into his back as I kissed him over and over until it wasn’t kissing anymore. It was tasting, biting, devouring. There was nothing sweet. Nothing slow. Nothing sensual about it. His skin slickened with sweat as he pumped harder, deeper, taking everything I had left to give, which I hadn’t even known existed. But Jack somehow found the last ounce of hope, the last fraction of the soul I had left, and tapped into it. Took me to the edge while I screamed his name and begged him not to stop.
“Look at me,” he said, one hand coming up to cup my face. I squeezed m
y eyes shut. Purposefully disobeying him. Partly because I couldn’t let him think he had control, couldn’t give in that easily. And partly because I was terrified of what I’d see in his eyes.
He thrust so hard, I squeaked with pleasure. He hit the end of every nerve I had.
“Look. At. Me,” he demanded.
I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. I was afraid. So afraid of the cliff I was about to fall over that I couldn’t bear to look at his perfect face. Couldn’t risk what I’d see staring back at me because, better or worse, it would be my undoing.
He pumped faster. The sound of him working my body over, thudding against the wall only heightened my lust. Pressing further against me, he ground his hips so there wasn’t an inch between us. He had me pinned. Unmovable. My body stuck between a wall and him, his hard muscles and hard cock the only leverage I had. And he wasn’t letting me go. Wasn’t pulling back, not even an inch.
“Stubborn woman,” he said, gripping me tight and stuffing that massive shaft into me over and over until my legs went limp. But he was so close that my thighs bobbed around his sides, unable to do anything but remain parted for him.
God, I loved it. Totally taken over, past the point of want and need. He was my air. The single thing I needed to breathe right.
Deep. He was so deep and only growing harder. My inner walls flooded with heat and a slow, hot lust clawed at my spine and shot out to the tips of my fingers and toes, burning up everything in its path. I clawed his back. Holding on for dear life. I’d never felt anything like the kind of release my body was pushing itself through. It was rolling over me in waves, gradually picking up pace while sticking me with shards of bright pleasure.
I was coming, yet still on the brink. The intensity rising while I was already in a free fall. I felt him right there with me, ready to jump over the edge.
“Please, baby…” he whispered in my ear and the sound of his voice, a voice that was so stern, so certain all the time, held a tremor of begging. It stabbed at my chest like a rusty blade. “Please, look at me.”
I couldn’t bear the sound of this strong man so wounded.
I opened my eyes and looked into the dark obsidian depths of his. Relief washed over him and he held me…kept that wild loving gaze fastened to mine as he came apart.
Bright light snapped through my veins like a drug. I opened my mouth to scream, but no words came out. Just a gasp as my body lit up with sparks of pleasure, of pain. It was so intense that it sizzled like a hot stone dropped into glacier water. He held me tight as it took us both over. And I did what I’d always done in this room. I clung to him.
Buried deep and gaze fastened to mine, he watched as every wave of ecstasy came over my face and only when I was on the brink of coming down, I felt his release. So powerful it made my entire body shudder and flick my orgasm into another few seconds of overdrive.
“My Lana,” he whispered against my face and kissed me softly on the lips. “Mine.”
I was stuck there, between the wall and the man I loved, still loved, and hated all at the same time, and had no idea how to feel.
But something odd poked from within my chest. On a heavy inhale, I realized it was my heart…starting to beat again.
Chapter 8
The last couple of days had passed in a blur. After hurling myself over the brink of sanity with Jack, I’d spent most of my time in the guest room. I couldn’t shake the extreme exhaustion following me around. My body was off kilter, but after two days and random bouts of sleeping, I was feeling more rested, but more confused.
The other night, I’d gone to Jack with anger, looking for closure, and now I was more lost than ever. The awful part was, I was less hollow. Being with him had actually pulled the strings holding the broken pieces inside me together. What passed between us melded onto my shattered soul and started the slightest process of healing. But that couldn’t be right. There was too much still to sift through. Too much damaged trust.
And Cal.
I loved Cal. That hadn’t changed. I also wasn’t with Cal, since he was a part of this whole mess from the beginning. My entire body was pulled in opposites directions. And I had no idea where to turn.
Jack hadn’t approached me. He stayed mostly in his office and let me live out the day in my self-imposed cave, leaving a tray of food outside the door. I wondered if I could hide in the dark corner of this room for the rest of my life—
The thought sank in and hurt to repeat out loud.
“Dark corner,” I whispered to myself, since no one could hear. Jack was my dark corner. Where I hid from the world and he wrapped me up and let me. And that’s what I was doing. Hiding. Something Cal would never allow.
I ran both hands through my hair and wanted to scream. That pulling that was happening? Was getting worse.
I looked out the window and paced the room for the millionth time. When a truck pulled up, I glanced out to see Cal walking up and coming inside. It wasn’t long before his heavy boots passed my room and headed toward Jack’s office. Their muffled voices rang out and I decided that I had to stop hiding.
Straightening my shirt and running my palms down my jeans, I walked out and toward Jack’s office. Both men froze mid-sentence when I entered.
“How’s Bea?” I asked.
Cal faced me. He looked so tired, and even though he was stacked with large muscles, his eyes were sunken in like he hadn’t slept in days.
“She’s doing well. Small fracture, but she’s okay. She’s on a cruise with her friend for a few weeks.”
“Caribbean?” I asked, their secret lingo now making a bit more sense.
He nodded. They were getting Bea away so she couldn’t be in danger. Sweet boys. I chanced a glance at Jack. Mistake. He was sitting behind his desk, eyes focused on me. Cal seemed to notice the exchange, but didn’t say anything.
“Tell her,” Jack said to Cal.
Cal looked at me and scratched the back of his head. “I’ve been looking into your dad’s life and company from before he died.”
This again? Sure, I could suspend my thoughts enough to think perhaps something was amiss. But it was likely just Anita and Brock worried I’d fight them for my dad’s money. There were no documents supporting this, though.
“I told you, I’m not in the will.”
“I know,” Cal said. “But that has nothing to do with it. Someone thinks you’re a threat in some way, otherwise, this shit wouldn’t keep happening.” I recognized that anger in his voice. Cal got mad whenever someone he loved was in danger. While Jack harnessed his control in other ways, Cal found his in physically protecting those around him. My heart beat an extra time at that notion.
“A lot of documents and contracts go between companies that have nothing to do with wills. We’re finding out more about the timeline, though, and it’s too coincidental to ignore,” Jack added.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“We know your father was set to sell, and the process is still underway. But when he decided to sell is odd. He reached out for offers right before Brock came back to Denver,” Jack clarified.
“So, I did some digging,” Cal said. “I went to talk to your mom.”
“You what? Why would you do that?” I hadn’t spoken to my mother in a long time.
“Because she’s the only one who could have information about the time before your dad met Anita and the company went from Case to Case-VanBuren.”
My mouth went dry. Cal hadn’t been at the station, he’d been traveling. My mother was the only one who could possibly have any information.
“Did she say anything?” I asked.
Cal nodded. “She gave me the name of your father’s attorney and accountant, same man who handled all his business and financial work when they were still married. He’s in Denver. We can go see him when his office opens tomorrow.”
“I don’t know if there is any information to be had, though.”
Cal shrugged. “It’s better than sitting here do
ing nothing and waiting for someone to hurt you.” He pulled a small envelope from the inside of his jacket pocket. “She also gave me this.”
He handed it to me and inside were a few small photos of when I was a child. One was of my father and me. The others were of all three of us. A family.
Water lined my eyes and I looked at Cal. “How did you know I wanted this?”
He moved toward me, not reaching out, but enough to put our bodies so close that I could feel his torso rise and fall against my breasts with each breath he took. “The night Harper was at the house, she called me after you talked and told me.”
I searched his face, now realizing that he was likely tired because he’d spent the last day and a half on an airplane or talking to my mother.
His hand cupped my waist, pulling me just a little closer, and I let him. Liking the feel of his strength against me. Liking the way he towered over me and made me feel safe and warm and cherished.
“I told you, Kitten. All you have to do is tell me what you need, and I’ll make it happen.”
I met his eyes. Blue and bright and laced with sadness. I glanced over his shoulder and saw Jack starring daggers in our direction.
Cal’s shoulders stiffened, just before they sunk just slightly. He moved away from me and spared Jack a single glance before returning that ocean gaze back on me, full heat ignited.
“But maybe I was wrong about what you needed,” Cal rasped with a harsh bite.
My breath caught and I clutched the pictures he’d given me. Looking between the man that delivered and the man that conquered, I was at a loss for what to say. What to feel. Because what I felt for each of them was very different, yet very deep.
As if Cal could read my mind, he shot me a heated look and a devastating grin. “If there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that timing is everything.” He walked past me and out of Jack’s office. As he stomped down the hallway, he called over his shoulder, “I’m going to get my bag from the truck. Hope you don’t mind one more crashing at your place, Jack.”