by Joya Ryan
But, like any drug, there would be a crash. And this time it would be hard.
Chapter 20
I splashed some water on my face and patted it dry with a towel. The pink pajamas Jack had brought me felt extra soft against my skin. Or maybe it was that my skin was extra sensitized. Only moments ago, I’d had two men paying every inch of me a lot of attention. And now, standing in the bathroom, I felt alive and flecks of hope ran through my veins like shards of silver.
It was officially the New Year. A chance to start fresh. And what had happened in the living room between the two men I loved and me, was something I never saw coming. But it left my body, mind, and soul at odds.
I walked out of that bathroom and stopped immediately.
“Hey,” I said, looking between Jack and Cal, who stood almost shoulder to shoulder and stared me down. They both were in low slung pajama pants. Jacks were black and Cal’s were red. I tried not to get distracted by their hard upper bodies. Especially when Jack crossed his arms and stared me down.
Something had shifted. Clearly, I had missed a conversation, because Jack looked pissed and Cal just looked irritated.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
Cal shook his head. But Jack was quick to answer my question. “I noticed you came in here.”
“Yeah. I was getting ready for bed.” I knew we’d end up discussing what had just happened, but Jack’s line of questioning was throwing me.
“In here,” Jack snapped. It wasn’t a question, but I took it as one.
“Yes. This is my room.”
“No, this is Cal’s room,” Jack corrected quickly, the sharp edge to his voice cutting through the air and striking my chest.
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” Cal said to Jack.
Yep, I had missed something. And apparently it involved my presence in Cal’s room.
“Really?” Jack eyed Cal. “If it’s no big deal, then you wouldn’t mind if I took Lana to my room?”
Cal’s nostrils flared and a flash of pure rage settled over his scarily still frame. He looked ready to kill. Something Jack seemed to notice as well. But Jack just scoffed and grinned like he’d won an argument.
“That’s what I thought,” Jack said. “So don’t tell me this isn’t a big deal because she’s in your bed and not mine. You know what that would do to you?”
I closed my eyes. Whatever amazing moment we’d all just shared was now getting drowned out by the weight of the aftermath. There was only one of me, and while I’d tried to stick to my own rules, I’d failed. And now the competition was back.
“She’s been in here the whole week,” Cal said, squaring his shoulders to face Jack. “She’s not going anywhere.”
Jack took a step toward Cal. “We’ll see about that.”
“Stop,” I said. They both looked at me. “What is going on? What has changed? Why is this room situation suddenly a problem?”
“What’s changed?” Jack asked, like it was the dumbest question on earth. Which it kind of was. I knew that the moment I’d committed to both of them. And Jack was livid. “What changed is what just happened in the living room,” he snapped.
I glanced down.
“Don’t you dare,” Jack said. “Don’t look away now.”
I found his dark gaze and bit the inside of my lip to keep it from trembling. This was bad. Everything in my gut was telling me that we were all standing on the brink of a jagged cliff and any moment we’d fall. And we’d get cut up on the way down.
“I didn’t mean to…” I stopped because I had no idea how to finish that sentence. Truth was, I had meant to continue. With both of them. Because I had the chance to feel them. To love them. Without having to pick. And it was the most amazingly beautiful moment of my life. But this moment would make or break everything. And we all knew it.
Cal’s eyes were shimmering with wild caged beasts behind those blues.
“I don’t want to ruin everything,” I said honestly.
“That’s what’s happening,” Jack replied. “The only way for everything not to be ruined is for you to choose.”
My mouth parted and a painful gust of air stuck to my throat.
“I can’t,” I whispered.
“Lana,” Cal’s voice was terrifyingly low. “I don’t know what the hell to do.” He threaded his fingers together and placed them on the top of his head, then looked at the ceiling as if hoping for an answer. “What happened out there…I was caught up. I want you so damn much that I just shared you with my best friend.”
He sounded concerned for me. I didn’t know how to fix that, other than to tell the truth.
“I liked every second of what we shared tonight,” I said.
“Which we are you talking about?” Jack asked.
“Both of you…all of us,” I clarified.
“I don’t know what to do with that,” Jack said, seeming just as lost as Cal. “All of us doesn’t really work.”
And that was on my shoulders. I knew them. Knew they each needed control. Knew they couldn’t be second in any way, to me or one another. And I just gave in to the passion and selfishly wanted both of them.
Jack hovered near my bed, pacing around the side, looking at the mattress. He stopped suddenly and without turning to look at me said, “Choose.”
Ferocity dried out that single word.
I looked at Cal for support, but he just nodded.
“Jack’s right. You need to choose.”
My vision was narrowing, like a tunnel was closing in. Neither of them had come out and demanded my choice before. I’d been clear from the start that I wouldn’t choose, but this? The ultimatum? My chest tingled, trying to call on that numbness I’d gotten so good at implementing. But it didn’t come. Deep down, I was on the cusp of losing everything, and I knew it. And my body was forcing me to feel the ache of that coating my stomach.
“But, just a moment ago, you said I didn’t have to choose,” I whispered.
Jack’s dark eyes settled on mine. “That moment is over. Things changed.”
It hurt to swallow those words down. It wasn’t about the room. It wasn’t about where I’d sleep, it was about what each room represented. Them. Jack was right, everything had changed the moment I reached out for both of them. And I was stupid enough to think that hope had anywhere to thrive.
“Can we talk about this some more?” I asked. Maybe we could find some middle ground or at least get all our emotions out. It was a new, difficult position to be in, after having just shared so much.
“No,” Jack said with so much anger I didn’t know what to say. Jack faced me once more and Cal took a moment to pace himself. This was beyond any “normal” situation, but I couldn’t face the truth that I was staring down the single moment I’d been avoiding for a long time.
Choice.
“I can’t choose between you two.”
“Why?” Cal said, his own snap having extra heat behind it. “Why, Lana?” He pressed harder. “Why can’t you just say who you want? Deep down, you must know.”
“She does,” Jack said, and my gaze shot to his. “She’s been comparing us. Listing our qualities.”
The walls felt like they were closing in on me. I glanced at the bed where I’d left the legal pad. All my notes and lists…that’s what Jack had just been looking at. It looked bad. Really, really bad, but I could explain—
“Did you know our little Lana here gets different things from each of us?” Though Jack was talking to Cal, he kept his eyes on me. My heart was going to beat out of my chest.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Cal asked, glancing between the two of us.
“I’m talking about the way you make her feel safe,” Jack said. “And I give you…what was it?” He tilted his head to the side, but I knew there was nothing wrong with his memory. He’d clearly read what I’d written down and was now pulling out every weapon he had to play. “Ah, yes, I give you strength.”
Too bad I didn’t feel str
ong. Not in the least. Every hard look, every word spoken, was another bullet loaded to the chamber.
“Check the notepad,” Jack motioned to the bed and Cal saw it right away. “You were trying to choose,” Jack continued. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t have made a list comparing every single moment we shared with another.”
Another bullet loaded.
Raw hurt and anger were humming off of Jack. And Cal appeared to have been hit with the gravity of Jack’s words.
“You compared us? What we shared?” Cal asked, disbelief in his voice.
Tears sprung to my eyes, and I tried to gain footing on what was happening. It’d made sense at the time. Loving them was pulling me apart, and I was just trying to hold on. To deny the truth that was crashing through me right now.
“I couldn’t choose,” I whispered again. “I didn’t know what to do.”
“Quit fucking with me,” Jack rasped. “Quit fucking with us.” He glanced at Cal, then back at me. “Choose now, or walk away.”
Boom. Shot to the heart.
The tears that teetered along my lower lashes spilled over. They thought I was playing them. The thoughts I’d written down were never meant to be a bad thing. I wanted clarity. But it didn’t matter, because Jack wasn’t entirely wrong. I’d listed everything. Compared. And watching his chest move on a ragged breath, I realized that I’d known the answer the whole time…
“I’m walking away,” I whispered.
Jack’s brows sliced down. Cal’s body shot to stone that put a statue to shame. Both their searing gazes bit through my skin. This had been inevitable. I’d known it. But I’d never prepared myself for actually having to walk away. For leaving them. Or for them letting me leave.
Jack didn’t say a word, he just turned and walked out. My tears fell harder. We were over. Honest to God, totally over.
I took a step toward Cal, but he backed away. Those tears streamed faster. Because I looked down to find my hand reached out to him. He didn’t reach back.
So much anguish showed behind his eyes, but he said nothing, just left the room.
It was cold. So painfully cold that my bones snapped like brittle wire. There was more than enough blame to go around. But the fact remained that whether it was now, or later, the choice between Jack and Cal would never be made. Not by me. Not ever.
All I could do was let the pain in, let it break me up and beat me down until it hurt so bad I was oblivious to the wound. Old wounds that hadn’t healed, may never heal, cut wide open and seared from my chest to my shins.
Through foggy eyes and shaking steps, I made my way to the bedside table and grabbed my cell phone. It was a new year…but the promise of everything was gone.
I dialed Harper and tried to choke back the violent sobs of depression.
But it was useless.
Chapter 21
Opening my eyes had never hurt so badly. They were swollen from crying. My neck hurt like I’d been sleeping on a two by four. I tossed in the sheets and felt a warm hand smooth over my foot.
I shot up, thinking it was Jack or Cal.
“Good morning,” Harper said, sitting at the end of the couch. She propped my feet in her lap with one hand and held a cup of coffee in the other.
The events from last night settled in to my brain. I was at Harper’s house, well, Rhett’s.
“Thanks for coming to get me last night.” I glanced around. “Is Rhett back? I don’t want to take up your couch.” Also, I didn’t want to see him, or anyone from the fire department.
“No, he’s at the station until tomorrow.”
I nodded and sat up. Harper handed me the cup of coffee. Cradling it in both palms, I let the mug warm my hands and tried not to think of today. The first day of the new year and already it was disaster.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she nudged.
“Not much to really say…I lost them.” I took a quick sip of coffee before the tears started again.
“It was a hard decision…the place they put you in from the beginning.”
Yet, somehow, that didn’t make it better. Yes, everything that was happening started from their plan. But that plan had been the sole reason I was the person I was. Both of them helped me. Loved me. And I walked out.
“I can’t choose.”
Those three words were fast becoming my mantra, and one I’d live the rest of my life hating.
Harper shook her head. “That’s not true,” she whispered. “You made a choice. You chose neither of them.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “It feels like the wrong choice.”
Because my whole body hurt from needing them. The look in Jack’s eyes and the sadness on Cal’s face were all I could think about.
“In time, it will get easier.” Though Harper was trying to make me feel better, I didn’t think this would ever get easier. I loved them both with everything I was. And I walked. The question I’d been so mad about hit me hard.
How do you walk away from someone you love?
Jack had done it to me and I didn’t understand. Now, it made more sense. He did it because he couldn’t change the fact that the timing was off. He walked to give me space. To give himself space. To give Cal a chance. And, without Cal, I knew deep down a part of me would still be broken. It was the same logic that had made Cal keep the secret from me. The arrangement was a means to an end. An end I’d just enacted. And now, they weren’t there. Cal didn’t run after me, and Jack didn’t open his arms to let me hide in them.
They let me go.
“Maybe focusing on something else will be good,” she said. “You have the key, right? We still going to the bank tomorrow?”
I nodded and swiped a hand over my eyes. “Yes. First thing. I want to know what’s in there before the business meeting Anita has lined up tomorrow afternoon.”
Harper nodded. “Do you really think this will make everything go away?”
I scoffed. “I have no idea. I don’t know what my dad left. I don’t even know if selling the company will make the harassment stop. I hope so. It stands to reason it will.” Maybe I just needed something to believe in. An honest to God fresh start. But, no matter what happened, I also needed to stay away from the people I cared about until everything was solved.
“Thank you for taking me in last night, Harp. I’ll be out of here tomorrow.”
“You can stay as long as you need.”
“Thanks, but I’ll be fine. We get our insurance money tomorrow. I’ll stay in a hotel until I find a place.”
She went to argue, but I just smiled and stopped her. “I promise I can handle myself.” I also didn’t want to be too close to her. Yes, I knew Brock clearly hated me and had no problem hurting me. But, I had done all I could do. I just had to wait for my day in court.
Maybe with the company being sold and my father laid to rest, the truth would reveal itself and I could live in peace. Lonely and in peace.
“Sounds like we have a busy day tomorrow,” Harper winked.
“We?”
“You don’t think I’d let you do all this alone do you? Hell no, I want to see what’s in that box too. Maybe it’s pirate treasure.”
I laughed. “My dad wasn’t really the pirate type.”
“Still, I have a feeling, whatever it is, it’s going to be a game changer.”
“Or it could be a stamp collection.”
“Looks like we’ll know soon enough.”
With that, I drank my coffee and thought about how not to cry for the next twenty-four hours until I finally put one mystery to rest.
Chapter 22
“This is it,” Harper said, bouncing a little in her shoes.
I held the key to the bank lockbox and looked at the old hunk of metal on the table.
“I’ll give you some privacy,” the older gentleman banker said. As he walked out of the room, his footsteps echoed. The whole room was lined with lockboxes, neatly ordered and shelved. It was old and dingy. But in that small room, smelling mothballs and co
ld metal, was the first time I’d felt close to my father in a long time. Whatever was in there, it was a step to realizing that he was truly gone. And I wasn’t sure how to deal with that.
“Are you going to open it?” Harper asked.
I nodded, words seeming to fade in the back of my throat before I could even speak them.
I put the small key in the lock and twisted. The snap of the lock gave way and I opened the long top.
“Paper,” I said, examining a stack of folded forms.
Harper looked in. “That’s it? Paper?”
I reached for the documents and opened them. The paper whined like it hadn’t been opened in years. It was stiff, and as I read the first page, my eyes got wider.
“This can’t be…right. Can it?” I glanced from the forms to Harper, then back. I looked at the second page. Then the third. Harper came to stand behind me to read over my shoulder.
“Holy shit,” she breathed. I could feel her eyes working a mile a minute, just like mine were, reading frantically. “Do you know what this means?”
I shook my head, then nodded, then shook.
“I think it means…” I flipped to the next page, “That my father’s company is…mine.”
“Look at this,” Harper pointed at the date. “These are corporate documents that were drawn up right when your dad’s business partnered with Anita.”
“But, they didn’t partner,” I said, reading more. “This states that Anita put up money as a loan. She’s not a partner. She’s a creditor. She holds no stake in the company.”
“So, why is she selling it?”
“My father was going to sell it. And when he did, Anita would be entitled to her initial funds, plus fifteen percent interest.” I flipped another page. “But that’s it.”
“Wait,” Harper said and turned back over the last page. “So, this says,” she tapped on the paper, “That Anita only put up fifty grand. But the company is worth…”
I shrugged and did some mental math. “Probably closer to fifty million.”
“Holy fucking ass and pandas!” Harper blew out a breath. “And that money goes to you.” She ran her hand over the line that there, in black and white, stated me as the owner. “He put founding stock in your name years ago.”