‘That isn’t an option.’
He took hold of Charity’s hands, ignoring Holly as he set about persuading the girl to do what he wanted. Holly didn’t say anything but she was seething with anger at his high-handed attitude. Ben seemed to think that he could boss her around but he was mistaken if he thought she was going to meekly do his bidding. As she’d told him once already that day, he was no longer her boss.
A frown puckered her brow as that thought sank in. Ben had been two years ahead of her when they’d met—he’d already been a registrar when she’d been a lowly houseman. He had been extremely good at his job and had had a promising future ahead of him, too. That being the case, what was he doing at Dalverston? He should have been a consultant by now, not a specialist registrar, and been on his way towards a post as head of department. So what had gone wrong? Why had his career apparently come to a standstill in the last two years? And why did she have a feeling that the answers to those questions were important?
‘Are you ready, Holly? We need to get a move on.’
Holly blinked when Ben spoke to her. He’d somehow managed to convince Charity that she must climb the ladder because the girl had her foot on the first rung. Even though Holly was desperate to find out more about his career, it really wasn’t the right time to ask questions. She went to join them, shaking her head when Charity had another change of heart and stepped down.
‘You can do this, Charity. There’s just a dozen rungs to climb then you and your baby will be safe.’
Charity took a shuddering breath and placed her foot back on the rung. ‘I can do this,’ she muttered. ‘I can climb up this ladder.’
‘Be careful, won’t you?’
Ben touched her on the arm and Holly felt her heart leap when she saw the concern in his eyes. How many times had she seen him looking at her that very same way? she thought wonderingly.
‘Josh is up top and I’m sure he’s only too eager to give you a helping hand but don’t rush. We don’t need any more problems to contend with at the moment.’
The acerbic note in his voice when he mentioned the paramedic might have gone unnoticed by most people but not by her. No way. Holly bristled with resentment. ‘And what’s that supposed to mean? Do you have a problem with me and Josh?’
‘Not at all.’ His smile made a mockery of what she’d been thinking earlier. She didn’t need to hear the indifference in his voice to know that she’d been mad to imagine Ben still cared about her. He never really had cared, if the truth be told, and the proof of that was the way he had dumped her so callously. It was an effort to hide her hurt when he continued.
‘As you pointed out, Holly, it’s not my place to comment on what you do.’
‘No, it isn’t. I’m glad you realise that.’
She didn’t say anything else because there wasn’t time. Charity had moved up another rung and Holly quickly followed. They had to stop when another contraction began but it wasn’t long before they were able to carry on. However, it was a relief when they reached the top of the ladder where there were people waiting to help the young mother the rest of the way.
Josh grabbed hold of Holly’s arm when she scrambled out onto the side of the coach and stood there, blinking. It seemed so bright outside after the gloom inside the coach that she couldn’t focus for a moment.
‘Are you OK, Holly?’
The concern in the handsome young paramedic’s voice was wonderfully soothing after her recent spat with Ben and she smiled warmly. ‘I’m fine now, thank you very much.’
‘Good!’ Josh gave her a quick hug then went to supervise as Charity was helped down to the ground. A plastic chute had been set up against the coach and Charity was able to slide down it without too much difficulty.
Holly sighed as she watched Josh helping the girl to a waiting ambulance. Had her response had been a bit too warm just now? She didn’t want to give Josh the wrong idea, especially not when it might upset Ben…
‘Damn, damn, damn!’
The curses sprang from her lips when she realised what she was doing again. Even after everything that had happened, she was still considering Ben’s feelings! She swung round when she heard someone laugh and saw Nicky climbing out of the coach.
‘Tut, tut, is that really the kind of language a well brought-up young lady should use?’ Nicky grinned at her. ‘If I didn’t know better, I’d say you had man trouble, Holly Daniels.’
‘Not a chance,’ Holly retorted. ‘I’ve too much sense to let any man cause me grief.’
Nicky whistled in admiration. ‘I wish I had your attitude. I keep telling myself that I need to toughen up but I’m such a marshmallow when it comes to affairs of the heart. I envy you, Hol, really I do, although I hope poor Josh realises what he’s letting himself in for.’
‘I wouldn’t dream of deliberately hurting Josh, or anyone else for that matter,’ Holly denied in dismay.
‘Oh, I know that! And I didn’t mean to imply that you would. It’s just that you have your life all worked out and refuse to be messed about.’ Nicky smiled placatingly. ‘I’m hoping to learn a lot from you while we’re flat-sharing. If I can get my act together like you’ve done, Holly, then I’ll be a happy bunny!’
Holly sighed as Nicky disappeared down the chute. Nicky seemed to think that her life was perfect but it was a long way away from being that. She may have achieved a certain stability recently but that could change now Ben was back on the scene. She might claim to be over him but if that was true, why did she feel so on edge? Was it possible that she still felt something for him?
She glanced round as another paramedic appeared with a stretcher that would be used to move the driver, suddenly glad that she didn’t have the time to answer that question right then. She quickly made her way back inside the coach and discovered that the fire crew had finally freed the driver. Between them they managed to shift him onto the stretcher. However, getting him out of the coach proved to be a major task. The stretcher had to be hauled out through the window with the aid of ropes and it was a worrying time for everyone concerned.
Ben heaved a sigh of relief as they watched the ambulance roar away with its sirens wailing. He looked almost as exhausted as she felt but there was a gleam in his eyes that she’d seen many times before, a light that sprang from satisfaction at a job well done. Her heart knocked against her ribs because she didn’t want to think about the past right then.
‘That seems to be it, then. Everyone accounted for so it’s back to base now, I think.’
‘Sounds like a good idea to me.’ She treated him to a brief smile then quickly made her way back to where she’d left the motorbike. She wasn’t going to fall into the trap again. The past was the past and she refused to keep harping on about it all the time. She had got over Ben—ages ago! The only way he could gain any power over her now was if she let him back into her life and that simply wasn’t going to happen. To put it bluntly, Ben Carlisle was history!
CHAPTER THREE
‘EVER had the feeling that someone must have spread the word that we were open for business today?’
‘It has been pretty hectic,’ Ben agreed ruefully as he followed Sean into the office.
It was the end of his shift and he’d been going off duty when Sean had asked to speak to him. The day had been one of the busiest Ben could remember. The coach crash had been followed by another RTA, this time in the town centre. Once again the resulting tailback of traffic had caused problems for the ambulance crews so he’d been asked to attend on the motorbike. Fortunately, nobody had sustained any really serious injuries that time but he’d only just got back to the hospital when another call had come in to go to a nursing home on the outskirts of Dalverston. One of the kitchen staff had been badly burnt when a fat fryer had caught fire and it had soon become apparent that the woman would need transferring to the specialist burns unit at Manchester.
He and Holly had travelled in the helicopter together because of the seriousness of the patient’s co
ndition. They’d been far too busy stabilising the woman on the outward journey to make conversation and Holly had opted to sit next to the pilot on the way back. Nothing had been said but Ben suspected that she’d been keeping her distance from him and really couldn’t blame her. He’d had no right to use that tone when he’d spoken about Josh Hammond that morning.
The thought made him sigh and he saw Sean glance at him. ‘Problems?’
‘Just the usual ones, like the fact that I’m absolutely bushed and can’t face the thought of cooking myself a meal when I get in. Looks like it will be a take-away again tonight,’ he replied, making a note to be on his guard in future. He had to keep this problem with Holly under wraps so it wouldn’t cause any disruptions within the team. It was up to them to sort things out, although the thought of having to confront her wasn’t a pleasant one. He was more than happy to put it aside when Sean laughed.
‘Been there, done that and had the indigestion to prove it!’ Sean replied, sitting down behind the desk. ‘What you need is a good woman to take you in hand, my friend.’
‘Pass!’ Ben grimaced as he pulled up a chair. ‘I’d rather put up with the indigestion and save myself a whole load of problems, thank you very much.’
Sean shook his head. ‘You don’t know what you’re missing. Life has been fantastic since Claire and I got married. I don’t know how I ever managed without her and the kids, in fact.’
‘Then you’re one of the lucky ones,’ Ben said lightly.
‘Oh, I know that.’ Sean chuckled. ‘And I also know that sounds horribly smug but I’m not going to apologise for it. Anyway, enough of my eulogising about my good fortune. What I wanted to know was if there were any areas you felt I might be able help you with. And before you ask, no, I don’t have any concerns about your ability to do the job. You missed the extra training the rest of the team received and I just want to make sure that you’re happy with everything that’s happened so far.’
‘Everything has been fine today, although there might be times when I’ll need a helping hand,’ Ben said honestly. ‘I made up a lot of the time I’d lost while I was working with Heather Cooper at St Gertrude’s. She encouraged me to sit the Royal College of Physicians exams once I decided to specialise in accident and emergency medicine. I was actually thinking about applying to do a stint at HEMS when Heather told me about this new unit you’d set up here.’
‘I based a lot of it on the HEMS system,’ Sean explained. ‘London’s Helicopter Emergency Service is second to none and they gave me a lot good advice. Obviously, we’re working in a rural area rather than a city but the same principles apply. Time is of the essence if you want to save lives.’ He broke off and smiled. ‘Hi, what can I do for you?’
Ben felt his pulse jerk when he glanced round and saw Holly standing in the doorway. She’d changed out of her working clothes and the sight of her slender body clad in a simple denim skirt and a T-shirt sent a rush of heat through his veins. She’d pinned her thick chestnut hair into a knot on the top of her head but tiny wisps were already escaping and curling about her ears. She looked so young and lovely that he wanted to drink in her beauty and let it soak away the stresses of the day but he didn’t dare indulge in such pleasures unless he was willing to risk making a fool of himself.
He turned back to the desk, his heart pounding when Holly came and stood behind his chair. He could smell the faint aroma of antiseptic that clung to her skin—a scent they probably all carried on them—yet on Holly it smelled so seductive that his body immediately quickened. Ben stifled a groan, praying that Holly couldn’t tell what was happening. If she ever found out that the smell of antiseptic had caused him to have an erection, she’d think he was perverted!
‘Sorry to interrupt you, Sean, but I thought you’d like to know that the coach driver is out of Theatre. There’s a good chance he won’t lose his leg, too,’ she said, steadfastly ignoring Ben as she addressed Sean over the top of his head.
‘That’s wonderful! I know the prognosis wasn’t great when Max first saw him,’ Sean declared, referring to Max Jenkins, the head of the trauma surgery team. ‘But obviously things have worked out better than we feared. I don’t know if you’ve heard but Charity Adams had a baby girl. She’s been taken to the prem baby unit but they’re not expecting any major problems apparently, so that’s another success you two can notch up. Obviously, you make a great team.’
‘I’m sure the outcome would have been the same no matter who’d treated them,’ Holly said quietly, but Ben knew that what she was really trying to say was that she didn’t think their alliance had been anything special.
Was she worried in case Sean decided to team them up again in the future? he thought with a flash of bitterness. So far as Holly was concerned, he could take a long walk off a short pier and it was upsetting to realise how much she disliked him.
‘Maybe, but some people just seem to have a natural affinity and work well together. I’ll certainly bear it in mind,’ Sean stated, oblivious to the problems he might be creating.
Ben was hard-pressed to conceal his dismay. Being constantly paired up together would be a recipe for disaster if they didn’t manage to resolve their differences. When Holly turned to leave, he stood up because something needed to be done about the situation.
‘If that’s all, Sean, I’ll see if Holly can spare me a few minutes to go over a couple of things,’ he explained, ignoring the hostile look she shot his way as he followed her to the door.
‘Good idea, but don’t work too hard. Don’t forget that you’ve got to come back here tomorrow and do this all over again!’
‘We won’t.’ Ben’s jaw was aching from the effort of keeping his smile tacked into place. Holly was sending some very nasty vibes his way and he could tell that she was furious with him. He closed the office door then took her by the arm and propelled her along the corridor, looking for somewhere that would afford them some privacy. Resus was empty so he steered her in there and made sure the door was shut before he released her.
‘Who the hell do you think you are, manhandling me like that?’ she snarled like a small cat that had been backed into a corner.
‘I’m sorry but it was the only way to stop you saying something stupid,’ he shot back with a sad lack of tact.
‘Don’t you dare call me stupid.’
‘I’m sorry! OK?’ He took a deep breath and counted to ten when he realised he’d shouted back at her. Nobody had ever been able to rile him the way Holly could. She’d always possessed the ability to make him respond to her whether it was in anger or in passion.
His brain captured that last word and ran away with it. Ben’s heart raced as he suddenly recalled how it had been between them in the past, how easily their passion for each other had been roused. All he’d had to do had been to touch her—just the lightest, most delicate of touches, too—and sparks had ignited. They used to joke about it, in fact, one of those silly jokes that lovers shared about lighting the blue touch paper and standing back, and the memory brought a rush of tears to his eyes.
How he ached to relive the passion they had once shared, to run his hands over her skin and watch her body coming to life, feel her hands caressing him and making him feel whole again. Holly could make him feel as he’d used to feel, like someone who didn’t need to be afraid of what the future held. She could give him back his life and the thought filled him with despair because there was no way that he could let her do that for him. Even though his consultant had told him the prognosis was good, there was no guarantee that his cancer wouldn’t return. He could never get involved with Holly again because he wouldn’t take the risk of breaking her heart a second time.
‘Ben, what’s the matter? Ben!’
Holly could feel a lump of fear in the pit of her stomach. Ben didn’t say a word and the sight of him standing there with tears in his eyes was more than she could bear. She put her arms around him and hugged him because there was no other way she could think of that might help. Ben
had always been so strong in the past and to see him looking so afraid now almost broke her heart.
‘It’s OK,’ she murmured, reaching up to stroke his hair. Ben had always worn his hair short but it was shorter than ever now, she realised in surprise, and the texture felt different, too, far less silky and a lot coarser than it had been.
Oddly unsettled by the discovery, she let her hands move down to his shoulders and was alarmed to discover how bony they felt. He was still wearing his flight-suit but not even the bulky clothing could disguise his thinness. She could feel his hip bones jutting into her, feel the hard sinews in his thighs pressing against her own, and sucked in a small breath because the intimacy of their position wasn’t lost on her. However, she was more concerned about the changes in his physique to worry about anything else right then.
She ran an exploratory hand down his back and frowned when she felt the ridges that marked each separate vertebra and rib. It was obvious that he’d had lost a great deal of weight in the past couple of years and she had no idea why. Had he been ill perhaps? She was just about to ask him when he suddenly stepped back and she was forced to release him.
‘I’m sorry…again!’ His voice was husky despite his attempts at levity and Holly’s heart was immediately touched all over again. Maybe she had spent the last two years toughening herself up but it just wasn’t possible to remain indifferent to him.
‘You don’t have to apologise, Ben.’
‘Thanks.’
He didn’t try to pretend that everything was fine and she was grateful for that. They had always tried to be honest with one another when they’d lived together, had made it a rule that they wouldn’t lie to save face or each other’s feelings. Even when Ben had told her he was leaving he hadn’t lied about his reasons, as so many men might have done. It was strange because she hadn’t realised before how much his honesty had meant to her.
‘Is it something you want to talk about?’ she asked, amazed that she could find anything positive about their parting when it had hurt so badly.
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