3rd World Products, Inc. Book 7

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3rd World Products, Inc. Book 7 Page 21

by Ed Howdershelt

Sipping my drink, I asked, “Disappear to?"

  "Yeah. Sometimes you're gone for a week or more."

  "Ah. Let's just say I'm not completely retired. Now and then I have to put some time in to keep the checks coming."

  As she chewed a bit of burger, Marie seemed also to be chewing my answer, then she said without looking up, “Sorry. I was just curious."

  "No problem."

  "Are you some kind of a cop?"

  Shaking my head, I replied, “Nope."

  "A spy?"

  "Nope. But if I were, I'd say that anyway, wouldn't I?"

  Marie snickered. “Yeah, I guess so. Thanks for helping me pick out a computer today."

  "Anytime."

  Taking a sip of her drink, she asked, “Mind if we stop at a gas station on the way home?"

  "No problem."

  She dropped me off at my house about forty-five minutes later. I grabbed my coffee mug and headed for the house, then I heard Marie's door open and she yelled, “Hey! Your drink!"

  Hm. I'd left the soft drink that had come with my burger in her car. Marie came trotting around her car to bring it to me and grinningly said, “Thanks, again,” then trotted back to her car, waved, got back in, and drove away.

  I felt a presence nearby and glanced around. Nobody. But the presence was fairly strong. I looked up and around until I saw Donna standing on her board between the tops of the eucalyptus and oak trees in my front yard.

  Drifting down as I walked toward the house, Donna said brightly, “Well, you don't seem to starve for company. She was really cute, wasn't she? Should I assume she doesn't make you use a rubber? Board off."

  Sometimes the things people say just roll off and sometimes they don't. That didn't roll off. I stopped abruptly on the porch and turned to face Donna, ready to verbally sting her, but she was already apologizing.

  Putting her hands up to cover her face, Donna blurted, “Oh, hell, I'm sorry. I had no right to say something like that, Ed."

  Eyeing her for a moment, I asked, “You want to know why she doesn't make me use a rubber, Donna? It's because we don't fuck. Her husband wouldn't approve."

  Spreading her hands in a placating gesture, Donna sighed, “C'mon, Ed, I said I'm sorry!"

  "Yeah. So you did, and you'll probably have to say it again a few hundred times before you get the hang of keeping certain comments to yourself. Why'd you come back?"

  Can someone slump dejectedly and bristle angrily at the same time? She seemed to as she said, “Jenny wants to see you. We both tried to call, but we got busy signals. There may be something wrong with your phone."

  "My phone's off the hook. Where's Jenny now?"

  Donna seemed confused that I'd leave my phone off the hook when I wasn't home. “She's still at the hospital. I took her some new clothes and I'll be taking her home around four. I thought you let your machine take your calls."

  Chapter Thirty-six

  Nodding, I said, “Usually do, but I didn't know what you'd tell people about your board, and I don't want to wade through a pile of messages later. I've decided not to go into the flying board business."

  This revelation truly seemed to rock Donna.

  "What?! But ... Why? Is there something wrong with them?"

  "Nope. Not a thing. I've just decided that I don't want to be a board salesman and a bookkeeper and all that. I'll make one for somebody now and then, but I don't want to start a real business around them."

  Giving me a rather askance look, Donna asked, “Are you absolutely sure there's nothing wrong with them? No little safety issues, maybe?"

  I gave her one of those ‘you're making me tired’ looks and said, “If you're feeling insecure, just gimme the board. I'll reprogram it for somebody else and give your money back."

  The neighbor's orange cat came around the side of the house at warp speed and ran past us. Half a second later another neighbor's pit bull came blasting around the corner.

  It's only natural to raise a hand when you yell, “Hey!” to get an animal's attention and stop whatever's going on. The dog swerved slightly, but continued on course after the cat, snarling and slavering in apparent anticipation of the carnage to come.

  I sent a hard stun at the dog and watched it tumble and make a long downhill slide into the drainage culvert. The cat disappeared into the hedges at the house across the street.

  Pit bulls. Jesus. The only really good ones are dead ones, and only wannabe-macho morons keep the damned things around. I opened the garage door and retrieved a ten-foot chunk of rope from a wall hook, then headed for the dog.

  As I neared Donna, she stepped back a pace, her eyes wide and her mouth open. When I glanced at her on my way past, she took another step back.

  Almost whispering, she asked, “What did you just do?!"

  Walking on by, I said, “I stunned a dog. You know about stunners, don't you?"

  She said flatly, “But you didn't use a stun wand."

  "Same thing. Just different."

  I tied one end the rope around the dog's neck, and the other end to the stop sign at the corner, then headed back to the house to go inside and call animal control.

  In the kitchen, I called up a screen, then the Spring Hill phone book, and tapped the listing. When I told the woman who answered about the dog, she seemed generally unenthusiastic and asked if the dog had attacked any people.

  "It's a loose pit bull,” I said, “There's an ordinance against loose dogs, so it doesn't matter who or what it attacked."

  "Well, now, it can't be very mean if it let a stranger tie it up, can it? Are you sure you don't want to just let your neighbor know his dog is out?"

  "I called you to come pick it up. What does that tell you?"

  "Sir, we're rather busy here today, and..."

  "Yeah, okay. You know where it is. If it's still there in half an hour, I'll call the sheriff's non-emergency number and let them record my official complaint about county services."

  With that, I hung up. I'd dealt with animal control before; if you couldn't call it a life-or-death emergency, you might wait hours for someone to show up. It seemed to depend on who happened to be on duty.

  Tiger hollered, “Hello, Donna!” and I turned to see that she'd followed me into the house and stood staring at me from the front doorway.

  I said, “You're letting my air-conditioning out, ma'am. Say hi to Tiger."

  As she pulled the door shut, she looked at Tiger, who was looking back at her very expectantly from a chair by the kitchen table. He repeated, “Hello, Donna!"

  "Uh ... Hello, Tiger,” she replied, then she peered at me as if trying to see through me.

  Sitting down with my coffee, I waved Donna to the table and asked, “Do you remember when I told Angela that she only knows about some of the things I can do because she works for 3rd World?"

  Coming forward to the table, but not sitting, Donna asked, “You mean at the range?"

  Nodding, I said, “Yup. At the range. Until or unless you go to work for 3rd World, I'm not going to explain some of the little things I do, Donna. You might as well just relax and ignore anything odd that happens."

  Her gaze narrowed. “When I was following you down, you seemed to disappear, then there was that weird ball of light in the street. Everybody saw it. Are you going to explain that?"

  Shaking my head, I said, “Nope."

  Moving around the chair, but still not sitting down, she asked, “What the hell are you, Ed? Some kind of test subject? You let them try out new stuff on you?"

  "Like I said, you don't work for 3rd World..."

  "To hell with that!” she snapped, “I was in bed with you, dammit! I deserve to know if there's anything weird about you!"

  Hm. Yeah, I guess I'd feel the same way. As she glared down at me, I said, “It's field-using technology, that's all. Nothing else. Just built-in tools. Instead of having to carry a stun device, I had it installed. Works the same way."

  "What about the ball of light in the street?"

&nb
sp; Setting my cup down, I shook my head. “Same stuff, just a little different. Drop it."

  Yeah, I knew that ordering a woman like Donna to ‘drop it’ was like waving red meat in front of a leopard. That's why I did it. She stiffened as she glared at me and took a breath to say something.

  Holding up a hand, I said, “Forget it, lady. If you don't drop it, I'll call my boss and let her handle your curiosity."

  "Oh, really?” she snapped, “Handle it how?"

  I shrugged. “I dunno. She may be ready to offer you a job by now. I recommended you Friday morning."

  With a puzzled look, Donna asked, “You what?"

  "I told Linda about you and suggested you might turn into one of those jaded, decadent millionaires when you got bored with counting your money."

  Eyeing me narrowly, she replied, “Uh, huh. And she said..?"

  "She said she'd need a bit more to go on, of course. She's not given to impulse shopping the way I am. The way I figure it, you could sign on and count your money in your spare time."

  "Uh, huh,” she said again, “Exactly what do you think I'm qualified to do for 3rd World?"

  Laughing, I replied, “No idea. I never checked out your other Army MOS number.” Sipping my coffee, I asked, “For that matter, what do you think I'm qualified to do for 3rd World?"

  With a wry look, she said, “I have no idea. A little while ago, I'd have very hopefully suggested ‘crash test dummy', but that's beginning to seem a little less likely."

  "Oh, thank you, milady. I'm so relieved. It's three-thirty."

  "Huh?” she acquired a quizzical look, then glanced at her watch, suddenly realizing why I'd mentioned the time. Looking at me, she said, “I'd better go get my car. Are you coming with me to pick Jenny up?"

  "Sure, but we could use the flitter, y'know. Jenny wasn't conscious the last time she was on it. She might like a ride."

  Tiger asked, “Who is Jenny?"

  "Someone you haven't met. A very smart lady. Wanna come along?"

  "Yes!"

  "Okay. Grab your gear."

  Snorting a laugh as Tiger hopped down and visited his food dish, Donna asked, “What gear?"

  "It's just an expression, like ‘saddle up'. I talk to him like I'd talk to anyone else."

  Once we were aboard the flitter, Tiger took his usual place above the console and we lifted toward the hospital. To avoid a discussion about why Tiger wouldn't be welcomed in a hospital, I took a moment as we landed to eye the parking lot in a suspicious manner and ask, “Tiger, would you stay aboard and keep an eye on the flitter? I have a lot of stuff in the back."

  He looked up from some moving cars and said, “Okay!"

  "Thanks, Tiger. We'll hurry back with Jenny."

  "Okay!” He turned back to watching the cars.

  To the woman who was standing outside the hospital's front doors with a cigarette, it must have seemed that Donna and I appeared from thin air when we stepped out of the flitter's perimeter field. She gave us a long look, then shook her head slightly and simply watched us enter the building.

  As we headed for the elevators, I said, “Don't tell Jenny there's a cat aboard."

  "Why not?"

  "He likes to surprise people."

  "Ah. Okay,” she nodded and reached to put a hand on the elevator door when it opened.

  When we reached the third floor nurses's station, Jenny was sitting in a wheelchair, chatting with a guy in a white smock. He turned and I saw his name tag: ‘Dr. J. Mahagoli'. Pakistani? Indian? Other? Didn't matter; his English was easy enough to understand and Jenny seemed to like him.

  He signed Jenny out as we all greeted each other, then an orderly wheeled her toward the elevator. I said I could take it from there, but the guy shook his head and said, “I gotta take her all the way to the sidewalk. Insurance company rules."

  Donna was showing Jenny something in her purse when my implant tingled as the flitter descended to meet us at the curb.

  We were moving along at a good walking pace and the orderly was in the middle of asking, “Where's your car?” as Donna, Jenny, her chair, and his forearms disappeared into the flitter's field.

  He stopped dead in his tracks and let go of the chair to yank his hands back and stare at them. Jenny marveled at the flitter as Donna and I helped her from the chair and onto the flitter's deck, then I shoved the chair lightly toward the orderly and we stood watching as he caught it and stared down at it in shock.

  He glanced around and started backing away from the empty chair. Donna laughed, but Jenny simply stared at her and asked, “What's going on?"

  Donna made a little pointing motion at the orderly and said, “The orderly can't see us. To him, we all just disappeared."

  Jenny turned to see the orderly behaving oddly and echoed, “Disappeared?” as I stepped off the flitter and out of the field to push the wheelchair smartly toward the orderly. He stopped it and stared at me.

  "Relax,” I said, “We're all okay,” then I retreated into the field and told the flitter to take us to Jenny's house. As we lifted, we watched the freaked-out orderly continue retreating slowly, pulling the chair with him.

  Jenny snickered, then laughed, “Thanks. I needed that. Now, what the hell were you trying to tell me about the flitter?"

  I said, “People can't see it in flight mode. When we entered its field, we effectively disappeared."

  She swung a skeptical gaze around the deck. “Seriously?"

  "Yup. Did you see it when he wheeled you to the curb?"

  Shaking her head, she said, “No, I was talking to Donna."

  As I led her to a seat, she spotted Tiger sitting on the console dash, his tail wrapped around his forepaws.

  The end of his tail twitched slightly with anticipation as Jenny sat down and eyed him.

  "I know that look,” she said warily, “That cat's about to do something, Ed."

  "Yup.” Turning to Tiger, I said, “Okay. She's all set."

  Tiger stood up and bellowed, “Hello, Jenny! I'm Tiger!"

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  The shocked look on Jenny's face made Donna crack up laughing. Jenny eyed Tiger for a moment, then looked at Donna. Her gaze moved again to lock on me.

  "Cute,” she said flatly. “Just what I need right now; to have people play jokes on me."

  Tiger exclaimed insistently, “My collar talks for me! Hello, Jenny! I am Tiger!"

  The mixture of cat sounds and words made Jenny study him for a few moments, then she smiled and said quietly, “Well, I'll be damned. What the ever-lovin’ hell comes next? Hi, Tiger."

  Donna abruptly stopped laughing and stared at her.

  "What?! Just like that?! You believe a cat's talking to you?"

  Meeting her gaze, Jenny replied, “I heard him and saw him. He talked. Well, sort of. He said something and words happened while he made his noise. To me, that's talking."

  I reached to scuffle Tiger's chin and said, “See? I told you she was a smart lady."

  "Yes,” he agreed, “Very smart."

  Jenny chuckled and reached to pet Tiger.

  The flitter began to descend and Jenny asked, “Can we stay up here a little while?"

  "Sure,” I said, “Flitter, take us up to one mile, please."

  "Please?” asked Jenny, “You're very polite to a machine."

  "Can't hurt. How did the doctors take your rapid recovery?"

  She laughed. “Not very well at all, at first. They don't like feeling useless. After taking samples of ... well, everything, really, one suggested keeping me for further testing."

  "And you said..?"

  "I said ‘no'. In fact, after a morning of giving blood samples and peeing in cups, I kind of told them to go to hell.” She regarded me for a moment, then said, “Tell me something."

  "If I can."

  "How did Stephanie find me in the trunk of my car?"

  "She didn't. The flitter found you and called her to take care of you."

  Looking around the deck, then a
t the console, Jenny echoed, “The flitter found me?"

  "Yup."

  Reaching to pat the console, Jenny grinningly muttered, “Nice flitter. Good baby. Thank you very much."

  When the flitter answered, “You're welcome,” she snatched her hand back, but quickly recovered and patted it again.

  "You could have warned me it could talk, too."

  "Nah. Wouldn't have been as funny.” Opening the cooler, I asked, “Who wants a beer?"

  Quickly setting her hospital ditty bag on the deck, Jenny held out a hand and said, “Me."

  Startled, Donna asked, “Do you think you should?"

  With a glance at me, Jenny said, “For the next twenty-nine days, I could probably drink cyanide if I wanted, right Ed?"

  "That would be pushing things, I think. Stick with booze."

  She grinningly took an Ice House beer as Donna asked, “What the hell are you talking about? Twenty-nine days?"

  As I handed a beer to Donna, Jenny said, “That's how long my nanobots will last. By the time they go dormant, I'll be in perfect health. At least, that's what Stephanie told me last night, and they've done pretty well so far."

  Poking four places on her torso, she said, “The bitch stabbed me here, here, here, and here. Made ugly little holes in me with a screwdriver. Twisted it around inside me. All that's left are four little red spots."

  Looking at me, she asked, “Where is she now?"

  "County jail. She tried to ambush us at Donna's house, took a deputy hostage, and shot up a police car. Word is she may need a really good real lawyer."

  Jenny snickered and snorted a little beer, which made her cough. Donna became alarmed and started to stand up, but Jenny waved her back into her seat.

  Clearing her throat, Jenny asked, “What about Blaine?"

  "You'll have to ask Donna."

  She looked at Donna, who said, “He's in jail, too."

  "And your money?"

  Nodding, Donna said, “Everything's back in my name."

  Looking thoughtful for a moment, Jenny sat back in her seat and said, “Well, then, it really is time to crack a beer, isn't it? Is there anything left to do?"

  Shaking her head, Donna replied, “I don't think so."

  Turning to me, Jenny asked, “What do you say?"

 

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