by Kara Hart
I don’t think I’ve ever been in love before. At least, not how it should be. The last time I said that was back in high school. I told my boyfriend that I loved him, but really, I just wanted someone to be there for me. For once, I wanted someone to protect me.
He did protect me, actually. He was always there for me. But emotions always quickly reveal themselves and we drifted apart not too long after. Now, I’m an adult and you’d think that I would have learned from all my experiences. The thing they don’t tell you about is that you’re always learning, always trying to figure out how to make the right move.
Do you ever fuck up? Constantly. That’s just life. But they don’t tell you that when you’re younger. They make it seem like you’ll have figured everything out by the age of 30. I guess I still have some time to go on that front, right?
The truth is, I’m happy with Marshall. The harsh side of that is knowing it won’t last. If he doesn’t bring me down, I’ll have to drift away, this time on a boat to the other side of the big blue sea. I’ll take on a new name, learn a new language, start my own business, and I’ll never see him again.
I’ve thought it all out. When I’m in my 40’s, I can write to him again. I can tell him who I really was and why I couldn’t let him into my life. I wonder if he’d understand? Now that he’s in love with me, would he stay by my side if he knew who I really was? What does it take for someone to truly understand something like this?
“Don’t go into work today,” I tell him. “Let’s just have the day together. We can get breakfast and coffee. Oh! We could ride your motorcycle to a movie theater and see something. I haven’t seen a movie in so long.”
He smiles and runs his hands in my hair. He’s got this look in his eyes, as if he’s been doing drugs or something. “God, you’re gorgeous,” he says, with a sly smile. “Just so fucking beautiful.”
“Come on, Marshall!” My heart is full. It feels good to be looked at like this. He actually likes me. He’s not just using me for something. “Let’s do something, dammit!”
“Anything you want, babe,” he says. “I’m suspended, remember? Today’s my vacation from the department.”
“So you’re going to take me to a movie? And breakfast? We’re going to have a day together? A real day together?” I ask him, biting my lip with excitement. He grabs my waist and tickles me, and I scream loud, laughing. “Stop! Stop!” I yell, falling against him.
He stops and we’re both laughing. Soon, he’s holding me tight, like he never is going to let go. We both feel so free now that we’ve told each other how we feel. It’s like we’ve both had all this emotion pent up for decades and we’ve finally been allowed to let it all go.
“Yes,” he says. “Breakfast. Coffee. A movie. Anything. You name it, honestly. I just feel blessed I get to be next to you right now,” he says. “I’m really not worthy.”
“Trust me,” I say, glancing down at the mattress. “I’m the one who’s not worthy.”
I gulp down and he can see that I’m a little sad. He kisses the top of my head and breathes in. “Why do you keep saying stuff like that?” he finally asks. “You haven’t done anything to warrant that kind of outlook.”
“I don’t know,” I lie. “I guess I just feel that way sometimes, like I’m not good enough, you know?”
“I understand,” he says, but he really doesn’t. He has no idea. He’s made some pretty good choices, overall. All of my life choices have been utter shit.
“Shit, who am I kidding,” he chuckles. “I don’t understand at all. You’re the most beautiful, complex, and eye-opening human being I’ve ever met. Usually people as great as you get down a lot. It’s like part of being a genius I guess.”
“A genius?” I stare at him. A small smile is forcing its way across my face. Dammit, he’s making me feel good again, like he always does. “I think you got the wrong girl, partner.”
“Nah, you’re a genius, alright. You can see them from a mile away,” he says. “I’m just lucky to be dumb enough to bump into you at a bar.”
“I think you’re a genius too,” I say. “How else are you so good at catching criminals?”
He starts laughing. I feel his fingers trail across my body until they stop, enclosing around mine. “I’m the equivalent of a fisherman. That’s all, really,” he says. “I wait. I throw some bait out in the water. And I hope to God that I get a nibble. Anyone could do it. You just have to be able to handle getting shot every now and then.”
“You’ve gotten shot?” I say with surprise.
“Ha, yeah. Nothing special,” he says, beginning to stand up. “Take a close look at my ass and my thigh.”
“Oh my God,” I can’t help but laugh. I look at his butt and there it is, a big old scar on his right cheek. There’s one a bit lower as well. “You got shot in the ass?!”
“An unlucky shot,” he says.
“Or lucky. At least it wasn’t in the gut,” I say.
“Yeah, but then I’d have something to brag about at least,” he winks. “Nah, I’m pretty lucky. You’re right.”
“Well, even if you’re not Einstein, you’re still my hero,” I blush.
I quickly kiss his cheek and smile. I’m feeling so many things for this man that it’s starting to scare me now. I just want to dive into it. For once, I don’t want to have to think. So, for now, I won’t allow myself to. I’ll just go with it. And if it all explodes, taking me down, so be it. That’s the life I’ve chosen.
“Man, I loved it,” he says, still eating from the popcorn bag. “I just can’t believe that ending.”
“You were crying, Marshall. I saw it,” I laugh. “Don’t try to deny it.”
“I didn’t cry,” he blushes. “I got butter in my damn eye. I swear.”
“You cried! There were tears rolling down those cheeks,” I say. I have my arms around him as we walk. The smell of his cologne is so tantalizing. It smells like, well, love. Everything I imagined love to be, anyway. Movies, cologne, popcorn, the feeling of excitement that resonates from the pit of my stomach. It all feels so perfect right now. Like, maybe I wouldn’t have to go to Europe to start a new life. Maybe I could start a new life right here, with him.
There’s a sense of nostalgia attached to this. I haven’t been to the mall in forever, let alone seen a movie. I could never really afford it. However, when I was younger, it was like a ritual for my friends and I. I thought I’d never get to experience things like this again. I always just figured that it was for one time in my life only. But that’s what love does I guess. It brings you back to the basics, while opening you up to even newer memories. It’s the best feeling I’ve ever felt, and that’s what scares me the most.
“Alright, dammit. I cried!” he laughs. “I cried so damn hard.”
“I knew it!” I scream with laughter. “I caught you.”
He kisses me. “Why did Derrick have to leave Jessica!? It was so stupid and selfish,” he says.
“But they fixed things,” I giggle.
“Oh man, that hit hard. When he stood under her window for three days, soaking wet from the winter rain… that killed me, man,” he says. “There’s not a love more pure.”
“You’re such a softie,” I say. I feel like a regular girl right now. I feel normal. All my life, I’ve stood on the outside. But right now, everything is perfect. With Marshall, I’m on top of the world.
“I guess I am,” he admits. But the truth always has a way of rearing its ugly head back in. “God, I don’t want to have to go into the station tomorrow. The kid’s not talking and the whole thing just makes me go crazy.”
We get on the bike and he starts the engine. “Please don’t bring that up, right now,” I beg him. “It’s just us tonight, remember?”
“Sorry,” he says, but it’s in this absent way that lets me know he’s still thinking about it. Deep down, he’s not a softie. He’s a cop. He will always be a cop. What do cops do? They put their wives through hell because the job is their life.
We take off back to his house, but I’m already planning on going home. I can’t take another night of suspense, or of feeling like he might suddenly come to the conclusion that I’m the girl he’s looking for. It’s just too much on my mind and body.
Oddly enough, when we get back and I tell him I have to go, he doesn’t put up a fight. Instead, he just says, “Okay, darlin’,” as if he already assumed I would leave in the first place. No, it’s like he wants me gone. He wants to mull over this damn case so badly, that it actually makes me want to stay. No doubt, he’s going to be scouring the internet for anything related to a woman bank robber in this county. I don’t know how great his detective skills are, but if he throws the right bait, I’m fucked.
Tonight was the best night of my life. Sometimes, you just have to leave it at that and move on.
21
Marshall
“No celebrations, everyone,” I say, as I walk through the door. Still, my buddies at the station are all clapping. Odd, since they were the ones who were “worried about” me. I’ll keep in mind how fickle my relationships are down here. “I’m here to do my job. Adam, update me.”
“He’s not talking,” he says. “He says he wants to talk to you.”
“To me?” I laugh. “Why would he want to talk to me. He spit in my face, remember?”
“Hell if I know,” he shakes his head. “But he wants to talk to you. His lawyer is here. He keeps advising him against it. Our first court hearing is tomorrow. We better act fast before he gets bail.”
“He won’t get bail. I’ll make sure of it,” I say. “Alright, I’m going to go talk to the kid. Wish me luck.”
“Don’t do anything stupid,” he says. I ignore him. This whole thing has been stupid.
I walk through the door and sit down, facing him. He smiles. “You wanted to talk to me?” I ask him.
“I figured you’d want to talk to me. You know, after everything went down the other day,” he says. His lawyer next to him is an unkempt man, but he’s well known around here as Lenny Krunnman. He’s a damn good lawyer.
“I have nothing to say. At this point, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I won’t be getting any more answers out of you,” I admit. “So be it. That’s the way things gotta be sometimes.”
“And the girl involved? You don’t want to know anything about her?” he asks. His lawyer advises him against it, whispering in his ear, but he ignores him. I’m starting to feel like I might get something from him and that pleases me.
“I don’t care,” I lie. “Look, I told you. We’re going to prosecute and accept the judge’s decision.”
“I loved her, you know,” he ignores me. “That’s why I did this. I thought we’d run away together. To Europe. Thought we’d start a family. I guess that’s all finished now.”
“I guess so,” I say.
“That’s all you have to say? You know, she’s beautiful. She could blend in real well in this town. No one would suspect her,” he says.
I nod. “But you, they’d suspect,” I say. “You’re an obvious choice.”
“Hell yeah, I am. You look at me and you know what class they’ve put me in,” he says. “But you look at her, and you have no idea. She could have gone to fucking Harvard. That’s how captivating she is.”
His lawyer turns red and looks completely stressed out. “I would advise you to—”
“Shut up,” he says. “I’m saying something.”
“Go on,” I urge him. “You’re not saying much.”
“I’m saying more than you know,” he smiles. “If anyone will win this, it’ll be her. If she met you, you’d never know. She’d make sure of that. But Craig. You’ll have to search for Craig.”
It’s like he’s rung the fucking bell. “Craig?” I lean forward. “Who’s Craig? The other guy?”
“Craig Richardson. The motherfucker who left without me.” He just goes on and on, giving me a pile of gold. “He would have left her too, but she’s too smart. She took the third option, a safer route.”
“We’ll have to end this conversation now,” Lenny Krunnman says, completely outraged by his client.
I smile and give an arrogant wink, enough to piss off the guy. “Yes. I believe we do.”
I leave the room and everyone in the station is dumbstruck. I smile to myself and soon, I’m wondering where the damn champagne is. Still, there’s more to be done. We have to find the guy before any celebrating can happen.
I look at the team and throw my hands up in the air. “Well, get to work, guys. Let’s find him,” I tell them. They hurriedly get into their positions. Some leave the station to patrol and scour the streets, while others get on the computers and look through databases. Adam, however, is standing in front of me with his arms crossed, looking sour.
“You win again,” he says.
I shrug. “I’m just lucky. You know the guy who’s never played roulette before, but wins on his first try? That’s me,” I say.
“Whatever,” he huffs. “Look, man. We have to talk about what just happened in there.”
“What about it? Seems to me we just got ourselves a second suspect,” I laugh. We really won. Or, at least, we’re winning more than we were. This will be breaking news, once we find the guy. There shouldn’t be any doubts about that.
“Right. Well, he dropped a big bombshell in there, don’t you think?” he asks me. I’m not catching his drift.
“What about the girl?” he asks. “He said she’s smart. He said she would’ve outsmarted you right from the get go. What the hell does any of that mean?”
“Son, I’ve been asking myself the same fucking question for at least three days now. I don’t know,” I admit. “I wish I did.”
“That girl,” he says. “The one who was at your place on the night it happened…”
“What are you getting at?” I ask him. He’s crazy. Her? No fucking way.
“You don’t think she could have been involved in any way?” he asks. “I’m thinking we need to bring her in. Shit, we should bring in any woman you’ve been with in the past month or two.”
“You’re out of your damn mind,” I say. “The line would be out the door and around the block.”
“I’m not crazy,” he says. “I’m observant. Sometimes I’m wrong, I’ll admit. But this time, I feel pretty certain about it.”
“That’s what you said about the bank job,” I groan. “Look, man. Why don’t you stay in your area of expertise? Let’s find this guy and question him. Then, we’ll worry about which woman I’ve been with and when. Cool?”
“Whatever you say, boss,” is his passive response. He’s not happy, of course, but I’m not about to go and violate these women’s privacy. Plus, no one knows about my Vi. No one needs to. As far as I’m concerned, she’s not a suspect.
Virginia? A bank robber? Hell no. She’s quickly becoming the love of my life. There’s no way I’m going to let anyone ruin that. I’ll die protecting her if I have to.
22
Virginia
I wake up the next day to my radio, blaring by my bed. Normally, I hit the snooze button, but this time I’m forced to listen as I hear a female reporter say the words, “New suspect confirmed. Craig Richardson, a 27-year-old man from Texas, is now confirmed as the second of three bank robbers. Known for their cunning…”
I jump out of bed and turn the radio up. “Holy shit,” I mumble. No. This can’t be. It can’t be true!
“Yesterday, Elroy Rodriguez dropped a bombshell on detectives at the local precinct. He has now been confirmed to have given the name to Officer Warren Marshall, known for his sharp interrogation skills and nearly perfect record,” the reporter says. “When questioned outside of the station, Marshall denied such statements, only saying, ‘I don’t know where you heard this rumor, but they are only rumors. Whatever has been said in that room is for our ears only right now. We are trying to build a case. It is currently in the public’s interest to stay out of it.’ You’ve heard it
here first, only on 583 AM…”
I turn it off and stare blankly at my wall. Suddenly, it feels like my apartment is paper-thin. It feels like it’s closing in on me. I don’t know what to do. Do I flee to Europe on my own? Maybe I can find a cargo ship that I can sneak onto at night. But in Texas? In the middle of the fucking desert? No, that’s not going to happen.
I wrack my brain, trying to find out what the right move is. I have no answers. I only have questions. What exactly did Elroy say? What do they know? The reporter received this information by a local officer, no doubt. That’s how they find out about these things. They were tipped off.
I’m in shock. Total shock. I don’t understand how or why Elroy betrayed us. My guess is that the situation is weighing on him. That, or he wants to be some sort of hero. He realized that he’s caught. The media is going to vilify him for what he’s done. Maybe this was his way of fixing his image.
Not too long after, I get a call on my new burner phone. The number isn’t listed. After four rings, I answer it, completely terrified. I don’t speak when I press the green button. I just listen.
“Hey, it’s me,” Craig’s voice says into the receiver.
I exhale slowly. I feel so fucking dizzy and confused. I just want to be with Marshall. I want to be in his arms. I want to feel as good as I felt the other night. How did life get so out of hand?
“Hey,” I whisper. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” he sighs. “As okay as I can be. You heard the news, I’m guessing. Things are fucked right now. I don’t know what to do.”
That’s a first for Craig. Usually, he’s got all of the answers. He’s normally so confident in his abilities, but now he’s lost that edge to his voice. He sounds really scared.
“Yeah, I just heard on the radio. I can’t believe he did it,” I say, still in total disbelief. Maybe I’m dreaming. I can pinch myself and I’ll wake up. Of course, this is no dream. This is the harsh reality we chose. We fucked up.