by Gerri Hill
“Yeah. About that, they got a match on the shoe prints. Size seven.”
“Seven? That’s small. Could be a woman. We haven’t even thought our guy could be a woman,” Sam said.
“Not a woman. Remember the semen match from the first two,” Tori said.
“Oh, right. I’m sorry. I’m not thinking clearly.”
“Don’t be sorry. I thought the same thing.”
“Wait a minute. What about the guy at the bar? He was small.”
“Yeah. But we don’t know who he is. I thought maybe tomorrow night I might go back there and see if he shows.”
“You shouldn’t go alone.”
“I’m thinking I might recruit Sikes and Ramirez. Get them to play a couple. Wouldn’t that be fun?”
Sam grinned. “I’d pay to see that.”
They sat quietly for a moment, then Tori reached up and tugged at Sam’s jeans. “You tired?”
“Yeah, I am. It’s been stressful. CIU stayed an hour and a half. They’re thorough, that’s for sure. Then Robert showed up,” she said.
“Oh yeah? How did that go?”
“Not good,” she said quietly. “He’s trying to help, but… we just end up arguing about our relationship. He actually showed up announcing that he was taking me out to dinner. He said I couldn’t hide in here forever.”
“Jesus Christ,” Tori muttered. “Does he not understand what happened to you?”
“You know, I’m not really certain that he does. He asked me if I was feeling better, as if I’d been down with the flu or something.”
“Maybe he just doesn’t want to admit what happened,” Tori suggested. “If he doesn’t talk about it, then it’s not true.”
“You’re probably right.”
Tori stood up. “Come on. Let’s get this cleaned up. A good night’s sleep would do us both good.”
They put the leftover pizza in the fridge, then Tori went to the spare bathroom to shower. Sam brushed her teeth, getting ready for bed. She wondered if Tori would sleep in here again tonight or if she would prefer the sofa. Sam hadn’t considered that maybe Tori was uncomfortable sleeping with her. She met her own eyes in the mirror, remembering the way Tori had held her. She really wanted Tori to hold her again tonight. But she would offer the sofa, just in case.
She was again sitting in the living room with a glass of wine when Tori walked out of the shower, clad as before in shorts and a T-shirt with her feet bare. She walked over and took the glass of wine that Sam had poured for her. They sat much as they had the night before, with feet propped on the table.
“I appreciate you staying with me, Tori. I know you’re used to being alone,” Sam said.
“This is nice. Much better than my apartment and a hell of a lot better than the cot in the locker room,” she said.
“Why do you stay there so much? And don’t say because you work late and it’s easier than driving to your apartment.”
“My apartment is just an apartment. Just a place to sleep. It’s not really a home,” Tori said quietly. “I have a bed and a recliner and a TV. That’s about it.”
“Your boat is home,” Sam said.
“Yeah, it is. But now, every time I go out there, I’ll think about what happened to you.”
“No. What happened to us,” Sam corrected.
“I think maybe I’ll move her to another marina,” Tori said. “There are a couple of other small ones out there. I want you to be able to come out, you know.”
Sam reached over and took Tori’s hand. “Thank you. And you’re right. It would be tough going back. Right now, anyway. Maybe in a few weeks…”
Tori watched as their fingers entwined. It was so easy to be with Sam. So natural to touch her like this. She raised her eyes, meeting the gentle green ones that looked back at her. It occurred to her then how it had become between them. The quiet teasing, the innocent touches, the shyness that she saw in Sam’s eyes sometimes. What was she thinking? What was she feeling? Was it anything like the thoughts Tori had been having lately?
“Bed?”
“Mmm.”
“Do you want me… I mean, would you rather I slept out here?” She felt Sam’s hand tighten, then release.
“No. I mean, would you rather sleep out here?”
Tori smiled. “Let’s see. A bed or a sofa? That is a tough choice,” she teased.
Sam stood and pulled Tori to her feet. “Bed.”
Tori slipped out of her shorts and crawled under the covers, again waiting until Sam turned out the lamp. In the darkness, she felt Sam shift, felt her move until they were almost touching. Then Tori slowly reached for her and pulled Sam into her arms. Sam snuggled against her immediately, her arm folding across Tori’s waist like before.
Sam took a deep breath and released it. Tori’s arms tightened around her and Sam felt… heard Tori’s rapid heartbeat. Her hand rested along Tori’s hip and without really thinking, she moved it under Tori’s T-shirt, wanting to touch warm flesh. She felt Tori tremble, heard her quiet intake of breath. She closed her eyes, fighting off the feelings that were threatening to consume her. But God, she so wanted to touch her.
Tori fought to squelch the desire that had settled firmly over her like a heavy blanket, nearly choking her. Sam wasn’t making it easy. In fact, she wondered if Sam had any idea what she was doing to her. And if she had any sense at all, Tori would remove Sam’s hand from under her shirt. But she was powerless to do any such thing. Sam’s hand was warm, soft upon her. And it had been so long since anyone had touched her. At that moment, all she wanted to do was pull Sam on top of her, feel her weight as it pressed down against her… and kiss her. She closed her eyes and wondered what Sam’s reaction would be. Would she be shocked, angry? Or would she feel Tori’s desire and match it?
Desire? Yes. And Tori hated herself for what she was feeling. The thoughts running through her mind were totally inappropriate. Sam had just been assaulted… raped. She was seeking comfort, protection. Nothing more. She moved, finally capturing Sam’s hand and stopping its slow movements against her skin. She sighed, trying to relax.
“Tori?”
“Hmm?”
“Thank you for staying with me again,” Sam whispered.
“It’s no problem.”
Sam closed her eyes, her grip tightening momentarily around Tori, then relaxing. Again, she thought how nice it felt to be sleeping with Tori, like this. She moved her head, resting it lightly against Tori’s breast. Under her cheek, she felt Tori’s nipple harden and she trembled. So close… oh, God… she could almost feel it, taste it in her mouth. She moaned.
I’m dying here, Tori thought. She squeezed her legs together, wondering how long she could hold out before she did something really stupid. She tried to ignore her feelings, ignore the fact that Sam was nestled against her breast, ignore the quiet moan she’d heard. She wondered if Sam could hear her thundering heartbeat.
What would Tori’s reaction be if I just raised up and kissed her, Sam thought. Would she think I’d lost my mind? Or would she welcome it? But she would never know. Tori’s hand came out and brushed against her hair lightly.
“Go to sleep,” she murmured.
Sam nodded. It was the only sensible thing to do.
Chapter Thirty-two
The ringing penetrated her brain, and Tori forced her eyes open. They had changed positions. Tori was now the one curled at Sam’s side, face pressed against her neck. Sam stirred, moving in Tori’s arms, rolling toward her. Their arms and legs were tangled and then the ringing stopped.
“Hello,” Sam murmured.
“Samantha, it’s Sikes. I’m sorry to call so early, but we can’t find Hunter. Malone thought she might be with you.”
“Sikes?” Sam opened her eyes. She was on top of Tori and their eyes met. Her own slid to Tori’s lips, only inches away. She became aware of their bare legs entwined, of the thigh that was pressed against her. She felt the phone fall from her fingers as her lower body moved instinctively ag
ainst that thigh. Sam gasped as, for one brief second, she felt Tori move against her. She was powerless to stop the moan that escaped and she watched as Tori’s eyes slid shut, heard the quiet moan as Tori’s hands gripped her tighter. Then Tori reached between them, searching for the phone, and Sam rolled over, moving away from Tori, embarrassed beyond belief over what had just happened.
Tori held the phone to her chest, clearing her throat before speaking. “Sikes? It’s Hunter.”
“Listen, they found another body. North Dallas this time. The guy’s got balls. It’s at a goddamn mall.”
“Okay. I’ll be right there.”
“What is it?” Sam asked. “Another girl?”
“Yes.” Tori hesitated. “Listen, I’m sorry… about… well, earlier when… shit,” she murmured, turning away.
Sam grabbed her arm. “Stop it. It was… me and we both know it. I don’t know… what came over me.”
Tori swallowed with difficulty and sat up. “I should get going.”
Sam did the same. “I’m coming with you.”
“No, you’re not.” Tori reached for Sam and pulled her back down, wrapping the comforter around her again. “It’s four. You stay under the covers, okay? I’ll come back as soon as we’re done.”
“No. It’s okay, Tori. You don’t have to. I’ve got that appointment at ten anyway. I’ll be okay here.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. But please be careful,” she said quietly.
“I will. I promise. Will you call after your appointment? If I’m not at the station, call my cell. I should have my new phone this morning.” Tori grabbed her shorts off of the floor and stood staring at Sam. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”
“I’m sure. I need to be able do this.”
“Okay. I’ll lock the door when I leave.”
Sam lay awake long after Tori had left. She finally grabbed the pillow Tori had used and pulled it to her, trying to make sense out of what she was feeling, but there was really only one answer. She was attracted to Tori on several levels, but the sexual attraction she felt was threatening to overtake her, control her. Last night, as Tori held her, she’d felt desire she’d never experienced before. And earlier, as Tori’s thigh was pressed against her center, as her hips instinctively moved against that thigh, she knew with clarity what a burning desire felt like. She tried to remember the first time she and Robert had made love. Had she wanted him that much? Had she ever really wanted him? Or was it just what was expected?
“Oh God,” she whispered. She was too old to be discovering these feelings. Amy was right. Why hadn’t she ever met a woman before that she was attracted to? She wanted to say that it was because she never considered that she might be gay and the female friendships in her life were just that: friendships. But there was Lori, in college. They had been nearly inseparable. Was it only friendship that she felt? She remembered not being at all shocked when Lori told her she had met someone, a woman. They had remained friends for a while, then had just drifted apart. And then when she was in the Academy, several of the female recruits were lesbians, but none really attracted her. Did they? Jesus, not like this. Not the way Tori did.
She finally drifted off, Tori’s pillow still clutched to her chest… unanswered questions still running through her mind.
“Oh my God,” Tori whispered.
“You know her?” Rita asked.
“Julie Barnes. She’s a resident at Belle’s. Just like the others.”
“Why do you think he only cut the legs off of one?” Rita asked. “The only thing consistent in this case is the way they’re laid out in Dumpsters. Makes no sense.”
“You bagged her hands? She fought back?”
“Yes. We’ll get a skin sample, I’m sure of it. Hands and feet were bound. The bruising around the neck is consistent.”
Tori rubbed her face with both hands and sighed. “Okay, tell Jackson I’ll be calling.”
She walked around the Dumpster to where Sikes was talking to the manager of the cleaning crew. “Anything?”
“She was put here sometime after three. They dumped the first load then. When they came back, they found her.” He looked at his notes. “Three thirty-five.”
“So, lucky break for him or he knew the routine. And why here where it’s so public?”
“He’s getting bold,” Sikes said. “They didn’t find any shoe prints this time, by the way.”
“You know what I think? I want to find that guy you and Ramirez followed the other night from the bar.”
“How do you propose we find him? With Sam out, are you going to go in and play the field, Hunter? You might get sidetracked with all those women in there.”
Tori smiled. “Actually, it’s a mixed bar. I’m thinking you and Ramirez get to be the couple this time.”
“Oh, now you’re just out of your fucking mind!”
Chapter Thirty-three
“You’re looking much better, Detective,” Dr. MacIntyre said.
“It’s amazing what a few days will do,” Sam replied.
“I understand from looking at your file that before Homicide, you worked in Assault. I’m sure you saw your share of this type of abuse.”
“I did. But I don’t consider myself abused, Doctor. I wasn’t picked off the street at random. I wasn’t date-raped. No one broke into my home. I was doing my job, and that job comes with risks.”
“This wasn’t simply doing your job, Samantha. You were raped.”
“Is that any different than if I’d been shot? I wasn’t raped because someone wanted sexual favors. I was raped because they wanted information. If I were a man, I would have been beaten or tortured until I talked. But because I’m a woman, what better way than to rape?”
“I must admit, you’re being very calm about this. Reasonable in your deduction, even. But before you can go back to work, my job is to make sure you are handling this emotionally, Detective. Can you go back on the street and not be afraid that someone is going to attack you again? Will you be overly aggressive now that this has happened?”
Sam leaned forward. “Would you be asking me these questions if I were a man? Or if I had been shot? Would you be concerned that I couldn’t go back on the street because someone might shoot me?”
“Have you accepted what’s happened to you or have you just pushed it away, pretending that it was just part of the job? Detective, being physically and sexually violated is so very different than being shot.”
“When I was tied to that bed, I was scared. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to hold out and that I would tell them what they wanted to know. Then they would kill me. So I lay there and took it, knowing that if I could just hold out a little longer, someone would come for me. And they did.” Sam met Dr. MacIntyre’s eyes across the desk. “I know I was raped, Doctor. And when I left the hospital that night, I was afraid to be alone. And the next day, I had a friend stay with me because I was afraid to be alone. Then I realized I wasn’t afraid to be alone because someone might come and hurt me again. I was afraid to be alone because I didn’t want to think about it.”
“And… have you thought about it?”
“I’ve thought about it so much, I can remember every detail. I think I should be angry, and I suppose I am. But they’re not going to hurt me anymore, are they?”
“No, they’re not. Does that make you angry that they’re gone and you can’t confront them?”
“No. I survived this. They didn’t.”
Chapter Thirty-four
Tori stood at the door a long time before knocking. She was nervous and didn’t know why. Well, she knew why, didn’t she? All day long, she couldn’t put her finger on it, but suddenly, it hit her. The innocent touches, Sam wanting to spend time with her, Sam’s wide eyes at the gay bars. Then the night they had posed as a couple, the dances they shared, the way Sam looked at her. And the last few nights, sleeping together. The way Sam wrapped around her. And God, this morning. She closed her eyes and leaned her head
back against the wall. Sam was feeling the same desire that she was. Sam, who was straight. Then she sighed. Sam, who thought she was straight. Tori wondered what was going through the other woman’s mind. Was she frightened by what she was feeling? Was she trying to fight it, too?
They were partners, for God’s sake! This couldn’t happen. If Tori let it happen, she would lose the only partner she’d ever felt comfortable with. The only partner she’d ever become friends with. Hell, Sam was the only friend, period. And if she let this happen, Sam would run. She would transfer out, and Tori would be alone again.
No, she couldn’t let it happen.
Tori finally pushed off the wall and knocked, then waited.
“Is that you?”
Tori couldn’t help but grin. “You, who?”
Sam opened the door, matching Tori’s smile. “Hi.”
Tori held up a bag. “Chinese?”
“I’m starved. Thanks,” Sam said, pulling Tori inside.
Tori watched Sam walk away. She stood at the door, wondering how she was going to get through the night sleeping with Sam again.
Sam stopped and looked back. “What’s wrong?”
Tori shook her head. “Nothing.”
“Are you sure?”
Tori nodded and smiled, finally following Sam into the kitchen.
Sam took down two plates and dished out the food on both. “There’s wine in the fridge,” she said.
Tori brought the bottle and two glasses and they settled at the table, both eating immediately.
“You haven’t eaten today, I take it,” Sam finally said.
Tori shook her head. “You?”
“No.”
“So, are you sure you’re ready to come back, Sam? I mean, it’s only been three days.”
“I’m sure. I’ll go crazy if I’m stuck here much longer.” She stabbed a shrimp off of Tori’s plate and grinned at Tori’s raised eyebrows. “Besides, do you really think you can get Sikes into a gay bar?”
“No.”
“How did Belle take the news?”