by Lucy Clark
‘That’s right.’
‘We did discuss this last night as well as this morning,’ Sean gently reminded his son, but it appeared Spencer only had eyes for his new aunt at the moment.
‘I love the microscope you sent for Christmas. Dad and I looked at a drop of blood on a slide and I wrote you a letter to say thank you but I didn’t know where you lived so I didn’t get to send it but now that you’re here, I can give it to you.’
Jane’s heart turned over with delight. ‘I’d like that.’
‘Super green. Did you want to come to my house?’
‘Uh…yes. I’d like that very much. Thank you, Spencer.’
‘Green,’ he said with a nod. ‘I’ve gotta pack up my stuff.’ He took a step towards the drum kit then stopped and turned to look at her. ‘Hey, because you’re here and it’s my birthday soon, does that mean I’m not gonna get a cool present?’
‘Spencer!’ Sean immediately chastised his son.
‘It’s all right, Sean. It’s a fair question,’ Jane interjected. ‘Perhaps we can work something out. Perhaps we could go shopping together?’
‘Really?’ Spencer’s eyes lit up.
‘It means the present wouldn’t be a surprise but you could definitely choose what you wanted.’ And she’d get to spend time with him. ‘If it’s OK with your dad,’ she added, looking at Sean. Although he was willing to give her access to Spencer, Jane still didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. She needed to keep things on an even keel lest Sean retract his permission. Jane was very good at not rocking the boat, at realising where her boundaries were, but with Sean…when he was close to her, speaking in those deep and sensual tones, telling her she was lovely…when that happened, she had no idea where the boundaries were!
Being around Sean was unsettling but in a good way. He had definitely ignited a spark when he’d confessed he wanted to run his fingers through her hair. How was she supposed to take a comment like that? How was she supposed to keep things on an even keel so she could continue to see Spencer, when Sean continually knocked her completely off balance?
Spencer picked up his music books and put them into his bag. ‘It’ll be OK, won’t it, Dad,’ he stated with confidence. ‘Aunty Jane and I can go shopping, can’t we?’ He looked pleadingly up at his father. ‘And after the shops we can all go home and play with whatever I get and you and Dad can have a coffee.’ Spencer slung his music bag over his shoulder, looping the bag across his body, and spread his hands wide, as though everything seemed organised and perfectly normal.
Jane was still holding onto the way the words ‘Aunty Jane’ had rolled so easily off his tongue. Oh, to be so innocent, to be so secure in parental love. It was clear, even after just a few minutes of meeting Spencer, that Sean had done a wonderful job of raising his son.
‘I love meeting new aunties,’ he remarked with an air of superiority, as though he had relatives popping out of the woodwork every single day of the week. ‘I already have two aunties, two uncles and three cousins and two grandparents and Dad, and now I have another aunty. This is so purple.’
Spencer waved goodbye to his music teacher, remembering to thank him for the lesson before his father scolded him for having bad manners, then headed to the door.
‘Are you all right?’ Sean asked softly. Jane had been unaware he’d moved to stand beside her, the warmth emanating from him surrounding her like a comfortable, snuggly blanket, safe and secure. She blinked and smiled, then laughed through the blend of emotions. Happiness, joy, confusion, acceptance, awareness. It was all too much for her so, instead of trying to figure things out, as she usually did, she was simply going to accept that this was the way she felt and there was nothing else to do except go with it.
‘I’m purple and super green and all the other colours of the rainbow. I have no real idea what any of it means but I’m quite impressed that the younger generation understand their colours so well.’ She laughed again, delight filling her, and then, because her emotions were so overwrought from being on edge for far too long, she followed Spencer’s example and threw her arms around Sean’s neck, hugging him close.
‘Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.’
Sean’s arms came easily around her waist and he closed his eyes, allowing her addictive scent to wash over him. He’d watched Jane throughout her first encounter with Spencer and to be able to offer her such joy and happiness, to unite her with her only living relative, filled Sean’s heart with a sense of completeness. As a child, his mother had often told him about the power of giving, of how it made the giver feel happier than the receiver.
Closing his eyes, he tried to commit every second of this spontaneous embrace to memory before Jane pulled back, still grinning up at him, and turned to follow Spencer. There was no doubt in Sean’s mind, seeing Spencer talk in his usual animated way, telling Jane all sorts of superfluous things, that it had been the right decision, both for woman and boy. The fact that he himself was drawn to Jane, admiring her intelligence, appreciating her gentleness, accepting her shyness, was the bigger problem.
With Jane now having been introduced to Spencer, it meant that Spencer would classify her as part of his family. It meant that they’d be inviting Jane to their family get-togethers, that he’d be seeing her more and more away from the hospital, in a relaxed, casual setting, and while he was definitely on board with the concept of her enjoying everything his family could offer her, and while he was happy to jump at any excuse to get to know her better, at the back of his mind was the niggling thought that all of this could end in disaster.
The attraction between himself and Jane was very much a fact. At first, he’d thought it was only on his side but after the way she reacted when he’d told her how lovely she was, staring at his mouth and trembling slightly from nervous awareness, Sean was interested to see what would happen if he kissed her.
Even the thought of touching his lips to Jane’s made his heart rate increase and yet he questioned himself about the logical implications of such an action. If he were to pursue a romantic relationship with Jane, what would happen if everything went sour? Would he be able to bear seeing her interacting with his family? With his son? Would it be difficult for the two of them to be in the same room together? It would be bad enough at the hospital but at least there they could focus on their patients. However, seeing Jane at his home with Spencer…could he do that? Perhaps it would be better to keep their relationship on a friendly, platonic and professional level to avoid hurting all concerned?
Sean’s thoughts continued to spin as he drove home, thankful that Spencer kept up a steady stream of chatter, telling both adults about his day and how Johnny Madalzinski had got into trouble because he’d brought a water squirter to school and squirted the teacher.
‘But before he got in trouble we all had a go at lunchtime and when I did it it went the longest and nearly squirted Lanie, and all the boys were jealous because I was the best at it.’
‘Does he ever stop for breath?’ Jane murmured, and Sean instantly smiled, returning his thoughts to the present.
‘Not often.’
As soon as they pulled up in the driveway and Sean garaged the car, Spencer was out of the vehicle like a tornado, picking up his school bag and music bag but dropping bits of paper, a pencil and a lunch wrapper on the ground as he raced into the house. Jane could hear him calling out, ‘Grandma? Grandpa? I’m home!’
‘He certainly is vibrant and energetic,’ Jane remarked as she helped Sean pick up all the things Spencer had dropped.
‘He’s a healthy, happy, almost-seven-year-old boy.’ Sean gestured to a stool at the kitchen bench. ‘Please, have a seat.’
‘I can see that.’ Jane shook her head in bemusement. ‘I just hadn’t expected…’ She stopped and shrugged as she sat down on the bench stool, watching him turn on his coffee-maker. ‘I don’t know what I expected.’
‘That he’d be like Daina?’ Sean asked the question quietly as he took two mugs from the cupboard.<
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‘I don’t know. I guess so.’ She frowned for a moment. ‘It’s all so different from how I grew up.’
Sean smiled. ‘Not for me. Growing up with two younger sisters in a rowdy but happy home was my normal.’
‘It’s nice you’re able to provide that for Spencer.’
‘Some days it’s not easy but I have a lot of help and support and that makes all the difference.’ He pressed buttons on his impressive coffee-machine and within a minute or two was placing a fresh latte before her. ‘I’m guessing your upbringing wasn’t exactly normal?’
‘No.’ Jane stirred the drink and scooped some milk froth up to her lips. She didn’t elaborate any further and Sean had to quash his impatience.
Thoughts and questions about Jane had kept him awake for several nights now and maybe if he had some deeper level of understanding of what made Jane Diamond tick, of why she appeared to have such a hold over him, then he’d be able to control the way she made him feel. Sean watched her scoop more milk froth from her drink before licking the spoon. She did this a few times, and one time ended up with froth on her upper lip.
‘Wait a sec,’ he murmured, and leaned across the bench, brushing her upper lip with his thumb. Jane gasped at the contact, her gaze never leaving his. ‘You had a little bit of…’ Sean stopped and swallowed, desperately wanting to follow the action with his mouth but knowing that was impossible. Jane was…family now. That was the only way he could allow himself to think of her and yet it was a struggle to do so, especially when she sat there, staring at him with those big, hypnotic green eyes.
He reached out with his other hand and touched her mouth again, his fingers caressing her cheek, his thumb rubbing gently across her lips. Jane sat still, her gaze fixed on his. She was unable to breathe, his touch such a soft caress. His gaze dipped to her mouth. ‘I find you quite remarkable, Jane Diamond.’
Before she could say a word he brushed his thumb over her lips again but this time the action was slower, more sensual, more intense. There was no excuse of milk froth, this was just pure desire. It was as though he wanted to touch her, to excite her, to let her see herself through his eyes. But could she trust him?
Jane pushed the thought away, intent on focusing on the here and now as Sean’s thumb tenderly traced her lower lip, causing Jane to draw in breath, her entire body flooding with tingles and anticipatory delight.
‘I wish you—’ She stopped, unable to speak, unable to concentrate, unable to do anything else but feel. Her eyelids fluttered closed. ‘You…we…shouldn’t,’ she whispered, her words barely audible.
‘Why shouldn’t we?’ Sean’s words were husky and when she risked opening her eyes to look into his she was stunned to find him looking at her with intense desire. No. That couldn’t be right. For so long, for too many years, she’d always believed bad things about herself. She’d been told all her life that she was nothing special, but seeing the way Sean was looking at her…was it possible for her to believe him?
‘Jane.’ He breathed her name and before she knew what was happening he’d bent his head and brushed a light, feathery kiss across her cheek. ‘You clearly have no idea just how much you’ve infiltrated my thoughts.’ He continued to kiss her face, edging his way towards her ear, and Jane couldn’t help the tears that instantly sprang to her eyes and began to slide down her cheek.
Sean kept kissing her face, working his way up to her forehead, before he looked at her. ‘Jane, you’re a beautiful woman.’
She shook her head but he stilled the movement, wiping away her tears. ‘Say the words,’ he instructed softly. ‘Say, “I am a beautiful woman.”’
‘I can’t.’
‘But it’s true and I think you need to start believing it. I wouldn’t say it otherwise.’
‘Ha!’ She laughed without humour.
‘If you don’t believe I’m telling the truth, you must think I’m lying.’
Jane’s answer to this statement was to shrug her shoulders.
‘So you think I’m lying.’
‘Men have lied before in order to seduce a woman.’
‘You think I’m trying to seduce you?’ His eyebrows hit his hairline.
‘Aren’t you?’
‘With my son and parents not too far away?’ he said, and she had to concede his point.
‘You still didn’t answer the question,’ she said softly.
He chuckled softly and she edged back from his tender touch, trying to block out his sweet words. She knew there was no way he could really mean them and she’d learnt long ago not to build up false hopes.
‘You’re a smart woman, Jane, so how come, when it comes to affairs of the heart, you just clam up?’
‘Sean…’ There was the hint of protest in her tone, indicating she wasn’t sure about the course this conversation was taking, but when he smiled at her she found her mind turning to mush and she completely forgot what she’d been about to say. How was it possible he could make her do that? She’d always been able to maintain a certain level of control over her emotions as far as men were concerned. Even with Eamon she’d been the one to call the shots in the relationship, which had been one of the reasons he’d cited when he’d broken their engagement.
‘Hmm?’ He exhaled slowly, his gaze flicking from her eyes to her lips, the action causing Jane to feel all tingly inside, her heart rate increasing. ‘You are stunning.’
‘Don’t look at me like that,’ she protested weakly.
‘Like what? Like a man who’s very interested in you?’
He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kiss her and the desire was increasing with each passing second, especially when she continued to stare at him with those gorgeous eyes of hers.
‘Don’t be interested in me.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I…’ She stopped and swallowed, her gaze lingering on his mouth for just a fraction of a second longer than it should have. It was enough to let him know that even though she was saying no, deep inside her heart she was saying yes. It was enough to give him hope and he hadn’t felt hope about a relationship for a very long time now. He also knew it was important for Jane to steer them through these tentative waters at her own pace. Rushing would only result in her rejecting him and he’d been rejected enough to last a lifetime.
‘Jane—’ he tried hard not to stare at her luscious lips as he spoke ‘—I want you to know that I take my commitments very seriously and—’
‘Stop.’ Jane placed a finger across his lips. ‘Don’t say anything, Sean. Don’t make any promises.’ She quickly removed her finger, the intimate contact doing nothing to quell the simmering fires of desire burning through her entire body. She really did want to believe what Sean was saying, wanted to accept him at his word, but how could she when she’d trusted in the past and been hurt? If Sean knew the truth of her secret, if he comprehended that she really wasn’t beautiful at all, if he saw her terrible sca—
‘Jane?’ he queried.
‘I…I’m just not sure I can deal with reje—’
‘Through here!’ came Spencer’s loud, excited voice, heading in their direction. ‘You’ll never believe it, Grandma. Another aunty!’
Within a split second of hearing Spencer’s voice Jane had pushed Sean away, needing to put as much distance between them as possible, and slipped off the stool. She tried to quieten her frantic thoughts. How could she have possibly allowed Sean to get so close?
She tugged at her top, making sure it was in place, instantly wishing she hadn’t come dressed so casually. She combed her fringe with her fingers and pulled the long plaits, which Sean had pushed back, to the front. It was her armour and right now. With the impending prospect of meeting Sean’s parents, she needed it more than ever. She had no idea what sort of reception they might give the sister of the woman who, from the few things Sean had said, had caused their son a fair amount of emotional stress. Would they tar her with the same brush?
‘Look. See?’ Spencer ran towards whe
re his father and Jane were standing. ‘Another aunty! From my mummy’s side.’
The little boy sounded so excited, not at all perturbed that his words might cause painful memories to resurface. He ran right up to her, glancing back now and then to ensure his grandparents were following.
Jane, now satisfied that her ‘armour’ was on, stood her ground, ready to be introduced to the two people walking towards her. Sean’s mother had short dark hair with red and gold streaks through it, and his father was the spitting image of his son, only thirty years older. If he was any indication of how Sean would age, Jane had to admit that there were some excellent genes in the Booke family gene pool.
‘You were right, Spencer,’ Sean’s mother remarked as she walked over to where Jane stood. Sean just leaned against the bench top and watched as his mother smiled brightly. ‘Hello. Sean told us you’d be stopping by.’
Jane squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, pasting a professional smile on her face. ‘I hope it’s not an inconvenience?’
‘Oh, tush,’ his mother said, and brushed Jane’s words away. Still, Jane wasn’t exactly sure what to do or say next so she held out her hand. ‘I’m Jane. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs Booke.’
‘Good heavens. Call me Louise. We’re hardly that formal, isn’t that right, Barney?’ she said, glancing at her husband. Barney shook hands with Jane after Louise, the two of them staring at her for what seemed like an eternity but which in reality was only a few seconds.
‘I do hope you’re able to stay for dinner, Jane.’ Louise glanced at Sean, who shrugged. ‘You haven’t even asked Jane to dinner yet? Where are your manners?’ Louise swatted playfully at her son.
‘Yeah, Dad,’ Spencer took the opportunity to chime in, a cheeky grin on his face. ‘Manners!’
Jane couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that overflowed and she quickly clapped a hand over her mouth. A split second later both Sean and his parents laughed as well and Spencer just stood there, grinning, pleased the adults were laughing but not at all sure why.