He shook his head. “I don’t even want to know.”
Alex motioned toward two other men in business suits who were crossing the grass toward them.
“Miss Delaney, these marshals will take you back into protective custody while I get the scoop on what happened from Marshal Jackson.”
“Wait,” Ryan said. “Can you give us a minute?”
Alex didn’t look like he wanted to, but he nodded. “Okay, but make it quick. I want her back in custody before DeGaullo figures out where she is. And you and I are going to have a thorough discussion about following orders.”
He motioned to the marshals and the two policemen who were standing a short distance away. The small group headed back toward the house where dozens of law-enforcement officers were milling around while the firemen worked to get the blaze under control.
The look of regret on Ryan’s face was already breaking Jessica’s heart before he said a word.
“Now that we know who was behind the WitSec leak, it’s safe for you to go back into the program. Alex will arrange a new identity and location. You’ll get a fresh start...again.”
Jessica twisted her hands together so Ryan wouldn’t see how badly they were shaking. “You’re leaving? Just like that?”
“You knew it had to end this way.”
“Would it make a difference if I told you I love you?”
Ryan winced and looked away.
Jessica blinked against the unwelcome rush of tears at the back of her eyes. “I guess that answers that question.”
“I’m sorry, Jessie.” He reached for her.
She ducked away, backing up several steps. If he touched her right now, she didn’t think her heart would survive. “Did you mean those things you said to me, back at the house, in front of Stuart?”
His brows wrinkled in confusion. “What are you...” His eyes widened. “No, no, of course not. That was a lie, a complete lie, to get Stuart to turn the gun away from you.” He reached for her again.
She sidestepped him and put several more feet between them.
Ryan blew out a frustrated breath. “I care about you, Jessie, very much. I know you aren’t the person I thought you were when I read your file. But it doesn’t change anything.” His mouth tightened into a flat line. “I love my family, very much. I can’t give them up and go into WitSec to be with you. My family means everything to me.”
And you don’t.
The words hung in the air between them just as surely as if Ryan had said them out loud.
“Well, then. I guess that says everything, doesn’t it?” Jessica said bitterly.
Ryan’s eyes filled with regret. “Jessie—”
A shout echoed across the lawn. Alex was waving to get Ryan’s attention.
“Go on,” Jessica said. “There’s no point in dragging this out any longer.” She pasted a smile on her face and held out her hand, pretending she wasn’t dying inside. “Thank you for protecting me. I owe you my life.”
His eyes flashed with anger and he ignored her hand. “It’s a bit late to act all formal now.”
She dropped her hand.
He sighed heavily. “Don’t thank me for saving your life when we both know you saved my butt back there. I have to say, that was a humbling experience. All my life I’ve been the one who charges in without waiting for help. I’m the one everyone else looks to. But you nearly died in the fire because I was too stubborn to listen, to wait for backup, or to just get you and Ward out of the house instead of charging downstairs. And even though I didn’t want your help, you went into a burning house to help me. Next time, I won’t be so stubbornly independent that I can’t accept someone’s help when I need it.”
She gave him a half smile. “Hopefully there won’t be a next time, right? You’d better go. Your boss looks like he’s getting mad. Don’t worry about me. I understand everything, and I’ll be fine.” Eventually.
Ryan glanced at Trask, then back at her. He narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean, you understand?”
She frowned. “Family means everything to you. They come first, and they should. When I first went into WitSec, I remember thinking that if I had to give up a family, I couldn’t do it. Loving someone that much, to give up everyone else in their life for them...” She shrugged. “I would never expect that. I understand.”
He closed his eyes and a pained look crossed his face. When he looked at her again, his eyes were sadder than she’d ever seen them. “I wish it could have been different,” he whispered. He stepped forward and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. “You’re an amazing, strong woman. You’re going to be okay, Jessica Delaney.”
He turned away, and literally walked out of her life.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Within days of Alan Rivers being convicted, the Justice Department had given Jessica a new identity and whisked her away to her new home. Another rural cabin, another mountain range in her backyard. If Jessica had been given a choice, she wouldn’t have chosen to relocate to Nevada, because she could see the Rocky Mountains out her back door—the same mountain range in Ryan’s home state of Colorado. She wasn’t sure her heart could survive the constant reminder of the man she’d loved and lost, every time she went outside.
The rural part, however, she could definitely handle. Since moving in over a month ago, she’d grown to appreciate the quiet, the isolation. Alone, she didn’t have to face the pressures of answering questions with memorized lies. Alone, she didn’t have to face the curious glances, and questioning stares, when a stray memory of Ryan flashed through her mind and unwelcome tears tracked down her cheeks.
She stepped out the front door, clutching her jacket against the frigid temperatures. The promise of snow hung heavy in the air, and the frozen gravel crunched beneath her shoes as she started down the road for her morning walk.
The throaty roar of a motorcycle had her moving to the shoulder of the road just as an achingly familiar black bike crested the ridge and pulled to a halt beside her. The driver, dressed in jeans and a leather jacket, turned off the engine. Even before he took off his helmet, Jessica knew who he was by the way her heart squeezed in her chest.
Ryan Jackson.
Jessica was going to kill Alex Trask.
“Hello, Jessie.”
The tenderness in his voice confused her. She didn’t want him to hurt her again, but sugar, it was so good to see him.
She knew she couldn’t trust him with her heart. She’d never survive him walking out of her life again, so she couldn’t let him back in to begin with. But she’d also learned something else, about herself, after everything she’d been through. She’d learned that she did have value. She was worth saving, only this time, she was saving herself.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, purposely making her voice cold, disinterested. “Did Alex send you to check up on me, to make sure I’m not slipping back to my criminal roots?”
He winced. “I suppose I deserved that. Alex didn’t send me. I’m not a marshal anymore. I’m here for a more personal reason.”
Her pulse leaped crazily, but she cruelly squelched the hope that burned in her chest. She couldn’t afford to hope. “Isn’t this against some precious WitSec rule or something?”
“I bribed a clerk.” He gave her a lopsided grin that had her heart doing flip-flops. “Actually, you’d be surprised what the Justice Department will allow if you agree to help them cover up a major fiasco to protect their reputation, and their funding.” He held out his hand. “Ride with me.”
She took a wary step back. “No.”
Undaunted, he pulled a helmet out of his other saddlebag. “Ride with me.”
Jessica frowned at him. “Why?”
“Because I ran into a burning building to save you?”
She cocked her brow. “Ditto.”
“Double ouch. Okay, I didn’t want to force your hand, but either you take a short ride with me and let me say what I came to say, or I park my butt outside your bedroom window and
sing all night long. You won’t sleep a wink. Trust me. I’m a lousy singer.”
She huffed and grabbed the helmet, irritated that she wasn’t immune to his charm. “You know how much I hate these torture machines.”
“I know. Thank you,” he said, pressing a quick kiss to her lips before she could duck away.
She felt that fleeting kiss all the way to her toes.
He adjusted the fit of her helmet, and slid his fingers through her newly blond bangs, pushing them out of her eyes. “I liked your natural color better.”
“This is my natural color. I dyed it brown when I first went into Witness Protection.” She slung her leg over the back of the bike and sat down behind him.
“I guess I’ll get used to it,” he said.
Her heart caught at his words, but he started the engine, and then she was too busy holding on to ask him what he’d meant.
After winding down the mountain, and turning down a long two-lane road she’d never driven down before, he pulled the bike to a stop in front of an enormous, two-story log cabin. Bright, new wood railings and window casings contrasted against the aged wood of the rest of the house. Scraps of logs and fresh lumber riddled the front yard.
“We’re here,” he said, cutting the engine.
Jessica realized he was waiting for her to dismount. She swung her leg over the bike, and hurried up the steps to the cabin’s massive front porch to avoid the hand Ryan had held out for her.
“Let me show you the main hall.” Ryan grabbed her wrist and hauled her inside.
She had to jog to keep up with his long strides. He didn’t let her go until they were in the main room. The interior was stark, utilitarian, unfinished. What looked to be office chairs lined one side of the room, and rows of long, metal tables lined the other wall.
“This is where the kids will learn computer skills,” he said.
“Ryan, why are we—”
“Wait until you see the barracks.” He towed her after him again, down the back steps.
“Did you say barracks?” She was breathing hard, trying to keep up with him.
“Yep.”
He pulled her inside a much smaller version of the main cabin. The building was long and narrow and only one story. Rows of metal cots were stacked around the room, much like an Army barracks might look, or at least the barracks Jessica had seen in movies.
“What is this place?” she asked.
“It’s a camp.”
She glanced around in surprise. “Doesn’t look very comfortable, or fun.”
“It isn’t supposed to be fun. This is where the tough love starts, a boot camp for troubled teens, and kids in foster care who might not get to go to a camp otherwise.” He reached out and lifted her chin so that she was looking up at him. “No one should have to grow up without a family. This camp can be their family.”
Jessica was afraid to ask, but she had to. “Whose camp is this?”
“Mine.”
She trembled and swallowed against the thickness in her throat.
Ryan seemed to be waiting for her to say something. When she didn’t, he let out a loud sigh and grabbed her hand, hauling her behind him again.
“Good grief, slow down.”
He immediately slowed, but kept pulling her along until they reached a clearing with a vast collection of long, rectangular buildings surrounded by wooden fences.
“What’s all this?”
“Stables. Next Spring, I’m going to buy twenty head at auction, from my dad, not that he’ll know who the buyer is. I’ll purchase them anonymously, of course. When the camp opens, each pair of kids will be assigned one horse to take care of. They won’t eat until the horse eats. They won’t bathe until their horse has been groomed and settled in for the night. They’ll learn to care for another living being, and to work as a team to get the work done.”
He continued to talk about his plans as he led the way back to the main hall. The whole time they were walking, Jessica’s mind was racing with all kinds of crazy thoughts. There was only one reason she could think of for Ryan to buy those horses without letting his father know who’d bought them. And that reason didn’t fit with what Ryan had told her the last time she’d seen him.
“This is where my expertise ends,” Ryan said, when he led her into the kitchen. “I know you aren’t fond of cooking. That’s not a problem. I’ll hire someone to—”
“Stop it, just stop it.” She tugged her hand out of his grasp and stepped back. “Why are you doing this?”
He closed the distance between them. “I’ve missed you so much, Jessie.”
“Don’t you dare call me that. You gave up that right weeks ago.”
A flash of pain crossed his face. “I never meant to hurt you.”
She ducked under his outstretched arms. “Stop it. You’re just making everything worse. You’re breaking my heart.”
“How am I breaking your heart?” He followed her across the kitchen.
She backed away from him. “You’re confusing me, you’re...you’re confusing me.”
He kept coming toward her. “I love you, Jessica.”
She shook her head. “No, you don’t. You love your family. You said you’d never give them up, for anyone. And you shouldn’t have to.”
He stopped in front of her, but he didn’t reach for her. “Do you know what I did after I left you?”
“I don’t care.”
“I went back home, to my parents’ ranch. To forget you.”
Hot tears splashed down Jessica’s cheeks. Now this was what she’d expected. He was going to hurt her again, after all.
“You’re not that easy to forget, Jessie. I was with my family, but the most important part of me was missing. You.”
She blinked and stared at him warily. “What are you saying?”
He reached out and caught one of her tears on his finger, then pressed his hand to his heart. “That’s the last tear I ever want you to shed because of me, unless you shed happy tears. I’ve made my peace with my family. We’ve said our goodbyes, and they’ve all given me their blessing. I love my family. I’ll always love them, but I know now that there’s more than one kind of family. The family you’re born into, and the family you choose.” He tipped her chin up and stared into her eyes. “I choose you.”
She jerked away. “No, I don’t want you to make that kind of sacrifice for me. You’ll only grow to resent me and hate me down the road. And what about your career? What about your family traditions? You can’t give all that up, not for me.”
“Why not?” His voice had turned angry. “Because you don’t think you’re worth the sacrifice?”
She glanced away.
He swore and leaned down, forcing her to look at him. “Don’t ever say something like that to me again. You are more precious to me than anyone else in the world. No person, no job, could ever mean more to me than you. Do you love me?”
Her heart squeezed in her chest. “You’re changing the subject.”
“No, I’m trying to solve a problem. I want you. I love you. I want to be with you. I have to know what I’m up against. Do. You. Love. Me?”
“Love isn’t the problem, Ryan.” At his exasperated look, she said, “Yes. Yes, I love you.”
His face smoothed out and he visibly relaxed.
“I don’t think you understand,” she said. “I love you, but it doesn’t matter—”
“You don’t think I’d be happy running a boot camp for troubled kids?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Don’t you remember me telling you about the horse camps my family runs every summer? Come on, let me show you something.” He tried to grab her hand, but she yanked it back.
“You are not going to drag me somewhere again. You’re far too bossy.”
His lips twitched. “I’ll have to work on that. After you.” He waved his hand toward the stairs for her to precede him.
She straightened her spine and headed up the stairs, even though she knew there wa
sn’t any point. He swept past her and opened a door at the end of the hall, politely waiting for her to enter.
It was a large office, with three plain wooden desks, with file cabinets and boxes of varying sizes stacked around the room. He watched her intently, but she wasn’t sure exactly what he wanted her to see.
“I don’t understand. What do you want to show me?”
“Look at the desks. What do you see?”
She stepped to the nearest desk. The entire surface was covered with photographs. “Pictures, tons of pictures.”
He shook his head. “You’re not making this easy. Look closely at the pictures.”
They were pictures of kids riding horses, mucking out stalls, doing target practice. One of the young teenaged boys caught her attention—a boy with short dark hair, and eyes so blue they were almost black. Ryan. He was helping one of the children get up on a horse. The look of joy on his face was palpable, even in an old photograph.
“Look at these,” Ryan said, pointing to another desk.
Jessica crossed, stood beside him and tears flowed down her face again when she saw Ryan working with the children.
“Does that look like a man who’s miserable?” he asked.
She shook her head. “No. You look...happy.” She traced her finger across his smiling face, then over to another picture. The man and woman smiling back at her had the same blue eyes as Ryan.
“My mom and dad,” Ryan said. “My brothers—” he pointed to another picture “—and my sister.” He reached out and gently wiped the tears from Jessica’s cheeks. “You haven’t made me give up my dreams. I told my family all about you. They love you as much as I do because they see how much I love you, and they know you’ll make me happy. Those pictures, the ones where they’re smiling, were taken after I told them I was going into WitSec to spend the rest of my life with you. They’re happy for me, for us.”
He gently took Jessica’s hand and pressed it against his heart. “My family will always be with me, in here. But you’re my family now.”
A sob escaped Jessica. She squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her fist against her mouth.
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