American Lit is my first final of the year. Many people finish early, but I write practically every thought I have in the little blue notebook. I write until my hand cramps, un-cramps, and cramps again. I go through two notebooks, but finally get every last bit of knowledge that I have about The Invisible Man, To Kill a Mockingbird, and Catcher in the Rye onto paper. Tea and I are the last people to finish. I follow her out of the classroom. She looks tired and worn out. And it’s the first day of finals! I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror. But I know that she looks a lot better than I do. She’s at least wearing jeans and a proper sweater. Whilst I’m dressed in the same sweats that I’ve slept in.
“How do you think that went?” I ask.
“As best as it could’ve.” She gives me a weak smile.
“Yeah, I feel the same way,” I commiserate with her.
“Hey, listen, I heard about you and Tristan. Are you okay?” I ask.
“I’m fine.” She nods. “He just wasn’t all there. I don’t think we were ever right for each other.”
“Are you sure?” I ask. I’m trying to find out what happened. As if more details are going to give me a better understanding about my own decision.
“Yeah.” She shrugs. “He never really wanted to be with me. He said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I should’ve listened to him. He was telling the truth. I just couldn’t see it.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. It’s the only thing I can say.
“It’s okay. We weren’t meant to be. You know what’s funny? After it was over, after I broke up with him, I thought I would feel terrible. But I didn’t. I felt relieved. So I guess that was the right decision.”
“Yeah, seems like it.”
We say our goodbyes. Give each other a warm hug.
“Have a wonderful Christmas,” she says.
“You too,” I say. “And don’t forget to let me read your book when you’re done. I know it’s going to be amazing.”
“You’ll be the first.” Tea smiles.
* * *
When I get back to my room, all I want to do is plop down on the bed and listen to an unhealthy amount of Adele. Someone on our floor is blasting Christmas music, and though I hate to admit it, it puts me in the holiday spirit. I only have two more finals. Then I’m done. First semester of college finished. I can’t wait to be free!
I grab a can of soda out of the refrigerator before heading to my room. I’m about to walk in when something on the dry erase board outside on our door catches my attention.
Can we erase everything and start all over, again? – Tristan
I read the words carefully, to make sure that I’m not dreaming.
I feel him come out of his room, stop right behind me.
“Tristan, what are you doing?” I ask. “I thought we’d gone over this.”
“I know we did. But the thing is that I don’t think you believe me. I think you think that I want you back because of Tea or losing all that money. But I don’t. I want you back because I’m an idiot. I just realized that I never really stopped loving you. And I never will.”
I clutch my bag. He doesn’t shift his weight from one foot to another, the way he usually does when he’s nervous or uncomfortable. Instead, Tristan stands up straight, his eyes fixed on mine. At this moment, not even an earthquake can break him away from me.
“I love you too, Tristan.”
“So, what is it? Do you not believe me?”
“No, I do believe you.”
“So, why can’t we be together?” he asks.
“Because I’m afraid.” I take a deep breath. “I’m afraid of going through all this again, Tristan. Getting over you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And, honestly, I don’t think I can do it again. I’m sorry.”
I go into my room and close the door. I want to be with him more than anything. I want him to take me into his arms, tell me that everything’s going to be okay. I want to believe him. But I now know that this requires a big leap of faith. The kind of leap of faith that I’m not sure I’m capable of. Not now. And there’s something else. There’s a sneaking suspicion in the back of mind that this burning desire to be with me might blow over after finals. I hope I’m wrong. But I just can’t know. Either way, I can’t think about this anymore. I have two more finals to worry about.
48
Two sleepless days later, I’m finally done with the semester. When I come back home, I find Juliet tossing all of her notebooks and papers from the semester into the trash.
“You’re getting rid of everything already?” I ask.
“ASAP. I’m done!”
“I don’t know if I can do that,” I say. I’ve never been one to throw away all of my notebooks, not even in high school where this was practically the ritual every June.
“What if you need to review something later on?” I ask.
“And why would I need to do that?” she asks. “Finals are over!”
I don’t have a good answer. I want my academic life from this semester out of sight as well, but I opt to drop all the papers into the bottom drawer of my desk.
“We’re all going out later to get drunk,” she says. “You in?”
“Of course,” I say. “My flight home isn’t until later tonight.”
“Awesome. I’m going home tomorrow. I think that’s when Dylan’s leaving too. Not sure about Tristan.”
I nod. “Oh hey, so how are things with you and Dylan?”
“They’re good, actually.” She smiles. “It was just a fling. But being friends is best.”
“So, is he back together with Peyton?”
“Oh, I have no idea,” she laughs. “I thought he was, but then he said that he wasn’t. Those two are addicted to each other. He told me that they’ve broken up and got back together like 10 tens! So much drama.”
“I never thought I’d hear that from you,” I laugh.
“Oh, I like drama. On stage. On screen. A little bit in my life. But his level of drama is out of control. No, not for me.”
We crack up laughing. As different as Juliet and I are, I know that I’m going to miss her over break.
“So you never told me, what are you doing for next semester?”
“What do you mean?”
“Weren’t you planning on moving out? Not living with your ex again?” she asks.
“Oh, that. No, I’m planning on staying. We’re in a good place now,” I say. “Honestly, I completely forgot to even file the paperwork.”
“Well, that’s good. For me, at least.” Juliet smiles. “’Cause I kinda like you as a roommate.”
“Oh really? Well, I kinda like you as a roommate, too.”
* * *
Later that afternoon, while we wait for Dylan to come back from his last final, I decide to pack. As I pull the suitcases out of the closet, all the clothes from the top shelf fall on me.
“Great. Just great,” I mutter and start sifting through them.
I need some warm clothes, but not that many. Definitely don’t need the really warm sweaters or the snow boots. Unless, of course, I go skiing, which is a possibility. Shit. I’m going to have to lug all of this crap back home. I start tossing all of my favorite clothes into the bag. I should be rolling them like my dad showed me, to maximize room, but I’m not really in the mood to organize. What will fit will fit and that’s it. I have more clothes at home, clothes that I didn’t wear for four months. Might be a nice change.
As I rummage through the closet, I work up quite a sweat. I decide to open the window to let in some fresh air. I don’t see the box of thank you cards on the windowsill and they go flying out.
“Shit! Oh my God!” I scream. But it’s too late. They are already half way down the building. Since they weren’t thank you cards that I ever planned on mailing out, I didn’t bother with the envelopes. They open up mid-flight and take on air. Most take their time and fall at a leisurely pace, letting the wind take them on an adventure.
“What’s
wrong?” I hear someone yell back up to me. It’s Tristan. He’s standing at the bottom of the building.
“My cards!” I scream. “They’re going everywhere!”
“I’ll get them!” he yells.
“I’ll be right down!” I yell back, pulling on my Uggs and grabbing my coat.
With just my luck, the elevator stops at practically every single floor. People are done with finals. They’re happily chatting away. On two occasions, I have to tell them that I’m in a hurry as they hold the elevator open saying their goodbyes. I should’ve taken the stairs, but it’s too late now. I tap my foot anxiously. My cards are probably all over Manhattan now. Ten minutes later, I finally get onto Broadway. Tristan stands at the corner with a thick stack of cards, reading one. I look around the street. Don’t see a single one.
“Hey, that’s private!” I say loudly, so that he could hear me over the sound of afternoon traffic. An ambulance rushes by, deafening me to the point where I can’t even hear my own thoughts.
Tristan doesn’t look up. It’s like he can’t hear me.
“That’s private,” I say, walking up to him. He looks up.
“It’s addressed to me,” he says.
From the cover, I can tell that he’s reading the last card I wrote. Why did it have to be that one? I wish more than anything that he were reading any other card.
“It’s still private. I didn’t mean for you to read it. I was never going to send it.”
“Dear Tristan.” He ignores me and starts reading. I try to get the card out of his hand, but he lifts it above his head, continues to read out loud. “Dear Tristan, I’m just writing to say thank you. Thank you for coming back into my life as a friend. Thank you for saying all those things you said. I’ve been waiting for you to say them for a very long time. I love you too. And I’m going to love you for as long as I live. You were the best first boyfriend that a girl could dream of. I don’t think I’m ever going to be ready to say goodbye. But that’s what I’m doing now. I know you said that you want me back. But I’m afraid. Afraid of going through all of this again. The thing is, Tristan, I need a sign. I need a sign that getting back together is the right thing to do. And until then, I’m going to say thank you and good-bye. Love, Alice.”
“That was private,” I say.
“I know,” Tristan says.
He hands me the stack of thank you cards and walks away. Slowly, the rest of the world comes into focus. Cars are honking. An ambulance is blaring. People are darting around me. The whole world that was nothing but background noise a minute ago, floods in. There’s no room in it for me.
I ride the elevator back to the dorm completely numb. Doors open and close. People get in and out. They laugh and embrace and say goodbye. I see everything happening, but I don’t understand any of it. They look like two-dimensional people. Characters. I wonder if they’re real. And how anyone would know for sure.
49
Juliet, Dylan, and I go out for drinks with a few other people from our floor. Apparently, Tristan texted Dylan and said that he’ll be by later. I don’t want to go, but I don’t want to explain why I’m not going either.
The numbness finally starts to wear off after my second martini. And just at that precise moment, Tristan reappears. I see him standing in the doorway of the crowded bar full of celebrating college students. He’s looking for someone. I turn to Juliet, trying to hide in my seat.
“Tristan’s here!” Juliet and Dylan say almost simultaneously. Everyone cheers.
“Come join us, man,” Dylan says. “You’re about two drinks behind.”
“Hey everyone,” he smiles. “But I’m actually here to steal Alice away for a few minutes.”
“No!” everyone replies jokingly. “Boo!”
“Alice.” He comes closer to me, touching my back lightly. “Can I talk to you?”
I shake my head. Every time we’ve talked, things got worse and worse. Now, I’m not sure that our frail friendship will survive another one of our talks.
“Please, I have to talk to you,” he whispers.
I sigh, take a sip of my martini, and eat an olive.
“You okay?” Juliet mouths to me silently. I shrug and follow Tristan out of the bar.
“Tristan, I want to apologize to you,” I say, wrapping my scarf around my neck and zipping my coat. The air smells fresh and new, the cold’s nipping at my nose. Every tree on the street is lit up in yellow lights. The city is screaming that Christmas is just around the corner.
“I do, too,” he says. “But before we do any of that, I want to show you something. Will you come with me?”
Begrudgingly, I agree.
We walk back to our dorm, ride the elevator all the way to the top. I’ve never been this high before. He opens a small passageway with stairs leading even higher.
“Where are we going?” I finally ask.
“The roof.”
“I didn’t even know this place existed. Or that we could go here,” I say.
“We can’t. Not really. But I know one of the janitors and he let me up here before.”
We walk out onto the roof.
“What do you do up here?” I ask.
“Think, mostly. It’s a nice place for that. Quiet. Peaceful,” he says.
Darkness falls with a vengeance in New York, quickly and without apologies. It doesn’t dilly-dally. One minute it’s daytime and the next it’s nighttime and the world is lit up by lights.
“It looks like Christmas all the time here doesn’t it?” Tristan asks.
“What do you mean?”
“The lights. There are so many lights here. It’s like it’s Christmas all the time.”
I’ve never thought of it that way before. But he’s right. Every night, when the lights come on, the city seems to celebrate. Rejoice.
“Alice, I brought you up here because I wanted to show you something.”
He takes a moment to collect his thoughts. I wait.
“I’m tired of simply telling you how I feel. I think I’ve used up all the words I have. So, I wanted to show you, instead.”
He pauses again. Looks straight into my eyes and continues.
“Ever since I read that thank you card, I’ve been going over all the ways that I’ve disappointed you. All the times that I’ve acted like a jerk. And I think it all started that day, about a week after we broke up. When we were first trying to be friends. We were supposed to see a movie together, remember?”
I nod. Of course, I remember.
“They were having a special showing of Titanic and I had promised to take you to see it. And then I didn’t show up.”
I had waited for half an hour. Then went inside and cried through the whole movie.
“It’s fine,” I say. “Ancient history.”
“No, it’s not fine. I was an inconsiderate dick. And I’m sorry.”
I nod. Tristan never really apologized for that. Not in a way that let me believe him.
“Thank you,” I say. “I really appreciate it.”
“So, I wanted to do something to make up for that,” he says.
Tristan takes my hand, turns me around. There’s a projector pointed at a big white screen and two lounge chairs in front of it. Large, warm blankets cover the chairs and a small table in the front with a bottle of wine, two glasses, and a plate of cheese and crackers.
“What is this?” I turn to Tristan.
“It’s my apology. For everything,” he says. “For ever hurting your feelings. And for letting you go.”
My chest tightens up. For a second, I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me.
“Alice, I don’t want to just be your first boyfriend,” he says. “I want to be your boyfriend again.”
I sit down on the chair. He wraps the blanket around me, pours me a glass of wine. Tristan pulls his chair close to mine. I look up at him. I watch the way his breath moves in the cold air. He starts the movie. We watch in silence for a little while. When Rose gets out of the ca
r in her fabulous hat and heads towards the ship, I turn to Tristan.
“Okay,” I whisper.
He smiles at me, shaking his head. Like he doesn’t believe me.
I lean over. He takes my hand, wrapping his fingers around mine. His fingers are hot to the touch; mine are as cold as ice. Tristan brings my fingers to his lips and lightly blows on them. His mouth spreads warmth throughout my entire body.
He moves even closer. We breathe the same air. I close my eyes and feel his lips on mine. A spark of electricity courses through me.
“I love you,” he whispers through the kiss.
“I love you, too.”
Epilogue
Dear Alice,
Thank you.
Thank you for opening up yourself to love again. You don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. But you have taken a leap of faith. You were afraid, but you didn’t let that stop you from doing what you felt was right. I’ve always thought that to show courage was to run into a burning building to save a life. Well, by opening myself up to love again, I’ve run into a burning building and saved a life. My own.
Love,
Alice
* * *
THE END
After I Met You (Second Chance Book 2)
After a tumultuous first semester at Columbia University, things are finally looking up for Alice and Tristan. They are in love and it seems like nothing can break them up. But then Tristan starts his internship at a Wall Street investment bank and his busy schedule pushes them apart. Eventually, Tristan asks to take a break, shattering Alice's heart and leaving her devastated. A trip to Atlantic City with friends seems like the perfect way to let off some steam. But what Alice doesn't know is that one weekend can change her life forever. After a few too many drinks, Alice accidentally marries Dylan, her friend and Tristan's roommate!
Auctioned to Him 7: The Contract Page 122