“I don’t know Tristan,” I finally manage to say. “Everything is so complicated now. I don’t know if we can just go back to the way things were.”
“But why? I want to. And I can see that you want to, too,” he says with a hopeful look on his beautiful face. I inhale and breathe out slowly. So what if I did? What if I just moved on with this from this moment forward? Wouldn’t that be something? But, of course, I can’t. I wouldn’t. It would be too wrong.
“Okay.” I nod my head. “Okay. Let’s do it.”
“Okay?” Tristan asks. I can see that he can barely believe his ears. “Seriously? You want to get back together?”
“Yes.” I nod. “I love you. Very much. More than anything.”
“Oh my God, Alice.” Tristan wraps himself around me. I can feel him smelling the top of my head as he hugs me. And I feel his body shaking next to mine.
“I love you,” he whispers as he pulls away.
When I look up at him, I see a few tiny tears building up at the bottom of his eyelids. Tristan isn’t much of a crier – I’ve only seen him cry on two occasions, once when his grandmother died and another when his best friend got into an awful car wreck and we didn’t know if he would live or die.
“I’m so, so sorry about everything,” he mumbles.
“Me too,” I whisper. “I’m sorry about everything.”
16
Tristan is sorry about the past. He wishes it would go away. But I’m sorry about the future. I wish that it wouldn’t come. Or least, that the truth wouldn’t come out. Sitting across from him right now, it almost feels possible. Like I can actually get this marriage annulled without him ever finding out about it. Maybe we can just…pretend that this never happened. Maybe we can just start off where we had left off.
“I’m so happy, Alice,” Tristan says, leaning back in his chair. His smile turns into a laugh, which then shakes his whole body. Loose strands of hair fall into his face as he rocks back and forth. He tucks some behind his ears, over and over, but they keep getting untucked.
Our eyes meet and, this time, I don’t let go.
“Me too,” I whisper.
“Let’s get out of here,” he says, taking my hand. I don’t know where we’re going. I let Tristan lead the way. I’m okay with wherever he decides to take me. I just want to be with him.
* * *
Tristan leans close to me. We’re in his room. No one else is home. His fingers run along my jawline and bury themselves in my hair. He gets closer. I feel his breath on my lips. But he doesn’t kiss me. I pull forward and try to press my lips onto his, but he stops me. He demands that I wait. He leans down and runs his lips over my neck. His lips are smooth and gentle. Soft.
I bury my hands in his hair. Slowly, I pull his head up to mine. I have to taste him. I want his tongue inside my mouth. When our lips finally meet, shivers run throughout my body. His tongue is strong and rough. Tristan grabs my neck. With each breath, his kisses get more and more passionate. Now, he is kissing me as if he’s trying to prove something. I let him. I kiss him back with the same intensity and power. I want to prove something too. No matter what happens in the future, I want him to remember this moment. This moment in which only we existed. And the whole world could stop spinning upon our command.
Slowly, Tristan removes my sweater and I pull off his t-shirt. He unbuckles his pants and steps out of them. He pushes me down onto his bed and unzips my skinny jeans. He kisses my legs as he rolls them off me. My knees grow weak, as Tristan’s kisses intensify. He runs his fingers over my breasts, toeing the line between pleasure and pain.
As my hands make my way up his naked body, they feel rushed and unstable. Urgent. The muscles in his stomach flex and I feel each distinct muscle of his six-pack. I lean back, enjoying the moment, looking forward to what’s next.
Tristan undoes my bra and tosses it on the floor. He then grabs my hips and tugs at my panties with his teeth. I wiggle my body to help him along, enjoying the ferociousness of the moment.
Slowly, he eases himself inside of me. I feel myself welcoming him inside. My fingers dig into his shoulders and my hips start to move up and down on their own. I’m getting close. I look up at him. Our eyes meet briefly. I can see that he’s getting close, too. A moment later, a warm sensation pulses through my body. My legs get numb and I dig my toes into the bed.
“Oh, Tristan,” I whisper.
“Alice,” he moans, taking one last thrust and collapsing on top of me.
* * *
We lay next to each other for a while. Twilight comes and goes and darkness sets in. But neither of us bothers to get out of bed or turn on the light. It’s as if we’re both trying to hold on to this moment for as long as possible.
“Thank you,” Tristan says, propping up his head with his hand. I turn to face him.
“No, thank you,” I say.
Tristan flashes a mischievous smile.
“Well, thank you for this, definitely,” he says, giving me a peck on a cheek. “But what I meant is thank you for forgiving me. I know that it’s not really your specialty. And that I must’ve hurt you a lot with all of my talk about taking a break.”
His words sting a little. I can’t lie. But he’s right. I’m not one to forgive easily. And if I weren’t in the wrong, if I hadn’t just accidentally married our roommate, I’m not so sure we’d be doing this right now.
“I still don’t really understand what happened,” I say. “Back then.”
“To tell you the truth,” Tristan says after a moment of silence, “I’m not so sure either. I think it was all that stress I was under. I just sort of cracked up.”
“I see.” I nod. That’s not much of an explanation, but we’ve been over this a million times. And a million explanations later, I am still not completely clear about what really happened.
“So, how’s work going?” I ask. “Still as crazy as ever?”
“Yes,” Tristan says. “More so even, I think. But I have a little bit of a routine now. So I don’t feel so lost all the time. Like I’m playing catch up.”
“And do you like it?” I ask. “Do you think it’s something you want to do in the future?”
“I don’t know,” Tristan says, looking up at the ceiling. I can tell he’s really thinking about what I had asked.
“I like the internship. I mean, I really think I’m learning a lot,” he finally says. “I definitely want to do something with finance or investment banking in the future, I think. I’m just not sure about this particular job. Like the one that Kathryn has.”
Agh, Kathryn. Why did he have to bring her up?
“So how’s Kathryn? Did anything happen between you two?” I ask cautiously. I don’t want to seem too jealous or concerned. Just like I’m trying to make normal conversation.
“No.” He shakes his head definitively. “I’m sorry again about before.”
“What? What do you have to be sorry about?” I ask.
“Well, you know, I wasn’t entirely truthful back then. I mean, I knew that she liked me. Of course, I did. She told me. Even before she kissed me at the bar that time. And I told her about you. But…I guess I should’ve been even more clear.”
I nod. I feel very guilty. I need to tell him the truth. I know that. I owe him the truth. But now I’m even more scared than I was before. Now, I’m terrified. Even a few hours ago, he was sort of my ex. And now he’s back to being my boyfriend. I feel like I have the whole world on my shoulders – and it’s getting heavier and heavier by the minute.
“Alice?” Tristan turns to me.
“Yeah?”
“Are you okay? You’re sort of spacing out for a bit.”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, nodding. “It has been kind of a long day.”
“Okay.” He springs out of bed. “Why don’t you relax for a bit while I try to put a dent into that Macroeconomics problem set. And try being the operative word, of course.”
I smile and nod. I watch him get dressed. He gives me
a peck on the cheek and leaves the room.
* * *
I am still lying naked in bed and listening to music when I hear Tristan call my name from the living room. It has only been ten minutes since he left, but I suddenly realize that I’m in Tristan’s room and Dylan might be back.
“Alice!” Tristan yells.
“What?” I call back, scrambling to put on my clothes. I manage to throw on my sweater and underwear, but I struggle with the jeans. Why did I have to wear skinny jeans today? Of all days!
“Alice!”
“I’m coming!”
I roll my bra into a little wad and hid it in my bag. Why can’t he just come over here? Why is he yelling like this?
When I walk into the living room, I see Tristan pacing back and forth.
“Tristan?” I ask.
He stops dead in his tracks. When he turns around, I see an expression on his face that I have never seen before. His eyes are empty, his lips are pursed and his cheeks are devoid of color. I think that someone has died.
“What’s wrong?” I run up to him. “Are you okay? What happened?”
I try to put my around him, but he shrugs me off.
“What’s this?” he says, waving something in my face. I take it out of his hand. It’s a postcard with a picture of a casino from Atlantic City. Oh wait. Not just some casino. The casino!
“I don’t know,” I say, putting on the most innocent look I can. “What is it?”
“Don’t bullshit me, Alice,” Tristan says, shaking his head. He hands me the postcard. I flip it around. And see it. Those words. They will probably stay with me always.
* * *
Dear Mr. Dylan and Mrs. Alice Summers Worthington,
Congratulations on your recent wedding. It was a pleasure to share this momentous occasion with you. We hope that you will join us again in the near future. As a thank you, we’d like to extend an invitation to you to stay at our hotel for a reduced priced.
* * *
There is more to it than that. The postcard offered us a 50% discount on all future bookings for the year. But, frankly, I stopped reading carefully after I saw the words Mrs. Worthington and wedding.
“Alice, what’s going on?” Tristan asks, taking the postcard out of my hand.
17
I take a deep breath. This is my chance. Tristan knows and he doesn’t really even know he knows.
“I have something to tell you,” I say. “Can you sit down?”
I can tell by the look on his face that he isn’t mad yet. Not even angry. Instead, he has this vacant look in his eyes. Like soldiers do in war movies, right after their friends get blown up. Shell-shocked.
Tristan sits down and I tell him everything. I don’t even try to sugar coat it. I just tell him the truth. Exactly as it happened. He listens quietly and doesn’t interrupt me once.
“I don’t understand,” he says after I’m done. “You’re actually married?”
I hate that word. It makes me sound so old and worldly and stupid at the same time.
I nod. “Yes, technically. But hopefully not for long.”
“To my best friend, Dylan?”
I didn’t know that they were best friends now. That’s news to me. I nod.
“To our roommate, Dylan?” Tristan asks. I nod again.
“And you two, what, slept together? On top of that?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I say after a moment. “I honestly don’t know. But maybe.”
“Oh my God, Alice! Oh my God! What were you thinking?” He gets up and starts pacing around the room.
I want him to sit down, but I’m afraid to reach out to him. Afraid that he’ll push me away and never talk to me again.
“I wasn’t,” I say. “I was really upset about us. I wanted to let out some steam. So we all drank a little too much. And I got really drunk.”
“Yeah, everyone drank too much, but it was only you and Dylan who got married and slept together. Why? Why did you do that?”
Tristan’s eyes search my face. I see longing and desperation in them. I want to make it all go away. But I can’t.
“And you know what else, you were never going to tell me about this, were you Alice?” he asks. “If I didn’t see this stupid postcard, you and Dylan were just never going to tell me. You were just going to go on and pretend like nothing had happened.”
“No…we weren’t,” I lie.
“Yes, you were!” he yells in my face. The hair on the back of my arms stands up.
“And what about Juliet? Does she know?”
I don’t reply. I simply look away from him.
“Oh shit! Juliet knows, doesn’t she? She knows?” Tristan says and goes back to pacing. “So, what do you all do? Do you all joke and laugh about this behind my back when I’m not here. Is that what you do?”
“No, no,” I say. Before I can get a hold of myself, I run up to him and throw my arms around his shoulders. “No, I’m so, so sorry, Tristan. You have to believe me.”
“Get the fuck off me!” He pushes me away. Hard. I lose my balance and fall to the floor. “I can’t believe you, Alice,” Tristan says, shaking his head. “I poured my heart out to you. I apologized for just flirting with Kathryn. And you just went out there and married our roommate. My best friend. What the fuck, Alice? Who the hell are you?”
I don’t know. I don’t know who I am. All I know is that I’m not the person that I once was and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be her again.
“Are you okay Alice? What are you doing on the floor?” Dylan walks into the living room.
“You!” Tristan yells. I don’t see him run past me, but suddenly he and Dylan are intertwined and withering around on the floor.
“Tristan, stop. Please,” I yell, but it’s to no avail. He punches Dylan in the face. He tries to punch him again, but Dylan blocks the second punch. And instead, knees him in the groin.
“Tristan, Dylan, please stop!” I yell at the top of my lungs. But no one is listening to me. They’re back at it again. Pushing. Tussling. Fighting. At one moment, Dylan’s on top. But at the next, Tristan is. And then Dylan, again. And back to Tristan. Finally, I manage to grab someone’s shoulders. I pull as hard as I can. But he hardly budges.
BAM!
Everything turns to black. I can’t see anything. My whole face is tingling and throbbing. When I grab my nose to try to numb the pain, I feel something hot and sticky. I pull my hand away and see that I’m covered in blood. My nose is bleeding. I can’t see out of one eye.
“Tristan, what the fuck are you doing?” I hear someone say somewhere very far away. I recognize the voice. It belongs to Dylan. But he’s speaking in slow motion.
“Are…you….okay?” Dylan asks me. I see him above me. He’s still talking incredibly slowly. I try to say yes, but nothing comes out. My blood over my body is freaking me out. My heart starts to beat faster. My breaths get shallower. My hands and legs go numb. And everything turns blurry.
“Alice? Alice?” I hear someone one’s voice somewhere above me. It’s a female voice. I try to open my eyes. But I only manage to get one open. The light from the lamp causes me great pain and shut it quickly. The other one doesn’t open at all.
“Oh my God, Alice,” I hear the girl say again. “What the fuck is wrong with you two?”
“It was an accident. He didn’t mean to elbow her,” a guy says.
“I don’t care. You shouldn’t have been fighting in the first place,” she says. Juliet. It’s Juliet, I decide.
“He started it,” the guy says. And suddenly, everything starts to come back to me.
Tristan finding the postcard. Telling him about the accidental wedding. Dylan walking in. Tristan and Dylan fighting. Trying to stop them. Getting elbowed in the face. My nose bleeding. I don’t remember this, but that’s probably when I must’ve passed out.
I sit up and look around. I can barely see out of my left eye. The eyelid feels incredibly heavy and I don’t have enough strength to lift it. Al
l I can make is a little slit.
“You need to put some ice on that,” Juliet says. She goes to the refrigerator and gets me a bag of frozen berries.
“Here. We don’t have any peas, but this should do.”
“Where’s Tristan?” I ask, taking the berries. I press the bag onto my eye. It relieves some of the pain from the swelling but brings about more of a different kind of pain from pressing something so cold onto such a sensitive surface.
“I don’t know,” she says with a shrug.
“He’s outside,” Dylan says.
“What the hell happened, Dylan?” I ask.
“I don’t know, what the hell happened to you? You weren’t supposed to tell him anything! Or don’t you remember that little promise?”
“I wasn’t going to. But that stupid hotel sent us a postcard thanking us for getting married there, with some sort of discount for future stays. He saw it,” I say.
I point to the dining room table where the postcard, which has ruined my life, lays innocently.
“Shit,” Dylan says, picking it up. “Why would they do this?”
No one says anything for a few moments.
“It’s probably for the best,” I finally say. “He was going to find out anyway.”
“But not like this,” Dylan says.
Dylan goes to his room. And then comes out with a concerned look on his face.
“Do you know where my phone is?” he asks. “I just had it.”
“I saw it earlier,” Juliet says. “It was on the floor when you two were fighting.”
Juliet helps Dylan look for his phone while I continue to sit motionlessly in a daze.
“It’s not here,” Dylan says. His voice is getting frantic. What’s the big deal? I wonder. Who the hell cares about a phone right now?
“It’s not here, Alice,” he says.
“So?”
“So? So? Don’t you know what this means?”
“What?”
“Tristan must’ve took it,” Dylan says. His face drains of all color. I stare at him.
Auctioned to Him 7: The Contract Page 130