by Amber Garza
Clint chuckles. “See ya later, man.”
“Yeah, see ya around,” I respond as he saunters off.
I hop up onto my chair, making sure not to sit on Harper’s bracelet, and reach for my binoculars. Through the lenses I keep an eye out, watching the beach on high alert. A couple strolls past me, hand in hand in their bathing suits. To my right a little girl builds a sandcastle. She works with precision getting it just right. When she’s finally satisfied she claps and lets out a squeal a moment before her brother stomps on it. I turn away as she bursts into tears. In the water a family of four body surfs. The dad holds tightly to the youngest daughter’s hand as they ride the enormous, foamy waves.
I’ve always loved the beach. It’s the most peaceful place in the world to me. It’s sunny and warm, and smells like salty air. And it reminds me of my childhood. As a kid we spent every weekend at the beach. My dad would joke that it was free entertainment and we’d be stupid not to take advantage of it. It’s been years since Mom came here. In fact, I don’t think she’s come out here once since Dad passed away. Then again, she doesn’t really go anywhere anymore. The thought of that causes my insides to twist into knots.
Maybe that’s why I like the beach so much. It reminds me of happier times, when everything was right in my world.
I hear a scream, and snap my head up. Luckily it’s a happy squeal. Only a young girl being chased by her friend. My shoulders relax, and I take a deep breath. A group of girls who look to be in their early twenties amble past me. One of them throws me a wink. She’s wearing a large sun hat, sunglasses and a flowery bikini. She’s pretty in that classic way I normally am so attracted to. But for some reason, I can’t get Harper out of my head. I flash her a cautious smile, careful not to seem flirty at all. It’s so weird for a girl I just met to get under my skin like this.
“Mom, I’m home,” I call as I step inside the house after work. My skin still reeks of salt water and suntan lotion. The air inside our house is cool, and it causes goose bumps to rise on my sun-drenched flesh.
It’s dark, all the curtains drawn. Silence surrounds me.
“Mom!” I call out again, even though I know it’s futile. Clearly she’s still in bed, probably with the covers over her head.
Dropping my keys along with my sunglasses and the bracelet on the little table near the front door, I head down the hallway. When I reach Mom’s bedroom door my stomach knots. Carefully I push it open. Sure enough, I see the outline of her body under the comforter. Dark hair spills over the pillow. I step back into the hallway, closing the door behind me.
She’s getting worse. I need to make her see that therapist again, but I feel exhausted thinking about fighting her on it. Shoulders slumped, I make my way into my room and grab a fresh change of clothes. Then I go into the bathroom to take a shower and wash the sea off.
The hot water feels good as it beats down on my back. Steam rises and circles my body as I lather soap into my skin, scrubbing off the dirt and grime. I remember how Harper was covered in mud when she stood up. It coated her flesh like a second skin. That’s probably why she raced off so fast, so she could wash it off. It was obvious to me that she would rather endure the itchiness than wash herself off in the ocean.
Thinking about the bracelet sitting near the front door, my heart skips a beat. Tomorrow I’m off, so I’ll take it down to that law office. On my break I googled it and found out the office is called Carrow and Barnes, and it’s only a few miles from my house. I try to imagine what she’ll look like all dressed up for work. I’ve only ever seen her dripping wet, and that was amazing. She didn’t seem too thrilled with it, but it definitely agreed with her. And if I have my way, I’ll be seeing her like that again very soon.
After showering and getting dressed, I start making dinner. Mom loves pasta, so I throw some into a pot of boiling water and start chopping some veggies. Maybe I can lure her out with her favorite meal. In a skillet I add some tomatoes, garlic, basil and onion. Pretty soon the whole kitchen smells like an Italian restaurant. I hear stirring toward the back of the house, and my spirits lift.
“Tag?” Mom’s quiet voice calls out.
“Out here, Mom. I’m making your favorite dinner.”
When she enters the room, she’s wearing the same pair of flannel pajamas she had on yesterday. Her dark hair is matted and sticks to her head in little clumps. Dark circles ring her eyes, and her face is drawn and pale. “What time is it?” She rubs her eyes.
“It’s six o’clock.”
“At night?”
I nod, her words alarming me. She must’ve been in bed all day.
“Oh, goodness,” she says. “Maybe I should take a shower or bath or something.” Glancing down, she turns up her nose in disgust. “And get out of these pajamas.”
“That sounds great, Mom. Why don’t you do that while I finish making dinner?”
“You’re so good to me.” Mom stiffly walks across the kitchen and pecks me on the cheek. Her lips are cold and lifeless, but it feels good. It’s not often that Mom shows me affection. Usually she’s lost in her own world.
“Go take that shower.” I nudge her, feeling hopeful that she wants to clean herself up. It’s always a good sign when she initiates something like that.
“Okay.” She moves slowly out of the kitchen. As I hear her feet shuffling on the carpet in the hallway, I turn back to the stove and stir the sauce. Once it starts simmering, I put some garlic bread into the oven. The smell of spices, garlic and fresh baked bread wafts under my nose and, my stomach growls.
The shower turns off down the hall and drawers open and close. I drain the noodles and then pour the sauce over the top. Then I take out the garlic bread and slice it up. Mom’s footsteps near the kitchen again. I lift my head to greet her. Immediately, I know something’s not right. Her hair is wet, her face scrubbed clean, but she’s back in her pajamas.
“Ready for dinner?” I ask in my most cheerful voice.
“I’m not very hungry. I think I’m gonna go lay down.” She doesn’t meet my gaze before turning around.
“Mom.” I follow her. “You have to eat. C’mon. For me?”
Her eyes collide with mine, and I’m practically swallowed whole by the sadness inside. My mom used to be so beautiful and vibrant. Now she’s a shell of her former self. It’s like the pain and darkness have stolen any light or happiness she once had inside. “Maybe later. I don’t feel up to it right now.”
I nod, choking back the lump in my throat. When her door clicks closed, I head back into the kitchen. Staring down at the meal I prepared, I don’t feel that hungry anymore either.
3
HARPER
I TAP MY foot impatiently while sitting at the red light. My gaze flicks down to the clock in my car and I groan, sure that I’m going to be late for work. Not like that’s something new. I’m late almost every day. You’d think I’d be able to get it together at some point, but no matter what I do, I end up being late. This morning I even got up ten minutes earlier, but then my hair wouldn’t cooperate and I spilled coffee on the first blouse I put on.
The minute the light changes I press my foot down hard on the gas and speed forward. By the time I pull into the parking lot of Carrow and Barnes, I’m only a few minutes late. Unfortunately both attorneys’ cars are already parked in their spaces. But I’m not surprised. I think they get here at the butt crack.
With fast movements, I yank my purse off the passenger seat and hop out of my car. I walk swiftly across the parking lot, my high heels clicking with each step. The scent of paper and files greet me when I open the glass door. I race to my desk and hurriedly switch on the phones and my computer. It roars to life with a hum. The phone immediately starts ringing, and I answer it while Jack Barnes walks past my desk with a cup of coffee in hand.
I smile at him as I greet the caller, hoping he didn’t notice my tardiness. By the half smile he gives me in return I can tell that he did. Swiveling in my chair, I transfer the caller to Ma
rk Carrow’s secretary. Then I slip on my headset and walk to the break room to grab a cup of coffee. Since I spilled mine, I’m in desperate need of one.
“Morning, Harper,” Jack’s secretary Carol greets me. She’s stirring some sugar and cream into a large cup of coffee.
“Morning,” I say slipping past her and grabbing a mug out of the cupboard.
I reach for the coffee pot, the aromatic smell filling my senses. I feel more awake from getting a whiff. After pouring myself a generous cup, I don’t bother adding in cream or sugar. I need it fully leaded today.
“So, did you do anything fun over the weekend?” Carol asks, taking a bite out of a sugary pastry. Frosting coats her lips. She wipes it off with her fingers.
“It was Kate’s birthday, so I went to the beach for her party.”
“You went to the beach?” Carol asks around a mouthful of breakfast.
I wince. Carol literally eats all day long. She often wonders why she can’t lose weight, and I don’t even bother pointing out the obvious. “It wasn’t a big deal,” I brush off her words. Although the truth is that it was a big deal. Ever since going to the beach the nightmares have started again. Not to mention the fact that I lost my bracelet. That bracelet is literally the only gift I’ve ever gotten from my dad. It means everything to me, and now it’s gone. I could kill Jacob. The only ray of light was meeting Tag, but even that doesn’t matter. I’ll never see him again. What lifeguard wants to date a girl who’s terrified of the water? Still I can’t stop thinking about him. I mean, sure he was hot. Like one of the hottest guys ever. But it was more than that. There was something about the intense way he looked me and the protective tone he used when speaking to Jacob. It made me wonder what it would be like to be loved by someone like that. Someone who would take care of me in a way I never have been before. The headset beeps in my ear cutting into my internal thoughts. I look up at Carol. “Oops, gotta go. The phone.” I point to my ear and hurry back to my desk.
The rest of my morning is a flurry of phone calls and emails. Mondays are always the worst. It’s like all of our clients sit around on Saturday and Sunday waiting for the office to open back up. By eleven, I’m exhausted. Even my strong cup of coffee doesn’t seem to be helping. When there is a slight lull, I reach into my purse and apply some lip gloss. Then I head back into the break room to get one more cup of coffee. As I walk back to my desk, I hear the door ding. I put my coffee down and glance up.
My breath hitches in my throat at the sight of him. What is he doing here? Even though he’s in jeans and a black shirt, not his lifeguard outfit, I still recognize him. I may have only met him for a few minutes, but he made an impression. “Tag?”
“You remembered.” He smiles, a little dimple forming on his cheek.
I seriously melt. My knees buckle, so I discreetly sink down onto my chair. “Wow, when I made that quip about legal troubles, I didn’t actually think you had any.”
“Oh, no, I’m not here for legal advice,” he says. “I’m here for you.”
The air leaves me, and I feel dizzy. “Me?”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out my bracelet. “Is this yours?”
I gasp. “My bracelet! I thought I’d lost it for good.”
“Nope. Not lost.” He reaches out his hand. “Want me to help you put it back on?”
I nod and hold out my wrist. His fingers brush over my skin as he pulls the bracelet around my wrist. I shiver. After he fastens the clasp, disappointment sinks into my gut. I was enjoying his touch.
As he takes a step back, I swallow hard. “Thanks. But you didn’t have to come all the way down here.”
“I know I didn’t have to. I wanted to.” His light eyes sparkle, and I find myself mesmerized.
“I can’t believe you remembered where I worked. That’s crazy. What do you like have a photographic memory or something?”
“I remember the important things.”
“And where I worked was important?” This whole conversation has thrown me for a loop. And am I kind of flirting?
“Very.”
My cheeks warm up. Carol walks past my desk but slows down when she sees Tag. Her eyebrows raise, and I give her a sharp look. Taking the warning, she presses her lips together and keeps walking.
The phone rings, and my stomach drops. I don’t want anything to interrupt us. I don’t want him to walk out of my life. I know it seems insane since we just met, but there’s something about him that intrigues me. “Um…I have to get that,” I say apologetically.
“It’s okay. I’ll wait.” He shoves his hands in his pockets, and it causes his arm muscles to bulge.
I answer swiftly and get the person transferred. Then I look up at Tag, still having a hard time believing he’s here in my office. Guys don’t normally pursue me like this. Not to mention the fact that he saved me from drowning in shallow water. He should think I’m crazy, not be going out of his way to find me.
“You have a nice voice,” he says, catching me off guard.
“What?”
“Yeah, when you answer the phone,” he says simply.
“Thanks.” I lower my gaze.
“Well, I guess I should let you get back to work.”
I feel disappointed at the thought of him leaving, but I nod. “Thanks for bringing my bracelet. That was really nice of you.”
“Sure.” He starts to turn around, but then faces me again. “Hey, do you think maybe you’d like to go to dinner or something sometime?”
I release the breath I’d been holding. “Yes, I’d love that.”
“Great.” He pulls out his phone. “Maybe I could get your number?”
“Sure.” Smiling, I rattle it off and he inputs it into his smartphone. Long after he leaves I realize that I’m still smiling. Carol walks by again and gives me a funny look.
“Who was that?” she whispers as she sidles up to me.
“A guy I met at the beach yesterday,” I whisper back, glancing around to make sure no one else can hear us.
“One of Kate’s friends?”
“No. He’s a lifeguard actually.”
“Does he know you don’t swim?”
“Yes.” My cheeks flame. “He actually sort of saved me from drowning.”
“Oh my god!” Carol yelps and then slaps her mouth shut. “Sorry, but that is so romantic.” Carol has been married for almost twenty years and has two teenage kids. She tends to live vicariously through me at times. I can already see her fantasizing the whole romance between Tag and I in her mind.
The phone rings, signaling the end of our conversation. As I answer it, my heart soars with the possibilities. For once I’m actually glad I went to the beach.
It took him three days to call me. I was starting to think that he wouldn’t, and it left me puzzled. I couldn’t figure out why he’d even bother to get my number if he wasn’t going to use it. And the longer I waited, the more I realized that I did want to hear from him. It’s been so long since I’ve been attracted to someone like this that it even takes me by surprise. I didn’t dare tell Kate about him coming by the office. She’d be planning our wedding and naming our kids.
I was so relieved when he finally called today to ask me out for this Friday night. Immediately after hanging up with him I call Kate.
“I knew you were keeping something from me,” she says after I tell her.
I stretch my legs out on my bed, pressing the phone to my ear. “I wasn’t sure if he was really gonna call. I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”
“Sounds like you really like him,” she responds. “Not that I blame you. He was hot.”
I giggle. “Totally.” Loud noise sounds on the other end of the line, like girls chattering. “Your roommates are home?” I ask her.
“Yep.”
“So, can you come over tomorrow and help me pick out something to wear?” Kate has much better fashion sense than I do.
“I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t we go shopping tomorrow afternoon w
hen you get off work?”
I stand up and walk to my closet. After opening the door, I finger the rack of clothes. “Yeah, I guess my clothes are pretty boring. I could use something new.” My savings account is pretty sad, but I’m sure I have enough money for a decent outfit.
“Cool. I’ll swing by and pick you up.”
“Thanks, Kate. You’re the best.”
“I know,” she answers jokingly. Laughing and squealing fill the line again. I have no idea how she stands living with all those girls. I would go nuts. When she first moved into the house she wanted me to move in too. I’ll admit, it was tempting. I would do almost anything to move out of here and get away from my parents. But I don’t make much at the firm and my school bills are through the roof. I couldn’t justify it. Now that I know Kate’s roommates, I’m kind of glad it worked out the way it did.
“What are you guys doing tonight?”
“I’m staying in. I’ve got a paper to write. But I think the other girls are going bar hopping or something.” Kate’s taking summer classes. I opted not to. I need a break this summer.
“Do they ever stay in?” I ask, plopping down on the edge of my bed.
“Not if they don’t have to.”
I giggle. “Okay, well, enjoy your quiet evening.”
“You too. See you tomorrow.” She clicks off, and I fling the phone down on the bed. Mom and Dad’s voices float under the door from downstairs. The scent of food lingers. I stand up and head out of my room. The door to the room across the hall is open, causing me to stop in my tracks. Why would it be open? No one goes in there. As if being pulled by magnetic force, I move forward. The last thing I want to do is go into that room, but for some reason I do anyway. As always I’m startled at the fact that it hasn’t changed over the years. All of Heather’s things are still where she left them. My heart in my throat, I step in further. Pink surrounds me. Heather’s stuffed animals seem to taunt me with their large, happy smiles. I catch my reflection in the mirror above her dresser. Bringing my hand up, I stroke my cheek. I wonder if she would look like this now. I mean, I guess she would. We were identical twins. You could hardly tell us apart when we were little. The ache of missing her spreads across my chest, making it hard to breathe. I glance at the floor and see two empty boxes. What’s that for?