by Koethi Zan
CHAPTER 17
Twenty miles outside of Stillwater, Adam squeezed into the breakfast nook of a fastidiously kept suburban kitchen across from Melissa Kruger, née Lassiter. Twelve when her brother had been killed, her hair had turned dark since then and her features had developed what one might call character. She was barely recognizable from the pictures he’d seen on the microfilm. Two years ago, she’d sent him the atlas with a letter urging him to follow this lead, but had refused to meet or even speak on the phone. She’d called him this time though. For some reason, she’d changed her mind and was ready to talk.
‘I have something for you,’ she’d said on the phone and Adam had rushed over.
Now he shaded his eyes from the morning sun streaking across the walnut tabletop, hoping for a new lead at last.
‘I’d like my name kept out of it, okay? You know, the kids are in school. I don’t want this story starting up again.’
Adam nodded. ‘I’ll do the best I can.’
This had to be good.
She lifted a box from the floor beneath the bay window and set it between them on the table.
‘Go ahead,’ she said, obviously happy to relinquish this treasure. ‘All yours.’
Trying to look calmer than he was, Adam slowly lifted the lid and set it aside. Wrapped in turquoise tissue paper was a pink-and-white striped backpack.
‘I found the atlas in that bag. I thought that would be enough for you. But I guess not, since the case is still open.’
Adam ignored her thinly veiled criticism and pulled a pair of latex gloves out of his pocket. If they could still manage to lift a print it would be the first one he had. He didn’t even have a photograph of her. This would be an actual physical link. It could mean everything.
‘Oh, you won’t need those,’ she said somewhat sheepishly. ‘When I found it, I washed it in the machine and wiped down every single thing in it. I know that makes it a lot less useful to you. I’m sorry.’
Adam rested his hands back on the table, feeling the blood drain out of his face. He could not catch a break, could he?
‘Why did you do that?’
‘I thought … well, at first I’d planned to throw it in the dumpster behind the mini-mart, but something made me keep it. I wasn’t thinking about proving who’d killed him – I didn’t suspect her then. I just didn’t want it traced back to my brother. Some things had happened between the two of them that I wanted to stay secret.’
‘Melissa, I hate to remind you, but it wasn’t going to make any difference to him by then.’
‘It would have made a big difference to my parents though. If the full truth about Reed had come out it would have tarnished their memories. I knew he would have wanted me to keep this to myself. That girl was already long gone anyway, and no one seriously believed she could be involved back then, especially not the cops. A sweet young girl like that? It was only years later that I decided I’d been naïve.’
‘What did your parents think?’
‘They thought it was drug-related like everyone else. They blamed Joy. Thought Reed was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I knew better.’
‘No one was suspicious when she left town?’
She shrugged.
‘We all knew she was moving. A couple of kids at school joked about the timing, but that’s about it.’
‘So why are you giving me the backpack now?’
‘My mom died three months ago and my dad has Alzheimer’s. Reed didn’t care what anyone else thought. This is the only lead that was never followed up on. It’s my last hope.’
‘I see. Where’d you find it?’
‘In his room, under the bed. When they first found the bodies, I was so upset that I crawled under there to hide. We’d always done that as kids when our parents fought or if we were afraid of a thunderstorm or whatever. It was our safe place together. And there it was. I recognized it, took a look inside. That’s when I understood the situation.’
She took a deep breath.
‘The two of them had come here a couple of times and I’d watched them together. I got the picture. Listen, my brother was the absolute king of the bad seeds, but he didn’t deserve to die.’
‘Of course not.’ He paused. ‘My gut tells me you’re right about her. But I’ve gone down the wrong path before. I have to be sure this time.’
She nodded in the direction of the backpack.
‘You’ll see. It doesn’t exactly prove she did it, but it explains why she might have.’ She paused. ‘Just promise me no matter what you find out about him, you’ll keep in mind that he was just a young kid who got mixed up with a bad crowd. Whatever it is he did, she still deserves to be punished.’
Her face wrinkled up. She was on the verge of tears but managed to hold them back.
‘I’m sorry,’ Adam whispered.
‘No one else has seen that letter. I hope it helps.’
Adam lifted the backpack off the table and set it between his legs. He unzipped the pink plastic zipper – it was a cheap bag but made of the kind of vinyl material that would be filling landfills long after humans were obliterated. In it were a couple of schoolbooks – a math textbook and a copy of A Separate Peace – and a red plastic wallet.
He took out the wallet first. There was no money or ID, just a worn-out library card from Reno.
He took out the math book and flipped through it. Tucked in the front cover was an envelope.
He looked up at Melissa. She nodded. It was addressed to Reed and was in her handwriting, which he recognized from samples he’d collected from other towns, other schools, and her scribblings in the margins of the atlas. The envelope had been torn open.
‘Did he read this? Or did you?’ he asked.
‘It was opened already. I think it will help you understand.’
He clutched the letter to his chest, forgetting for a moment about the woman in front of him. Here at last he held something significant. He took it out and read silently.
Dear Reed,
Since you won’t talk to me, I’m writing this letter. You deserve to know the truth.
It went on for two pages in her loopy scrawl. When he finished, his hands twitched as he slid the letter back into the envelope.
Now he knew Laura’s secret. And he knew that Reed Lassiter had known it too.
CHAPTER 18
That night Cora lay in bed alone, listening to the fallen leaves rustling outside her window. The air blew gently over her skin, crisp and invigorating. It was her favorite time of year but there was no one to share it with. James had been gone for five days.
As she drifted into sleep, she heard the girl stirring. Why was she making noise at this hour?
Cora sighed. The girl was an irritant, driving her crazy of late. Of course she would cause a problem just as Cora settled into bed after a long day. She flipped over and covered her head with her pillow, but the noise grew louder. No way to ignore it. Giving in, she tossed her covers aside, slid her feet into her slippers, and wrapped her robe around her.
The hallway was dark as she tiptoed to the spare room between them and turned the doorknob. It smelled of talcum powder and rubbing alcohol in there. They hadn’t yet removed the oxygen tank, the hospital bed, or the spare canisters that lined the far wall. There was hardly space to listen in next door.
Cora found a spot though and, gathering up her nightgown beneath her, sank to the floor closest to where the sounds emanated. The girl was just on the other side, crying.
Spreading her fingers slowly, Cora lifted both hands to the thin wall. So little separated them physically, and yet they were worlds apart.
Yes, there she was: that beast, that animal, that nuisance.
How had everything gone so wrong?
Cora sighed. She’d have to deal with this. She stood up, walked out to the hallway, and banged on the girl’s door.
‘Quiet down in there!’
But the sobbing continued.
Exasperated, Cora slid open
the slot they’d cut in at eye level and took a look. The girl’s wild eyes stared back at her through the hard clear plastic.
‘I’m sorry,’ the girl whined. ‘I can’t help it.’
Cora muttered angrily to herself as she unbolted the locks and stepped inside the room. The girl sat on the bed, not bothering to get into position, sobbing into her knees. She wouldn’t have dared do that with James.
Cora would have to be stern.
‘You have to stop this nonsense. It’s been long enough. Accept your destiny, girl.’
‘I’ll never accept this,’ she spat out. ‘I might as well be dead.’
If only. Cora looked at her thin neck, the pulse beating hard inside it. She could so easily squeeze it and stop that infernal thud, thud, thud.
‘Watch out or you will be. You live at his mercy and under his protection. He thinks you’re part of the Revelation. I’m not so sure. You’d better hope and pray he’s right this time.’
The girl turned pale. Cora thought for a minute she might faint, but instead she clutched the folds of Cora’s nightgown for support. Cora rolled her eyes but let her keep holding it. She was weak today.
‘You can’t believe any of this,’ the girl said. ‘You must see that he’s manipulating you to do his bidding. You’re nothing but a slave.’
Cora put her hand on the girl’s arm, reached up and touched her tangled hair, pulled a strand out to its full length. Pretty, even like this.
‘Not a slave. A Follower. I’m the only one now, but it wasn’t always like that. There were many of us at Stover, more than twenty at one time. I have seen the paradise at the end of the Path. I have seen it. And we will have it again. We will rebuild the Kingdom.’
The girl shrank away from her, but Cora wanted her to understand. Cora wasn’t a fool and she wouldn’t be mistaken for one. She paused, wondering how much she should explain, then she took the girl’s hands in her own. They were soft and delicate like a child’s.
‘It was wonderful. We all gave what we had to the Divine Family. We lived side by side, toiling together in peace, in service to the Chosen One. He gave us strength and spiritual sustenance.’
Cora remembered James’s face, glowing with love in those days. They were as one when he handed her the golden cup of forgiveness at evening circle, or took the plow to lighten her load under the beating sun.
‘James and I led the others in glory, guiding them to righteousness, in perfect communion with one another. He did not need to speak, I knew his thoughts, his wishes, his every desire, as he knew mine. We had created a heaven on earth.’
The girl had stopped crying and was staring at Cora, her eyes rimmed with red.
‘If it was so great, why aren’t the Followers here with you now?’
‘Hush, girl.’
‘They left, didn’t they?’
‘Shut up.’
Cora dropped her hands and rose to stand.
‘They got away, didn’t they? They saw how he was and they ran.’
‘Be quiet, girl. You don’t understand. The devil took their souls.’
‘If they could escape, then so can you. We can get out of here together.’
‘Heretics. Blasphemers. They were overcome by doubt and sin.’
‘They came to their senses.’
‘They were evil. They wrote things on the walls of our trailer. Insults, threats – oh, the perverse things they wrote. They called him … I will not say it.’ Cora felt her great passion for him returning, slipping through her body like electricity.
‘All we worked for, all we sacrificed.’ She turned to the girl, as if she could ever understand. ‘That’s when the Dark Spirits came and the Great Struggle began, when they left us. They’re to blame.’
‘You mean that’s when he started drinking? Taking drugs? Went insane? Because he’s not in his right mind. You see that, don’t you?’
‘Liar! Blasphemer!’ Cora raised her hand to strike, but stopped in mid-air, forcing herself to regain her composure. The girl must not judge him for his ways now. ‘What do you think will happen if I tell him what you said?’
The girl looked directly into her eyes.
‘I don’t think you will. I think there’s good in you yet.’
Cora turned away, a stab of regret shooting through her heart. This girl must have been sent to test her.
‘You don’t understand. The Dark Spirits force him to do things he would find shameful – that he will find shameful when his senses are restored. We have to believe. I wish I could express to you the great beauty that is in store for us both when the Revelation is fulfilled.’
Cora looked sorrowfully at this girl.
‘I was like you once. It takes time to process the Word. You waste your time parsing over the past, the regrets and the blame, trying to find meaning in them. There is no meaning there, only useless pain. There is another Path. Empty your mind of those things and be free.’
She felt powerless, unable to express what she needed to make her understand. Of course, the girl couldn’t appreciate that her current suffering was merely a bridge to a greater world. It was hard enough for Cora to remember that all the time herself.
Indeed, she saw suddenly with perfect clarity how she had been failing. Failing James, failing the Revelation, failing herself. How she’d let the little things – her own desires, her wishes, her petty grievances – overcome what she knew in her heart to be right and just. In thinking those unclean thoughts, she’d let herself become diverted from the Path. She resolved to be better, stronger.
Cora reached out and touched the girl’s soft cheek, tracing a sunken line with her fingertip.
‘It’s going to be magical, when the Revelation comes to pass. Wait and see. You will learn to embrace your destiny. You will see the golden sunrise and the fury of a thousand stars shall light the Path.’
The girl just shook her head, her eyes squeezed shut. Why was she so determined to resist the Word?
Cora stood up.
‘You have helped me to renew my strength tonight. I see things more clearly than ever. Perhaps you have another purpose that was not revealed to us before. It is a good thing. It is a gift.’
The girl just sat there in silence, her chest rising and falling, her lips quivering. Cora deigned to give her a slight smile as she left the room and bolted the door behind her. She walked steadily back to her own room, elated, inspired, her heart pounding with her own restored fervor.
Perhaps all was not lost. Maybe this was a new beginning after all.
CHAPTER 19
Reed was waiting by her locker before first period, but she ignored him, refusing to look up. She would never speak to him again. Maybe she’d stop going to school, convince her father it was time to move on.
He leaned over her open locker door and lifted a finger to her cheek, brushing it lightly.
‘That wasn’t nice of me, was it?’ He smiled in that way he had that said everything in life was one big joke.
She didn’t say a word. She wanted him to twist there in the wind.
‘Aw, come on, Laura. Yes, it was mean, but I couldn’t help it. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision. I kept thinking, what would happen if I just left? That would be ridiculous – an existentialist act of will. It was so fucking wrong, I couldn’t not do it, now could I?’
He grabbed her arm, pulling her closer to him. She was furious with herself for being sucked in, but she couldn’t help the way her body responded to him.
‘It was really – you really hurt me, Reed. I can’t – I don’t think we can be friends anymore.’ Even as she said it she knew it wasn’t true.
‘Let’s go out tonight. Just you and me this time. I know a place under a bridge. It’s even scarier.’ He leaned over her, whispered in her ear while he tugged at a piece of her hair with one hand. ‘I’ll tie you up and leave you there.’
‘That’s not funny.’ But she was looking up at him, already wondering whether it was too soon to forgive him and still
keep her dignity intact.
‘I know. It’s not,’ he said, wrapping his arm around her waist. She held herself stiffly against him. He pulled back from her, studying her with those soulful blue eyes of his, looking serious for once.
‘Laura, I mean it. I’m sorry. That was a shitty thing to do. I always – I just do stupid stuff. Showing off or whatever. I mess everything up.’
He squinted his eyes shut and held the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, shaking his head.
‘Can you forgive me? I didn’t mean to hurt you.’
Cora didn’t reply. A knot had formed in her stomach. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for him because she knew what that was like. She messed everything up too.
‘Meet me at Joy’s apartment at ten? After your father passes out?’
She nodded slightly, still unsure of him. He smiled, gave her a delicate kiss on the cheek, and walked off to class.
She couldn’t take her eyes off him as he swaggered down the hall. He was surely wicked, but it was a wickedness she could not resist. Her brain told her to stay away, leave him alone, but she knew she’d follow him to the ends of the earth if he wanted.
And on that night, she followed him to Joy’s apartment, just as he’d asked. He was late, of course, and at first she thought he was standing her up. She was putting on her coat to leave, cursing her own stupidity, when he walked in with his usual sly grin on his face. He held out a bag of chips. His mouth was full and he crunched loudly, smelling of booze.
No respect whatsoever. Her heart sank.
‘No, thanks,’ she said. What was he thinking? She was an idiot for coming here. Yet when he sat down on the couch to tie his shoe, she started to take her coat off again.
‘Leave it on, we’re not staying here,’ he said with a mischievous grin.
They went out into the night. It wasn’t the kind of neighborhood where anyone went on midnight strolls. There were no sidewalks, just ditches off the verge. The brick ranch houses were mostly dark by now, except for a couple where the flickering televisions could be seen through front windows.