by Rex Stout
I don’t peddle hearsay; you can ask Judd.”
“I shall. Did you know how Bassett felt about Nixon and tapes?”
“Yes. A few months ago he and Judd were in Washington about some patents-know something about patents-and we spent a whole evening on Nixon and tapes. Bassett had the wild idea that Nixon could be sued for damages-ten million dollars-for slandering and defaming manufacturers of electronic recorders by using them for criminal and corrupt purposes. We couldn’t talk him out of it. He was a nut. I don’t know if he was balmy about his wife, but he was about that. Of course that was a part of how he made it big in business-his drive. He had that.
“What was said-decided-about it at that meeting?”
“Nothing was decided. Bassett wanted Vilar to say that it was difficult to persuade corporation executives to contract for security appliances and personnel because they thought Nixon had given electronic equipment a bad name. He wanted Urquhart to say that if you tried to lobby for anybody connected in any way with electronics, no one on the Hill would listen to you. He wanted Igoe to say that men working in electronics-all levels, top to bottom-were quitting and you couldn’t get replacements. He wanted Judd and me to say that all of that was actionable and we would act. God only knows what he wanted Hahn to do-maybe lend him a couple of million without interest to back the crusade.”
Wolfe was eying him. “And you grown men, presumably sentient, soberly discussed that drivel? Or were you tipsy?”
“No. Judd and I hadn’t even had martinis, because we knew Bassett would buy Montrachet and Chateau Latour. He always did. But you didn’t know Harvey Bassett. He could sell ice cubes to an Eskimo. Also, of course, he was a source of our income – for at least two of them a major source-and you don’t spit in the eye of the source of your income. You take a bite of roast pheasant and a sip of La-tour and pretend to listen hard. Most men do. I do. From what I’ve heard of you, maybe you don’t.”
“It’s a matter of style. I have mine. I have due regard for my sources of income. Is one-” “Like me, you have different clients for different cases. Who’s your client in this one?”
“I am. Myself. I have had my nose pulled. Spat upon. Pierre Ducos was murdered in a bedroom of my house. The man who did it will pay. Is one-” “Then why are you withholding evidence from the police?”
“Because it’s my job. And it may not be evidence; I’m finding out I start a question the third time: Is one of your clients connected in any way with Watergate?”
“Everyone in Washington is connected in some way with Watergate. That’s stretching it, but not much. The members of all those juries have thousands of relatives and friends. No present or former client of mine is or has been actually involved in Watergate. You’re supposed to be asking the questions, but ask another one. Do you really believe one of us six men killed Harvey Bassett? Or was implicated in his murder or the other one?”
“Of course I do. I’m paying three men forty dollars an hour to inquire about you. To your knowledge, have any of them been connected in any way with Watergate?”
“To my knowledge, no. If I were Haldeman, I would say not to my recollection, but I’m not Haldeman.”
“Where were you and what were you doing last Friday night, October twenty-fifth, from six P.M. to two A.M.?”
“By god, you ask it. I remember because that was the night Bassett died. I was at home in Washington. From nine P.M. on I was playing bridge with my wife and two friends until after midnight. I sleep late most Saturdays. At nine o’clock my wife woke me to tell me that Bassett had been murdered. What was the other one? Monday? I was at my office. In Washington. Next question.”
Wolfe likes to say that no alibi is impregnable, but I hoped he wouldn’t send me to crack that one. Wives and bridge-playing friends can lie, but there was Monday too, and for us that was the one we really wanted.
He looked at the wall clock. Eight minutes past eleven. “I’m short on sleep,” he said. “Are you going to see the District Attorney?”
Ackerman shook his head. “You heard what they said, especially Judd. He agrees with you; all we have is hearsay-from you. I’ll be short on sleep too. I’d like to make the midnight to Washington.”
“Then you’ll excuse me.”
Wolfe pushed his chair back and rose. “I’m going to bed.”
He headed for the door. Ackerman got up, told me, “He’s a goddam freak,” and walked out.
When Wolfe came down to the office at eleven o’clock Friday morning, Roman Vilar was sitting in the red leather chair. It had been a busy morning-for me-starting with the routine phone calls from the hired hands. I told them about the party we had had-that nothing had been learned to change the program, they were to carry on, Saul on Judd and Fred on Vilar. Orrie’s day at Rusterman’s had been a blank; no one had seen a stranger in the dump room Monday, day or night. Having been instructed by Wolfe-summoned on the house phone when I went to the kitchen for breakfast-I sicked Orrie on Benjamin Igoe.
There had been three phone calls. From Lon Cohen to say that they had been sorry not to get my usual contribution at the poker game-which was libel, since I win as often as he does and nearly as often as Saul Panzer-and to ask when I would spill a bean. From Bill Wengert of the Times to insinuate that he might let me have a short paragraph on page if I would bring it gift-packaged, addressed to him personally. From Francis Ackerman in his Washington office to say that if Wolfe wanted to see him again, tell him a day in advance, and to warn us that our phone might be tapped or our office bugged. Watergate had certainly got on lawyers’ nerves.
Not a peep from Cramer or the DA’s office. I had got Roman Vilar the third try, a little before ten, and he said he would have to cancel two appointments to come at eleven, and he would.
I had also done the chores, including drawing a check for three grand for Wolfe to sign because the fifteen hundred had about cleaned out the reserve cash box, and clipping November coupons from some municipal bonds-in the tidy pile in the upper compartment of the safe with its own lock. I made a face as I clipped, because the rate on those bonds was. per cent, and high-grade tax-exempt municipals then being issued returned close to per cent. Life is no joke if you’re in or above the -percent bracket, as Wolfe was. Equal to per cent on your money, and you only have to clip coupons-or have Archie Goodwin do it if you’re busy nursing orchids.
Roman Vilar was not Just a security errand boy. Fred had told me that Vilar Associates was maybe the biggest and best-known outfit in industrial security, and on the phone I had to go through two secretaries to get him. And he didn’t start the conversation by inviting questions, far from it. He offered Wolfe a job, and me too.
“Before we get onto Harvey Bassett and your problem,” he said, “I’d like to make a suggestion. One of my associates suggested it when I told him I was coming here, and three of us discussed it. We have some good investigators on our staff-two of them are absolutely top drawer-but as my associate said, think what it would mean if we were going after a contract with a big corporation, if we could say that if a really tough situation turned up we would put our best man on it, Nero Wolfe. Think what just the name would do. Of course there would be a certain amount of work for you, not too much, we know how you feel about work, but the main thing will be the name. I don’t have to tell you how famous you are, you know that, and that’s not all. There is also Archie Goodwin. We want him too, and the starting figure will be a hundred and twenty thousand for you, ten thousand a month, and thirty-six thousand for Goodwin, three thousand a month. We would prefer a five-year contract, but it could be three years if you prefer that, or even an option to terminate it at the end of a year if you would rather have it that way. Starting the first of the year, two months from now, but of course we could announce it immediately. I can see it, nothing loud or flashy, just a simple one-sentence announcement: ‘If a major problem arises, our Nero Wolfe will be available.’
” He was leaning forward in the chair, all his p
oints pointing-chin, nose, ears. “Of course,” he said, “I don’t expect an immediate answer. You’ll want to consider it. You’ll want to find out about us. But it’s a firm offer. I would sign a contract here and now.”
“Yes,” Wolfe said, I’ll want to find out about you. Where were you and what were you doing last Friday night, October twenty-fifth, from six P.M. to two A.M.?”
Vilar slid back in the chair. He grinned. didn’t expect that” Wolfe nodded. “A fair exchange. Near the end of my talk with Mr. Ackerman last evening he asked if I really believe one of you six men killed Harvey Bassett, and I said of course, I am paying three men forty dollars an hour to inquire about you. That isn’t ten thousand dollars a month, but it’s a thick slice. It shouldn’t take a month. You’re in the security business. Richard Nixon’s main buoy, in his frantic effort to keep himself afloat, was his plea of national security. Have you been involved in any way with any of the phenomena included in the term “Watergate’?”
“No.”
“Have you had any connection with anyone who has been involved?”
“One of the technicians who examined that tape with an eighteen-and-a-half-minute gap has done some work for me. Look, Wolfe. In my business I don’t answer questions, I ask them. Forget it. Where I was last Friday night, for instance. Go fly a kite. We should have gone along with Ackerman. I may go to the DA myself. Why don’t you? Why did you turn Hahn down? What are you trying to sell?”
Wolfe wiggled a finger. Regression again. Watergate had really loosened his hinges. “I’m not selling anything, Mr. Vilar.”
Vi-lar. “I’m buying satisfaction. Harvey Bassett wanted you to say that Richard Nixon had made it harder for you to sell your services. Had he in fact made it easier?”
“Well.”
Vilar stood up, no rush, taking his time. He looked down at Wolfe. It gives you an edge to look down at a man. “Well,” he said, ” go to the DA myself.”
“I doubt it,” Wolfe said. He turned to me. “What odds, Archie?”
I pursed my lips. “Four to one.”
Back to Vilar. “I’ll make it five to one. A hundred dollars to twenty that you won’t.”
Vilar turned and marched out. “Marched” is wrong. Marching takes good full steps, and his legs weren’t long enough. I followed him out and to the front with the idea of asking for a raise, four grand a month instead of three, but decided it wasn’t the right moment. Back in the office I told Wolfe, “Actually it’s ten to one. He’s the kind that lets out all his sail and then puffs to make his own wind.”
His eyes narrowed at me. “Who wrote that? Or said it?”
“I did. I’ve been looking through that book you just bought. The Southern Voyages, by that admiral, and I feel nautical. Is Vilar a murderer?”
“No. Possibly Bassett, but not Pierre. He wouldn’t risk getting that bomb. Security. Confound it, I doubt if any of them would; they have all submitted to the constraint of prudence. Do you agree?”
“No. One of them might have known where he could get hold of one without anybody knowing. And Igoe could probably make one himself.”
He grunted. “He is of course a menace. There is only one object on earth that frightens me: a physicist working on a new trick. Pfui. Reports?”
“Nothing to start a crack. Orrie didn’t get a glimmer at Rusterman’s, and I gave him Igoe. Saul, Judd is so solid and upright and well liked that he’ll probably get a monument. Fred, everybody has a good word for Vilar, but he suspects that if any of them had had enough to drink it would be a different story. Acker-” “When they call at one, tell them to come at six.”
“I already have. They aren’t earning their pay and they know it. Ackerman called from Washington to warn us that we may be phoning or talking on tape. That check on your desk is for the cash box, it’s low. The letter from Hewitt about a new orchid was mailed last Saturday. Six days from Long Island to Manhattan. Forty-two miles. I could walk it in one day.”
He reached for the pile of mail, glanced through it, and got up and went to the kitchen. Lunch was to be spareribs with a red-wine sauce that used eight herbs and spices, and he wanted to be sure Fritz didn’t skimp on the garlic. They disagree about garlic. Montenegro vs. Switzerland.
As a rule I keep personal matters out of these reports, but since you know that I had got to Benjamin Igoe through Lily Rowan, I should mention that I had called her twice to let her know that I had seen him and it had led to developments. That afternoon, after we had disposed of the spareribs and answered the mail and I had been to the bank to cash the check, and Wolfe had gone up for his afternoon session with the orchids, I rang her again, told her that I was still out of jail, and said that I would probably be free to spend the weekend as she had suggested if I would still be welcome.
“I’m pretty sure I could stand you for an hour,” she said, “and then we’ll see. Anyway I want to look at you. I just got back from lunch with Dora Bassett at her house, and she asked about you again. And she has never seen you. Have you got some kind of draw that doesn’t even need wires? Electronic?”
“No. Do me a favor. Don’t even mention electronics in my hearing. I’m sick and tired of electronics. Two favors. Tell me what she asked about me.”
“Oh, don’t get ideas. Nothing personal. She just asked if I had seen you and had you found out who put the bomb in Pierre’s coat, but of course she didn’t call him Pierre, she said ‘that man’ or ‘that waiter.’
I have a right to call him Pierre. As you know, I think he was the best waiter that ever fed me. He remembered that I like my fork at the right of my plate after just one time.”
But she didn’t ask what or how or why or when, although she knew we were working on it. Incredible. I’d buy a pedestal and put her on it if I thought she would stay. She would either fall off or climb down, I don’t know which.
Again at six o’clock, when Wolfe came down, there was someone in the red leather chair. Saul Panzer, and Fred and Orrie were in two yellow ones. For a change we all had martinis. Fred didn’t like the taste of gin but he wanted to be sociable. Wolfe would ring for beer, but he didn’t, and that was a bad sign. When he skips beer, have your raincoat and rubbers handy.
He sat and surveyed them. “Nothing?”
They nodded. Saul said, “Never have so many done so little. You and Archie have at least looked at them.”
“And seen nothing. Nothing that helps. Now. Weekends are always difficult, and don’t try. Archie won’t be here. Resume Monday morning. Fred, you will continue with Mr. Vilar. He’s uneasy, and you may learn why. Call Archie Monday morning as usual. Orrie. How many of them have you seen?”
“All but three. They weren’t there. One busboy saw someone in that room Monday he had never seen before, but he has only been there a week and anyway he’s not too bright. Also, most of them were cagey. They knew what I was after, about Pierre, and, like everybody else, they don’t want to be dragged in on a murder case. It’s just possible that you might get something if you saw all of them yourself, but I doubt it. I could bring them in batches.”
Of course he knew Wolfe wouldn’t. Neither Saul nor Fred would have said that. Wolfe ignored it. “You may as well continue with Mr. Igoe, but call Archie Monday morning. Saul. You could see Mr. Judd himself. Should you?”
Saul shook his head. “I doubt it. I even doubt if you should. I have covered him pretty well. You have seen him, here with the others.”
“Yes. I suppose Archie has told you that Mr. Hahn offered to pay me a hundred thousand dollars. I’ll have to see him myself. I have seen Mr. Ackerman, and Mr. Urquhart is in Washington. You suggested Wednesday evening that you should see Miss Ducos.”
“I said I could give it a try. I said Archie looks like a male chauvinist and I don’t.”
“Yes. See her. She feeds facts to a computer at New York University. Will she go to work tomorrow, Saturday?”
“Probably not, I’ll find out. I’ll want to ask Archie about her.”
/> Saul turned to me. “Any suggestions?”
“If I were a male chauvinist pig in good standing I’d say you might try raping her. As I said, she has good legs.”
“I’d like to have a try at her,” Orrie told Wolfe. “And Saul would be better with Igoe. Igoe’s very brainy. He’s a Ph.D.”
We looked at him, surprised. He was good with women all right, we all knew that, but suggesting to Wolfe-to Wolfe, not just to me-to switch an errand from Saul to him, that was a surprise.
Wolfe shook his head. “Saul offered first. Has Archie told you that two of them-Ackerman and Vilar have threatened to go to the District Attorney? We don’t think they will, but they might, and if they do we’ll have a problem. Mr. Cramer’s attention will be directed at those six men, and he will learn that I have sent you to inquire about them. You will be questioned. You know the stand Archie and I have taken with both Mr. Cramer and the District Attorney. That will be futile unless you take the same stand. Tell them absolutely nothing. Stand mute. You will probably be held as material witnesses, possibly even charged with obstruction of justice. Mr. Parker will of course arrange for your release on bail. It’s conceivable that eventually you’ll be on trial for a felony and convicted, but I’ll do everything in my power to prevent it.”
He tightened his lips, then: “I suggest an alternative. Either you stay and take the risk, or you leave the jurisdiction immediately. The country. Either Canada or Mexico. Of course, at my expense. If you go, you shouldn’t delay. At once. Tonight.”
“I’ll stay,” Fred said. “I’ve got an idea about Vilar.”
“What the hell,” Orrie said, “Of course we stay.”
“I won’t say that,” Saul said, “but I want to say something.”
He said it to Wolfe. “I’m surprised, really surprised, that you thought we might go.”
“I didn’t,” Wolfe said.
Nuts. Saul knew damn well he didn’t. They were all just putting on a charade.
I admit that, like everybody else, I like to think that I have hunches. For instance, the time that I was in the office of the head of a Wall Street brokerage firm and he brought in four members of his staff, and after talking with them five minutes I thought I knew which one of them had been selling information to another firm, and two weeks later he confessed. Or the time a woman came and asked Wolfe to find out who had taken her emerald and ruby bracelets, and when she left I had told him she had given them to her nephew, and he had taken it on anyhow because he wanted to buy some orchid plants, and had regretted it later when he had to sue to get his fee. By the way, that was one of the reasons he thought I could size up any woman in ten minutes.