by Rex Stout
I said that since Fred was being invited to his place, I thought he should, and he went to the desk and dialed, and didn’t have to wait for an answer.
Fred must have been sticking near the phone. He would; he hates unfinished business more than either of us.
. Saul hung up. “He’s on his way. Half an hour, maybe less. Milk or bourbon or what?”
“Nothing, thanks, not right now. You heard me say I have an idea, but I need to take a good look at it before I share it. It’s one hell of a problem. Have you got a script?”
“No. Not even a first draft. I want to give it a look too.”
Daylight was about gone, and he went and turned on lights and pulled the window drapes. I went and sat on a chair at the table where we played poker. It was by far the worst mess I had ever looked at. If you went at it from one angle, some other angle tripped you up and you had to go back and start over. For instance, Jill, the airline hostess Orrie had married a few years ago when he had decided to settle down and quit trying to prove that Casanova had been a piker, as Saul had once put it. She still had a strong hold on him, and since she was now going to get a hell of a jolt, no matter how we handled it, why not use her? For another instance, Dora Bassett. I didn’t know how she felt about him now, but we could find out, and maybe we could use her. And three or four other angles. With any and all of them, of course the bottom question was could we possibly come out with a whole skin, all four of us? It was only when the doorbell rang and Saul went to let Fred in that I realized that I had just been shadow-boxing. No matter how we played it, one thing had to happen, and the surest and quickest way to that had to come first.
Saul, always a good host, had a couple or chairs in place in front of the couch and liquids on the coffee table-Ten Mile bourbon for Fred and me and brandy for him-and we sat and poured, Fred on the couch.
“I said on the phone,” Saul told Fred, “that it’s a powwow. Actually it’s, a council of war. Tell him, Archie.”
“You tell him. You knew before I did.”
“Only because Mr. Wolfe told me. But all right Fred, Orrie Gather killed all three of them.”
Fred nodded. “I know he did.”
Saul stared at him and said, “What?”
I stared and said, “That’s the first time I ever heard you tell a double-breasted lie.”
“It’s not a lie, Archie. I knew it when he asked Mr. Wolfe tor give him Lucile Ducos instead of Saul. Why didn’t he know Mr. Wolfe wouldn’t? That was crazy. Of course there was another thing too, he knew all about that room at Rusterman’s. But it was his asking to take Lucile Ducos. That was absolutely cockeyed. Of course I knew I was wrong because Mr. Wolfe didn’t know.”
“I pass,” Saul said. Tin with Alice in Wonderland. First Archie follows instructions by ignoring instructions, and now you knew it was Orrie but you knew you were wrong.”
“I pass too,” I said. “All of you knew before I did. I’m out of my class. You talk, and I’ll listen.”
“You had a hurdle we didn’t have,” Saul said. “You knew Orrie wanted your job and thought he might get it. You’ve always gone easy on him, made allowances for him that Fred or I wouldn’t make. It’s in your reports. You had blinders that we didn’t. I should have known. You said you had an idea and wanted to give it a good look, and the bunders are off now. Let’s have it.”
I took a sip of bourbon and a swallow of water. “I just thought I had an idea. I was just slashing around. Actually all I’ve got is facts. Two facts. One, Orrie has asked for it and has to get it. He has bought it, and it has to be delivered. Two, Nero Wolfe, the great detective, the genius, is hogtied. He can’t make a move. If he goes by the book, collects the pieces and hands Cramer the package, he will have to get on the witness stand and answer questions under oath about a man he has used and trusted for years. He wouldn’t do that, he would rather spend ten years behind bars than do that. You know damn well he wouldn’t, and I’m glad he wouldn’t. All of us would have to answer questions in public about a guy we have worked with and played pinochle with.”
I swallowed bourbon, too big a swallow, and had to swallow air for a chaser. “I don’t think he could stand the sight of Orrie Gather. That’s why we had to meet here instead of at the office. An hour ago on the telephone I told him we were going to get Fred and decide what to do, and I asked him if he wanted to talk, and he hung up. If we walked into the office with Orrie, he would walk out. He couldn’t take it. So we-” ” tell you something,” Fred said. “I don’t think I could take it either. If he walked in here right now, I wouldn’t walk out, I would kill him. I’ve got my gun, I always carry a gun at night now, but I wouldn’t shoot him, I’d break his neck.”
“We would all like to break his neck,” Saul said, “but we’ve got necks too. Of course he has to get it, and it’s up to us to deliver it, the question is how.”
He looked at me. “I thought that was the idea you wanted to look at.”
I nodded. “We’ll all look at it.”
I looked at my watch::. “I suggest that you ring him and invite him to come at nine o’clock. Just for a powwow. Okay, Fred?”
He lifted his glass, looked at it, and put it down. “I guess so. Hell, we have to, don’t we?”
Saul got up and went to the desk and picked up the phone.
I wouldn’t want to go through that again. I don’t mean the three hours while we discussed it and decided what to do. The hour after he came, while we did it.
I’m not even sure we would have gone through with it if it hadn’t been for the bomb. We felt silly, at least I did, standing there at the door of the apartment while he was on his way up the three flights, standing so he could only see Saul as he approached -Saul in the doorway to greet the arriving guest.
As I think I mentioned, Orrie was half an inch taller than me and fully as broad, without a flabby ounce on him. As he stepped in, we jumped him, Saul from the back and Fred and I from the sides, and pinned him. His reflex, his muscles acting on their own, lasted only half a second. Saul’s arm was around his neck, locking him. No one said anything. Saul started to go over him from behind, first his right side and then his left. His topcoat wasn’t buttoned. From under his left arm Saul took his gun, which was of course to be expected, and dropped it on the rug. Then from his inside breast pocket Saul’s hand came out with something that was not to be expected because Orrie didn’t smoke: an aluminum cigar tube. Don Pedro.
Fred said, “Jesus Christ.”
As I said, without that I’m not sure we would have gone through with it. Saul made sure the cap was screwed on tight and put it in his own breast pocket and finished the frisking job. Fred and I turned loose and moved back, and Orrie turned and took a step. Going to leave. Actually. Saul was there and kicked the door shut. I said, “Hell, you might have known, Orrie. You should have known. Coining here with that in your pocket? What do you take us for?”
Fred said, “You said it, Saul. You said we had to jump him. Jesus Christ.”
Saul said, “On in, Orrie. Ifs our deal.”
I had never had the idea that Orrie Gather was dumb. He was no Saul Panzer, but he wasn’t dumb. But he was dumb then. “What for?”
he said. “All right, you’ve got it.”
His voice was almost normal, just squeezed a little. “I’m not going to blow. I’m going home.”
“Oh, no you’re not,” Fred said. “My god, don’t you know it’s coming and you’ve got to take it?”
Saul had picked up the gun, an old S & W. Orrie had had for years, and stuck it in his pocket. “On in, Orrie. Move. We’re going to talk.”
I took hold of his left arm. He jerked loose and took a step and kept going, to the arch and on into the big room. Saul got ahead of him and led the way across to the couch. The four of us had played pinochle in that room. We had tagged Paul Rago for murder in that room. Orrie took the chair in the middle, with Saul on his left and Fred on his right, and me on the couch. As Saul sat, he said, “Tell
him, Archie.”
“Fred has already told you,” I told Orrie. “You’ve got to take it. We’re not going to turn you in. I don’t have to explain why that wouldn’t-” “You don’t have to explain anything.”
“Then I won’t. I’ll just tell you what we’re going to do. We’re going to make it impossible for you to live. I’m going to see Jill tomorrow, or Saul is. You’re through with her. You’re through with any kind of work, not only in New York. Anywhere in the world. You’re through with any kind of contact with people that means anything. You know us and you know Nero Wolfe. We know what it will cost us, Nero Wolfe in money and us in time and effort, but that’s what we have to pay for not realizing long ago that someday, somehow, we would be sorry we didn’t cross you off. Exactly how-” “You didn’t have any reason to cross me off.”
“Certainly we did. For instance, Isabel Kerr. Eight years ago. You got yourself in the can on a murder rap, and it was a job to get you out. And-” “That was Just a bad break. You know damn well it was.”
“Skip it. It isn’t just a bad break that you have killed three people. It isn’t just-” “You can’t prove it. You can’t prove a damned thing.”
Fred said, “Jesus Christ.”
I said, “We don’t have to prove it. We don’t want to prove it. I told you, we’re not going to turn you in, we’re going to make it impossible for you to live. You’ve bought it, and we’re going to deliver it. Actually, we could prove it, but you know what it would mean, especially for Nero Wolfe. We could probably prove the first one, Bassett. As you know, they have got the bullet that killed him, a thirty-eight, and the gun that fired it is probably now in Saul’s pocket. And Pierre-” “That was self-defense, Archie. Bassett was going to ruin me.”
“Pierre wasn’t going to ruin you.”
“Yes, he was. When he learned about Bassett he remembered about me and the slip of paper. I had been damn fool enough to give him a hundred dollars for the slip of paper. He demanded a thousand dollars. A grand. He came that Sunday, two days after Bassett, and asked for a grand. He said that was all he wanted, he wouldn’t come back, but you know how that is. You said once that all blackmailers ought to be shot.”
“You didn’t shoot him. Sunday? The next day or evening you went to that room at Rusterman’s and put that thing in his coat pocket. Then his daughter was going to ruin you, and you shot her, and they’ve got that bullet too. You had another bomb, probably got two for the price of one, but you couldn’t use it on her because she knew what had killed her father. And you brought it with you here tonight. I thought Saul did a good job with his voice on the phone, but I suppose after killing three people your nerves are on edge. And we are going to ruin you.”
Saul got up and left the room. Sometimes a trip to the bathroom can’t be postponed. But it wasn’t the bathroom; his footsteps on the tiled hall floor went on to the kitchen. Fred rose and stretched his legs and sat down again. Orrie glanced up at him and then sent his eves back to me. No one spoke. Footsteps again, and Saul was back. Instead of returning to his chair, he joined me and on the couch between us he put what he had gone for: a roll of adhesive tape, a pair of pliers, and a couple of paper towels. He got the Don Pedro cigar tube from his pocket, checked the cap again, gripped it in the middle with the pliers, wiped it good with a paper towel, laid it on the edge of the other paper towel, and rolled the towel around it, tucking in the ends. Then about a yard of adhesive tape, all the way with both ends covered. A very neat wrapping job, with an appreciative audience.
“Well keep the gun,” he said. “As you said, Archie, we’re not going to turn him in, but well keep it just in case. But he can have this. Right?”
“Sure,” I said. “Now that you’ve gift-wrapped it. Fred?”
“I guess so.”
Fred nodded. “Okay.”
Saul got up and offered it, but Orrie didn’t take it. His hands were on his knees, the curled fingers moving in and out a little as if they couldn’t decide whether to make fists. He hadn’t taken his topcoat off. Saul stepped to him, pulled open his topcoat and jacket, put the tube back where he had found it, in the inside breast pocket, and went to his chair. Orrie’s hand went into the pocket and came out again, empty.
“Dora Bassett came to see us this morning,” I told Orrie. “I took her up to my room, and we had a talk. I’ll see Jill tomorrow, if she’s not on a flight.”
“I’ll go along,” Fred said. “I like Jill.”
“I’ll start with Del Bascom,” Saul said. “Then Pete Vawter.”
Orrie stood up and said, “I’m going to see Nero Wolfe.”
We all stared at him. Fred said, “Jesus Christ.”
Saul said, “How are you going to get in?”
I said, “He won’t. Of course not. He’s cracked.”
Orrie turned and walked out. Saul got up and followed, and I tagged along, and Fred was right behind me. My mind was on a point of etiquette-should you open the door for a departing guest in whose pocket you have just put a bomb that you hope he’ll use? Saul didn’t; he stayed behind. Orrie not only opened the door, he pulled it shut after him, with us standing there. The spring lock clicked in place, but Saul slid the bolt, which was sensible. Orrie was good with locks, and he just might have ideas. Apparently no one felt like talking; we stood there.
“No bets,” I said. “No bets either way.”
“Me neither,” Saul said. “Not a dime. If it takes a year, it will be a bad year for all of us. And you have a family, Fred.”
“Right here and now,” Fred said, “I’ve got me, and I’m empty. I could swallow some of that salami I turned down, if you can spare it.”
“That’s a bet,” Saul said and headed for the kitchen.
At a quarter past eleven Thursday morning I pushed the button at the door of the old brownstone for Fritz to come and slide the bolt. Behind my elbows were Saul and Fred. Fred had gone home to his own bed and come back at nine o’clock, but I had slept on the couch in Saul’s living room. I hadn’t overslept, and neither had Saul; we had turned on the radio at six and seven and eight and nine and ten, so we were well informed on current events. A little after ten I had called the Gazette and left word for Lon Cohen that. could be reached at Saul’s place until eleven and then at the office. I hadn’t called Wolfe. I had told him we were going to decide what to do, and let him think we were spending the night at it. For breakfast Saul and I had had two thick slices of broiled ham, six poached eggs, and about a dozen thin slices of buttered toast sprinkled with chives. Saul grows chives in a sixteen-inch box in his kitchen window.
It wouldn’t be accurate reporting to say that Wolfe’s mouth dropped open when he saw us walk in, but it might have, though it never had, if he hadn’t heard our voices in the hall. What he did do, he put on an act. He finished a paragraph in a book he was reading, took his time inserting the thin strip of gold he used for a bookmark, put the book down, and said, “Good morning.”
Saul went to the red leather chair, Fred pulled up a yellow one, and I went to my desk, sat, and said, “I have asked Saul to report. He was the host.”
Saul said, “Fred came about an hour after Archie phoned you. I called Orrie and asked him to come at nine o’clock. We decided to try to make him kill himself. When he came we jumped him without warning. He had his gun as usual, and in a pocket of his jacket he had a Don Pedro cigar tube. We went in and sat down and talked for about half an hour. Mostly Archie talked. He told him we were going to make it impossible for him to live. Orrie said Bassett was going to ruin him and Pierre hit him for a thousand dollars. I sealed the cigar tube with adhesive tape and put it back in his pocket, but we kept his gun. He left a little before ten o’clock.”
Wolfe said, “Satisfactory,” but he said it only with his eyes. His mouth stayed shut tight. He leaned back and closed his eyes and breathed deep. Saul looked at me and was going to say something, but he didn’t get it out because he was interrupted by a noise. Two noises. First the ring of the doo
rbell, and a moment later a shattering crack and clatter, somewhere close. We jumped and ran to the hall, Fred in front because he was closest. But in the hall he stopped and I passed him. As I neared the front door I slowed because the floor was covered with pieces of glass. There was nothing left of the glass panel in the door, three feet by four feet, but some jagged edges. I slid the bolt and opened the door enough to get through and stepped out.
Down on the sidewalk at the foot of the steps was Orrie Cather’s topcoat. From up above that’s just what it was, his topcoat. I went down the seven steps, and then I could see his face. There was nothing much wrong with his face. He had liked his face too much to hold it the way Pierre had held it. Nine days and ten hours had passed, two hundred and twenty-six hours, since I had stood and looked down at what had been Pierre’s face.
I lifted my head, and Saul and Fred were there, one on each side. “Okay,” I said, “stand by. I’m going in and ring Lon Cohen. I owe him something.”
At half past nine that evening Wolfe and I were leaving the dining room, an hour later than usual, for after-dinner coffee in the office, when the doorbell rang. Wolfe shot a glance at the front door. He didn’t stop, but he had seen who it was, because I had stood my ground with Ralph Kerner of Town House Services and insisted that the temporary emergency job on the front door had to include some one-way glass. The bolt was a new one and wasn’t well fitted. I slid it and opened up, and Inspector Cramer entered.
He gave me a funny look, as if he wanted to ask me a question but couldn’t decide how to put it. Then he looked around, at the marks on the wall and bench and rack, and the floor mat. I said, “The glass. You should have seen it.”
He said, “Yeah, I bet,” and headed down the hall. I followed.
He always goes straight to the red leather chair, but not that time. Three steps in he stopped and sent his eyes around, left to right and then right to left. Then he went to the big globe and turned it, in no hurry, clear around, first to the right and then to the left, while I stood and stared. Then he took off his coat and dropped it on a yellow chair, crossed to the red leather chair, sat, and said, “I’ve been wanting to do that for years. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned that it’s the biggest and finest globe I ever saw. Also I’ve never mentioned that this is the best working room I know. The best-looking. I mention it now because I may never see it again.”