Dan gave him such an appealing smile, and the feel of his body pressed up close was so distracting that it took Robin a moment to process what he was saying.
“You’re going away in January? How long for?”
Dan looked shifty. “Don’t be mad, okay, but Tony reckons he can get me a Rough Guide gig as well, photographs and checking out places for their updated guide book. I’ll be out there for a month. But like I said,” he added hastily, “you can come too.”
“A whole month?” It felt like the bottom had just dropped out of Robin’s world. “I can’t leave Serendipity for a whole month. Not in the middle of winter.”
“Why not?”
Robin looked over to Mel and Sparky for support. Neither of them seemed to want to meet his eyes. He sighed. There was just so much Dan didn’t understand about boats and boaters. He tried to explain about ice damaging pipes and the potential for the bilges to overflow if they weren’t regularly pumped out. Dan’s eyes glazed over, brightening only when he mentioned leaky prop shafts. Robin refused to be distracted by smutty innuendo.
“Then there’s the need to keep moving. And there’s Morris. I can’t do it.”
“Surely someone else could keep an eye on Morris and the boat for you?”
Now Mel and Sparky were studiously avoiding Dan’s imploring gaze.
Something else occurred to Robin. “Did you say it was a gay resort?”
Dan gave an impish grin. “Yep. Great fun. Well, they are if you’re single, anyway. Or there as a couple, I expect.”
“I’m not going to a gay resort. No way.” He shuddered. It would be full of guys like Jamie. Guys like Dan used to be before they got together. Or maybe like Dan still was when he wasn’t with him. The thought stabbed him in the gut, and bile rose hot and bitter in his throat.
“We’ll talk about it later, okay?” Dan said, squeezing his shoulder.
Robin just nodded, and everyone seemed relieved when Mel brought out a pack of cards and set up a tiny, rickety table between them. No one seemed to notice that he didn’t say anything more than the bare minimum after that. No one except Dan, who kept trying to make eye contact.
Robin glared at his cards.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“’Ello, love. What’s all this about? Not like you to phone on a Friday evening.”
It wasn’t, and Dan felt distinctly guilty about interrupting her favourite telly night, but he couldn’t lie to his mum. “I know. It’s just, I’m not going to be able to make it on Sunday, so I wanted to give you notice. I know Chantal’s expecting me.” He’d promised to take his favourite niece to the zoo next time he had a free Sunday.
“You’re gonna break that little girl’s heart, you know. It’s all she’s been on about for the last fortnight.”
Could she make him feel any worse than he already was? “I know, I know, and I’m sorry. But I’ve been given a really good commission. I can’t turn it down. You understand, don’t you?”
She sniffed, and the noise of the television suddenly ceased. “All I know is, we’ve hardly seen ’ide nor ’air of you for the last month. Family’s more important than your career, love. You should know that.”
Dan deserved the guilt pooling heavy inside him.
“I’m sorry. I’ve just been busy, but it’s not all been work, I promise.” He took a deep breath. He’d been avoiding telling her about Robin because he wasn’t sure how to describe this thing they had going on. Truth was, he’d wanted to wait until he was sure he wouldn’t just mess it all up by going back to his old ways, because disappointing his mum always made Dan want to crawl away and die of shame. “I’ve met this bloke. A boater. Robin, his name is. I think you’d really like him.”
There, it was out in the open now.
“Are you sayin’ what I think you’re sayin’?”
“If you think I’m saying that I’m seeing someone, then yes.”
“Like, a proper boyfriend? Oh love, that’s smashing.” That was better. Her usual warmth was back in spades. “Tell me all about ’im. Did you meet on that boat holiday? I thought you seemed a bit bloody mysterious when I asked you about it.”
“That’s right. I’ve been going back there whenever I can. It’s… It’s early days yet, but I think this might be something.”
“You don’t know how ’appy I am to hear you say that. My little boy, fallen in love at last!”
“Mum! We’re not ‘in love’. It’s just… I dunno. We’re just seeing what happens, okay?”
“Whatever you say, poppet. So go on, what’s this Robin fella like? Good lookin’, I s’pose, knowing you.”
“I hope you’re not saying I’m shallow.”
His mum giggled. “I just know you’ve got a keen eye, even as a littl’un. Always noticed the way you perked up when an attractive fella came on the screen.”
Yep, that sounded about right. His mum may have dropped out of school pregnant at age fifteen, but she’d always been an acute observer of people.
“He’s tanned and fit. Amazing body. All natural, not like he’s all pumped up on steroids either. Umm, what else? Tattoos and piercings, could do with a complete wardrobe overhaul. I’m gonna have to say tall, dark and handsome, even if he’s only tall compared to me. Gorgeous dark blue eyes. Sound good to you?”
“Sounds lovely. But what’s he really like? D’you get on well?”
“Oh yeah. Really well. We have great fun, and he’s kind and thoughtful, even if he doesn’t like people to notice. I mean, he can get moody, and I don’t always know what he’s thinking. Last time I saw him, he tried to pay me back for some stuff I’d bought him and got really grumpy when I wouldn’t take the money. Couldn’t figure out why, because he wouldn’t talk about it. And there’s other stuff he won’t explain…” He trailed off, thinking of Robin’s point-blank refusal to come with him to Gran Canaria.
“Is something the matter, love? You know these relationship thingies take some work, but it’s well worth puttin’ in the effort.”
“Yeah. I dunno. I can’t really figure him out, to be honest. He’s had a really messed-up past, a junkie boyfriend who cheated on him and then killed himself, but I don’t know… It’s like he’s scared of being gay. I asked him to come out to a gay resort with me. Thought it could be a holiday for us both while I get paid to write it up, but he won’t even consider it.”
She made sympathetic noises. “I always thought they sounded like abominable places, and I know you only gave me the edited ’ighlights. God knows what you really got up to. Different man every night, knowing you.”
That was certainly true. At least one a night. And he’d given only the carefully edited version to Robin as well.
“I’m not like that anymore, Mum. I’ve changed. I don’t even go clubbing anymore. I’ve grown up.” If he kept saying it, then maybe it would be true. Stop him from making a really stupid mistake and ruining things between him and Robin.
“I’m glad to ’ear it. So let’s figure out what you’re going to say to Chantal now, shall we?”
Dan sighed. She was right, of course. Family should come before his career, as should Robin.
It was just so unfair that he couldn’t have it all at once.
In mid-December, the weather closed in.
Serendipity rocked in the gale. Robin peered out the galley porthole, hoping he’d driven the mooring pins in deep enough. When the ground was soft and wet it could be a real challenge to get the bloody things to stay put. He probably should have stayed on the official moorings where he could have pulled the boat in tight against the bank and stopped it rocking quite so sickeningly. At least he’d remembered to pull in the plank. It could be a real bugger fishing one of those out of the canal the next day.
“I hope Mel and Sparky found somewhere decent to moor up.” Robin couldn’t help worrying about Mel. She’d gone off with Sparky, who was cruising back towards Oxford to spend time with family at Christmas. What if she never came back again? He must be getti
ng used to company, as the thought of being alone had never bothered him this much before.
“They’ll be fine, and stop pacing around, will you? Come on, I need some comforting over here.”
Robin was about to berate Dan for being a great big wuss, but when he saw the look on his face, he kept that to himself. Dan’s eyes were haunted, his arms hugged tight around himself.
“Hey, it’s okay. Just a storm. We’re safe in here, I promise.” He sat next to Dan and pulled him close. Dan shivered, climbed onto his lap and seemed to melt, head nestled in the crook of Robin’s neck. He could feel Dan’s hot breath gusting against his skin, heating his blood.
“Pathetic, aren’t I?” Dan whispered. “It’s just, there’s all that water out there, and I can hear it sloshing around. I keep thinking we’re gonna sink in the night.”
“Rubbish. Not a chance. It would take more power than the wind to push a narrowboat over. Just doesn’t happen.”
“You sure?” The hope in Dan’s voice made Robin feel all warm inside. It was such a high to be able to comfort him.
“I’m certain.”
But Dan wasn’t completely reassured. “What about the…prop shaft? Didn’t you tell me water could get in through there?”
“It’s fine. I packed it good and proper the other day.”
“You packed your prop shaft?”
There was a definite cheekiness to Dan’s tone. Robin figured he should make the most of it. He dropped his voice and slid his hands to Dan’s waist, caressing lightly.
“Yeah, I got the ring all greased up and packed it in there hard. That prop shaft didn’t know what had hit it.”
Dan undulated against him and lifted his face. Robin looked straight into his mischievous eyes.
“Sounds like I should be jealous of this thing you’ve got going on with your boat, Skipper.”
Robin nodded gravely. “A man’s relationship with his boat is sacred. But I’ll tell you what.” He dropped his hands farther, grabbing himself a double handful of Dan’s arse. “Packing her isn’t anywhere near as much fun as packing you.”
“Mmm, glad to hear it.”
There wasn’t a trace of fear in Dan’s voice anymore. Robin revelled in the husky warmth of his moans as he pulled him into a kiss. Dan tasted sweet as ever, with just a trace of lager cutting through his familiar flavour. Robin tried to keep things slow and steady, comforting rather than stimulating, even though his cock was starting to take an interest.
Dan obviously had other ideas, though, and wriggled around until he sat astride him. Then Dan broke the kiss and pulled off his T-shirt.
What a sight. Dan looked so fucking sexy like that, so debauched, all kiss-reddened lips and wild eyes. Robin’s dick stiffened as he traced a finger over the trail of love bites he’d left on Dan’s chest. His heart beat faster. That Dan let him do this, let him make his mark and claim him, let him take just what he needed and seemed to find it every bit as exciting and overwhelming as he did…
It blew his mind.
If only Robin could explain it all, but when he looked up into Dan’s eyes, he realised that maybe he didn’t need to. Dan felt it too. Robin could see it in his face, hear it in his moans, feel it in his every movement.
Dan’s hands were deftly unbuttoning his fly.
“Stay right here,” Dan said, then got up and stumbled his way through to the bed cabin.
Robin humoured him and stayed put—he had a pretty good idea what Dan was fetching—but as Dan hadn’t mentioned anything about clothing, he took the liberty of stripping off, then sat back again with legs planted wide and his hands behind his head.
The delighted surprise on Dan’s face made Robin’s heart swell.
“Great minds think alike,” Robin said, because Dan was every bit as naked as he was.
“Oh yeah. Hold that thought. In fact, hold it just like that.”
Robin’s hand had moved to his cock, and he kept it there, watching Dan sway closer. A fierce gust of wind shook the boat, and Dan fell onto him, narrowly missing planting an elbow in his groin.
“Whoa! Careful there. You nearly ruined your chances of getting lucky.”
Dan giggled breathlessly but soon righted himself and straddled Robin.
“Like this, okay?” Dan asked as he rolled the condom onto him.
Robin had no complaints. It was always a buzz to let Dan take a bit of control back from him, and if that’s what he needed to ride out the storm, he could have it.
He held himself firm as Dan lowered his body, pulling him in with rippling muscles. Exquisite heat enveloped him as he drank in the incredible sight of Dan wincing and gasping and shuddering with pleasure as he sank down.
Dan came to rest, his forehead pressed against Robin’s and his breath shallow.
Robin waited for him. He could give him all the time he wanted. It felt right, just having Dan around him and pulled in against him. He could feel the damp heat of Dan’s cock and balls pressed up against his belly.
The wind gusted hard again, and something rattled against the outside of the boat. Dan’s head whipped around.
“Shhh, just a twig or something. Sounds worse than it is.” Robin could tell what all the sounds were: the tarpaulin snapping in the wind, the stovepipe rattling, the logs shifting, the intermittent raindrops. All perfectly normal sounds but no doubt alarming to Dan’s city-boy ears. “Just try to ignore it and listen to me.”
Dan shifted, and Robin looked up into his eyes. They were so trusting it made him long to live up to whatever it was Dan was expecting.
“Well, go on, then,” Dan prompted.
Shit. He was going to have to talk. He didn’t do talking during sex. But he’d have to try, what with Dan looking at him with those big puppy-dog eyes.
“See these?” he said, running his hand over Dan’s chest. “These marks? Just looking at them turns me on. Sometimes I want to rip all your clothes off just to check they’re st-still there. Oh God, that’s good!”
Dan had started moving, lifting right up, gyrating his hips and driving down on him with force.
“Keep going, and I’ll keep moving,” Dan said, pausing.
It was going to be bloody hard work concentrating, but he’d give it his best shot if it meant more of that.
“They look so fucking sexy on you. The bites. Sometimes I want to make other marks. I want to…” Oh God, could he actually admit to this? But Dan stopped moving, and he wanted more. Needed more. His voice came out gruff and demanding. “I want to bend you over and smack your bum until it’s red, and then—and then fuck you so hard it stings and you c-can’t sit down for days.”
Dan was panting almost as fast as him, and Robin’s hand found its way to Dan’s cock. It was slippery already, and he knew it wouldn’t take much to tip them both over the brink.
“Any more?” Dan asked, not really pausing this time but slowing down a little.
“You need more? Shit, I…I’ve never wanted anyone like this. Scares me. All the things I want to do to you. With you. Yeah, like that. Dan, I, I think I—”
I love you.
The words were lost in a rush of sensation. Robin felt Dan go first, filling the space between them with hot seed. He braced himself against the floor and thrust up into Dan’s pulsing, twitching body, determined to milk Dan’s orgasm for as long as he could. To help him push back the fear and the wind and the rain.
He didn’t let himself follow until he felt Dan collapse against him.
He hadn’t said it. He couldn’t, not even then.
But he knew the words inside him were true.
Just three little words that scared him stupid.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Robin was going to blow a gasket.
Probably.
Dan pulled himself together and dialled his number. He knew exactly what he was going to say—that he was helping out a friend in distress and Robin hadn’t wanted the spare ticket anyway. He’d put it better than that, of course.
&
nbsp; But he knew Robin still wasn’t going to like it.
He was right.
“You’ve invited Tris? Are you serious?”
“He’s really upset, babe. His stint in La Cage ended, Alex dumped him just before Christmas, and he needs something to cheer him up.”
“Needs a shoulder to cry on, more like.”
“Yeah, well that’s what friends are for, isn’t it?”
The silence stretched out.
“You tell me what friends are for,” Robin said, his voice hard and bitter. “According to you, friends are for fucking as well. According to you, we’re just friends. What’s to say Tristan doesn’t want a bit of that kind of cheering up too?”
“I expect he does, but he’s not going to be getting it from me!”
Dan heard Robin mutter something that sounded suspiciously like “Yeah, right”.
Charming. Well, he could do angry every bit as well as Robin could. In fact, he could do righteous anger.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. We’re more than friends, and you know it. When was the last time I slept with anyone other than you?”
“I don’t know. You tell me. You’re the one who has trouble keeping it in his pants.”
Shit, that hurt. That really hurt. It felt like Robin had just stabbed him in the chest, twisted the knife and spat in his face.
“Is that really what you think of me? You really think I’m screwing around behind your back? I’m not like your precious Jamie, you know. And anyway, you stuck with him for ages even though you knew he was a no-good junkie slut.”
As soon as the words were out, Dan wanted to claw them back again. It was obvious Robin had worshipped the ground Jamie walked on, and those feelings still lingered. Dan should have known better than to insult the guy, even if every word was true.
Robin was silent for a long time. Dan could hear harsh breathing, but it gradually slowed. He hated to be the cause of such distress. He should have waited, told Robin in person when he could have reassured him physically. Shown him the honesty in his eyes.
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