by Linda Ford
They again sat on a hillside, but despite the clustered family and Dolly pressed to her side, Beatrice felt so alone tears stung her eyes.
She joined in the singing with a sad lack of enthusiasm and barely heard what Big Sam said. After the service, the meal was eaten and then the children went to play and the men wandered off toward the barn.
Shouldn’t they be concerned about Levi’s absence? Shouldn’t they launch a search party? What if he was lying injured somewhere, waiting to be rescued?
But it appeared she was the only one who had such thoughts.
An agonizing thought explained why.
They all knew the truth. Levi was avoiding her.
It was time she moved on.
* * *
She waited until the next morning to make her announcement. “Maisie, if you can manage without me—” She knew Maisie could. “I’d like to return to Granite Creek today.”
Silence greeted her words, then Maisie spoke. “Of course. I understand. Big Sam will bring your buggy to the house after breakfast.”
Dolly caught at Beatrice’s sleeve and Beatrice turned to the child. “I go with you?”
Beatrice hugged Dolly. “Yes, you will be with me.” Until the aunt made arrangements. Perhaps even now, the woman was in town. Or had sent word. By being in Granite Creek, they’d be where the aunt could easily find them.
Dolly clung to Beatrice, who found herself unable to look directly at either Maisie or Big Sam.
Maisie waved away her offer to help do dishes. “You’ve done enough and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.” She glanced out the window and back to Beatrice. “I wish you could stay but...” Her voice trailed off.
It was obvious that Maisie thought Levi was waiting for Beatrice to leave before he returned. Knowing she couldn’t disguise the pain this knowledge brought, Beatrice hurried to her room to finish packing up both her belongings and Dolly’s.
“Can I keep my cat?” Dolly asked.
“Of course you can. She’s your best friend.”
Dolly nodded, her eyes wide with uncertainty and Smokey clutched to her chest.
Beatrice stopped packing, sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Dolly to her lap. “We will be okay, you and I. We will go to a place where we belong.”
“But why can’t we stay here?”
“We can’t, that’s all.”
“Why isn’t Levi here? I thought he liked me.”
I thought the same. “Sweetheart, he does like you. I don’t suppose he knew we would be leaving so soon.” She hoped Dolly would accept her explanation and the words would provide some comfort to her. They fell vastly short of offering any to Beatrice.
Levi had left as soon as she got the note from Aunt Opal. Indeed, it was likely the reason he left. He had made his opinion very clear and there was nothing Beatrice could do but get on with her life.
A few minutes later she and Dolly were in the buggy headed back to town.
She had no idea of where the future would take her, only that she must face it alone, and as they traveled back to town, she said a mental goodbye to everything around her.
As she crossed the river, she recalled how Levi had rescued her.
If only he would ride up now and rescue her.
The thought twisted and turned inside her head. Why did she think she needed rescuing? She was free to follow her own plans. Only she wasn’t free to follow her heart. If she was, she would stay at the ranch, learn how to do all the things a country woman did and hope someday Levi would—
Would what? Learn to love her? Or did she mean learn to believe he could be loved?
She lifted one shoulder in resignation. It made no difference either way.
They arrived back in town and the first stop she made was at the sheriff’s office.
“You wait here,” she told Dolly. “I’ll only be a few minutes.”
Dolly’s lips were pinched tight, her eyes wide.
Beatrice paused to hug the child. “I won’t leave you. I promise.” She went into the office and introduced herself. “I have Dorothy Knott with me. Have you heard from her aunt yet?”
“No, ma’am, not a word. Is the child staying with you?”
“Yes, I’ll be at the Gage house.”
“Good enough. I’ll bring you word as soon as I get it.”
“Thank you.” She returned to the wagon and proceeded to Aunt Opal and Uncle Elwood’s house.
Uncle Elwood greeted her at the door. “I’m glad to see you. Your aunt has been under the weather for a few days. And who is this little girl?”
She again introduced Dolly. “I’ll explain later. Does Aunt Opal have the influenza?”
“She’s just exhausted. Thanks be to the good Lord that the epidemic is over.”
“Let me get my things in and I’ll take care of Aunt.” She put her belongings and Dolly’s in the room she had previously occupied. She paused at the doorway to look around at the simple room with a very pretty quilt in an intriguing pattern on the bed. Aunt Opal said she’d made it with the help of several ladies in the community. A few weeks ago she had been amazed at the idea of women working together to do something so practical and so welcoming. But now she understood the value Aunt Opal had in this community and how people worked together.
And to think this woman was her mother’s sister. Their lives were so different.
She took Dolly with her to Aunt Opal’s bedroom and introduced them. “You rest, Auntie. I will take care of the house. I can manage now. I learned a lot at the Sundown Ranch.” She would not tell her of the most valuable lesson she’d learned—to stay true to her goals and set her mind to being independent. For a little time she’d let herself believe life could be more. She could be more. It wasn’t a lesson she intended to repeat.
“Thank you.” Aunt Opal squeezed her hands in appreciation. “By the way, there’s a letter from your father on the hall table.”
She went down the hall and found the letter. She breathed in courage as she opened the envelope. A few minutes later she shoved the letter into her pocket and went to prepare tea for Aunt Opal.
Father was still certain she would return home and fulfill his plans for her.
She wouldn’t. He wanted her for his reasons. Would anyone ever value her for being her? Where did she belong?
Why had she let herself grow so fond of Levi? Fond was far too weak a word. She loved him and would follow him anywhere—town or country or even into a nomadic way of life. But he had not invited her along.
She had to find her own way. Alone. Perhaps she’d find satisfaction enough for her heart in caring for three motherless children.
* * *
Levi sat with his back to a tree, his wrists bound behind him, his ankles tied tightly. The Dafoe brothers seemed to think it fun to mock him.
“Let’s see how smart you are now, Mr. Harding.”
“Ain’t so big now, are ya?”
“Fern sees you like this and she won’t be wanting you anymore.”
After a bit they grew weary of the sport. “Let’s go see about those horses at the ranch.” They rode off.
Levi guessed they meant Pa’s breeding horses. He had to get free and warn Pa. He whistled for Scout. The Dafoe men had tried to catch the horse but he had eluded them. He came immediately to Levi’s call.
He wished he had taught his horse to untie ropes, but it had never before crossed his mind. But Manny had been careless, in a hurry, and after a bit of squirming, Levi slipped his wrists free and quickly untied his ankles. The Dafoes had ridden in an easterly direction. If he veered slightly to the south he could hope to get to the ranch before they did.
He swung to Scout’s back, bent over his neck and rode for all he was worth.
* * *
/> Pa looked up at Levi’s thundering approach.
Levi reined in. “Pa, I know who has been causing all the problems.” He explained about the Dafoes though he didn’t say why they were so troublesome. “Maybe just their nature,” he said in response to Pa’s question. “They’re set on doing something with the horses.” Twice before he’d found evidence that they’d tried to let the horses loose. Again, he could not understand why they would be intent on such vandalism, but then he’d never been able to understand why old man Dafoe participated in his ways and encouraged his boys to do the same. Seemed to Levi they could have made a good, honest living with less effort expended.
“Get Charlie. He came back this morning.”
Levi jogged over to the bunkhouse. “Charlie, we got trouble coming.” He explained the situation as Charlie trotted by his side.
Pa met them at the barn and handed them each a rifle. “Wait until they are at their mischief.” Pa stayed at the barn. Charlie hunkered down out of sight behind the cookhouse and Levi parked himself on top of a nearby feed shack.
“Here they come,” he called.
He tensed as he waited. Pa would give the signal when it was time for them to step into the open.
The Dafoes paused at the crest of the hill and studied the ranch. Seeing no evidence of men being around, they slowly rode closer. They were cautious, Levi would give them that. And wily, too. How many times had they slipped in and out leaving almost no evidence? He ground his back teeth together. They had skills taught to them by their Indian mother just like Levi and his brother did. But there the similarity ended. At least in Levi’s mind. Perhaps not in everyone else’s.
They reached the pen, where the horses grazed placidly. They edged along until they reached the gate. George leaned over to undo it. Before his hands touched the wire, Pa stepped out.
“Hold it right there. Put your hands in the air.”
The three jerked about. George reached for his pistol.
Levi stood. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
“Best think again,” Charlie said, stepping from the shadows.
“Hands in the air,” Pa repeated and the Dafoes jerked their arms upward. “Boys, tie them up.”
Levi jumped from the roof and jogged forward. He yanked Manny from his saddle and tied his hands behind his back. He made sure the rope was tight enough the man wouldn’t be getting free any time soon.
Charlie grabbed George.
Pa held his rifle on Crow as he dismounted.
“Aw, we was just funning you,” Manny whined.
“We’ll let the sheriff decide that.” Pa tied Crow. “You boys want to take them to town?”
Levi looked toward the house. “I got something else to take care of.”
“If you’re thinking of Beatrice, you’re too late. She left already.”
The ground beneath Levi’s feet seemed to shift. “Left?”
“Gone back to town.” Pa shoved the men back on their horses and tied their ankles.
Charlie gave Levi a look of disgust. “You let her go? What’s wrong with you? You still hung up on Helen? Couldn’t you see she was only pretend?”
“Huh? What kind of assessment is that?”
“An honest one if you care to hear the truth.”
Levi wasn’t sure he did or that it mattered. But Charlie didn’t give him a chance to say so.
“She pretended to be nice to you only because she wanted to be amused. When you weren’t around she didn’t mind bad-mouthing you. I heard her myself. You deserve someone who sees you for who you are.”
“What we both are,” Levi said with some disgust, “is half-breeds who don’t belong in either world.”
“Yeah, that’s what some think. Can’t argue that. But like my pa says, when you get to thinking everyone thinks that and you’re worthless, you need to stop and think of those who accept you and love you. Beatrice was one of those. But I guess you never figured it out.”
Pa called from the barn. “Let’s go to town.”
Levi whistled for Scout and swung to his back. “You go with Pa. I got things to do.” And he rode north, away from town.
He had to figure out who he was...not only in the sight of others, but also in his own mind.
Not until then was he fit to go after Beatrice.
* * *
Two days later, Aunt Opal declared herself fit as a fiddle. “Have you decided to accept the widower’s offer?” she asked Beatrice.
“It seems the best choice.” They sat on the porch watching Dolly play with Smokey in the yard. “But I don’t want to make any changes in Dolly’s life. Will the man mind waiting until we hear from her aunt?”
“Why don’t you meet him and tell him the situation? You could meet his children and you’d be able to tell if this job would suit you.”
Beatrice agreed and Uncle Elwood took a message to the man.
That afternoon, Ralph Simpson came to call. Beatrice greeted the man cordially. He was tall and blond with an angular chin. Nothing in his looks to make her think she couldn’t accept this job. Nothing except a long aching wish for something different.
She met the children. Two boys, ages eight and ten, and a little girl of four. All of them seemed sturdy and boisterous in comparison to Dolly, though in truth they did little but say hello.
Aunt Opal offered to watch the children while Beatrice and Ralph went to the parlor to talk.
“I am on my way to Oregon,” Ralph began. “I need to cross the mountains before the snow comes.”
“What will you do in Oregon?”
“Farm. I hear the land is rich and bountiful.”
Beatrice nodded. Oregon was so far away. She’d cherished a hope that they would live in town. Perhaps Levi would find a faint regard for her and come calling. But Oregon? She swallowed hard.
“Is that a problem for you?”
She shook her head. “But I can’t leave until Dolly’s aunt comes.” She explained Dolly’s situation.
Ralph got to his feet and went to look out the window. He clasped his hands behind his back—the picture of a man in deep study. After a moment, he turned to face her. “Can you not leave her in your aunt’s care?”
She could but she would not. “I promised her she would stay with me until her aunt—”
“Yes, yes. But time is of prime importance. I don’t want to be caught in a winter storm. My wife’s illness and death has delayed us enough.”
“Might I suggest you spend the winter here and leave in the spring when travel is safer?”
He let out a weary sigh. “I must get there as soon as possible. If I spend the winter, I’ll have to wait for the passes to open. It will be late to start plowing.”
“I see.”
“One more thing. It wouldn’t be appropriate for us to travel together unless we’re married.”
Married! “But I don’t know you. We’ve just met.” A dozen more protests rushed forward but she closed her mouth. “I’m afraid I’m not interested in such an arrangement.”
“You aunt gave me to think you were open to accepting the position of my children’s nanny. A marriage between us would be in name only. I love...loved...my wife and have no need of another.” He looked past her, around her, anywhere but directly at her. Not that she had any desire to meet his gaze, either.
A marriage of convenience might suit him but it did not suit her. She clung to the faint hope that Levi would come calling. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.
“My offer is open for two days.” He hurried from the room, called his children and left.
Beatrice remained in the parlor in a state of shock. Ralph’s offer was no better than the arrangement her father planned.
Was that all she could expect? A loveless marriage?
Beatrice opened her mouth to answer but choked and couldn’t speak. She rushed to her bedroom and threw herself on the bed.
A few minutes later Aunt Opal tapped on the door. “May I come in?”
“Yes.” Beatrice’s voice was muffled against the pillow, hiding the tears that threatened.
“I take it you didn’t care for the man.”
Anger mingled with disappointment and sadness. She turned to face her aunt. “He wants me to marry him.”
At least her aunt looked shocked at the idea, giving Beatrice some comfort.
She explained Ralph’s circumstances. “My father wanted me to marry a man who would become the son I never was. Now this man wants to marry me simply to provide a mother for his children. Am I of no value to anyone?” She ended on a wail.
“Come here.” Aunt Opal opened her arms and Beatrice went gladly into her embrace. Her aunt patted Beatrice’s back a moment and made comforting noises then she began to speak. “I’m sorry your father has treated you so poorly and my sister, too. How could they fail to see what a treasure you are?”
Beatrice let the words soak into her soul.
Aunt Opal leaned back to look in Beatrice’s face. “What is even sadder is that you fail to see it.”
“Me? How can I see otherwise? I am nothing. Of no value.”
“Child, what you are saying is that God made a mistake in making you. Do you think God makes mistakes?”
Beatrice began to shake her head and then stopped. “Maybe this once?” she said with an attempt at humor.
Aunt Opal’s smile was tender. “Not even this once. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.”
Beatrice jerked upright. “That’s what I told Levi. Where is it in the Bible?”
“It’s Psalm 136, verses fourteen and fifteen.” Aunt Opal handed her a Bible. “Look it up and read it. Believe it.” She left the room.
Beatrice found the verses and read them over and over. Marvelous are thy works. My soul knoweth right well.
Only her soul didn’t know it.
But God said it. She must believe it. Her gaze went again to the fourteenth verse. I will praise thee. Could she praise God for who she was?