by Jamie Canosa
Unbelievable.
“I mean, he’s totally hot.”
Also out of your league.
“What’s your secret?”
Love potion? Magic spell? Blackmail?
“Um . . . I don’t—”
“Why don’t you go look for gossip somewhere else?”
Tracy’s eyes flicked over my shoulder and bugged. Without another word, she turned on her heel and got swallowed up by the crowd.
“What are you doing here?” Kiernan leaned casually against the lockers, grinning at me. “Oh, my God, your face!” Midnight purple bruising highlighted the entire left side of his jaw and a dark ring blackened his eye. He looked like his face had been used as a punching bag. But hadn’t it? “Are those from Doug?”
How the hell did I miss that last night? I may have been inebriated, but I wasn’t blind. Did my self-absorbedness know no bounds?
“I bruise easily. One of the many downfalls of this fine, fair complexion I’ve been cursed with. You should see me in the summertime, I look like a—”
“This isn’t funny, Kiernan.” The tips of my fingers grazed over his battered face. “Does it hurt?” The thought of him in pain—because of me—made me sick to my stomach.
“Honest, it looks a million times worse than it feels.” His fingers closed around mine, tugging them gently away from his face. “I can almost forget it’s even there, until you look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you feel guilty. You shouldn’t.”
“Kiernan, I—”
“Not another word.” His index finger fell over my lips, effectively silencing me. “This is not your fault. The asshat started it, and I finished it. In no way did it involve you. You tried to stop me and I didn’t listen. That’s on me, and if you so much as think otherwise for a single second, I’ll have to get mad. Understood?”
I nodded, my lips tingling from where his finger continued to press against them.
“Good. It may take a while for the bruises to fade, but you’ll probably suffer more than me, having to look at me every day.”
I brushed his finger away with a shake of my head. “Every day? But, I thought you weren’t allowed on school property. What are you even doing here?”
“My mom talked them out of suspending me.”
“Seriously?” I didn’t even know that was possible. And to have a mom who cared enough to try . . .
“She can be pretty persuasive when she wants to be. You should see some of the stuff she’s talked me into.”
I was about to ask, because I was suddenly dying to know, when we were interrupted.
“Jade?”
Would it never end? Before I could put a face to the familiar voice of my next would-be tormentor, Kiernan nudged in front of me, bringing Jeff up short.
“Hey.” His gaze flicked from me, to Kiernan, and back again, clearly unsure who he should be addressing.
Kiernan made the decision for him. “What do you want?”
Surprise flashed over Jeff’s face. “I’m not gonna hurt her.”
“That’s not what I asked.” Kiernan’s voice was so low it could nearly be called a growl. The stress of the whole situation was getting to him, too.
“I wanted . . .” His eyes dropped to the floor and my gut clenched, knowing that whatever came next couldn’t be anything good. “I wanted to apologize.”
This time when he looked up, his eyes focused solely on me.
“For what?” I probably shouldn’t have asked. I didn’t even want to know.
Content that Jeff wasn’t there to cause me any harm—physical or otherwise—Kiernan eased back beside me. His minor retreat didn’t seem to do anything to relax Jeff, however, and he eyed Kiernan nervously before answering.
“The pictures. Doug made me take them.”
I felt Kiernan go rigid beside me and I’m pretty sure the only thing that kept him from lunging at Jeff was my hand on his arm.
“No . . .” Jeff stopped and shook his head. “That’s not true. He didn’t hold a gun to my head. I could have said no. I should have said no. But he told me to and . . ."
"He was your captain." I knew all too well how . . . persuasive Doug could be.
Jeff looked so ashamed, I almost felt bad for him. "I’m sorry, Jade. I honestly didn’t think he’d do something like this with them. I swear.”
“Why?” I could feel the leash I’d put on Kiernan beginning to fray and before he could send Jeff packing, I had to know one thing. “Why tell me this?”
“Because . . . It was the least I owed you. An apology. And not just about those damn pictures. For all of it. Douchebag Doug has been nothing but an ass to you for years, and I just stood back and let it happen. I just watched him treat you that way. I should have said something, but I . . .”
He’d been afraid of the repercussions of opening his mouth. I could understand that better than most. “It’s okay.”
I don’t know who looked more shocked by my forgiveness, Jeff or Kiernan.
“I get it. It’s fine. Really.” Jeff had gone out of his way to be kind to me. He’d risked Kiernan’s wrath to tell me the truth and apologize. Besides Kiernan, that was probably the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. I’m just trying to hang onto a shred of human decency here.”
“I think you did alright.”
Kiernan’s hand silently slipped into mine, offering a reassuring squeeze and I knew he was proud of me.
“Listen, I know it’s not really your thing, but I’m having this party tomorrow night. Just a small group. No Doug. We’re gonna hang out by the fire in the backyard, listen to some music, whatever. You should come.” Jeff glanced quickly back in Kiernan’s direction to gauge his response. “Both of you.”
Clearly I should have been gauging Kiernan as closely, because before I could verbalize my polite refusal, he jumped all over the invite. “We’ll be there.”
“Great.” Jeff sounded genuine enough, but the surprise on his face screamed he hadn’t actually expected—or wanted—us to show up. “See ya tomorrow.”
I waited until Jeff was out of sight before slugging Kiernan in the arm.
“Ow. What was that for?”
“You can’t just go around telling people I’ll be places I have absolutely no intention of being.”
A slow, infuriating smile spread across Kiernan’s face. “Oh, you’ll be there.”
“No. I won’t. You go. Have fun.”
“We’ll see about that.”
Yes, he would.
***
My cell bounced across the nightstand, nearly toppling off the edge with a hop, skip, and a jump as some generic song blared from the tiny speaker too small to logically create a sound that loud. I must have jumped nearly a mile. Thank goodness I was sitting on my bed. That stupid thing never rang. If it hadn’t been sitting right next to me doing its little jig, I wouldn't have even recognized the ring tone.
Snatching it up just shy of a swan dive, I stared at it. Kiernan’s name stared back at me.
“Hello?”
“I’m on my way.”
Umm . . . “On your way where?”
“Your place.”
What the . . .? “Why?”
“We have a party to go to.”
“Kiernan,” I groaned, “I told you yesterday, I’m not going.”
“And I told you, you were.”
“You can’t just—”
“I’m ten minutes away. When I get there I will drag you outside and kidnap you for the evening if I have to, so if I were you, I’d make sure I was dressed for a party before then.”
“I’m wearing my pajamas.” I’d changed into them right after school and crawled straight into bed, content to spend the weekend wrapped up in comforting softness.
“I didn’t know this was a slumber party.”
“Kier—”
“Guess it is now.”
Damn him. �
��Fine. You win. I’m getting dressed.”
“Nine minutes.” I could hear the victorious grin in his voice even as he hung up.
For a moment, I pondered the answering smile on my own face. I couldn’t really want to go to this stupid party, could I?
Never having been to a party before, I had absolutely no idea what to wear to one—except that it probably shouldn’t be Chilly Willy pajamas. Luckily, I didn’t have long to worry about it. True to his word, less than ten minutes later, Kiernan was knocking on my front door as I hopped my way down the hall, trying to pull on a pair of black ballet flats. They may have been a second hand purchase two years earlier, but I saved them for ‘special occasions’ so they basically looked like they did the day I bought them.
I snatched my black jacket from the back of the recliner as I pulled the door open to put an abrupt end to the incessant knocking. Taking one last quick look around to be sure I had everything I needed—shoes, coat, keys, wallet—I turned to find Kiernan gawking at me from the doorway. Oh God, I looked like an idiot. I had to go change. Immediately.
“You didn’t give me enough time to—”
“You look great.”
He was so full of it. He just didn't want me to make him any later than I already had by going to change again. “Shut up. You're just—”
“No.” Kiernan’s gaze collided with mine with a flash of—anger? "Stop. Whatever you were about to say, just stop. I hate that they did this to you."
"Who did what?" This conversation had just taken an abrupt turn for left field and I’d missed the detour signs.
"Your mother." He scanned the room, belatedly checking that we were alone. We were. She’d been in her room all afternoon, and judging by the sheer amount of empty beer cans lying around when I got home, I didn't expect to see her again anytime soon. "And that asshole Doug. They twisted up your brain and your heart so much that you can't even see it."
"See what, Kiernan? What are you talking about?" I stood there, clutching my jacket to my chest. I don’t know why, but whatever was going to come out of his mouth next had me terrified.
"How beautiful you are. How funny, and sweet, and special you are."
Clearly he was wearing some pretty powerful rose-colored glasses. Or he was looking at the wrong girl. "Kiernan, I'm not—"
"Don't. Don't deny it, Jade. You'll break my heart."
I blinked at him. And blinked again, at a complete loss for words. How had this boy come to know me so well in such a short amount of time? It was like he had a window right into my mind and could read my thoughts. That would be embarrassing considering some—most—of the thoughts I had while around him.
The anger seeped away, replaced by a jaw dropping smile. “This is the part where you say thank you.”
“Thank you.” I parroted the words back at him like an idiot, but I was still too stunned to feel stupid about it.
“You ready?”
I nodded, words still failing me.
“Come on.” His hand felt warm in mine and I swear the heat spread all the way to my face where it settled into a hot burn as he led me down to the parking lot.
Despite my last minute preparations, we arrived early. It was the only explanation for the serious lack of bodies. Everything seemed to be in the last stages of set up as we strolled through the front door with barely a passing knock.
“Kiernan! Hey!” A short blonde named Cassidy came streaking out of the kitchen. She looked set to collide with Kiernan until she noticed me standing beside me and put on the brakes. “Oh, Jade, right?”
We’d only been in the same class for going on thirteen years. I could totally understand why she wouldn’t know my name. “Mm-hmm.”
“Wow. I’m surprised to see you here.”
Surprised/disappointed. Tomatoes/tomahtoes.
“Yeah, me too.” I shot a glare in Kiernan’s direction, which he pretended not to notice.
“I’m going to head outside and see if the guys need any help with the fire.”
Oh, no. No, no, no. He could not bring me to a party and then abandon me . . . but he did. He walked right out that door, leaving me on my own. Without a word, Cassidy sulked her way back through the door she’d come from and, not knowing what else to do, I followed her into a large pristine kitchen teeming with stainless steel appliances and granite countertops. The whole room seemed to sparkle like something out of a cleaning ad.
Three other girls I recognized but had probably never spoken to in my life stood around an island mixing some kind of punch in a bowl along with a healthy dose of vodka. I made a mental note to avoid the punch bowl.
“Look who’s here.” Could Cassidy have sounded any less enthusiastic?
“Jade! Hi.” Sammy and Gina stopped mixing their concoction to share a confused look while Vanessa smiled almost too brightly at me from across the room. “How are you? After everything . . .?”
She seemed to realize what she was bringing up, but the damage was already done. All four of them anxiously awaited any more info they could add to the rumor mill. If it was tales of woe and misery, or a hurtful retaliation against Doug they were looking for, they were going to be sorely disappointed.
“I’m fine, thanks. Do you need any help?”
Gina glanced around the room. “I think we’re all set.”
Not from you.
“Oh . . . okay.” They turned their attentions back to the drink prep and each other as I squeezed my eyes shut, mentally berating myself for being socially inept and Kiernan for bringing me here in the first place.
What was I supposed to do now? Standing alone in the corner was ridiculous. Trying to insert myself in their conversation would have fallen flat since I didn't know the first thing about school gossip that didn't revolve around me. And running for the hills was a no-go because Kiernan was my ride and he'd disappeared with the keys. I'd just made up my mind to go find him when Cassidy dug in her purse and pulled out four purple Hawaiian leis.
“Here you go, ladies.” Each of them donned a necklace and before I could muster my escape they turned as one to look my way. “Sorry, Jade, we bought these earlier and we didn’t know you’d be here.”
We don’t want to be associated with you.
“No. It’s cool.” I wouldn’t really want to be, either.
Thankfully, Jeff chose that moment to interrupt, ending my suffering. “You girls about ready?”
“All set!” Cassidy chirped happily, scooping up the bowl and heading outside where a bright fire burned and crackled merrily.
“Hey, Jade.”
“Hi, Jeff.” I trailed behind the others outside, without bothering to make eye contact with anyone. Maybe if I just kept my head down and my mouth shut, I could get through the night without causing any permanent damage.
Chairs surrounded the makeshift fire pit that had been built up with two-by-fours almost higher than my head. Everything from camping chairs to chaise lounges were thrown haphazardly into a circle. My first choice would have been the chair as far from Cassidy and her fake friendliness as I could get, but Kiernan had already chosen our seats and settled into his, where Cassidy parked herself right beside him.
I was debating the likelihood that I could hide out in the shadows for the rest of the evening when Kiernan caught my eye and patted the chair to his other side. While the others seemed to be evenly spaced, he’d pulled this one right up beside his and I had no idea what to make of that.
The fire danced in the breeze, hypnotizing me with its warm glow. Conversation filtered through the air interspersed with the occasional strains of music. I could hear Cassidy talking to Kiernan and other voices all mixing together, but no one made any attempt to engage me. Part of me was glad. Not having to worry about trying to maintain a normal conversation without saying something stupid, I was able to breathe for the first time since my phone rang. But another part of me was almost disappointed.
I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be like the rest of them so bad it hurt
. I wanted to be able to walk into a party, kick back, relax, and enjoy myself. I just couldn’t. No matter what I did—who I pretended to be—I’d never be one of them. And that hurt more than anything.
“Hey.” I hadn’t even noticed Kiernan was talking to me until his warm hand settled over my cold knee. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I gave him my best ‘everything’s A-okay’ smile, at which his frown only deepened.
“Come on.” Extricating himself from the chair, he held out a hand to me.
“Where are we going?” I ignored the daggers Cassidy was shooting in my general direction, praying avidly that he’d given up on this social experiment gone awry and was taking me home.
He wasn’t. Instead, he led me toward a darkened corner of the massive backyard. Away from the pops and cracks of the fire, it was easier to hear the music coming from the house. It wasn’t exactly a slow song, but Kiernan pulled me into his arms and started us swaying together.
Holy hell. I couldn’t do this. I mean, I could. And I wanted to. But what if someone saw us? I’d just broken up with Doug and—
"Relax." He pulled me closer, where the gentle rhythm of our bodies moving together combined with the comfort of being in his arms, and my frayed nerves, drew out my fatigue. Too tired to resist the urge, I laid my head on his shoulder.
Quietly, his voice washed over me as he softly sang in unison with Sara Bareilles' Brave. I wanted to tease him for even knowing the words, but it was just so damn perfect, I couldn't. I couldn't do anything, but hold on to him and let the silent tears fall.
When the song came to an end and our movements slowed to a stop, my head felt almost too heavy to lift. Kiernan didn't say a word about my bloodshot eyes or damp face. He simply smiled at me while he wiped my cheeks dry and led me back to the party.
Cassidy seemed to be the only one who noticed our absence, but our return was made more notable when Kiernan directed me to one of the chase lounges, where he sat back and pulled me down in front of him. Reclined, Kiernan spread his legs to settle me between them. I should have been embarrassed, but the steady rise and fall of Kiernan's chest against my back and the warmth of his arms surrounding me made everyone else just disappear.