However, the panther did not flee. When it was on the ground it turned and looked at me straight on with the shine of its yellow eyes. The smell of it was mixed up with how the kerosene smelled in my hair. The panther’s whole face went up in a snarl and I seen the fangs. Its whiskers was long and spread out and its ears was flat to its head. Its head looked twice or more the size of my own.
I thought I was done for, but it turned its notice to Juda. It give her a sniff and got its jaws on her throat and commenced to drag her away. Being as she was sturdy, it did not drag her with ease. I was scared it would turn and pounce on me and I was inclined to let it take her. Samantha kept on screaming at me to shoot it. I had on nothing but breeches, as I had taken my shirt off inside the house for Juda to rid the lice. There I stood, half naked, holding a unloaded gun, and I did not have the will to start whacking that cat just to get Juda’s body. I figured since Juda was passed and I was not yet, then I should get the prejudice in my favor. It was not as if I had much lingering thought on the matter, it was more my inward opinion.
Samantha however was of a different opinion. She started in hollering at the panther as well as at me. She grabbed pecans out of the tree and chucked them down at the cat as it labored to drag off Juda. She tore small branches and threw them down and screeched at it. Her whole head was covered in blood from where the panther had bit into her skull when it first jumped on her. The blood was slick on her face and in splotches all over her gown. The morning was not yet light but I seen the glisten of all that blood in the blue before dawn.
She screamed at the panther. You turn my mama loose!
The pecans startled the cat and pestered it whilst it was tugging at Juda. She was sturdy, as I have said. It dragged her in fits and starts.
I begged Samantha to stop provoking the creature, as I thought it would turn around and come after me.
You are a coward if you don’t shoot it! she screamed at me.
I can’t shoot it, I told her. I have spent the ball! I already fired and missed! What would you have me do!
Go after it! Whack it! she cried.
I did not want to provoke it further. You hush, I warned her. It’ll come after us!
But what was I to say to my father if I was to stand by and watch the panther lug Juda into the brush. We would have to hunt what was left of her. I could not be a coward like that.
I backed my way to the house, keeping a eye on Samantha up in the tree and watching the panther drag Juda. My feet was bare, so it was one bare foot in back of the other the whole way across the yard. We had our eyes on each other—the panther, Samantha, and me.
Samantha screamed at me, Where are you going! Don’t leave me up here by myself!
I am going to re-load the gun, I told her.
I went backwards into the house. It was hard not to bolt the door and stay there, as I would of preferred to do that. I put another ball in the rifle and come out and made ready to shoot the panther as best I could in what small light there was. It was almost into the line of brush at the slope down to the creek, pulling Juda along. The manner in which it took her was awful. She was a heap of dinner to it, and not Juda at all. I could not help but think of the ways I knew her. The particular ways she was. And now her legs was dragging along in the dirt. Samantha called for her a number of times but could not raise her.
When I seen a clear shot of the panther I fired and missed it, or maybe nicked it. It went off into the brush, but I did not think it was gone. I loaded another ball.
You come on down, I told Samantha. I’ll shoot it if it goes for you.
You’ll miss it! she yelled at me. You’ve missed it two times already!
No, I’ll hit it! I yelled at her.
You’re a liar, she told me.
You think that panther can’t climb, I asked her.
I ain’t leaving this tree! she kept hollering. You can’t shoot worth nothing!
It was not easy to listen to that, as there was more truth in it than I would of liked to admit to. So there the three of us was. At times I seen the terrible eyes of the panther watching us from the brush nearby Juda’s body. I seen the yellow-brown of its pelt as it moved about. I am sure it wanted to crawl out and drag Juda farther off but would not do so, as I had shown we would fight.
Morning begun to come on. The light arose from behind the pecan tree where Samantha was holding tight to the bare branches with her scrawny arms. It was a fearsome standoff. I do not know how long it went on. It was full light by the time the old sow come up from the creek and put a end to the situation in a way I had not expected. She come shambling up from the bottoms and sniffed out Juda’s body and nosed it about. I am sorry to say it, however I think she intended to eat it. She commenced in a rough way to drag it a bit. I thought the panther would jump on her, but it did not show itself. It had been some time since I’d seen it. I guess by now it had gone off nursing its wounds, as there was plenty of those. Or it might of been hiding, awaiting another chance at us. There was a instant I thought that Juda had returned to life, as parts of her moved as if by her own free will. As if she’d had enough of that sow for one last time and was coming around. But the movement was on account of the old sow pushing and nibbling at her.
I believe that Samantha, up in that tree, must of been scared out of her wits. But for her whimpering, she had got quiet by now.
Hold on to them branches, I called up to her. Don’t think about nothing but holding on.
I sure wished my father would hurry and get home, and yet I knew that was not likely to happen. He would not be home until dark, as he would be at the camp all day. Therefore we had the day to get through. I could not see how it was any more noble to let the old sow feast on Juda as to let the panther do it, so at long last I dared to venture over and shoo the sow away. I think Samantha was fearful for me whilst I done so. She did not say much that I could make out. It was like she become a whimpering statue up there in that tree. I thought any moment the cat would come flying at me from out of the brush if it was still there, but the presence of the old sow give me courage. I figured she might stand up for me.
Get, I told the sow, and give her a whack with the gun to fend her off Juda. She did not like it, however she moved aside.
Juda was face up on the ground and she was a fearsome sight to behold, tore nearly to pieces. Her face was ripped by the claws and her throat was mush. The eye I seen hanging out of the socket was now not to be found. I don’t know if it dropped off or if the cat ate it. I could not hunt for it, as I had to look out for the cat.
I tried to raise Juda into my arms but that was a hopeless effort. I turned her about and took hold under her arms to pull her, but her head flopped back with her throat open and I had to put her down on account of I had to vomit. After that I resolved again to get Juda into the house. I told Samantha she was to come down slow and take my gun and shoot the panther if it should jump out of the bushes at me, but that I thought it was gone. I figured it could not of been feeling too good after the beating me and Juda give it, and lacking the two toes Juda hacked off.
For once Samantha done as I told her. She got down out of the tree, with some trouble, on account of how hurt she was. I give her the gun and she took aim toward the bushes. She was a bloody mess. The cat had sought to crush her skull in its jaws. It created a good deal of blood. Her face was fairly ripped open. I worried that she would have trouble seeing the cat if it showed itself, as a good deal of blood was in her eyes. Also the gun was heavy for her, as she was puny and also weak from being up in that tree in the cold and hanging on for so long. She was scared and looking about for the cat, but she was game for the work.
I commenced to pull Juda by her ankles whilst Samantha followed along beside, walking backwards, like me, so as to keep her aim at the bushes. The sow went with us, but it was going frontways. We did not tarry. Juda was barefoot but had big feet, so there was no risk of me loosing my grip. Her tore up dress dragged up and tangled about her neck. It was awf
ul how her head bumped over the ground, but what could I do about it. I kept my eyes on the bushes.
Shoot if you see it, I told Samantha a number of times.
What else would I do, she told me. I could hardly make out what she said, on account of the blood was so thick it had just about sealed her mouth up by that time.
We got Juda into the house, and that was a great relief. The sow tried to come in too, but I swatted her out. Samantha’s face looked awful. A chunk of flesh had come loose and was hanging out from her cheek. There was blood all over her head. I tried to get her to let me look at the cuts, but she would not let me touch them. She would not be still to let me put flour on them to stop the bleeding as I had once seen Juda do when my father had cut hisself whilst skinning a deer. We had only one bag of flour. I tried to pour it on her head but she fought me off and screeched at me that there was bugs in it. I did not see any bugs, but I admit it was old flour, as Juda had been saving it for as long as I’d been aware that we had it. I threw a bunch at Samantha in hopes it might stick. She run around to get away but did not have anywhere to go. She looked nearly white. Then she wrapped her whole head in a rag and mostly all I could see was her eyes.
We stayed there all day. We was scared to leave the house. I told Samantha I could go to Camp Verde and bring back help. However, she did not want to be left alone. I was glad of that, as I was not sure I had the courage to walk outside. In fact I doubted it strongly. I eagerly wanted my father to arrive home and yet I felt dread of the moment that he would do so. We tried to clean Juda up so the awful sight of her would not come as quite so much of a shock to him. But we had only a pitcher of water, and I did not want to leave the house and go down to the creek to get more. So it was not a good job of making Juda look right. Her eye was the worst part of the trouble, as it was gone. I tore strips out of a dress she had, and made her a blindfold, and then likewise wrapped her neck and hands and legs and arms and other parts that was tore up. After that, there was not much left of her to look at.
We kept the door shut and the bolt set and the window shuttered. The smell of the blood and kerosene together made me feel sick. I stayed away from the fire for fear it would light up my head. I hauled our bed against the door in case the panther had a mind to come busting through for its supper. I did not know where to keep Juda. It did not seem right to leave her to lay on the floor, but neither did it seem right to put her up on her own bed, as she had always been so particular about keeping that tidy and fresh. Of course what could she say about it now. Still, it did not seem right. And I did not want her on our bed. That did not seem right, neither. We laid her out behind the trunk in the corner, hoping we might have suitable time to explain to my father the matter of what had happened before he laid eyes on her.
We was cold when we run out of wood. I ate what was left from the night before, but Samantha would have none, on account of her face. The chill come in, and Samantha commenced to shake. Her teeth was clanking together. She was a terrible sight to look upon, as most of her was covered in flour, and the rag around her head and face was soiled with blood that come through—not a clean spot to be seen. Her head looked small, as I was used to her hair sticking out and now it was tied down flat with the rag. There was gashes on her neck but not so deep as on her face. I guess that is lucky, or she would of been dead. She kept looking out of the chinks to see if the cat was out there. She went from one chink to the other and then started over again. I told her to stop, but she wouldn’t. I told her to sit, but she wouldn’t do that, neither. From chink to chink she went all day. Her feet left tracks in the flour that was all over the house. She would not let me look under the rag, or tie a clean one, or even get anywhere near her.
That is the end of what the panther done.
Chapter 4
Dear Judge,
I have used the pages Mr Wronski give me at his house that day and have not even hardly laid the tracks in front of the train. The report I am sending now is six pages filled up and I am writing small. Mr Hildebrand give me more pages at the post office on account of he is generous and would like to see justice get done. He is a thoughtful gentleman and talkative for a German. I had not talked with him on many occasions before, as I had not had cause to send letters.
Mrs Hildebrand is in charge of the store whilst Mr Hildebrand is in charge of the post office within it. When I was there she give me a pastry called strudel. I never had it before. I found it the best thing I ever ate.
I am sorry it took me near a week to write these pages but I have been busy making a coffin for a woman in Comfort who passed. Chairs is my specialty, but coffins is what people mostly want.
Also a goat run off and Samantha and me had to hunt for it all yesterday. We thought the Kickapoos took it, as our neighbor down the way said they was through here. Or we thought maybe he took it hisself. He is known to do that. But these was false accusations, as we found it alive in one piece.
There is still more to write after this.
Yours kindly,
Benjamin Shreve
MY TESTAMENT
My father come home late in the afternoon and found us as I have told you. Juda was in disarray behind the trunk in the corner, wrapped in a number of rags and passed. Samantha was scuttling around in the house. She smelled bad, like raw blood. Her teeth was clanking together. There was flour everywhere all over her and everything in the house.
My father was taken aback by the terrible sights and shocked to the bone and sick to his stomach. I had a time telling him what had taken place. He got Samantha into his arms and made a attempt to look at her face but it was tied up in the rag and she would not let him take that off. He fell on his knees and undid the blindfold off Juda in haste as if he thought she might still be alive under there, despite that Samantha and me both sought to explain she was passed. When he seen her face and that her eyeball was gone he was not in charge of hisself for a minute and I thought he would choke as he did not breathe freely for some time. Her other eye still had a lid on it so he closed that one. I think he was trying to sort things out in his mind but there was too much to take in. Maybe he recollected the night before and pondered that the guest and the lice was responsible for the trouble. But truly I can’t fathom much of what he might of been thinking, or if he placed blame, or not, or who on, or what for, as it was never discussed at that time nor any time after. Maybe he figured, like I did, that Juda’s bad temper had done herself in.
He said, Benjamin, we need to get water and clean her up.
I told him, I ain’t going outside even with you.
He said, I need your help, son.
Samantha commenced to whimper. I think her feelings was starting to cut loose. My father and me went outside and each taken a yoke and buckets and made our way to the creek. I tried to bear up as expected in times of need. Our aim was to get the water and return to the house and do what we could to set things right, though I already knew for sure they could not be set so. I had hoped when my father got home he would fix the matter somehow, but that was not the case. What good would water do. It can wash away blood but not things that has happened. I know it is said it can wash away sins, but I believe those are a done deal too.
There was daylight left, and that was a great relief. Nevertheless I could not help looking about me and fearing the panther would jump on me out of the trees or come flying out of the brush. I could not feel free of the panther no matter that it was nowhere in sight.
My father begun to weep as we walked, so I strove to cheer him up. Juda hacked it up a good bit, I told him.
She was a good, fine, brave woman, he said.
Some of that was news to me, as I had not cared for her a great deal. However, it was not the time to say so.
When we come back to the house with the water, my father took the rag off Samantha’s face and head, which was not a easy task, as the blood was dried and it stuck. Samantha done a good bit of hollering. My father spied the terrible condition of her face and comm
enced to breathe heavy and I thought he might be sick again. I thought I might too. Her condition was very poor. He said I had done right with the flour. I asked what we was to do and he said we was to take her to Camp Verde for help.
How are we to do that, I said. We have only the mare, and I ain’t going to stay here alone.
You have no choice in the matter, said he. You have nothing to fear here in the house.
I feared Juda’s dead body, for one. I feared her spirit too. I feared any noise I might mistake for the panther. Even a snap of twigs. I feared my very own thoughts. There was nothing I did not fear with night coming on as it was.
My father said Samantha was in desperate need of laudanum.
Can the mare not carry us all, I asked.
You know she can’t, son, he said.
He beseeched me to be courageous and I begrudged him of it, as I had proved already I could be and therefore felt I had earned a right not to be, under the dire circumstances. I was but eight years old and had fought a panther and kept my wits well enough throughout the whole trouble. Therefore I had good proof of my courage.
And yet, it was not a time to argue with him. I tried to get hold of myself and prepare for a long night in the company of a passed woman who hated me even whilst she was present amongst the living, and there was no telling what she thought of me now.
The Which Way Tree Page 3