by Cindy Gerard
“And if I say no?” Because she looked so stern, he couldn’t resist baiting her.
“Then you will be responsible for me not getting any sleep this night.”
She’d known exactly how to get to him. “That’s not playing fair.”
“What about life is fair?”
Didn’t he know it? And yet this exchange made him smile.
He took her hand and slowly rose to a sitting position. Standing had gotten easier, but he always had to take extreme care with sudden movements, or he’d land on his ass, sweating like a marathon runner in the last mile, swallowing back his dinner, and hanging on to the world while it spun out of control.
“Wait until you are steady,” she said when he finally had his feet beneath him.
They stood side-by-side in the moonlight, his weight on his good leg, his world fairly level. It struck him then that for a woman of such strength, she was neither tall nor heavily built.
“How tall are you?”
She told him in Pashto.
That calculated in English to five feet four inches, which made him around five-foot-eight or -nine since the top of her head was level with his nose.
“Ready?” she asked uncertainly.
Ten feet separated them from the edge of the flat roof. “I can do this.”
Only the first step out of the gate proved he couldn’t. His bad leg promptly cramped, and he started to go down. Rabia moved in fast. She tucked herself under his shoulder and wrapped an arm around his waist, steadying him.
“That went well,” he gritted out as he rode through the burning ache in his shin.
“I suspect your leg was once broken and did not heal well,” she said, as he leaned on her for support.
“Bastards wouldn’t set it. They just dumped me in that hole and—”
He stopped, felt his gut tighten, as a wrenching memory of a hole in sand-colored soil crystallized through a murky fog.
Four feet deep, four feet wide, six feet long.
Covered with a crude lattice hatch of rough wood that only opened once a day when they threw starvation rations of food and water at him. If he was quick enough, he tossed out the contents of his waste bucket.
Snow and ice covered him.
Rain washed in.
Sun burned and baked.
He carved lines into the dirt wall with his knuckle to mark the time that crawled like the snakes that sometimes slithered into the hole with him.
Two hundred fifty-five lines that he counted over and over again so he wouldn’t ever forget, wouldn’t ever forgive.
A cold fear gripped him. A cold sweat enveloped him.
Two hundred fifty-five lines? Two hundred fifty-five days?
It couldn’t be. He wasn’t thinking straight. And yet he knew the number was significant.
“Askar?” Rabia. Her voice sounded far away and full of concern.
“My God.” He dropped to his knees, dragging her down with him. Horrible, excruciating memories shot across his mind’s eye like tracer rounds in a sky lit up with RPGs.
Two hundred fifty-five lines.
Not twenty-three lines in a cave.
Not another twenty-eight days in Rabia’s father’s home.
Somewhere, somehow, had he really survived two hundred fifty-five days in a hole in the ground where he’d been caged like an animal?
No. He wouldn’t believe it. It couldn’t be true.
He wouldn’t let it be true. He couldn’t let it be true, because that meant he hadn’t merely survived a month or two before Rabia found him. It meant he’d been lost for nearly a year.
Or was it even more than a year?
“My God, my God.” He started shaking uncontrollably.
How much of his life had he lost? And how many more lines had he made in other holes that he didn’t remember?
Chapter 12
Northern Minnesota, August
IF YOU DON’T COME BACK and finish this, I might have to hunt you down and hurt you.
Jess still didn’t know if she should be mortified or proud that she’d issued Ty that ultimatum three weeks ago. Either way, she’d said it. And she’d meant it. Now, twenty-one long days later, she was going to have to make good on her words. Good sense or bad, she could hardly wait.
“What are you looking for?” Kayla asked as Jess rummaged around behind the counter for Bear’s leash.
“Before it gets any darker, I want to take Bear for a quick W-A-L-K.” Since the Lab understood the word walk and went wild with excitement when she said it, Jess spelled it out for Kayla.
“How will you ever be able to tear your eyes away from the clock for that long?” Kayla teased.
“You’re a laugh a minute, you know that?”
“I do, yes.” Kayla counted back change to a customer.
Kayla was right, Jess thought as she got sidetracked by another last-minute sale and stopped to scoop up two ice cream cones and ring up a bag of marshmallows and a bottle of peppermint schnapps. She’d been watching the clock for the better part of an hour, like a teenager waiting for her prom date. The fact that it was almost nine P.M., closing time, was secondary. Ty’s plane had been due to land in International Falls at eight, and she expected him to show up anytime now.
She shouldn’t have missed him this much. She shouldn’t have gone to bed every night and awakened every morning thinking about him. She should have been more mature. And sane. Apparently, however, she wasn’t either. And the deal was, she no longer cared.
Ty Brown made her feel alive and desirable and special. So after the first few days of being mortified by the way she’d all but melted in his arms, she’d decided not to fight it. She’d decided to enjoy it—whatever it was. She was way too wary to call it anything more than chemistry and infatuation, regardless of what it felt like. She only knew that every time her phone rang or her text alert sounded, her heart went a little haywire. He’d called every day. Sometimes twice a day. He sent her silly e-mails and sexy text messages.
More than once in the past three weeks, Kayla had caught her grinning at her phone and called her on it.
“Commando Cutie’s getting frisky, is he?”
“Don’t you have shelves to stock?” was her standard reply, even though Jess knew she wasn’t fooling Kayla.
“When’s he coming back?” was Kayla’s stock retort.
“Who said anything about him coming back?”
“You know, you can go to hell for lying.”
“Oh, for the days when the younguns respected their elders.”
And so it went. But tonight was the night. Ty was coming back, and she felt like one electric, twitchy nerve because of it.
She’d finally found Bear’s leash when the hose at the gas pump dinged, alerting her that she had yet another customer outside.
“You act like you’re looking for someone.” Kayla again. Too astute.
“I’m ready for the day to be over is all,” Jess lied. What she was ready for was for the night to begin.
That was the other decision she’d made. She was an adult. With needs… needs that she’d stored in dry dock too long. Everything would change between her and Ty tonight. It was going to get physical… and she could hardly draw a deep breath thinking about it.
Hearing him talk about Maya that day on the lake, about how he’d loved her, how he would always love her, had somehow made her accept that she could do that, too. She could always love J.R. But it was OK for her to open up to her own feelings now. It made it all right. Ty was moving on with his life. It was time she moved on, too, regardless of what happened between them in the long term, because the long term was something she wasn’t looking for—not with Ty.
She knew where that path led. What she was looking for was a fling with a nice guy, a gorgeous guy, and she wasn’t going to sabotage her chances by overthinking things like repercussions and expectations and guilt. She’d lived in the past for too long. The time had come to live in the moment.
“You k
now,” Kayla said, as she stepped over Bear to get out from behind the cash register, “I’m not stupid, and I’m not blind. Something’s up. The makeup looks good, by the way. Hair, too.”
Nothing got past that girl. If Kayla suspected that some of the packages she’d brought home from Duluth last week were filled with loot from Victoria’s Secret, she’d never hear the end of it. Jess had made the two-and-a-half-hour trip on the pretense of checking out a craft show. Since one section of her store was devoted to touristy-type knickknacks, she was always looking to replenish her inventory with something unique. And since her underwear drawer was just that, a utilitarian underwear drawer, she’d been in dire need of a little silk and lace.
“I like seeing you this happy,” Kayla announced, looking smug.
Kayla’s statement gave her pause. “Have I really been such a sad sack?”
“No,” Kayla assured her quickly. “You weren’t ever a sad sack. But you weren’t ever… what’s the word? This bubbly before.”
“Bubbly? Oh, please, God, save me.”
Kayla laughed. “What? It looks good on you.”
If her personality change was that obvious, then Kayla couldn’t have been the only one who noticed. And Jess knew it for a fact.
“Something’s amiss. Do you have a secret lover, my little lotus blossom?” Boots teased her every day.
“All right. I confess,” she’d finally told him this morning. “You found me out. I’m having a torrid affair with the bait man.”
Boots slapped a spread palm to his chest, faking a heart attack. “Cooter? You’d choose him over me? Me who buys your coffee and sings your praises daily? That man smells like a fish and looks like a bear. Besides, he’s a grampa.”
“So are you, you old flirt.”
She knew others were also speculating. And she knew her brother-in-law was not happy. Brad had made that clear the morning Ty had flown back to Florida.
“Your life. Your business,” he’d said when he stopped by on the pretense of filling his travel coffee mug, his tone implying that he very much thought it was his business, too. “But you need to remember that you’re a target, Jess.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I know about your date with the pilot. And I know you spent a day with him on the lake.”
Even knowing this was coming, she hadn’t been prepared for the flat-out hostility in Brad’s eyes. Or for her own anger as she suddenly realized that Brad’s attitude had been part of the reason she hadn’t been able to move on. “Look, Brad—”
He’d cut her off with a dark look. “You’re a target,” he reminded her. “A widow with an income. Men will take advantage.”
She’d wanted to laugh but contained herself. Brad clearly hadn’t been in a joking mood. In fact, when he was like that, he reminded her very much of J.R. Brad was taller and heavier than J.R., and his complexion and hair were lighter, but there was an intensity about him that was J.R. through and through.
“Brad,” she’d said reasonably, making herself settle down, “I barely make ends meet here, you know that. I think we can safely rule out the possibility of some golddigger targeting me for my money.”
“Any man who takes advantage of another man’s wife isn’t much of a man in my book. And any woman who forgets where she came from… well, just don’t forget where you came from.”
She’d been so stunned by his vitriol she could only watch him stalk out the door.
Any man who takes advantage of another man’s wife.
She was no longer anyone’s wife. She was a widow, and she was entitled to a life. Brad would never see it that way. Maybe if he met Ty, he’d see what a good man he was.
And maybe fish would fly.
The bell above the door rang and drew her out of her worrisome thoughts. She recognized the ball cap first. Then she recognized the smile and the hitch in her breath that she should be used to by now but always caught her off-guard.
He looked good. He looked so very, very good.
“Well, well.” Kayla’s grin stretched a mile wide. “Look who found his way back north.”
“Hey, Kayla.” Ty’s gaze never left Jess’s face. “How’s it going?”
“Why, it’s going just fine, thanks for asking.” She darted an amused look from Ty to Jess. “Go ahead and take Bear for that walk, boss. I’ll close up.”
At the word walk, Bear bolted out from behind the counter with a happy yelp and barreled past Ty to get to the door.
“Whoa, big fella.” Ty laughed and grabbed the excited pup’s collar as Jess rushed out and clipped on the leash.
“He’s starting to grow into his feet.” Ty squatted down and scratched the dog’s ears, then looked up at Jess. “Mind if I tag along? I could use a stretch after my flight.”
Jess didn’t understand how he could look so cool and collected and in control when she was melting by slow, hot degrees.
“We’ll be right back,” she told Kayla, and headed out the door, feeling happier and more vital than she had since the night Ty had kissed her and left her wanting more.
“Take your time.” Kayla’s voice floated out after them, sounding annoyingly pleased and far too amused.
“I TAKE IT no one knew I was coming back today?”
The dog sniffed happily at the grass along the shoulder as they walked down the blacktop road.
“I didn’t figure it was anyone’s business but mine.”
Ty liked being her private business. He liked the way her eyes had lit up when she’d seen him walk in the door. He’d had hopes. When they’d talked or texted or exchanged e-mails, there’d been a quality in her voice or her tone that suggested she was ready to open herself up to this. That she was ready for them. But until he’d seen her face, he hadn’t been counting on anything. Now he was counting on a lot.
She looked good. While he loved the wholesome look of her without makeup, he liked it that she’d made a special effort to look nice for him.
“I thought this day would never come,” he confessed, and reached for her hand.
Warmth spread through his chest when she eagerly entwined her fingers with his. “I’d started to think it wouldn’t.”
Better and better. “I’m sorry it took me so long. Everywhere I turned, I ran into red lights that slowed me down. But it’s all good now. My deck’s cleared.”
“For how long?”
“Two weeks, at least. Longer if you want it to be.”
He’d hoped he’d see that pleased look in her eyes, but until it was a certainty, he’d been holding his breath. It made his next move so easy.
He stopped and pulled her toward him. “No cars ahead of us. No cars behind.”
“My powers of deductive reasoning lead me to conclude that we must be alone, then.”
He loved this carefree, playful side, too. Apparently, absence not only made the heart grow fonder, it also made it grow braver. “Reason to celebrate.”
She looped her arms around his neck. “What’d you have in mind?”
“The same thing that’s been on my mind since the last time I saw you.”
“Then why are you wasting so much time talking about it?”
He laughed and pulled her snugly against him, letting her feel exactly what she did to him. “Oh, what a difference three weeks and a handful of suggestive text messages can make.”
She laughed, too. “There you go. Talking again.”
“There you go. Reminding me.”
“Ty. Shut up and kiss me.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Chapter 13
MIDNIGHT HAD BEEN LONELY FOR so long. Midnight had become an hour Jess dreaded and that she spent awake and alone too many nights.
That she wasn’t alone tonight felt like a small miracle. She didn’t want to remember how lost she had been. She wanted only to think about the touch of this man’s hands, alternately rough and gentle and oh so skilled. She wanted to be swallowed up in the solid, hot bulk of his body. The feel of hi
m deep inside her. The suction of his mouth on her breast as she came with an involuntary convulsion of muscle and a gasp of wonder.
When she could take a breath that wasn’t a shudder, she lightly bit his shoulder, steeping herself in the maleness of him, his strength, the way his mouth cruised over her body and brought life where life had been gone for so, so long.
“You OK?”
She stretched in contentment and framed his face in her hands. “You really have to ask?”
He’d brought her there twice tonight. Eased her up the first time and taken her over. Then he’d turned on the lights and taken her fast and hard and desperately.
Now, in the aftermath, his heart slammed hard and true against her breasts. She loved the vital maleness of him. The heat and the scent of his skin, the bulk of muscle pressing her into the mattress as he rose up on his elbows and scattered kisses along her throat.
“You’re so beautiful.”
She needed that. He must know she needed that. She’d been shy when the first moment came. She’d led him to her bedroom and turned off the lights. Undressed in the dark. Met him on the bed where she’d never lain with a man, trembling, vulnerable, and more alive than she ever remembered feeling.
It had been so long. So long since the press of flesh on flesh had electrified her. So long since she’d lain beside a man whose caresses and low groans told her that yes, she was enough, and yes, she excited him, and yes, this was what magic felt like.
There had never been any question where this night would end. She’d wanted him in her bed since the moment he’d left her—probably even before that, if she were being honest. She’d wanted him so badly that it should have frightened her. It might have, if the deep, aching need hadn’t outdistanced any thought of caution and consequences.
There’d be time enough to sort it all out. Tonight… tonight she wanted to indulge.
She caressed his shoulders, explored the play of muscle over bone, and wondered how she had lived without this.
“Too heavy?” he murmured against her jaw.
“Too confined. I want to touch you. All of you.”