by Mark M Bello
“Parents teach their children. These are blessings because children are tomorrow’s teachers. And so it goes, generation to generation. Most of us live simple lives. There are no statues erected in our honor. But many of us will have children, and they will carry on our name and our legacy. This is the special blessing of ancestry.
“Grow closer, express more love to one another. Children and parents must develop trust in each other, a consequence of which is to grow in love. We want our kids to seek our advice rather than getting it on the streets from those of dubious character. Many teenagers view the home or the church as a prison cell, with parents and priests serving as their guards. However, many of their problems would be solved if they became closer to God and the church.
“If understanding is not found in the family, the safest place that a child knows, where can it be located? In Corinthians 13:11, the apostle Paul says, ‘When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.’ If we want to reach our children, we must try to think as they do. We must put ourselves in their shoes.
“Second, we must communicate with our children. With both parents working in most twenty-first-century families, would you be surprised if I told you that moms spend less than an hour a day with their children and fathers less than a half-hour?
“Deuteronomy 4:7 says, ‘You shall teach them diligently unto your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up.’ Spend time with your children, talk about a quality life through spirituality. Parents and grandparents alike have a responsibility to teach children the principles of a quality life. Communication is an essential tool in exercising that responsibility.
“Here is a suggestion. Offer your children an hour a day of your time. Tell them that it is their time with you to do or say anything they want, go anywhere they want to go, play anything they want to play. And I will make you this promise—despite my busy schedule, any parent of any child who asks this of me; I will pledge an hour to you or your child. Parents and priests are busy. We are here, there, and everywhere, taking care of this crisis or that one. However, I urge you to make the one-hour pledge to your children and to honor the commitment. It is crucial they know you care, that you love them and will be there for them in times of need.
“Third, we must provide for our children. It is our responsibility as parents to provide a loving and happy home. It is most important to demonstrate relationships by example in a committed and happy marriage. In many ways, this example of commitment is even more important than the relationship between parent and child. We must provide food, clothing, and shelter, of course, but the atmosphere in which our children grow up is of the utmost importance. However, some marriages fall apart, even when husband and wife have the best of intentions going into them. If that fate falls upon you and your children, please call on me to counsel your sons, to guide them along the paths of righteousness and love, especially if this happens during their teenage years. Trust them to my loving care . . .” Would they? The parents must trust me.
“Fourth, we must set a good example for our children. In other words, we must not only talk the talk; we must walk the walk. If we expect our kids not to smoke, not to drink, and not to do drugs, we must refrain from those activities ourselves. Children will often do what they see others doing. What I would like to see is child after child deciding to seek the counsel of the Lord, through private and privileged counsel with me.
“Finally, number five is to love your children. Show them genuine affection. Children need to be loved, cared for, felt, and touched. I am pleased to help in this endeavor, as I am a very hands-on person. I pledge, with all my soul, in all that I do, to love your children. And studies show that physical love is important, even in the first days after birth. Research indicates that female infants less than a year old receive five times more physical affection than boys of the same age. Is that why younger boys have far more emotional and psychiatric problems than younger girls? A child growing up with physical contact will be more comfortable with themselves and others. I promise, with all my heart, to shower your children with affection, to guide them to a greater good, through love, touch, feel, the church, and the grace of God.”
Jennifer Tracey attended church services that morning. She dropped the boys off at her sister’s house and arrived early. She wasn’t aware that Father Gerry would be delivering his first sermon. These last statements compelled her to leave. She didn’t understand why but knew she must. She rose and walked up the aisle toward the exit. Gerry paused and watched her go. Heads turned. The sermon seemed to come to an abrupt halt. Jennifer walked out the door, and it clicked closed behind her. Gerry struggled to understand her departure and promptly lost his composure. He continued, more tentatively, as Jennifer exited the church building.
“Okay . . . now . . . uh . . . I would like to address the children . . .” Why is she leaving? Was it something I said? Did the boys say something to her? Shit!
“For you to remain blessed . . . for you to . . . uh . . . continue to be a gift from God, I have three suggestions: Try to learn about God from your parents, the church, Father Jon, and me, and, most important, read your Bible. Remember that, according to scripture, Jesus learned of God at the age of twelve. You can learn of God as well. Be grateful to God and your parents for all the nice things that happen in your life. Tell those who do nice things for you, including your parents, how much you appreciate their kindness. Learn to say a simple thank you when people do nice things. Food does not miraculously appear on your table at mealtime. How did your bed get made and your clothes folded and put away? Have you ever thought of saying thank you to your mom for simple acts of kindness? Give thanks for the kindnesses extended to you and the things you receive. Count your blessings.” Gerry was finding a stronger voice, more control, following Jennifer’s abrupt exit. I can finish this.
“Be willing to experiment. Dare to try something different. Try to do things outside your comfort zone. I specialize in helping teenagers experience God’s love in unique ways, and I pledge to assist you in any way I can to achieve grace through love. I am here for you. I am a very valuable resource. Use me as often as you choose.
“Remember, dear family and friends; children are a blessing and the future leaders of our church, our community, our country, and our world. And they are the future leaders in the kingdom of God and heaven. Thank you, and God bless you and your precious children.”
Chapter Seven
Father Jon gave Jennifer two names and numbers. After talking with both clinics, she chose the Beacon-East Counseling Center in Birmingham, Michigan. She liked that Beacon-East had both psychologists and psychiatrists on staff. A Saturday appointment was scheduled for the weekend following her phone call. She was now driving east on Maple toward Birmingham.
Birmingham was an upscale suburb of Detroit. Upscale retailers chose Birmingham for a downtown location, especially following the retail abandonment of downtown Detroit after the 1967 riot. Birmingham has many fine retail shops, restaurants, coffeehouses, art galleries, and theaters.
The city also had many beautiful residential communities and office complexes contained within and surrounding its downtown. Beacon-East was located on Brown Street; two quick right turns from the corner of Maple and South Woodward, Downtown Birmingham’s main cross streets. Jennifer spotted the building and the clinic sign as soon as she turned onto Brown. She pulled the Tahoe into the parking lot of the clinic. The kids had not uttered a single word for the entire trip. This morning, she sat the boys down and told them they were going to see a doctor to find out why they were so upset. Neither was thrilled with the idea of seeing what Kenny called a “shrink,” but Mom insisted.
Beacon-East was an ultra-modern white-and-glass single-story office building. There were multiple psychiatrists and psychologists listed on the occupant roster. Their appointm
ent was with Harold Rothenberg, M.D., Ph.D. Jennifer walked up to his office counter. A sliding glass window, adjacent a locked door, separated the waiting room from the clinic. The receptionist greeted her pleasantly and handed her a questionnaire to complete. The only highlighted portion of the questionnaire was payer and insurance information. She finished the form, returned it to the receptionist, and took a seat. Kenny and Jake busied themselves with a couple of Highlights magazines. She was grateful they were alone in the waiting room.
After a short wait, the locked door opened and a tall, balding man with a flowing white, Santa Claus–type beard asked them to follow him back. Jennifer rose, collected the kids, and followed the man to a smallish room that contained a tiny desk and chair, a recliner, and a couch. There were diplomas, association membership plaques, awards, and certification notices all over the walls. Jennifer took the recliner. The boys jumped on the couch. Santa Claus, to Jennifer’s surprise, introduced himself as Dr. Rothenberg and inquired, “What seems to be the problem? How can I help you?”
Jennifer told him about the camping trip, the boys’ school situation, and their recent strange behavior. In a series of questions and answers, Dr. Rothenberg also learned about Jim’s death and Father Bill’s sudden departure. After exchanging a few more questions for answers, Dr. Rothenberg asked Jennifer if he might talk to the boys alone. Kenny shrugged ‘I don’t care,’ and Jake was okay with whatever his brother wanted. Jennifer and Dr. Rothenberg rose. The doctor escorted Jennifer back to the waiting room and told her that he expected the session to last approximately forty-five minutes.
Forty-five minutes seemed like forever, and when the kids finally came out, Dr. Rothenberg summoned Jennifer in. The boys resumed their Highlights reading.
“Sit down, please, Mrs. Tracey.”
“Oh, call me Jenny, please,” she smiled, taking the recliner.
“Okay, Jenny. This is not a school-bullying situation. Your boys are extremely upset about something that happened on that camping trip. I could not get them to talk about the trip, but the mere mention of it sends Jake into hysterics. It may take several sessions to obtain their trust. I recommend twice per week sessions for now. Hopefully, we can build a trust relationship and learn as much as we can as soon as we can.”
“Sounds okay to me, Doctor.” He has a gentle nature. “May I ask you something?”
“Sure, anything.”
“Based on this session and seeing how upset they are, to use your term, do you have any preliminary thoughts on what may have caused their recent behavior? Do you know if they . . . what happened?”
“Fair question and one that I’d ask if these were my children. Any answer would be no more than a guess at this point. Hopefully, after a few sessions, we’ll have some answers.”
“Is there anything I can do at home?”
“Hugs, kisses, and lots of love,” Dr. Rothenberg smiled.
I like this man.
“Here’s my card. It has my office number, cell phone, and my home number. If anything happens and you need to talk, call me anytime, day or night.”
“Thanks again, Doctor. We’ll see you next week.” Jennifer was relieved.
“Good-bye, Jennifer.”
Almost immediately after Jennifer left the office, the telephone in Dr. Rothenberg’s office rang.
***
“Good morning, Dr. Rothenberg, here.”
“Good morning, Dr. Rothenberg,” the Voice chirped.
“What can I do for you?” Rothenberg grumbled.
“How did your session with the Tracey boys go?”
“How did you know the session was over?” Are these people monitoring my office?
“Nothing covert, Doctor. The appointment was for eleven. It’s now noon. You told me sessions last an hour,” The Voice reasoned. “So, again, how did the session go?”
“It went as expected. The boys don’t trust me and won’t for a while. Hopefully, in time, I’ll be able to gain their trust and be of some assistance to them and the church.” Rothenberg calmed. I am a professional. I need to behave like one.
“How much time?”
“It’s impossible to say. This varies from patient to patient. In this case, though, I have an advantage.”
“What’s that?”
“I already know what’s bothering them.”
“True, so what’s the prognosis?”
“These are tough cases. It may take months, even years, to resolve feelings of pain and betrayal. A priest is a father figure. The betrayal of trust is enormous, and it takes a long time to rebuild that trust. There are also sexual components. These will manifest themselves as the boys become more sexually aware. Time will tell whether this impacts their sexuality or how they respond to sexual situations. Degree is a factor. In this case, your team has advised that we are dealing with lower-level trauma. While that’s a positive, this is not an exact science and kids react to different things in different ways. Whatever the case, I will do my best to help them.”
“We know you will. That’s why we chose you. Keep me posted.” I will have measured control of this situation. He is loyal to the church.
“That, I cannot do.”
“What?” Have I lost control? The Voice was stunned.
“I cannot keep you posted.”
“No? Why not?”
“Doctor-patient privilege and confidentiality. It’s very similar to the priest-penitent privilege.”
“But the church retained your services, not the Tracey family. Doesn’t that change the privilege dynamic? After all, it’s our money.”
“The privilege belongs to the patient, regardless of who is paying the bill.”
The Voice silently seethed.
“Look,” Dr. Rothenberg continued, “I promised you when you retained me that I would do my very best to help these boys as discreetly as possible. I intend to keep that promise, but I will not violate doctor-patient confidentiality.”
“Understood, Doctor.” The Coalition would monitor all sessions anyway.
Somehow he makes ‘understood’ sound like ‘fuck you.’ “Anything else?” Rothenberg wondered.
“Not at this time, Doctor. Thank you and good-bye.”
“Good-bye.”
Chapter Eight
Jennifer sat in the pew and tried, without success, to let the weight of her children’s worries slide off her shoulders. She’d left the boys with her sister Lynne for the morning, hoping that a break from their home environment would help them. Jennifer looked for help from the church.
Father Gerry stood at the pulpit, in full regalia, looking down upon the congregation. His eyes didn’t meet Jennifer’s, but she hoped he’d noticed her. He began his sermon.
“Today, I would like to talk to you about relationships and anger. Often, we are the angriest at the people we know and love. Take, for example, the relationships between adults and teenagers. What makes a good parent in the eyes of a teen?
“Part of the answer is found in the example you set in your interactions with your spouse. Remember, your kids are watching. They watch, learn, and form their own concepts and opinions of marriage from your example.”
Jennifer hadn’t been thinking about her late husband or how much help he would have been during her boys’ current woes, but now she couldn’t avoid it. For a moment, she lost track of Gerry’s sermon. Suddenly, his voice intruded into her thoughts.
“If a son watches his father abuse his mother, will the son view this behavior as normal? Will he become an abuser? If a daughter observes the same behavior, will she assume that abusive relationships are acceptable?”
Jennifer was uncomfortable. She didn’t expect every sermon to contain a hopeful or uplifting message. At this moment, however, she wanted the priest to talk about something other than pain.
“There are no perfect adults. We sin constantly, and then forgive each other our sins. There are no perfect fathers, no perfect mothers, no perfect priests.”
Why did he
have to say that? For the next few minutes, ‘no perfect priests’ was all she could hear. Gerry continued, but Jennifer lost all sense of his main point.
“Embrace the nuances of others, the imperfections of others. Nobody’s perfect, not even you, certainly not me. Psalm 127:3 says, ‘Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward.’”
She stared at the stained glass on the eastern windows. A shepherd, a flock of sheep, and an image of heaven shone with the light of the sun, which passed behind clouds and then emerged again as she watched. Did that mean something? Even when the sun was obscured, the colors shone brightly. Father Gerry was concluding his sermon.
“John 4:20 says, ‘If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.’ So settle things with those who have angered you before coming here to pray.
“Read in verses 25 to 26, Jesus also preached that we should settle disagreements without going to court. I couldn’t agree more. ‘Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court; do it while you are still with him on the way . . .’
“To Jesus, this type of resolution of differences is important. ‘Don’t wait,’ he says. ‘Do it now.’ Cast away your hostility and inherent desire to win at all costs. Ask God’s forgiveness and your adversary’s forgiveness for the harsh words spoken against him or her in anger. Love your children and others as you would love yourselves and your God. Resolve those differences that tear you up inside. Cast away your wrath. Respect each other. Love each other. Take care of each other and go with God. Amen.”
The sermon did not provide Jennifer what she was seeking, but it did provide her with the seed of an idea.