3rd World Products, Inc., Book 5

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3rd World Products, Inc., Book 5 Page 28

by Ed Howdershelt


  "Friends. Just along for the ride."

  Examining me for a moment, he handed back my wand as he said, "Interesting friends. I'd like a word with them before you leave," then he gestured at the door and said, "Let's go outside."

  On the way down the beverage aisle I grabbed six packs of Ice House, canned dr pepper, and canned lemon tea. When we reached the line of registers, I asked the guy who'd been on his knees by the safe if any of the registers were open.

  He looked at the drinks I was carrying, laughed, and said, "Just take them, sir. I'll take care of it. Thank you. Thank you very much."

  "You sure?"

  Laughing again, he said, "Yes, sir. I'm very sure. Don't worry about it."

  "Okay, thanks. My cooler was just about dry."

  As we walked out to the parking lot, Geary asked, "You got a cooler aboard that thing, huh?"

  "Oh, yeah. It's a real party boat."

  "Looks like it. Those ladies of yours are some kind of good looking, too. Where'd you find them?"

  "Dallas. But they aren't exactly 'my ladies'. Feel free to cast a line or two."

  "Lotta good it'll do if they're from Dallas."

  Sue was in conference with half a dozen cops to one side of the flitter as we approached. She gave us a smile and a little wave as the image on the field screen in front of her panned the store and followed me to the back.

  Someone in the group around the screen called, "Come see this, Ben!" and Geary replied, "Already seen it, Jerry," as he followed me aboard the flitter.

  Everyone was standing near the console as we boarded. Except for Tiger, they all seemed to be in various states of anxiety. I set the drinks on the deck and stood up.

  Indicating people in turn, I said, "Loren -- the lovely blonde -- and Brittany -- the beautiful brunette -- meet Ben Geary, the detective who wishes you didn't live so far away. Over here we have Joan and Richard, who work for 3rd World. The furry guy on the dash is Tiger."

  Tiger said, "Hello, I am Tiger," and Geary stopped in his tracks. He'd been moving to shake hands with the ladies, but now he was staring at Tiger, the ladies forgotten.

  The others aboard snickered and giggled as I said, "Say hello, Ben. It's the polite thing to do."

  Seeing the others' amusement, Geary asked, "Is this some kind of trick?"

  "No, and don't hurt his feelings, please. Say hello."

  Geary turned to face Tiger and seemed to have to come to a decision about whether to go along with what he obviously thought was a joke. Tiger stood up and repeated his greeting, his tail switching with amusement at Geary's consternation.

  "Hello. I am Tiger."

  The mix of cat vocals and the collar's translation seemed to make up Geary's mind. He reached to pet Tiger as he answered, "Hello, Tiger. I'm Ben. You're for real, aren't you?"

  Tiger's collar buzzed a translation and Tiger replied, "Yes. I am real. I am Tiger. I talk to people."

  He sounded very proud of himself. I asked if anyone wanted a cold drink. Dick asked for a beer, Joan took a dr pepper, and the others opted for tea. I grabbed an Ice House.

  "Flitter," I said, "Give us a translucent canopy, please."

  A grey shell snapped into being around the flitter. Geary sort of stopped breathing for a moment, then reached to touch it. His hand went through the 'hull' and he drew it back rather hurriedly, then looked at me.

  Raising the beer, I said, "Didn't know if we could drink in public here. Now we aren't so public. We can see out, but they can't see in. Back to introductions. You're Ben Geary." Tilting my beer at each person in turn, I said, "She's Loren and she's Brittany. This is Joan and Dick."

  Geary seemed slightly dazed as he said, "Nice to meet you all," and chose a seat near Brittany. "Uh, were you ladies involved in what happened as more than passengers?"

  "No," said Loren. "We were just along for the ride. Will we have to fill out statements or whatever?"

  "Only as witnesses."

  Brittany snickered, "Witnesses? To what? We didn't really see anything. We stayed out here."

  Shrugging, Geary replied, "Yeah, I know, but we like to be thorough. I'll just take down your ID info and we'll call you if we need you, how's that?"

  Loren pulled a business card from her purse, as did Brittany, which they handed to him with their driver's licenses. Geary wrote the info on the backs of the cards and asked for home phone numbers, which they gave, then he handed back their licenses and looked at me. "Now yours?"

  I fished out my driver's license and when he asked for my home phone number, I told him to contact 3rd World's legal staff for it.

  He looked at me oddly and asked, "Why?"

  "Because if you decide you have reason enough to call me back up here, I'll probably need a lawyer. Right?"

  "I may need a few more details."

  "Uh, huh. There aren't any more details. I went in and zapped them, then told Sue to call you in. That's all there is. You think all this police stuff will take long? I'm supposed to have these ladies back in Dallas shortly."

  Staring at me, Ben asked, "Shortly? Dallas is..."

  "Dallas is about ten minutes from here in this flitter. The word 'shortly' fits just fine."

  He took a moment to wrap his mind around that, then said, "Uh... well... We need the incident report..."

  "Sue can stick around to handle that. She can catch up with me later."

  With unconcealed surprise, Ben gestured at the deck and asked, "She can catch up with this?"

  Nodding, I firmly said, "Yup. No problem."

  Shaking his head, Ben said, "But you were the one who went into the store."

  I shrugged. "So write it up that way. Say I zapped the bad guys, then left."

  "Ah... but... That's not really much of a report."

  "Maybe not, but it's what happened and will happen. The incident's over. Joan and Dick need to get back to Carrington and these ladies have to get back to work. Sue?"

  She appeared by the console even as she continued with the conference outside. Geary nearly choked on his tea.

  Smiling at him, Sue asked, "Yes, Ed?"

  "Would you be so kind as to reassure Detective Geary that you can catch up with me later, then make a copy of things that these guys? In a video camera or whatever?"

  Looking at Geary, she smilingly said, "No problem."

  "Are they showing any interest in stun wands?"

  "Oh, yes. More than a little, in fact."

  "Good deal. We're about to run off and leave you, ma'am."

  Grinning, she said, "Okay, see you later," and vanished.

  "Oh, holy shit..!" muttered Geary, switching his gaze to the Sue outside. "I thought..." he looked at me and finished, "I thought she was real!"

  Laughing, I said, "She's as real as anyone else, Ben. Just a little different, that's all. You've seen what happened, you'll have a copy for the records, and I can always drop back by if my lawyers okay it. Good enough? We need to get underway."

  He looked around the flitter at the others, then at me, seemed to consider things for a second, then got to his feet and said, "Aw, hell. Yeah. Sure. If anyone says anything, I'll just say something happened somewhere else and you had to go. After what happened here tonight, they'll believe it."

  We shook hands and he hopped off the flitter, turned and held up his tea as he grinningly said, "Next time you're in town, the drinks are on me," then he headed toward Sue.

  "Flitter, let's take Joan and Dick back to their car, please."

  The flitter lifted away from the parking lot at about the same speed it had arrived, which didn't allow us much time to notice the reactions of those in the parking lot.

  "Ed," said Brittany, "You aren't... whatever Sue is. I want to know how you made yourself disappear."

  Shaking my head, I sipped my beer and said, "Nope. You don't work for 3rd World, ma'am."

  I reclined my seat and put my feet on the console. Tiger carefully walked down my legs to settle on my lap. I took another sip of beer and rubbed his
chin.

  "My Tiger," I said.

  "My Ed," he replied, rubbing his face on my hand.

  Brittany bit her lip and grinned as she said in a slightly choked voice, "Oh, God! That is just so sweet!"

  Loren rolled her eyes and snickered.

  "WELL?!" asked Brittany, "It IS!"

  Quickly patting her hand as if comforting a child, Loren grinningly agreed, "Yes, Britty. It was very cute."

  'Britty' gave her a tense look, shook her hand as if to remove cooties, then snootily returned her gaze to Tiger. Loren snickered again, but 'Britty' refused to acknowledge her.

  Leaning to shoulder her lightly, Loren grinningly said, "Okay! Okay! You're right, it was cute!"

  Relaxing somewhat, Brittany cast a rather skeptical eye at Loren as she brushingly reached across Loren's front to pet Tiger. Little things can mean a lot, sometimes.

  Brittany's move wasn't the invasion of space it might have been had she been sitting next to Joan or Dick, who likely would have sat bolt upright.

  Loren remained as she was, slightly inclined, her breasts in firm contact with Brittany's shoulder. Her nostrils flared slightly and she seemed to take a quiet whiff of Brittany's hair before she stiffened slightly and looked at me.

  I shrugged a tiny shrug and sipped my beer, then looked at 'Britty', who was scuffling Tiger's upraised cheeks and bathing him in 'good-little-itty-bitty-kitty'-type blather. She glanced up at me and smiled, then sat back upright, apparently completely unaware of the galvanizing effect she'd had on Loren.

  Hm. Maybe she really didn't know? Maybe Loren hadn't let her know yet? I glanced at Loren, whose eyes narrowed to slits for a moment as she grimaced slightly with gritted teeth. Ah-hah. Okay, then. Brittany didn't know. You got it, ma'am.

  Sipping my beer, I let my gaze sweep Joan and Dick. They'd apparently been more interested in the scenery below the flitter. Dick pointed at something and Joan looked that direction as he said we must be getting close.

  In fact, we were getting close; our descent had begun a few moments earlier. Another plummeting subsonic dive later, we hovered just above the restaurant's parking lot next to a green car Joan said was hers. Dick said nothing about the white car parked next to it, but it seemed likely to be his.

  After a round of goodbyes, they disembarked and headed for their cars, but Joan stopped after a few paces and turned to face us as she spoke.

  "I guess we'll have to make some kind of report to someone tomorrow, won't we?"

  Laughing, I said, "Yeah, prob'ly so. Stuff happened that'll make the papers."

  "What about you?"

  "I don't talk to reporters."

  Giving me an exasperated roll of her eyes and a sighing slouch, she replied, "I meant... uhm... will you be back here tomorrow? At Carrington, I mean?"

  Wexler had stopped, too. He seemed to be wondering why she was asking me such questions in those tentative tones and showed slight signs of alarm.

  "Doubtful," I said, "I usually just call things in unless something special happens."

  Looking moderately incredulous, she asked, "Everything that happened this evening wasn't special?"

  Shrugging, I said, "Well, I guess we'll know that if they call me back up here tomorrow, won't we?" Waving to both of them, I said, "Bye, all. Gotta get these ladies back to Dallas. Flitter, it's time to leave. Back to Nick's."

  The flitter rose quickly into the night sky as I returned to my seat and flipped open the lid of the cooler by the console. Loren and Brittany stared hard at the layer of ice that seemed to be suspended in mid-air.

  I began stuffing drink bottles and cans into the ice as I explained, "You can't see the cooler because there's a field around it that bends light. Either of you want another drink?"

  Loren took her eyes off the airborne ice and answered, "Uh, no, thanks. In fact, I was wondering where to put this." She held up her tea can.

  "Just toss it over the side."

  Giving me a somewhat insulted look, she said, "I don't think so. There's enough trash lying around."

  There were only a couple of swallows left of my beer, so I tossed the bottle at the flitter's field perimeter. Both ladies freaked and shrieked at the soundless plasma blast and Loren instinctively pulled Brittany away from the explosion.

  Brittany's right breast appeared to be trying to escape her low-cut dress and both women were showing a great deal of leg. I saw no reason not to enjoy the view.

  When they looked rather starkly at me, I said, "That's why there's no trashbag," and opened another beer.

  Brittany realized she was almost lying in Loren's lap and tapped Loren's arm to make her let go. Loren released her and she sat up, adjusting her dress. Loren did the same.

  "Was that really necessary?" asked Loren.

  "Maybe not, but you were pretty entertaining." Shrugging, I added, "You'd be pretty if you weren't entertaining, too, of course. That's a definite given. How many of the reporters are still waiting for us? We'll be a little late."

  Glancing at Loren, Brittany said, "I guess we'll find out. At least we have something to tell them now. What are you going to do when we get back to Dallas?"

  "Probably head on back to Florida."

  Loren asked, "Only 'probably'?"

  Shrugging, I replied, "Got a better idea? I'm open."

  They seemed to give matters some thought, then Loren said, "We can check in with Debbie and bring the media people into the lounge for questions. By then it'll be close enough to closing time... No. Damn. It's Wednesday. Davis'll need me on the books until well after ten."

  Brittany said, "You could at least come in for a beer and a snack. We don't close until nine."

  I shook my head. "No, the place'll be full of reporters who'd be of far more benefit to you. How about we make it another night? Or even a day? We can go to a beach or something."

  Looking at Loren, Brittany said, "I haven't been to a beach in ages, Loren. That sounds good. Real good."

  "Suits me. It can't happen for another two weeks, though. Mind if we bring a couple of guys along?"

  Reflecting her question back at her, I asked, "Mind if I bring a couple of girls?"

  Looking around, Loren said, "There are only six seats."

  "No problem. We'll make the guys bring lawn chairs or sit on the deck."

  "Who are the girls you're referring to?"

  "Who are the guys you're referring to?"

  Loren sat back and regarded me thoughtfully for a few seconds, then smiled and said, "This isn't how it usually goes, you know. We don't usually have to do much more than bat our eyes at a guy to get our way."

  "There's no doubt in my little mind about that, ma'am."

  "So why aren't you like them? I've seen you leering at us, and you couldn't have invited us to a beach without realizing it would mean seeing us in bathing suits."

  "Seeing and having are two different things. The ladies I'll bring have been with me for a quite a while. What are the guys to you? Boyfriends?"

  "Wait a minute," said Brittany, "Are you telling us you have two girlfriends?"

  "Yup. They'd be together anyway, though." Leaning closer, I said in a conspiratorial whisper, "Sometimes I think they just keep me around to scratch certain itches, you know?"

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Tiger -- the owner of a permanent fur coat -- knew full well about itches. He hopped down to the seat beside mine and firmly said, "Selena and Toni do not itch."

  The ladies snickered as I sighed. How could I explain that sort of a metaphor to a cat?

  "Tiger, that was just a way of saying we play together."

  He looked steadily at me as his collar translated, then replied, "Why not say you play? Why a... metafur."

  "Metaphor. It's just the way people talk sometimes, when they're being careful with each other."

  Looking studiously at me, then the ladies, he said, "Doing nothing. Why careful?" then he hopped back up to the dash and watched the sky ahead for a moment before asking, "Will we go home
soon?"

  "Sure," I said. "Home soon."

  "Good." He turned back to watching the sky.

  Loren said, "I still can't get over a talking cat."

  She named a date two weeks ahead and asked me if it would do for a day at a beach.

  "As far as I know, it will. I'll check with my friends."

  "Same here," she said, as Dallas began to be identifiable below us.

  We watched the city rise to meet us and saw that the street outside Nick's -- while a bit more organized than before -- was still well-stocked with press vehicles and a few police cars.

  "Your public awaits," I said as we settled between buildings to hover above the street in front of the restaurant's doors. "I suggest that we stay aboard a few minutes and just hang here to let them get organized."

  Both ladies nodded. "Good idea," said Brittany.

  "Flitter," I said, "Use your excited squid display for a full minute, please."

  Snorting a laugh, Loren asked, "Excited squid...?" then muttered, "Oh, my God!" as our hull seemed to erupt with vibrantly bright, moving colors.

  "It's your grand entrance," I said, "I guess I could toss in the theme music from 'Rocky' if you want."

  Staring gapingly at our canopy, Brittany mumbled, "Ah... no, that's, uh... all right. This is... uh, fine. Jesus!"

  Tiger asked, "What is a squid?"

  I called up a field screen and showed him a squid. He seemed altogether unimpressed with the creature.

  Loren, on the other hand, seemed very impressed with the field screen. She tried to reach for the screen and put her hand through it, looked up at me with wide eyes, then looked at Brittany, who was in about the same state.

  Looking outside at the quickly-assembling herd of press and media people, I changed the squid picture to a mirror and suggested that there was time to primp.

  The ladies saw themselves, glanced at the crowd, and immediately opened their purses to touch themselves up. As soon as they'd finished, I turned off the screen.

  "Well, this is it," said Brittany, checking her dress and leaning to kiss my cheek, "It's showtime. You have our cards?"

  "Sure do."

  "Good. Call ahead if you can get up here in the next two weeks. If you can't call, we'll feed you at the very least."

 

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