by Emerson Rose
“Sounds like your new girlfriend is upset,” Jerry says when I place my purchases on the counter.
“What?” I turn and see Clover talking on the phone with deep frown lines between her eyes and her free arm wrapped around her waist tight. “I’m not sure if she’s my girlfriend, and why do you say she’s upset?”
“You had her staying up there on the mountain for weeks, and she ain’t your girlfriend yet? I’m disappointed in you, man, really disappointed.”
“She’s Adley’s nanny, and yes, I like her a lot. Why’s she mad?” I toss a hundred- dollar bill on the counter and wait for him to explain.
“She’s caught herself raising her voice a couple of times and turned her back to me.” He holds up the hundred. “Ain’t you got anything smaller than these hundies you’re always bringin’ me? You dealing drugs up there or something?”
He teases me every time I pay. I only deal in cash to keep the paper trail from banks to me as non-existent as possible. All the money I made in my career was carefully invested, and I can live off of it forever if I live minimally as I have for the past six years. I’ve kept hidden by using my given last name Gage and my grandmother’s maiden name Riley. Gage Riley is a far cry from Apollo Mercury.
When Adley was born, I gave her my stage name because that’s the name Constance and I used, Mercury. I’ve thought more than once about legally changing it to Riley, but I didn’t want to bring attention to us, so I left it alone.
“No drugs, pot is legal here anyway. I like cash, I don’t trust banks, you know that. Quit bustin’ my balls.”
“Just fucking with ya, man.”
Adley walks up at that exact moment and points her finger at Jerry. “No swearing, you put a dollar in the swear jar?”
“Not yet, princess, but I will when I break your daddy’s big ol’ hundred-dollar bill here.” He snaps the bill and places it in the cash register counting out my change and placing a dollar in the giant pickle jar on the counter. It’s so full, he has trouble stuffing it into the slot on top.
“Doesn’t look like that jar is keeping you from cursing.”
“It ain’t, but it’s a good savings account. I don’t like banks either.” He winks and juts his chin in Clover’s direction. “She’s done, better see what’s wrong.”
“See ya next time,” I say slinging my backpack over one shoulder. “I’ll get the ATVs back to you when the storm passes.”
“Don’t worry ‘bout it, just get yourself home.”
As I approach the door where Clover is standing, I see a tear slip down her cheek. She brushes it away and plasters on a fake smile.
“Hey, get everything?” she asks.
“Everything okay?”
“You cryin’?” Adley asks with no shame. Kids, they tell it how it is.
“Nope, I’m fine. Let’s get home.”
My heart warms when she calls my house home, but there is definitely something wrong. “I’m going to have to side with Adley on this one, something’s wrong. Wanna talk about it?”
She glances out the window in the door like she’s checking to see if anyone is there. “We can talk about it when we get home. I don’t want to get stuck down here. We should go.”
I turn my head to the side and narrow my eyes. “We will talk about it at home for sure,” I say, and she nods. “You know how to drive an ATV?”
“Yeah, my Aunt Heather had one at home. We used them on the beach.”
“Well, it’s a little different in the snow, but as long as you know the basics, you’ll be fine.”
“Okay, let’s go.”
It takes us twice as much time going up as it usually does and three times as long as it did going down on skis. I head straight to the fireplace and start a roaring fire as soon as we are inside. The storm is much worse than they forecasted, and we are soaking wet and freezing.
“You know the drill, strip and wrap up in blankets, both of you quick, quick.”
“What about you, Daddy? You gotta get warm, too.”
“I have to run down and get more wood and check on the generator. That snow is heavy, and we might have a power outage.”
“Do you need help?” Clover asks.
“No, you two warm up, and I’ll be back in a few minutes. When I get back, we need to talk.” I don’t know what that phone call was about at Jerry’s, but I plan on finding out.
They do as I asked, and when they are bundled up by the fire, I head out to the wood house. It’s coming down hard, but it’s not windy, and everything is quiet and still like always until I hear the snap of a twig in a heavily wooded area east of the house.
It’s not unusual for animals to scurry around in the brush, but this sound is different, louder, like the weight that snapped the twig was substantial. “Who’s there?” I call out, but no one answers. The hair on the back of my neck stands up and more than ever I am sure someone is watching me.
I click on the flashlight I bought today and shine it in the direction of the noise. I don’t usually carry a flashlight in my coat pocket, but something made me put it in there as soon as we got home. At first, I don’t see anything, but then there’s movement behind a tree. “You’re trespassing on private property. I have every right to shoot you if you don’t come out and show yourself,” I yell.
“Gage? Who are you talking to?” Clover asks from the top of the stairs.
“Go inside, there’s somebody in the woods.”
“Are you sure it’s not an animal?” she asks just as a flash bursts from the trees. Fuck.
“Not unless a raccoon learned how to use a camera. Call the police, tell them I have an intruder, and tell them I’m going to shoot them,” I say climbing the stairs to get my gun from inside.
“No, no! Please don’t shoot, Apollo!” a panicked voice yells from the brush.
“I don’t know who you think I am, but my name is Gage, and I’m about to put a bullet through your chest if you don’t get the fuck off my land!”
“I’ll go, don’t shoot! I got a tip that you were Apollo Mercury. Sorry, sir, please don’t shoot me! I just wanted a picture.”
I knew it would happen someday. A photographer showing up on my land to invade my privacy and destroy the paradise I’ve tried so hard to keep secret. I thought I was prepared for the disappointment. I thought I would be furious. I thought I would be devastated.
I was wrong.
I feel relieved, but even more so I am surprised at being relieved.
I’ve been outed, and this is only the beginning.
“Your tip was wrong, get off my mountain before I kill you!” I yell and slam the door shut violently. The wall of windows facing the mountain vibrates, and my vision blurs. I have an instant migraine on the right side of my head. I haven’t had one since Constance died. I thought the mountain air cured me of them, but now I’m thinking they were caused by stress.
“Are you all right? Did he get a picture? Oh my God, this is all my fault,” Clover says from behind me where she is cowering in her blanket with tears flowing down her face.
“Does this have something to do with the phone call you made at Jerry’s?” I ask harsher than I had intended.
“Yes, Freda said people from my class were talking. They’re saying that you’re the long-lost Apollo Mercury and that you kidnapped me and are holding me captive in your secret mountain house.”
“For fuck sake. It was that bastard who looked at my tattoo the day everyone left, I bet.”
She scrunches up her nose in a guilty apologetic expression. “I think it was this guy, Carl, who had a crush on me all through college. I thought he was over it, though. I thought we were friends, but Freda thinks he’s jealous.”
“The one who ate pancakes with you that last morning?”
She shakes her head. “Yeah, he never took his eyes off of you.”
A half sob, half hiccup escapes her, and she looks down at her bare feet. “I’m so sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen. I wanted to help y
ou, not ruin your private life with Adley.” She covers her face with one hand while clutching her blanket around her with the other.
“It’s not your fault,” Adley says rushing to her side to hug her around the waist. “Maybe it was one of Daddy’s friends? Jack sometimes comes in the summer to go fishing, maybe it was him?” she says patting Clover’s side.
“I don’t think Jack wants a picture of me, baby. It was a photographer, but it wasn’t Clover’s fault. You’re right about that.”
“No, if I hadn’t asked you to take us all in, nobody would have ever known you were here. I’ve ruined everything.”
I take her in my arms including Adley in an embrace and kiss the top of Clover’s head. “Listen to me. I’m going to say something I never thought I’d say.” I push her back and look into her beautiful chocolate brown eyes. “First of all, there is no way this is your fault. If you hadn’t found me that day, all fifteen of you would have died. Second, I am relieved. I’ve been hiding up here for six years, and maybe it’s time to stop.”
“You’re just saying that to make me feel better. I know you don’t want to be found.”
“You said yourself that Adley needs to be around people. I’ve known this day would eventually come. You just happened to be around when it did. I will not allow you to try to take responsibility for this. Whatever happens, happens.”
“Can we go shopping in Denver then?” Adley says hopping up and down.
“Whoa there, I think we need to take baby steps. Let’s wait to see what happens with that photograph first. Then we can decide what happens next, okay?”
Adley hesitates and then smiles after a moment. “That’s a maybe, isn’t it?”
“Yes, that’s a maybe.”
“Cool,” she says.
“Cool.”
Clover is shaking her head. “What?” I ask.
“Nothing. Everything is… cool.”
10
Clover
Gage is remarkably calm about the whole paparazzi-in-the-woods thing, and it’s weird. After successfully secluding himself and his daughter on this mountain for six years, suddenly he’s okay with being found out? It doesn’t make sense.
He doesn’t want me to feel bad, and he might be covering up his true feelings. The second Adley is in bed tonight, I’m asking him about it.
Adley and I sit back down in front of the fire while Gage walks around the room locking the door and activating the one-way windows that overlook the mountains. During the day when you sit in the living room of his home, it feels as if you are sitting outside on the edge of a giant rock overlooking the forest below. The house is built into the mountain on one side, faces an adjoining mountain on another, and faces the woods on yet another. Whoever built it was going for maximum view effect, and they sure got it.
“Do you want me to start dinner?” I ask sounding more timid than I had meant to.
“I can get it. Why don’t you two go change into something warm.”
Translation, I want to be alone and think about the whole world attacking me for abandoning them like a dick.
“Okay, come on, Adley, let’s go upstairs.”
She leads the way, and we stop in her room first. “Is my purple unicorn sweatshirt clean?”
“Yep, washed it yesterday.”
“You think Daddy’s mad, huh?”
I look at her and see a child wise beyond her years. “I’m not sure, honey. I know he doesn’t want me to feel bad, but I can’t help wonder if he wishes I had never run into you guys in Jerry’s store that day.”
“He doesn’t think that! He likes you a lot. I’m glad we met you. I like having you around to talk to.”
“I’m glad, too.” I hand her the purple unicorn sweatshirt and kiss the top of her head breathing in the strawberry scent of her Barbie shampoo. “I’m going to go grab some clothes, you good?”
“Uh huh.” I cross the room, and she calls after me. “Clover?”
I turn around. “Yeah?”
“Please don’t leave.”
I wave my hand in the direction of my bedroom two doors down from hers. “I’m only going to my room. I’ll be right back.”
“No, I mean don’t leave us.”
“Oh, no, honey. I’m not planning on leaving.” I almost say yet but decide against it. There’s no reason to plant the seed of worry in Adley’s head.
I don’t know where this is going with Gage. If that photograph exposes him and things get ugly, he might not want anything to do with me anymore. I’ll deal with that when and if it happens. The thought is in the back of my mind lurking in the shadows waiting to confirm my suspicions about being cursed for life.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now stop worrying and get dressed. We have to go help your daddy with dinner and work on your safety project.”
Her lip curls in a snarl. “I hate safety.”
“I love safety, and I’ll explain why if you hurry.” The snarl morphs into a smile, and she disappears into her closet to find a pair of pants.
In the kitchen, Gage is boiling water and browning ground beef on the stove. “Spaghetti?” I ask guessing at his dinner menu.
“Yeah, I don’t have many dishes in my repertoire. Anytime you want to jump in with something new, I’m always taking suggestions.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. I am still officially a college student, though, and my repertoire includes grilled cheese and Ramen noodles. Anything you make is gourmet to me.”
“Good to know.” He grows quiet, and I decide to make garlic toast to go with his spaghetti. I take a loaf of French bread from the pantry and cut it in half. I reach across him carefully and turn the oven on to preheat and start cutting slices into the loaf and filling them with butter and garlic salt.
“Are you okay?” I ask. He’s stirring the meat with a pained expression.
“I have a headache. Can you pass me the Tylenol?” He points to a red and white bottle next to the sink. I hand them over and grab him a bottle of water.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Hey, Adley and I are going to work on her project for school tonight. I was going to ask if you wanted to help, but if your head hurts…” I was hoping to lure him out of his bad mood.
“Sure, I’ll be fine as soon as the Tylenol starts to work. What kind of project?”
“Safety. I’m going to suggest fire safety, and I’m going to tell her why it’s so important to me.” That’s not completely true. I will tell her that fire is deadly and that it can ruin lives like mine. I will not tell her that it was my carelessness that led to my parents’ and dog’s death.
Gage stops what he is doing and turns to face me full-on. “You don’t have to do that, you know. I mean if it’s too painful.”
“It’s painful but not for the reasons you think. I want to tell her. I think she’s indifferent about safety because she doesn’t have anything or anyone to relate it to. If she knows my story, it might spark a passion in her, no pun intended.”
His eyebrows shoot up at the word spark. “As long as you’re comfortable talking about it, I don’t want you to feel pressured. She can choose any safety concern for that project. It doesn’t have to be fire safety.”
“I know.”
“I want to talk to you about something after she goes to bed.”
“Uh oh, are you firing me?”
He looks at me as if I were absurd. “No, of course not. It’s not about the job.”
“Why can’t we talk about it right now?”
“Daddy! Are you making sketti?” Adley yells bounding down the stairs.
“Yep, sure am. Nothing like a pot of spaghetti after a day outdoors.”
“Yes!” she hisses loudly bending her elbows and balling up her fists to pull them in against her sides.
“And garlic bread,” I add.
She moans loudly. “Best dinner ever!”
“A girl after my own heart.”
“Can we talk about
my project now?” she asks climbing onto a barstool.
“Sure.”
“Wait, you want to do your safety project now?” Gage asks surprised to hear she’s interested.
“Clover is gonna tell me why fire safety is important to her.”
“Oh, okay.” He eyes me as if to ask are you sure, and I nod my head.
After I slide the pan of garlic bread into the oven, I take a seat next to her.
“When I was ten years old, my house burned down. My mom and dad and my dog were inside, and they all died.”
Adley gasps, and her mouth falls open. “I feel very strongly about fire safety because I don’t ever want anyone to go through what I went through.”
“How did the fire start?” she asks, and I take a deep breath and hold it for a moment before letting it go. I knew she would ask this question. It’s only natural to wonder how a fire of that magnitude got started.
“Someone wasn’t careful with matches, and they caught a rug on fire. The rug flames caught the curtains on fire, and the house was very old. Everything was on fire within minutes. My mom was a nurse, and she worked the night shift. She took sleeping pills to help her sleep during the day. The firefighter says she probably never heard me yelling. My dad was working at home in his office upstairs. The window was stuck shut, and he died of smoke inhalation before he could escape. I ran out into the yard with a few burns. I tried to go back in for my parents and my dog, Billy, but it was too hot.”
Tears fill Adley’s eyes, and I reach out and cup her cheek. “Don’t cry, honey, I just wanted to tell you, so you’ll be passionate about fire safety.”
“But they died, that’s so sad. What’d you do? Who did you live with?”
“I was lucky my mom had a sister. I went to live with Heather, and she raised me.”
Adley wraps her arms around my middle, and I look at Gage over her head and shrug. I don’t know if it helps to tell kids my tragedy, but I’m pretty sure it makes them think.
“Thank you for telling us your story,” Gage says sliding his hand across the counter to cover mine.