‘Did you truly come in search of King Richard?’
‘I did. But first, I came in search of you.’ His blade slid against her skin a whisper of pain. ‘Admit that you made a mistake in coming here. Admit the truth...that you enjoyed the night in my bed. That you dreamed of me.’
‘You were my nightmare,’ she spat.
She saw Honora emerge from below, and she prayed the woman would make it to safety with Liam. But when she looked back, he was no longer standing there. He must have gone already, just before Honora.
A fiery arrow struck the ship, then another. Half-a-dozen flaming shafts embedded within the wood, spreading the fire across the vessel. Men were shouting, trying to put out the flames, but when they extinguished one arrow, another took its place.
‘He’ll never have you,’ came Hohengrau’s voice at her ear. Adriana fought against his grasp, struggling to free herself. ‘I’ll take your life now, and we’ll go together into the sea.’
‘Not if I take your life first,’ came Liam’s voice. He tore her out of Hohengrau’s grasp, and Adriana fell to the deck. Seconds later, she turned and saw her enemy lying facedown, a knife embedded in the base of his neck.
Fire raged before them, an inferno of choking smoke and burning flames. Liam took her hand but when Adriana tried to embrace him, he avoided it. Vengeance lay within in his eyes as he drew her toward the side of the ship.
‘Brace yourself.’
Giving her no time to argue, he jumped off the vessel, taking her with him. Icy seawater struck her like a physical blow, and though Liam pulled her back above water, her limbs were leaden within the sea.
Honora was already swimming ahead of them, while the ship continued to burn. Liam remained at her side, helping her to reach the nearest boat. King Patrick lifted her inside, and Liam followed. Her teeth chattered from the cold, and Adriana shivered hard.
But it was Liam’s coldness that frightened her most of all. He’d saved her life, but he wouldn’t even look at her. And she didn’t know what that meant.
Chapter Four
When they arrived back at the castle, Queen Isabel wept over all of them, and ordered hot baths to warm them from the sea. Adriana offered to tend Liam, but he refused. The distance seemed to magnify with every moment that passed, and she didn’t know how to gain his forgiveness. Not in the face of such anger.
Isabel tried to ask what had happened, but Morren cut her off. ‘I’ll tend to her while you rest. All will be well, I’m certain.’
Grateful for the young woman’s kindness, Adriana could only admit, ‘He knows. And it was just as I feared.’
‘It’s not over yet.’ Morren brought her back to the chamber Adriana shared with the other women, and ordered them out. She helped her to undress, but Adriana couldn’t stop herself from shaking.
‘He won’t look at me or speak to me,’ she whispered, spilling out all the details to Morren. The brutal pain cut her heart in half, but she admitted the worst truth of all. ‘I don’t think there can be a wedding any more.’
‘MacEgan men have their pride,’ Morren said, ‘but if he loves you, he will forgive what was done in the past.’
‘What should I do?’
‘Confront him,’ Morren advised. ‘Fight with him and let him release all the anger.’ She sent her a secretive smile. ‘And then show him how much you love him.’
‘I don’t think I can do that. The last time I tried, all I could think of was what happened to me.’
‘Sometimes a kiss is enough,’ Morren advised. She handed her a drying cloth and helped her don a clean gown. Adriana went to sit by the fire, uncertain of anything. A knock sounded at the door, and Honora entered. The young woman’s hair was wet, and her face was flushed with contentment, as if her husband had pulled her away and loved her thoroughly.
‘I came to see if you were all right,’ she said. Worry creased her face, and when she sent a questioning look toward Morren, the woman gave a quiet nod.
‘She knows,’ Adriana said. She combed her hair, wishing her life were as easy to untangle as these strands.
The two women spoke quietly, and Honora offered, ‘Would you like me to arrange some time alone with Liam?’ Though Adriana nodded, she doubted if he would want to talk with her.
‘It must be tonight,’ Morren insisted. ‘The sooner the better.’
From the conspiratorial looks on their faces, Adriana understood their intent. But she wasn’t at all certain it would work.
* * *
‘I need to speak with you.’
Liam glanced up at Adriana, who had come into the solar. Her dark hair was braided and wet, and she’d changed into a green gown.
‘Not now.’ He kept his voice quiet, not wanting to shame her before the others. Talking was the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted to drive himself to limits, to break something or punish himself in a way where the physical pain would blot out the world.
Instead of listening to him, she moved past the others and stood before him, offering her hand.
He stared at it, but no longer did he feel the urge to cherish her, to enjoy a stolen moment together. A primal need was invading his senses, making him want to seize her, to drive out the memories of any other man but him. He wasn’t feeling at all rational, and if he dared to go with her, she would bear the brunt of his temper.
But he took her hand and lowered his voice. ‘I can’t be alone with you right now, Adriana. I’m too angry.’
Crestfallen, she drew her fingers back as if uncertain what to do. He didn’t care if his words hurt her. Inside, he was raw and wounded from the truths he’d heard this day.
Adriana touched her fingers to her lips, and nodded. ‘I’ll go and see to my brother. You can find me there, when you’re ready to talk.’
But then, she leaned down, pressing her mouth against his cheek in a kiss. As if nothing wrong had happened between them. As if by willing it to be so, she could walk away from her past and not bear any penalty for it.
The kiss burned into his skin, tormenting him with the thoughts of the night she’d gone into Hohengrau’s bed. It was a wonder he hadn’t butchered the man instead of granting him a swift death. But he understood that this was Richard’s greatest punishment for his disobedience. The king had known how much Adriana meant to him, and her betrayal was a never-ending torture.
But even knowing the truth, he still loved her. The question was whether or not he could forgive her for it. Or lay the past to rest.
The need to walk away and clear his mind was overwhelming. Liam murmured excuses to his family as he retreated outside. He spied Rhiannon walking through the fortress with the blind Viking, Kaall Hardrata, at her side. A dog trotted beside the man, and his cousin had created a harness so the animal could guide the man.
In her eyes, he saw love and happiness—the same feelings he’d held toward Adriana for so long. But now that his eyes were opened to her pain, he recalled every hesitation, every marked fear. She’d tried to force herself to be with him on the night of the solstice, as if that could heal her invisible wounds.
* * *
He walked across the castle grounds, endlessly circling, until afternoon turned into evening. When at last he returned to the Great Chamber, Adriana was waiting for him. ‘You were gone a long time. Are you ready to talk now?’
‘No.’ He didn’t know if he’d ever be ready to speak of it. Certainly not this night.
‘All right.’ She sent him an enigmatic look and went above the spiral stairs, her emerald skirts brushing against the stone.
All right? Her acceptance was clearly out of place, and he didn’t know what to make of it. Without understanding why, he followed her. Instead of going to her own chamber, she walked into his. What was she doing? It wasn’t a chamber that belonged to him, and at least four other men shared it with him.
He opened the door, thankful that no one was there. ‘You shouldn’t be here.’
‘You said you weren’t ready to discuss what h
appened. So I’ll wait.’ She sat down upon a stool by the fire, not looking at him. Though her demeanour appeared calm, he didn’t doubt the storm of frustration building.
Her braided dark hair had a reddish gleam against the fire, and the gown clung to her slender form. His mind attacked with visions of Hohengrau touching her, of baring Adriana’s soft skin. He turned away.
‘You need to leave,’ he said. Before he lost the fragile control over his anger and frustration. Though he’d killed the man who had hurt her, it wasn’t enough to bridge the distance between them. She’d severed his trust, and it couldn’t be repaired with words. Only time could do that.
‘If I go, you’ll only push me away,’ she said quietly. ‘The way you’re trying to do right now.’
‘It’s not a good time, Adriana.’ He kept his back to her, staring at the wall. ‘You’re asking me to listen when I’m too angry. I’ll say things I’ll regret later.’
‘I can’t stand back and let you give up on us,’ she whispered. ‘Not after all this.’ She moved closer until he sensed her standing behind him. ‘Don’t close yourself off from me.’
‘The way you did to me over these past few months?’ he demanded, facing her at last. ‘Do you think I didn’t see your pain? That I didn’t know how much you were hurting? But every time I asked, you made excuses. You behaved as if nothing happened, when the truth was, you wanted to hide what you’d done.’
The words were cruel, but he couldn’t stop them. If she’d confessed the truth from the beginning, they might have pushed past this. But now...
Adriana raised defiant eyes to his. ‘I would make the same choice again. Without hesitation.’ She rested her hands upon his heart, where the pulse tightened inside him. ‘You didn’t see Richard’s temper that night. He demanded your death. They were going to kill you, and I couldn’t let that happen.’
‘And so you offered yourself to him.’
‘Yes.’ Her tears broke free, sliding over her cheeks like the icy pieces of his heart. ‘I begged the king for mercy. And I paid the price for it.’
His hands clenched at his sides, for the agony of imagining her there in another man’s bed was a hot iron plunged into his chest.
‘You lied to me.’
‘No, I buried the shadow of that night inside me. I couldn’t bear to speak of it, for I relived that vision, night after night. And the shame of what I did.’
She laid her head against his heart, in a silent plea for forgiveness. The scent of her hair allured him, making him want to touch it, to bring the strands to his face.
If these secrets hadn’t been bared, he’d embrace her right now. He would feel the warmth of her arms around his neck, tasting the rich headiness of her kiss.
‘I love you, Liam. My feelings haven’t changed at all. I can only pray that you’ll forgive me for what I did.’
It was an effort to keep his hands at his sides, instead of crushing her to him. His emotions were tangled up in a blend of frustration, anger, and hurt. A darker side of him wanted to punish her for what she’d done, by withdrawing from her. He thought of sending her back to Navarre so he wouldn’t have to look upon the beautiful face that had ripped his heart asunder.
But then, to send her away, would only intensify the emptiness inside him.
‘It’s too soon. I have to think—’
‘No, don’t think.’ She lifted soft hands to frame his face. In her dark eyes, he saw her love, a love he didn’t want to turn away from. ‘I’m the same woman you loved when we arrived here. And if you think I’ll stand back and let you give it up, you’re wrong.’
Inside, the coldness was twisting, transforming into a jealousy he couldn’t control. ‘You’re asking too much, Adriana.’
‘Possibly. But put yourself in my place. If I were about to die, would you have done anything to save me?’ Her hands threaded into his hair, pulling his face closer. ‘I would have taken your place, if I could have.’
‘It might have been better if I’d died.’
‘No.’ Her voice was a half-whisper, her arms coming around his neck. ‘Never that, mi vida.’ Lifting her mouth higher, he felt the softest touch of her breath upon his lips.
‘What are you trying to do, Adriana?’
‘Do you still love me?’ Her words whispered across his skin and a dark heat seized command of his body. She held him captive beneath her siren’s spell, and he took her mouth in a rough kiss. He didn’t care that it wasn’t gentle or loving. Right now, he wanted to brand himself upon her, to dominate her senses.
A moan caught in her throat, but she opened to him, allowing him to taste her surrender. When her tongue slid within his mouth, his body hardened, his hips pressing close to hers.
‘Do you think this will solve anything?’ he demanded.
‘I don’t know.’ She pulled back from the kiss, as if she now understood his anger. He didn’t want her comparing him to Hohengrau. ‘I think you should hear the rest. I want to tell you how it happened, so that you understand.’
‘I don’t want to hear it, Adriana.’
‘And I didn’t want it to happen,’ she insisted. ‘You seem to think I had a choice.’
‘You did have a choice.’
‘What choice? To let you die?’ Misery lined her face as she took another step away. ‘I couldn’t.’ She returned to the stool and faced the flames. His jaw tightened as he saw her shoulders slump forward, her wrists hanging upon her knees.
‘He asked me what I would do to save your life,’ she began. ‘I told him I would do anything.’
Liam stood beside the bed, his hand curling around the bed post. She continued talking, weaving a story of that night. Of how the king had ordered her to go inside one of the tents alone.
‘I couldn’t see anything at all, but I heard the king’s voice. There were two of them there, that night. I—I thought it was one of the king’s men, there to guard him. I believed Richard was the one who touched me. Not Hohengrau.’
She wept openly then, and Liam moved closer, watching her lay open the pain. ‘I shut my eyes, thinking I could close myself off from it. That I could lie there and let it be done to me, finding a place within my mind where I would feel nothing at all.’
‘He hurt you,’ Liam accused.
‘He was rough, yes. I didn’t like it at all, and it displeased him that I was not aroused by his body. He kept trying to make me feel something, and I didn’t know what it was.’
Liam knew, and it gave him a harsh sense of satisfaction, that Hohengrau had not taken that from Adriana, at least.
Seeing her weep was bothering him, and he couldn’t stand to watch her cry. Without knowing why, he gathered her into his arms, and she only wept harder. His own eyes stung while she released the terror and pain she’d suffered.
‘That night, on the solstice,’ she murmured, ‘I really did want to make love with you. I wanted you to take away those memories and show me how it was meant to be.’ Against the firelight, her skin glowed, while her dark hair fell softly around her shoulders. The deep green of the gown contrasted against her olive skin, while her dark eyes were wet and luminous.
Rising from the stool, she stood an arm’s distance away from him. ‘I still want to marry you, Liam. I want to sleep with you in my arms at night and bear you children.’
‘I wanted that, too.’
He studied her, feeling as though his future was crumbling before his eyes. She was trying to reach out to him, to prove to him that her heart hadn’t changed. But an invisible wall had come between them, and he didn’t know whether he could still love her.
‘It will soon be Christmas,’ she told him. ‘A time of peace.’ She held out her hands to him. ‘We could start again, Liam. And rebuild what was lost.’
* * *
The next morning, Adriana awakened, feeling as though a weight had been lifted. There were no longer any secrets between them, and though she worried about Liam, she held the steady belief that somehow she would gain his f
orgiveness.
The morning weather turned rainy, and outside, the mud grew thick and sodden. The children raced through it, while their parents scolded them. It was the eve of Christmas, and their excitement was tangible with talk of the feasting and the celebration that would happen this night. Greenery hung in swags throughout the castle, but there was still a great deal to be done.
Adriana searched the Great Chamber, only to discover that there was no sign of the king or queen. There was confusion about which animals were to be slaughtered for the Christmas feast, how many barrels of mead were needed, and what was to happen. More visitors arrived, but Adriana returned above stairs to seek out the queen.
‘She’s not well,’ the healer Aileen said, her face solemn. ‘She began bleeding this morn.’
‘And the child?’
Aileen lifted her shoulders in a shrug. ‘Thus far, she has kept it, but Patrick won’t leave her side.’
‘I’ll keep her in my prayers.’ She bade farewell to the healer and crossed through the Hall, thinking to herself. With so many visitors gathering, someone had to assign the tasks for the celebration. If Isabel was unable to do so, perhaps one of the other MacEgan wives could help.
She searched throughout the castle, but when she asked Morren, the woman appeared horrified at the idea. ‘I’m sorry.’ She clung to her young child as though the boy were a life line. ‘I’m afraid I’m no good with large crowds.’
She had no better luck with Honora MacEgan, who was holding a screaming infant boy against one shoulder. With a rueful smile, Honora remarked, ‘I’m not much good to you at the moment. But you could talk to the people and organise them. If you know how, that is.’
‘It’s not my place—’
‘Liam will be king one day, and you the queen. Of course it’s your place. You might as well start now, when you’re needed.’
But she knew Liam did not wish to be a king. If she took on Isabel’s responsibilities, it might make him uncomfortable. ‘I don’t know if I should.’
‘It would be a great help to Isabel,’ Honora said, ‘and once I’ve settled down my nephew and found a place for my sister and her husband to stay, I’ll join you.’ She lowered her voice, asking, ‘Did you and Liam mend matters between you?’
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